Section 3: Accident

...You contemptible wretch. Even I couldn't have imagined you would be so self-serving.

Please don't think too poorly of me, General Tan. If anyone here is to blame, I would say it's you.

Cut. That take was just fine.

Phew... All we need to do now is add the voice-over.

That's a wrap for Lord Tajima-no-kami and Lord Izo. Thank you both for your help.

So that is all there is for me to do here... Everything ended so abruptly.

And here I thought you would give up on this before I did. It seems I'm less patient than I thought.

...You must have lost track of his sheer number of retakes long ago.

I am happy to help in any manner my lord wishes, no matter how difficult that task may be.

I see. I almost envy your sheer steadfastness.

I loved your nihilistic performance, Izo. I thought there was a lot of depth to it!

All you need to do now is rest up in Chaldea. I'll let you know as soon as the movie is ready for a screening!

...No.

Huh?

Ryouma and the others're showing up soon, right? I bet they're planning to throw another party without me.

Well, if they think they can just "forget" to invite me again, they've got another thing coming.

Lord Izo, I promise you, we're just filming a movie. Nobody is throwing any par

Besides, you're only just now mentioning that this is all you have for me. You trying to pull a fast one on me?

...Good grief.

It seems we have an overexcited puppy here who still needs to be housebroken.

Ha! Bring it, old man! I was just thinking I could use a decent workout!

Hrn.

Aaaaah!

You...got me? No, I'm all right. But I could have sworn you cut right through me.

I twisted my blade around immediately before striking, leaving you with only the feeling of having been cut.

There are many reasons to leave an opponent feeling as though they have been wounded without truly harming them.

Don't you try that dojo fencing shit on me, old man.

Heh. Your incessant yapping is ill-suited to a pup who has never seen a battlefield.

Besides, this...dojo something or other you speak of

Dojo fencing!

Yes, that. Even in a dojo, fighters will duel with wooden swords. These swords may not cause injury, but it does hurt to be struck by one.

...What's your point?

I am told that in modern times, there is a form of dueling employing nonlethal blades where fighters do not strike their opponents.

In other words, they merely make it seem as though they are striking their opponent, like so.

And? Is that supposed to be entertaining or something?

This form of showmanship designed to resemble a fight to the death to onlookers is called "fight choreography."

Showmanship? Swordplay's not spectacle.

Well, that is where you come in. I wonder just how far you could go in this modern vein of choreographed fighting?

Hmph! You couldn't pay me enough to be part of that stupid play fighting!

I've had enough. I'm going to let Ryouma handle this pain-in-the-ass movie stuff. I'm gonna head back to get something to drink.

Well done. I must say, for a moment there, I wasn't at all sure how things would play out.

Oh my, you're bleeding...

...Heh.

I'm so sorry we've foisted this thankless role upon you.

No need for apologies. We cannot say for sure whose role is thankless until all is said and done.

...Now then, my time here is over. I wish you well with what is yet to come in this endeavor.

Oh gosh, oh gosh...

I-I felt a little dizzy back there, but I think I'm okay now... Phew...

Izo was clearly taken aback at learning that he had such a small role...

You should have just told him from the beginning. Why keep it a secret?

Well...I was actually planning to...um...

Hm? Who's that?

So this is where all that commotion I heard was coming from... Are you filming something here?

Hm? I say, who are you, and where did you come from?

Unfortunately, I actually don't remember my name.

I do have the sense that I was called to film a movie, but no matter how long I waited, the filming never began...

Heh... If you hadn't come here, I think I would just be waiting around to disappear.

Then, does that mean you would be willing to help us make this movie?

Of course. If it's all right with you, I would be glad to help.

That's all well and good, but what do we call you if you don't remember your name?

I-I might have an idea! What if we called you "Salazar"?

Hmm, Salazar... I think that has a lovely ring to it.

It's the name of a character I had yet to cast, but if it's all right with you...

In that case, I would be honored if you were to call me "Salazar" from now on.

I'm Murasaki Shikibu, and this is Lord James Moriarty.

So, might I inquire as to the nature of the role that you need me to play, both philosophically and metaphorically?

Heh... Whatever it is, I promise you I will perform it brilliantly.

(What do philosophy and metaphor have to do with acting?)

The rest of the main cast should be joining us soon, so I'll tell you once they're all here.

So, remind me why in the hell you've got me wearing this dress.

I mean, I'm not complaining or anything. I actually kinda like it.

It looks beautiful on you.

Yeah. 'Course it does. (Unconvincing humblebrag)

Now that we've finished shooting the prologue, we'll be moving on to the main story.

Although, I'm afraid there's something mortifying I still need to tell you...

The truth is...

...I still haven't finished the script!

What the shit!?

I-I do have the whole story in my head... I just haven't had time to write it down yet...

S-s-s-so I'm afraid...

...I'll have to ask you to learn all of your lines anew each time we shoot a new scene...

Once again, I'm so very sorry!

Are you shitting me!?

？！

...Ugh, fine. But keep my lines short, got it?

Twenty-word limit, far as I'm concerned. Anything more and I'll burn you.

Hey, go easy on her. She's been handling just about everything for this production all by herself.

By the way, can I ask which Servant you are? I don't think I recognize you.

You can call me Salazar.

Although that's just the character I play, since I can't remember my own name.

I asked Lord Salazar to play Father Salazar.

Father Salazar also has amnesia, and doesn't know anything about his past, so it seemed a perfect fit.

It's nice to meet you, Salazar.

... ...

...Um, Salazar?

The pleasure is all mine, milady.

Why, you positively radiate intelligence from beneath those gorgeous flaxen locks.

Flaxe

This shoot is already well worth it now that I've gotten to meet such a beautiful young lady as you.

I, um... That's...very flattering, but...

I would love to talk to you more under different circumstances, but alas

？！

Right, of course. How could such a beauty as her not already be taken?

Very well then, I will instead devote my energies entirely to acting.

Isn't that what you should've been doing in the first place? Freakin' dumbass.

Who can say?

Oh, I'm so gonna light your ass on fire...

Now, now. That's quite enough of that.

All right, now that you all know your roles, I'd like to begin filming right away.

I still have a lot to learn about movies, s-so I hope that you'll all bear with me!

Master... Master!

？！

Oh, you can always edit out my whispering in postproduction.

I must say I'm rather impressed by how well everyone is doing, especially given that there was no rehearsal.

According to Murasaki Shikibu's explanation...

Antonio is an up-and-coming composer who used to be the country's court musician, and Elise, his niece, is a singer.

Meanwhile, Gabriela is the erstwhile foster-daughter, now widow of my character, Miguel.

Apparently, I raised her for about a decade, only to die off shortly after marrying her...

...Hm? Isn't that sort of character right up Murasaki's alley? Wasn't there something like this in her magnum opus? What will future generations think of me?

Wonderful...

Easy for you to say!

？！

Roma Kureishi used to be myMiguel's subordinate, though, judging from his background he also seems to be something of an unusual character.

Vargas and García are pretending to be hunters, but apparently...

...Vargas is actually Nadai Nadha's former prince, and García is his attendant. I bet they're here to cause trouble.

As for Salazar there, I don't know much about him either, so I'll let someone more qualified speak to his role in all this.

At any rate, given that there hasn't been a single cut since this scene began, things would appear to be going quite smoothly. At this rate, we may be finished here much sooner than I originally

Hmm?

Master, something's not right with her!

Well this is a fine mess, Master! Oh, and just to be clear, I had no hand in it!

I don't even have a motive!