Be Careful! A Beautiful, Intelligent Assassin

Hmm. You know...this is working better than I thought.

？！

I'm grateful to you.

I did see some signs of hesitation early on, but now, here we are, already at our tenth customer.

This outsourcing venture is working better than I had thought. Or rather, these Pegasus and Vimana transports are extremely useful. I want them.

With transports like that, I could eliminate bottlenecks from our delivery timetable completely. I don't suppose you would be interested in selling them, would you?

They're very important to us, so no, I don't see that happening...

I see... At any rate, this has been a rather illuminating error.

I always thought I could make Amazones a household name throughout the galaxy with our strength alone.

Honestly, part of me still thinks that's what I should do, since I know we have the strength to make that happen.

But that aside...

This collaboration is the first time I have experienced the benefits of working hand in hand with a trustworthy partner company.

I used to be fiercely resistant to the very idea of relying on any other company for help...

But I see now that changing with the times is truly the key to achieving our galactic initiatives.

Furthermore, if there are synergistic benefits that can only be gained through partner collaboration...

...then it behooves me to approach my managerial vision with a more flexible bent. Indeed, this has been a very illuminating experience.

？！

Nonetheless, we must remain cautious. After all, getting a new initiative off the ground is comparatively easy.

The real test of a company is in how it handles the bumps in the road to success. This is the time when its true value comes to light.

True, we can't let ourselves get complacent yet. We only just started this job, after all.

Speaking of which, you're almost to the customer's designated coordinates, so please keep an eye out for them.

Good point. Let me make sure the product is all in order. ...Yes, it's all here.

One (1) ballpoint pen.

There is no need to be incredulous. It has always been Amazones.com's mission statement to deliver anything anywhere throughout the galaxy, whether it be a single pen or a slice of bread.

Now let's go!

This should be the place...

Fou!

？！

No, it's not. Chaldea's Cleopatra is out making deliveries along with everyone else.

So it must be someone else, even if she does look a lot like the Servant we know.

Are you the ones from Amazones.com?

Indeed we are. And we are here with the item you ordered.

Sign here, please.

Yes, of course.

Yes, this is certainly the pen I ordered. Now, would you use it to sign this for me?

...? Very well. This line here? Let's see...

Huh!?

Impressive. You handled that interaction so naturally that I almost ended up signing that paper.

But if you thought we Amazons were all muscle and no brains, you thought wrong. As the CEO, my intelligence is just as maxed out as my strength!

And here I thought I would be nice and end you quickly. How unfortunate for you that you thought otherwise.

？！

I only managed to take a quick peek at that document I nearly inadvertently signed thanks to her cunning plan...

...but that was enough for me to barely make out a ridiculous passage:

"Sign over all rights to Amazones.com."

Just barely, huh...

You must be a corporate spyno, corporate assassin, here to engineer a hostile takeover! Who are you!?

Hohoho! Your ignorance of my intergalactically renowned beauty speaks volumes about your paltry networking skills.

You wish to know who I am? Very well then, I'll tell you!

My name is... Madam Cosmotic Beauty!

I am one of the three most beautiful women in the universe, and the head of an organization dedicated to sharing my beauty equally and mercifully to all who desire it.

That is to say, I am the CEO of Egyptian, the intergalactic mail-order cosmetics company!

Ignoring your utterance of the detestable "B" word (read: beautiful)... You are a CEO too!? Then that must mean you are my equal! Curses!

Just a job title!? The CEO is the king ruling over a company's subjects! It is a title reserved only for the strongest and most innovative warriors!

Even in Amazones.com's case, I am the only one in the entire company!

Well yeah, of course you are.

I'm still not entirely clear on what the Servantverse is, but it looks like you're probably right...

？！

I'm genuinely appalled that you know so little about me.

Then again, if you had, I doubt you would have mounted such a crass attack on my company in the first place.

In the approximately three thousand years since Egyptian was founded, I have never been so insulted!

It's no wonder that Lord Medjed, our guardian-slash-mascot-slash-spokescharacter, is so furious they are ready to shoot anger beams from their glorious eyes!

Attack? I have no recollection of attacking your company whatsoever.

That is exactly what is so insulting! Haven't you ever seen a late-night infomercial!?

Oh, you mean those programs they sometimes show after the Cosmo Channel's usual lineup is over? Yes, I know of them.

Those are the ones that sell things like bedspreads and vacuum cleaners and cosmetic items over the phone... Hm? Wait. Do you mean to tell me

That's right! Egyptian has been dominant in late-night infomercial market share for centuries on end!

But once your insolent Amazones.com entered the picture...

...our customers have been increasingly getting their cosmetics with a single click on your site at any time of day rather than solely through late-night phone calls...

...and our sales have been on a downward trend ever since.

Indeed, we do carry a wide line of...(pausing to spit the word out with revulsion) beauty products.

Though I have none, zilch, zero, outright negative interest in them myself, to the point where merely catching a glimpse of them puts me in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

At any rate, now I see. So you are one of our competitors.

Your actions have caused irreparable harm to both myself and my company.

Such widespread availability of cheap and subpar so-called beauty products is an affront to everything my noble Egyptian stands for: helping commoners become even just a tiny bit as beautiful as I am.

This current state of affairs cannot and will not stand.

I honestly can't tell if she's being kind or conceited...

Hmph. If you are my competitor, that also makes you my enemy.

I have always (literally) crushed every enemy who got in my way before, and I see no reason to stop now.

Besides, isn't that why you came here yourself? To crush us out of some misguided sense of victimhood?

I wouldn't say I came here to crush you so much as I lured you out here to be crushed.

You're the only Amazon left on the entire Amazones.com staff right now, no?

So I thought the CEO herself might make her way here if I ordered something, and I was right.

Huh? How did you know about that?

You underestimate Egyptian's espionage division and intelligence network at your own peril.

At any rate, the business world is a corporate jungle, and survival of the fittest is the law of the land.

Here, signatures and contracts are everything, regardless of how they are obtained.

Once I have utterly demolished you with my beauty, I will have all the time I need to take your IP rights for myself.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Is that even possible?" And the answer is a resounding "Yes."

Why, you ask? Because my husband is the best attorney and the most evil day trader in all the galaxy.

He receives financial support from every corner of the galaxy, and has yet to pay back so much as a single QP.

In fact, he has expertly orchestrated deals where his lenders would themselves be in dire financial straits if he were to go bankrupt, and so they continue to send him money in an endless virtuous cycle.

That is the financial world he has made for himself, and he rules it from on high as an emperor.

And I, being as intelligent as I am beautiful, have in turn mastered the art of sophistry thanks to his personal instruction.

So no matter how deep into gray area my methods may be, they won't matter once I "legally" merge our companies!

So your plan is to rely on an attorney? How foolish. The only law we Amazons adhere to is "Might makes right."

In that sense, it is no exaggeration to say that every one of my employees possesses the...conflict resolution skills of a high-powered lawyer in their own right.

And of course, as the CEO, my skills in that area are second to none. Trust me when I say that you too underestimate me at your own peril.

Now then, I think it's time we begin these negotiations in earnest. You've heard of playing hardball? Well I assure you, there's no ball so hard as my morning star!

And with that, I have completely refuted your argument! Behold the might of the Amazons' negotiation skills!

Khh! You weren't kidding about how hard you play ball!

I suppose my loss was assured when I let your almost foolishly unabashed straightforwardness steal my attention...

...even if only for a moment.

Indeed, as the galaxy's foremost expert on beauty, I cannot deny that your abs are, in their own way, beautiful.

？！

(Oh bats.)

Hehe, if we had only met under different circumstances, perhaps you and I could have

Did you just...call me...beautiful? RrrRAAAHHH!!! How dare you!? How DARE you!? !!!

Huh!? What's going on!? I thought this was where we arrive at a begrudging mutual respect, despite our differences!

？！

Fou...

That was very nearly the end of my dynasty! One false step, and I would have been vaporized right down to the last particle!

Indeed. While I don't remember it very well, I know now what it means to fight a vicious economic war. This has been very educational.

And speaking of things that are educational...

?

I have just recently learned from my first experience with outsourcing that flexibility is the key to achieving our initiatives for the times.

Thus, I am willing to admit when I have been wrong.

These products you sell are of exceptional quality, yes?

Wh-where'd that come from?

There is as much to learn from fighting with all your might in battle as there is from presenting with all your might at a meeting.

While I myself may find the very concept of products designed to enhance one's beauty utterly preposterous, I also now understand that women of society have an earnest desire for them.

And these cosmetics are unlike any other. Indeed, they shine with a gleam as bright as any weapon.

What I am trying to say is, if you have any interest in expanding your sales channels...

...would you be willing to consider selling your products through Amazones.com?

Oh my, that idea never even occurred to me. Are you sure?

I may not care for them myself, but I recognize quality, and quality sells. That is the truth of business.

Furthermore, being able to put aside personal tastes and make beneficial decisions from a neutral POV...

...is a quality that any true CEO should possess!

Heh... Hehehe. Now I see.

That glow of yours may just be the gleam of this generation's corporate star.

Very well. I accept your proposal.

In fact, we were thinking it may be time to broaden our horizons beyond the late-night infomercial market anyway.

？！

More or less.

But I am thinking of something that goes a bit beyond merely selling Egyptian's products on our site.

For example... I believe you said your company also sells relaxation goods?

Of course. Reducing stress is an essential part of any good beauty regimen, after all.

Then this works out nicely.

You see, I have been thinking our relaxation facilities could stand to be even better than they are now.

Would your company be willing to assist us in this pursuit?

The fact is, we Amazons are warriors at heart.

Try as I might to think of ways to expand and improve our facilities' restorative effects, I just can't seem to come up with any good ideas.

Now I see. Very well. That should be easy enough.

All you'll need is a new spa room fully stocked with Egyptian relaxation products.

Though of course, I expect to be fairly compensated for both them and our interior design contributions.

If they help my employees to be more productive, that is a price I am happy to pay. Indeed, this is what I call a...

Win-Win!

...relationship!

I was a little worried about how things would turn out for a while...

...but it looks like you not only completed your tenth delivery, you even gained a new colleague in the process!

All right, let's keep this momentum going into the next set of deliveries!

Phew, this was a lot harder than I thought. I'm tired, and I think my back is starting to cramp up...

Stop that, Hildr. You know it's rude to flap your light-wings like that.

Honestly, I'm feeling pretty tired myself.

Since our original job as Valkyries was to carry the souls of brave warriors to Valhalla, I thought carrying packages would be trivial in comparison...

...but it's turned out to be much more arduous than I thought.

I'll need to lower my expected activity limit parameters to reflect this new data point.

I know how. You feel. Flying with. These attachments. That are. So deeply. Linked to. Myself. Inevitably. Leads to. Exhaustion. But I must. Persevere.

At least you get to ride around on thoseWhat're they called again? Wind Fire Wheels?instead of flying on your own power. That's gotta be way easier.

It still. Requires. Magical energy. To use them. Of course. It is. Still tiring.

Ha ha ha, it all depends on how you look at it, right?

I've been using my giant fan to leap huge distances, and I've been having a blast ever since I decided to make it into a game (by which I mean training)!

But. Doesn't that. Still use Magical energy?

Yeah, it does.

But in my case, I think Mahatma might be helping me tap into a source of unlimited energy.

At least, that's the feeling I get!

If you want to look into it, you could always come with me on your next jobs to see my mobile laboratory in action.

These deliveries haven't been too hard for me since I've just been riding around on a Sphinx, which is practically one of my familiars at this point...

...but your flying carpet is part of your Noble Phantasm, right? It must be exhausting, using it all the time.

Yes, it is.

I would much rather go around making deliveries with you in our old Pharaoh Legend...

...so I could take advantage of all its many safety features...

W-well, yes, that does sound like fun, but there's no point bringing that up now.

We all need to cover as much ground as possible right now, so those of us who can operate alone, should.

That's true. But let me say this: I strongly urge all of you to get the rest you need.

Because if you don't, you could well and truly die.

If hearing one of my stories would help you to relax, please let me know. I would be more than happy to oblige.

(I see. She's worried that if someone else dies, the rest of us will have to work even harder to make up for them, and that'll lead to her dying...)

All that aside, I really didn't expect this to be such an all-hands-on-deck situation.

True, some of them are only able to make deliveries on foot. We have it easy compared to them.

Indeed. The slackers who refuse to take their duties seriously aside, everyone here is doing their best.

So there is nothing to be gained from complaining.

The best thing we can do right now is devote ourselves to recuperating, so we can get back to worHuh?

Uh... Hey there. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but I heard we need all the help we can get.

So I thought I'd stop by and see if there was anything I could do to

What are. You doing here. Achilles!?

What do you mean? I'm the fastest runner around, and I've got a chariot to boot.

So if we've gotta deliver packages now, I figured there'd be plenty of ways I could be usefu

No way! Absolutely not! What in the world were you thinking!?

I agree. This is the last place you should be!

If you insist on being here, then we will have to do everything in our power to stop you. For Master's sake... For Chaldea's sake... And for the sake of the future itself.

Aw man, so the sisters are all dead set against me being here?

They're not wrong. Honestly, I'm right there with them.

We appreciate the thought, but if you really want to help, the best thing you can do right now is stay in your room.

That's true.

The CEO and you-know-who might be two different people...

...but Fujimaru has told us she's just as inclined to go berserk at the very mention of your name.

Luckily, she's out on a delivery at the moment, but there's no telling when she might come back.

Indeed. If she were to return here now and see your face directly... I shudder to think about it!

(Sigh) Well, that explains why every other Servant besides me got the call to pitch in.

...All right, if that's the case, I guess I'll just have to sit this one out.

This is a surprise. I did not. Expect such. A renowned. Greek hero. To feel left out.

I don't blame him. It's always sad being left out when others are playing.

Please don't cry, Lord Achilles. I would be glad to make it up to you by joining you for a game in your room sometime.

Who said anything about crying!?

Besides, it's not about feeling left out.

Look, I'm a Servant too, so now that I'm summoned, I wanna help Master out as much as I can...

But in this case...

...

On second thought, never mind.

You all want me to leave before this mystery person comes back and sees me, right?

Okay, you got it. See you later.

Hmm...

Something weighing. On your mind?

Oh, no, not really. I was just thinking about what I should bring to play when I go visit Lord Achilles.

Hmm... He's normally so fast, but he seemed a little stilted just now...

Wait, that's it! Stilts! I'm sure he would enjoy trying his feet at stilts!