Section 7: Amazones.com

DELIVERY!

... ...

Um, I'm sorry. May I ask who it is?

Ahem. Apologies. I am the CEO of Amazones.com.

I distribute all manner of goods throughout the Servant Universe.

Your feelings on this matter are natural. BUT it IS Halloween, after all.

I have no recollection of any deliveries scheduled for her.

？！

Well, I suppose Mecha Eli-chan's very existence is proof enough that we're no longer bound to what passes for normal or sensible in our world.

At any rate, may I ask what your purpose here is?

What do you mean? Did you not order this delivery?

I did, actually.

Hey, we're actually pretty busy. Mind pissing off?

...Are you a man?

Hey, I know I'm a pretty boy, but unfortunately, I'm also as rugged and hedonistic as they come.

Though I guess you could also call me charming, handsome, and sensual if you wanted! Did I mention I can sing and dance, too?

？！

Hey, if no one else is going to sing my praises, then I had better do it myself!

So. You are a man. That means...

!!!

Where'd that come from!?

Fou, fooou.

I will not abide the presence of men!

I will reduce your market share (read: your body) to approximately 5.88%!

What the hell kind of threat is that?

？！

...From a business standpoint, you are too much of a pain to deal with.

Let's do this! !

Ugh, fine. This is why I can't deal with Berserkers.

Even if most of my old comrades were pretty berserk themselves!

Anyway, I'm just gonna punch her until she calms down. That okay with you, Master!?

？！

？！

...(Sigh) I suppose there's no avoiding this pointless battle now.

Plus, I had a sneaking suspicion it might come to this. Let's get started, Fujimaru.

Take me out for a test-drive, and see for yourself what a great Elisabeth I am!

Uh-oh. I seem to have lost my advantage...

President!

I am not your president! You will refer to me as "CEO"!

Um, now that things have settled down, can I ask you a question?

Very well. As the CEO of Amazones.com, I make it my motto to provide outstanding customer service.

My apologies. I only came here to make a delivery, but ended up getting a little...overexcited.

(Master, why don't we let Mash handle this. I think I'd only end up making things worse.)

？！

A delivery...?

Yes. I came to deliver the weapons, ammo, and other miscellaneous parts you ordered.

That sounds more like an arms dealer than an online store...

You could say the same of any e-commerce site.

Ahh, at last, it's here.

You certainly took your time.

My apologies for the delay, but Amazones.com prides itself on sourcing our products in-house.

Most importantly, my costs are effectively zero thanks to my Amazons literally doing all the heavy lifting.

Raaah!

I'm fairly certain that violates labor laws in nearly every country on the planet...

Wait, who else is here?

Me!

And me.

Nite-Brite! Carmilla! What are you two doing here?

Why, we took advantage of the confusion to flee before we got caught up in that missile's splash damage.

Kehehehe, I daresay our daring escape made quite a splash itself!

Of course, it seems our current state of affairs was inevitable.

I see. So you were both keeping watch to prevent Csejte from becoming dystopia-fied...

Oh no, it was the other way around. We were both fully on board with that.

Unfortunately, making and executing meticulous plans turns out not to be my strong suit.

Indeed. With Carmilla's chaotic yang to my orderly yin, there was simply nothing to be done.

If you ask me, neither of you have a leg to stand on!

At any rate, we will help you take Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle back from Osakabehime. I believe doing so would be in all of our interests, no?

What do you say?

？！

Excellent!

Personally, that princess is so full of herself it's really ticking me off!

It makes me wish for nothing more than to see her groveling for her life!

...Indeed. She is free to hole up in her room if she wishes, but she has no right to involve all of Csejte.

...At the very least, she could have avoided literally piling atop my castle's current architectural woes...

？！

(I should point out how she has no right to speak for Csejte, but I suppose there are more important things to worry about at the moment.)

(She should at least be helpful when it comes to defeating Mk. II. I suppose I'll just have to activate grin and bear it mode.)

...I could have sworn I felt some considerable malice directed at me just now.

But, no matter. We need to install this new part before Mecha Eli-chan can fight again.

Come, let's get on with it.

？！

A heart circuit.

So that's why she nearly made Csejte into a dystopia...

Don't blame us! WE weren't the ones who were making design choices, you know!

？！

She never had much consideration for others from the start.

She only managed to avoid becoming a complete monster thanks to her directive to keep Csejte safe.

...I have a heart. It is simply turned to its lowest setting for empathy and compassion.

Besides, you of all people are in no position to lecture me, Carmilla. I'm already perfect in every way.

Is that so. Shall we throw this circuit away then?

...I didn't say that. A heart circuit would greatly reduce my chances of going berserk, and would likely help to stabilize my erratic Spirit Origin values too.

Most importantly, it should help me to forge a greater Servant bond with my new pilot candidate.

Though of course, he is still only a cadet at this point...

？！

You, of course! Who else could I possibly be talking about!?

All right, I'm going to install the circuit. Um...where does this go again?

Well, let's check the manual...

Didn't that get burned up?

Do you know where this heart circuit goes?

Here, Pilot Cadet, you install it in me.

？！

There's a slot in my chest. Just push it in there.

？！

...!

...Purged functionality restored. ...I feel as though I'm thinking clearly again.

This new clarity has also brought a pain signal along with it.

？！

No, nothing like that. I simply feel my conscience weighing on me now.

I'm afraid that this will not significantly affect my fundamental nature...

...but this new circuit HAS succeeded at restoring my incomplete Spirit Origin to its proper form, complete with a class change into the bargain.

Hey, she's right. She just went from a Berserker to an Alter Ego!

I guess that makes her Mecha Eli-chan 2.0!

Make sure you get my name right.

I am still Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel, aka Mecha Eli-chan for short.

That is who I am.

As such, I will be sure to defeat my Mk. II counterpart and the one controlling her, Osakabehime.

After which, I shall take back Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle and restore peace to my lands.

We are the only ones who can stop the guardian of Csejte's rampage.

I hope I can count on your support, as well as a show of loyalty to indicate you understand your lower standing in our relationship.

So, that's one heart circuit, and one order of miscellaneous mecha-grade weapons and ammunition. Sign here, please.

Will a blood seal suffice?

Absolutely. We at Amazones.com pride ourselves on our flexibility.

Now, I have a question for you. Is that giant Mecha Eli-chan...?

Blah blah, blah blah blah blah!

Yadda yadda yadda, yadda yadda yadda.

I see. ...Now I want one for myself.

？！

Yes. Absolutely. She is the very embodiment of Amazones pride and ingenuity.

She is an essential resource if we are to implement our global initiative.

With such a massive chassis, we could deliver anywhere in the world... No, in all the universe.

...Very well, I have decided I will come with you. Do not fear, for I am the...

C-E-O!

What more need be said?

I...suppose that will be fine once the dust has settled.

...Indeed. It would be a tremendous help if you would take that oversized scrap heap off our hands, in fact.

(Once the Singularity is repaired it will go back to being an ordinary statue, so she shouldn't be able to actually do anything with it.)

Hmph, I was hoping to keep it myself.

At any rate, it's very reassuring to have such wonderful assistance.

Now, let's get going! We'll definitely repair the Singularity now!