Be Careful of Erroneous Orders! But Returns Are Accepted

Fou fo, fou...

I can understand...no elevator...but I never thought... this tower...wouldn't even...have stairs...

A-are you all right, Senpai!?

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Phew. I've never been more happy for my Chiyogami Techniques than I am now.

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Aah! Okay, okay! Yametekudastop with the shaking already! I'll let you use it next time, Ma-chan! Promise!

I still appreciate this place's exterior design, but I give it negative BP for its terrible interior!

Indeed, these deliveries have been every bit as arduous as I expected. This tower is designed in such a way that it practically dares us to try and scale it.

Ordinarily, I would be thrilled to do my job and get in an excellent rock climbing-type workout at the same time...

...but as a delivery person, it feels like nothing so much as pure, unadulterated malice.

While Amazones.com always strives to deliver to all customers equally, regardless of where they may be...

...we still prefer that tall buildings be outfitted with reasonable accommodations, such as stairs.

This tower is like the physical embodiment of rude customers who specify a particular window of time for their delivery and then are nowhere to be seen when you come knocking.

It is enough to make even the most mellow delivery person in the galaxy inadvertently crush the package they are carrying in indignation.

Oh! I'm picking up a Servant reading nearby.

I'm guessing they live on this floor! Please be careful!

Raaah! I have a delivery for you from Amazones.com!

I must say, ma'am, you have a lot of nerve living in such a ridiculous building!

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Oh, are you the one bringing me what I desire? I've been waiting for you.

Salome? So this is why I hadn't seen you around, you were here all this time.

Hmm. Taking a closer look at the order slip, the name "Skull Princess" does sound like it is made up...

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Fou, fooou, fou.

Oh well, she is certainly not the first customer to order with a pen name or stage name. There's no problem handing the package over as long as she signs for this delivery.

Let's see, you ordered

Ahh, it's here! It's finally here! The head of John the Baptist!

H-huh? Um, well, I suppose it is technically a head, but it is a showerhead, not a human one.

Amazones.com is very proud of our product diversity, but that sort of thing is still very much ille

No, no, no. That's not John the Baptist's head at all.

I thought you were bringing me what I desire. Why? Why did you lie to me?

I'm afraid you are mistaken, ma'am. I have the order slip right here, and this is definitely what you ordered.

Furthermore, according to company policy, we at Amazones.com cannot be held liable if a customer makes a mistake when they place an order.

However, if you would like to return this order, you can still cancel

Oh, now I get it. So that's how it is, hm?

Then you understand? Wonderful.

Amazones.com has always prided itself on being at the cutting edge of customer satisfac

Instead of only one head, you brought me ALL of your heads.

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And you know, your head in particular looks a lot like John's, Master.

Teeheehee. They may not be on a silver platter, but it would be rude of me not to accept these new heads.

I'll have to give them all a kiss once I've taken them off your necks...

Hoo boy. It's always such a pain dealing with Berserkers who keep taking things the wrong way.

Looks like you'll just have to make her settle down by force.

Ma'am, you can keep the order, or you can refuse to sign for it, but you absolutely cannot do both.

We are going to leave you a satisfied customer, one way or another!

As a matter of fact, I find those skulls of yours to be fairly high in BP.

Skull prints are an essential part of rock fashion, after all. They would even go well with my current outfit.

But you do need to be careful, as taking it too far is decidedly inelegant. As is the kind of desperate longing for heads you're displaying.

If you need a lesson on how it's done, then take a look at my own fashionable outfit!

Hehehehe! Magnificent, absolutely magnificent! I nailed that one perfectly, if I do say so myself!

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Why... Why didn't you bring me John the Baptist's head...? That's all I wanted...

It doesn't look like she's going to attack you anymore, but she also seems very depressed.

I'm sorry... There are some things not even Amazones.com can ship...

...No!

Come on, CEO! If anyone believes in your company, it should be you! With Amazones.com, the possibilities are limitless!

Ma'am, if you would kindly take a look at this tablet, I think you might find this product to be to your liking.

Oh my! It's John the Baptist's head! I want it!

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Fou!?

This, we can deliver without issue. One moment, please.

Yes, I can wait!

Please tell me you don't actually carry real human heads?

We do not. Instead, I found what I believed would be the next closest thing. Here, see for yourself.

A mannequin head for aspiring hairdressers to practice on, huh...

Being able to flexibly adapt to consumer needs is the mark of a capable CEO. The important thing is that the customer is now satisfied.

I'm not entirely sure this was the right way to handle it, but as long as she's happy, that is what counts.

On a different note...

...that statue of Artemis would seem to bear out my suspicions.

Does it give you any idea as to who the person behind all this might be?

It looks like Salome only came here because someone convinced her to, but she doesn't remember who.

...No, I'm afraid I still cannot say one way or another.

In the meantime, I'll have the golem bring Salome's replacement order, and we can be on our way.

We still have many more deliveries left to make, after all. Come, let us resume climbing!

Very well. The little animal and I will continue to follow you, just as we have been.

Okay, Ma-chan, you can ride on my origami too, just like I yakusokued.

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Fou fou fooou.

Just please make sure your lifelines are securely fastened, everyone...

Hey, Spartacus? This is s'posed to be a place to relax, right?

So aren't you gonna relax?

Relaxation is for oppressors. I do not run from pain. I bear it head-on!

O-okay, I can see where you're coming from, but even warriors need to relax sometimes!

Behold, tyrants oppressing the common people! Behold my muscles and their rebellion!

As long as they are well trained and constantly toughing it out, a little soreness is nothing to fear! Hahahaha!

...So he IS toughing out sore muscles right now. I'll have to give him a shoulder rub sometime.

Oh, right.

Hey, you, mister, can I ask you a question?

Of course. As long as it's one I can answer, I would be happy to do so.

I can't imagine that there are actually questions you can't answer... But never mind that now.

I've just been zipping around on my hippogriff, but you have to run around on your horsey legs, right?

So I was just wondering how tired you get from that.

Is it a lot less than we get when we run around?

Hehe, I'm not so sure.

Strictly speaking, I can't say I truly understand what it feels like to only have two legs.

Even when I do run around on two legs myself, I'm still running as a centaur rather than a human.

While I'm sure that does give me some advantage...

...I have no way of knowing if it's the difference between an average person and a marathon runner...

...or the difference between walking and driving a car.

Uh...?

Still not clicking for you, hmm. Tell me, what do you think?

I do not have much of an opinion one way or the other.

All I can say for sure is that running is tiring, regardless of how good at it you may be. (Munch munch)

But, I am sure it is also good for your mind and your body, and it makes you feel good, too.

Why not give the hippogriff back to Bradamante and try making deliveries on foot for a change?

No way! I can't! My legs would fall off!

Hahaha! I agree, one does tend to picture a knight riding a majestic mount.

Imagine one of the Twelve Paladins of Charlemagne arriving to a battlefield on foot, their shoulders heaving as they struggle to catch their breath...

On second thought, I think such a scene might be right up your proverbial alley, Sir Astolfo.

No way!!! I always play the badass, not the buffoon!

Anyway, never mind me, Shakespeare. How come you're not out there making deliveries?

As one of the few literary-minded Servants, I have been doing my part by handling clerical work. The right person for the right job, as they say.

Rest assured that despite how it may seem, I am not slacking off in the slightest.

You know, speaking of people not making deliveries...

Are you sure it's okay for you to be here?

(Crunch crunch) Man, this is good. ...What? I'm just grabbing a bite to eat.

Besides, I've got that little sparrow proprietress standing watch for me. I'll be outta here in a flash at the first sign of a certain someone.

Hehe. You know, Achilles, one could say your job is to preserve peace throughout all of Chaldea.

After all, if you don't, making deliveries will be the last thing on our mind.

And a job is still a job, regardless of whether it entails creating benefits or preventing drawbacks.

Huh... Yeah, I guess that's a nice way of putting it.

As Shakespeare said, it's all about the right person for the right job.

As I see it, Astolfo, Achilles didn't just come here to enjoy a meal.

I expect he feels bad about hiding out in his room when the rest of us are out here working...

...and that his true goal in showing his face here is to encourage us.

If he wanted food, he could always just have someone take it to his room instead of coming here himself.

Besides, he can't be all that hungry anyway, seeing as he hasn't been making any deliveries himself.

Hey, come on...

Whoa, really? You came all this way just to cheer me on?

Neeheehee, I didn't know you were so thoughtful.

But it's okay, you don't have to worry about me! I'll make sure to work hard enough for the both of us!

Hey now, I never said anything about coming here to cheer you on!

Don't worry, my custom-made golem will work hard enough to cover your share as well. All you need to do is focus on what you alone can, and should, do.

...

What's this now?

Seeing you all together, I feel like I recognize everyone here from somewhere, but that aside, it sounds as though you are talking about something truly ridiculous.

It must be nice having so much free time due to being in such low demand. If only I knew what that was like.

Hey Semiramis! I'm surprised you're actually, you know, working!

Hmph. Carrying parcels would normally be beneath an empress like myself, but if that is what Master wants, so be it.

Besides, I can't have him thinking I am incapable of such a feat.

So I am only doing this to remind him of my greatness, as well as to pass the time.

So you are using your Hanging Gardens of Babylon? I suppose that would let you carry far more packages at once than most of us.

H-hm? Well, yes, of course I

Hahaha, far from it. Sure, she tried using the Hanging Gardens to carry a bunch of packages at first...

...but that was only until she ran out of magical energy before she could even deliver one of them. Now she just has her pigeon familiars do it for her.

Wh-wha!? Where did you come from, Amakusa Shirou!? And how long have you been watching!?

Hahaha, I came from a summoning circle, of course. I am a Servant, after all. As for how long I've been watching, that's a secret.

Grr, that is not what I mean and you know it!

Hanging Gardens of!

Stop that! No using your Noble Phantasm to hide your embarrassment!!!

I am not embarrassed at all! I am simply doing what I must to even the score!

Chiron, can you do something about this?

...All right, I suppose I must. Though this isn't the sort of thing one should do without explicit consent.

A little tap on a certain medical pressure point that should instantly put her out like a light, and...

Guh.

...All right, Lord Amakusa Shirou, you take it from here, please.

Understood. I'll figure something out.

Besides, I'm sure she'll be much calmer by the time she wakes up.

(Ehhh...when she finds out she's gotten a lap pillow, she might just break out her Noble Phantasm again...)

(...Well, if he says it's okay, it'll probably be okay. At least, I hope so...)