3rd Night: Heartbreak☆Jean Kay

So here we are. This time our "Dear Santa" letter is from Jean Kay, address unknown.

I guess she makes a living as an assassin, so has no specific address. Right now she's hiding in those caves.

It's Jean Kay, I think. How am I supposed to know how to pronounce it, I don't speak Chinese.

The mental fortitude to remain calm in adversity, and a pair of easy-to-draw double daggers.

？！

By the way, Fujimaru. Do you hear that strange sound?

It's like someone's repeatedly hitting heavy meat with a blunt object, or endlessly pounding a bag filled with sand.

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You're pretty perceptive. I wouldn't have guessed. ...Well, once we go inside, we'll find out even if we don't want to.

This time it's a cave, so there's no chimney here. We'll go in through that door in the front.

Hahh! Hahh! Whew! What's wrong! With people! On Christmas?!

They say it's about celebrating His birth, so why! Are all these couples! Exchanging presents!

No, it's fine. It's fine, Martha. Showing your beloved how you feel is a good thing.

The problem is! Wimps! Who can't even ask a girl out! Unless it's on Christmas!

And His birthday was October, anyway!

And why are they playing! Sappy pop songs! On a day! Like this!?

...It fell. No, it snapped. The chain holding that sandbag just snapped.

？！

You've got that right, Martha. If someone wants to send presents, they can do it any time.

I went and got the enemy general's head for my brother the instant the idea came to me. He refused it for some reason, though.

...My Lord said something similar, actually.

I went hunting monsters, and they said they wanted a demon's heart, not their head. "Stop that, it's scary," they said.

Hehe... Both them and my brother want so little. It's such a virtue to be so not-greedy.

I think they said something about needing eyeballs a while ago.

If they want me to do it, I'll pull all the eyeballs off a Demon God pillar, but...

Unfortunately, I've been given no such order. I wish they'd give me some kind of mission...

...so crazy that it could make you shiver just hearing about it...

Fujimaru, do you know that woman who doesn't know how to work out her stress problems, or the loyal dog with the broken brakes?

Well, it doesn't matter. Excuse me! I'm told Jean Kay is here!

Huh? Who's there! How long have you been there?

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Reindeer is right. We're here to see Jean Kay.

I'm not at all interested in the things you were saying that would freak out Master if they heard them.

Ahem. So you're here for Jing Ke, right?

Welcome to this distant cave, which normally no one should ever visit.

I can see you're two... Um, two travelers, right? Please, sit down.

I'll get dinner ready. Once you have some warm soup, please kindly get out, okay?

No need for that. Once we're done here we will leave. Where is Jean Kay?

You mean Jing Ke? Oh, she's...

What's up? Did somebody call me?

Oh, looks like we've got more company! Hey Martha, are you going to cook?

Add in an order of seared beef, too. Some sea turtle soup would also be great!

Everything you make is delicious, Martha. I don't know why the world's men aren't banging down your door.

You're so lazy! All you do is lay around and you never help with the cooking.

If I had my staff I'd be teaching you a lesson, Jing Ke! What happened to the normal, gallant you?

Aww. C'mon, just make it! Pretty please! I really like the meat dishes you make!

Yukhoe? Is that what you call that stuff? Those thin slices of beef you eat raw. It's so good with wine!

But how do you manage to grind the meat without a blade?

What is this?

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Hmm? Ushiwakamaru, did you get smaller? What's with the black clothes? Going to war?

I'm sorry, honored guests.

Jing Ke began drinking to recover from a traumatic event, and that was ten days ago. Now she's totally toasted.

I see... She couldn't wait for me, huh? I should've come here first. Forgive me.

But don't worry. Santa Claus is here for you, little drunkard... No, I mean office lady!

I've come to deliver your present!

What? Did you say Santa Claus? Now that you mention it, you do dress like one...

...Heh, you've got guts. What makes you think you can just come back and... Never mind.

I'm gonna smash up your face! Get ready, you villain!

What? Another Santa? Give me a gift card for a good yakiniku place! I want some beef tongue!

？！

...Looks like this is starting to make sense.

There's lots I want to ask, but it can wait until after the battle.

You young ladies who want to spend your Christmas having a party in a gloomy cave

This is a royal order! Once I beat you, go try and find yourselves boyfriends!

I lost! So close! I just needed nine more steps!

I give up!

Tch... How could I lose twice to this thief... Is it the staff? ...Am I not cut out for a staff after all?

Hmph. You've finally calmed down, huh? You seem to have it out for Santa Claus.

Something happened, right? Tell me.

What do you mean? A Santa Claus came here before.

When I said, "Yay! Presents! Santa, I want a new set of German cooking knives!" and got all excited...

...That Santa made us sign some weird form and then put our stamp on it...

...and the next thing we knew we were forced to buy expensive presents with our own money...

That's not all. When they found out we didn't have enough money, they confiscated our stuff!

What is that? Some kind of new sales technique? When did Santa Claus turn into a shady company?

That's impossible! Santa Claus is a friend to children everywhere!

...But it seems your story is true. As a fellow Santa, I am upset.

Come to think of it... Santa Alter's wearing black. I didn't realize that she was Santa Claus at first.

But the other Santa looked just like you'd expect Santa Claus to look.

Hmm. That's a complicated way of calling her. So, is she good or bad?

...A dark Santa, huh? One that gives awful presents to bad kids.

Kids might think she's a mean Santa, but objectively speaking, she punishes evil kids so they'll mend their ways.

That's not true at all. I just give people the gifts they need.

I have no intention on lecturing anyone. If you want one, you can ask an Avenger.

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Anyway, I'm sorry that happened to you. Let me see... I didn't expect to need presents for three people.

You, cold-looking woman. This is for you. The real one isn't here, but if you have this with you you'll find it.

A-A ship? I might be able to do something with a small boat, but a ship this large...

Well, whatever... If I sneak aboard at night and take the boss out first, the crew will all belong to me.

That's a dangerous thought. As expected from a genius dog like you. I can see why your brother has such trouble.

Next...

Huh? I get something too? You show compassion, even to those you fought?

I'm sorry. I misjudged you. You are pure-hearted, and a real Santa Claus

This is for you. You like these, right?

Oh my.

...Wait a minute! I don't need this! Why would a Saint want to get buff?

Hey, what do I get? Don't I get a present?

Of course. You get this, Jean Kay.

This talisman will help you do your job elegantly, and not panic in front of your target.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!

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Wonderful! I love this bearded guy! Wow. That kinda got me. That hit me right in the kokoro.

I'm gonna go assassinate this guy! He's got a face that just makes you want to stab him from behind!

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...I'm sorry. Jing Ke almost never gets drunk, but when she does she's like this...

She's been drinking ever since that Santa Claus got her... It's understandable.

Hmm... This Santa Claus was good enough to deceive tough-looking girls like you, huh?

Well, it doesn't matter. My job is done here.

Let's go, Fujimaru! To the next set of troubled children!

They left, huh? She turned out to be a good Santa, but...

Why was my Lord wearing a reindeer costume?

No, it was very cute, so it was a good Christmas present for me.

Y-You think she's just into that? That's how Riders are. Anyway

...I don't see Jing Ke, do you?

Oh.

Okay, it's too late! Let's forget about the bearded gentleman!