Section 3: Keep Adding More Ruffians

Everyone! Listen up!

What's up, little lady?

Last battle, we were lucky to have reinforcements show up, but we can't count on that happening again.

So I want to recruit lots and lots of new allies! Does anyone have any ideas!?

Aha, I gotcha. Oh, are you guys still not ready back at Chaldea?

Not yet, sorry. It looks like it's still gonna take some time.

We're talking about a massive Rayshift here, so there're a lot of adjustments we need to make.

Okay, got it.

Then we'll just have to focus on attracting more Rogue Servants here.

The question is, how do we do that!? We could just bring them here whether they want to come or not, but...

No, we can't!

I just had to fight a battle immediately after the effects of that paralyzing wine wore off, and I feel horrible all over!

I'm sorry! Here! Have some mysterious healing waterfall booze!

Mysterious healing waterfall booze, you say!? Yes please!

Mmm, medicinal alcohol...

Okay then, let's all think of a way to attract new Servants here together!

Yeah!

'Sup. I'm Mandricardo.

We cleared up that I'm NOT Taigong Wang, but for reasons that aren't clear to me, I was still assigned as our provisional tactician.

I've also been assigned to be our provisional MC, for reasons that are even less clear to me.

Seriously, why me...?

？！

All right! If I'm gonna do this thing, then let's do this thing!

Broadly speaking, we have three propositions for attracting new Servants, and each proponent would like to give a presentation promoting their method.

Presentations! That sounds great! Okay, so for the judges...

How about we go with me, Leader, Yan Qing, and Amakusa Shirou?

Fine with me! Sounds like it could be entertaining!

Hahaha. I'm certainly interested, so I'd be happy to.

That oughta be fine. I'll be observing impartially too, for what it's worth.

Okay, first up...Don Quixote. Go ahead!

What!? I'm being let go!?

Nooo! Whyyy!? I've given everything to the company!

Don, please! You can't

Be quiet! One good futures contract and I'll be back in business!

Feel my PUNCH!

Y-you countered me...!

Sir, you just attend to your health and leave this to me.

I'll make some smart investments and get us lots more funding to work with.

Well yes, things usually do go well if I let you handle them, but that's not the point!

I failed my job interview today, too... I should've known the Knights of Fianna would be out of my league.

Hm? What the... I can't believe it!

New facilities!

New land!

Friendly faces everywhere you look!

What a great place to be a knight!

Hehe. Oh sir, you're acting as excited as a schoolboy.

Oh, by the way, the company that let you go? They've been scrambling like crazy thanks to a number of unsavory incidents that suddenly came to light♪

None of which I know anything about, of course.

That sounds kind of worrying... But you know, I'm just not going to think about it!

Now, off to Mount Liang!

That concludes our presentation.

That was great! Though I gotta say...

Our "company" is more than a little unsavory too, you know!

Oh, that's okay. I actually sugarcoated it quite a bit.

I've always been good at sugarcoating.

Yes, I think this could work. The idea of making a comeback after being let go could appeal to a lot of Servants.

It could be especially good for Rogue Servants lacking a Master, since there aren't many opportunities to interact with them.

Indeed. Layoffs are always scary...

Maybe we should be playing up that fear factor.

Though, I gotta say...

You're leaning dangerously close to "here at Mount Liang, we're more than family" sort of territory...

Hahaha. Hahahaha.

...Anyway, let's put that one on the back burner.

You hear that, Sancho? We're on standby!

Yes, sir.

Okay, that's it for Don Quixote's presentation. Next.

Oh, that's me.

I-Inshun the monk, huh. Didn't see this coming.

Interesting. What's he going to pitch?

Ahem. The scenery here on Mount Liang is beautiful.

Well, that may say more about Csejte, since that's what it used to be, but never mind that now.

My point is, what if we took advantage of that beauty like...this?

The great outdoors stretches on with no end in sight.

Imposing mountains remind us of our inherent diminutiveness, fragility, weakness, and beauty.

With autumn comes Halloween...

Fresh seafood, homegrown mountain veggies, various leisure activities, warriors of all stripes...

It's so yummy! Everything here is yummy!

Hot springs, training facilities, fishing spots, hunting grounds...

...and spectacular dancing.

All this and more, here at Mount Liang.

Care to try your skill against mine?

We can't wait to see you here!

I feel like I just watched a commercial for a leisure resort at least forty years past its prime...

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Wooo! What'd you think, Chan-mas and company!?

Did you see my performance? Pretty evocative stuff, right?

Complete with the endorsement of a local celebrity that nobody outside the region's ever heard of.

？！

Bahahahahaha! Ah, crap. I just laughed at myself.

Still, a celebrity, huh. I can live with that. Means I added some flair to the presentation, right?

Of course it was a compliment.

Great! That's all I wanted to know! 'Kay, byyye!

I've never seen anyone run up to a console, steal it, and leave again so quickly...

Well, I guess it does get Mount Liang's charm across. Seems like it should work fine.

All right, but how do you plan on showing it to all the Rogue Servants out there?

Oh, that won't be a problem. I'm good with magecraft in general, so I'll just cast a spell to project it all over the place.

Hahaha, those Rogue Servants are gonna be shocked when they get a load of that!

Maybe, but it also oughta inspire them to check out Mount Liang.

Oh, and seeing Nine-Tattooed Dragon Elly enjoying the food so much helped a lot.

It was yummy! You're such a good cook, Boudica!

Ahaha, thank you.

All right, last up, we have...Blackbeard, aka Edward Teach.

Heh...

Those presentations the rest of you gave weren't bad, but they didn't go far enough.

What?

Oho.

What exactly do you mean by that?

I mean Mount Liang's mainly gonna attract ruffians, hoodlums, and other dregs of society!

So why're you trying to appeal to good guys!?

Ah!

Oh!

You're right!

I can't argue with that!

Me neither! Not even close!

？！

Old, young, man, woman... It doesn't matter what you are! In this world, you're hopeless trash!

And when you're dealing with trash...

...you've gotta appeal to their base instincts!

This here's Mount Liang! It's got wealth, glory, action, sex, feasts... Everything you could possibly want!

You can do whatever the hell you like here! I sure am!

Bitchin' booze!

Fantastic food!

And of course, wealth and glory galore! Everything you could want, all in one place!

Whoa, whoa. Hang on there, Narrator. Aren't you forgetting something important?

What about the sexy times♪

Drink this.

Yaaay!

Mmm... Is it just me, or am I the handsomest bastard in the whole world?

I love me...

So get your ass down to Mount Liang today!

So what'd you think!?

Cut that last scene.

Ouch!

Why do we need to watch you getting drunk by yourself!?

I don't think we needed that part, either!

Okay, okay, I'll cut it... Farewell, my beloved me...

？！

All right, they may need some revisions, but for now, that's all three presentations.

First, we had Don Quixote and Sancho's. Second, we had Inshun's.

And third was Blackbeard's.

I think Blackbeard's is the best! People love fulfilling their base desires!

I like Don Quixote and Sancho's idea.

I feel like Mount Liang oughta be a refuge for people with no place else to go!

I preferred Lord Houzouin's presentation. There was something charmingly old-fashioned about it.

What would you like to do, Master?

？！

So come on down to Mount Liang♪

It's hard getting laid off.

It is. I still remember how painful it was being let go back when I was alive.

Of course, there wasn't much of a choice, since the lord and province I served were destroyed...

I guess nowadays, it would be like a small company going under thanks to their parent company going bankrupt.

I understand. It IS hard when your country is destroyed.

Well then, shall we go to Mount Liang?

Yeah. I think that's a good idea.

And that's why we'd like to join your compaI mean, Mount Liang.

Will you let me make golems here?

Of course! You're both hired! Glad to have you!

Hooray!

？！

Hey, I'm back.

You know, though I've got No Face May King, that's no reason to run me ragged.

Oh, hey, Robin. Where've you been?

What do you mean? I've been running around putting up recruitment posters.

Here, check 'em out.

？！

I asked Mata Hari to do them.

Hehehe. I'm not especially good at things like this, but I still enjoyed making them.

Hey, I think they turned out good. And, uh, Da Vinci, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, yeah?

？！

Hmph!

!

We're under attack! The Imperial Army is here!

Heh. If they wanna fight, then I say bring it on. This time, we'll crush them all!

Then this should be a good time to show you what we can do. Heh, I never thought I'd get sent to battle right after joining the company.

This is quite the trial by fire, but, we're also not some fresh-faced college grads.

We can be of immediate use in battle!

Understood. Then I'll just help myself to some golem materials.

Would mapo tofu work?

Actually, I'm not so sure. It might work better than you'd think.

Yeah. And if nothing else, it'd be a hell of a sight!

I wanna see moving mapo tofu!

All right, I'll do it.

(Damn, I didn't know he was such a good sport!)

Whoa, whoa, we can't just... No, wait. On second thought, let's go for it!

You shouldn't play with food. But this sounds fun enough to make an exception!

You're the best, Boudica!

All right, let's do it.

？！

Move aside, bandits! Your days are numbered!

Aaah! Retreat! Retreat!

The name "Mount Liang" may sound imposing, but remember, they're still just a bunch of riffraff!

They can't hold a candle to our seamless, unified onslaught!

... ...

... ...

The hell?

... ...

Gaaah! So spicyyy!

Did that Szechuan pepper just attack us!?

Yeowch, that's hot! And not just the spicy kind, either! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Retreeeat!

Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Oh? I thought we had agreed to settle this with the backs of our blades.

Hahaha, sure, these injuries might not be fatal, but they still sting like crazy.

I feel like I just got a glimpse of why your sword was so renowned throughout Japan, Yagyu.

And I was most impressed by the grace and skill with which you wield your own blade.

Thanks. Now I just wish we had some booze to help me recover from these injuri

Hm?

Is that...a TV?

We can't wait to see you here!

Hot springs!

...And now they've both joined the team. Hahaha, talk about a good haul!

Hehe, you won me over well.

I always regretted missing my chance to enjoy the hot springs at the Enma-tei. Now, I finally have another opportunity.

I'm gonna go take a bath right now! Oh, do these springs work on bruises too? They do? Sweet!

I think I shall begin with a drink. Oh, I would also like to see a dance, if there are any to see.

...I suppose I could also always try dancing myself. It's "all good"? Very well then.

Emergency! We're under attack!

Oho, the enemy's here, huh!? Hic! All right, let's go kill 'em!

Indeed. ...My, this wine is truly sublime.

Hahaha, you're having more, Lord Munenori? I think I will too, then.

It's Li Kui all over again... Only now there's two of him!

What do we do, Yan Qing!?

Li Kui could be a hell of a handful too, but damn if these two can't also put away the booze like he could!

...Eh, it'll probably be fine, though! They're not the type to let a little drinking impair their skills.

Besides, I bet it'll be even more entertaining to sic them on the enemy while they're drunk! And they seem totally on board for it, too!

O-okay! Then I'll follow their lead and charge when they do!

Understood.

But we'll definitely need to make some alterations to that last scene.

That aside, if we follow this approach to its logical conclusion...

... ...

Excuse me, do you have a moment, Yan Qing?

Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of this. But we're probably gonna have to do it if we're gonna get anywhere.

？！

Now then.

It's nice to be summoned and all, but what should I do?

(Sigh...)

I'm happy to have been summoned, but now what am I supposed to

We will now be showing a promotional video for Mount Liang.

Huh?

This here's Mount Liang! It's got wealth, glory, action, sex, feasts... Everything you could possibly want!

You can do whatever the hell you like here! I sure am!

Oho. That sounds promising.

Hmm. Hehehe.

(That doesn't seem like my kind of place. I think I'd better stay away from)

And don't forget all of Mount Liang's beautiful babes!

!!!

And handsome hunks!

...

Can't wait to see you♪

I'll be waiting for you!

... ...

Where are the babes!? Or the hunks!? I'm good with either!

Of course! We've been waiting for you♪

Ooh, I remember you from the ad! ...Um, where are the others?

Hehehe. Oh, you might get to see them sooner or later.

But first, how about a drink?

We've got alcohol so good you won't believe your taste buds!

？！

Phew. Thank goodness I had these standees ready to go.

I know I refused to be in the ad, but I am pleasantly surprised at how well it's working...

Well, we weren't so desperate for plans that we were going to force you to cooperate.

I see. I appreciate that.

Okay, I think I'll go ahead and take these down.

... ...

Ah.

Oh, no, um... I was just, uh....using them as writing references!

Though it would be even better if I could see the charms of these men from various countries in the flesh!

G-gotcha.

So, wewell, uh, just me, reallyare good reference models?

O-oh, yes, absolutely. In fact, um, I was wondering...

Would you mind if I interviewed you and Lord Robin Hood together?

You want to interview me, too!?

Yes! I'd love to!

When I saw your commercial, I thought "Maybe this is where I need to go to learn to depict new types of characters."

？！

(I think she really does just want to do research and write a new book...)

(Being a writer seems like a difficult trade indeed...)

(Sigh...) All right, fine. So, what do you wanna know?

Well, um, first of all...

Well, hopefully we won't need these signboards anymore...

I bet we'll still get plenty of people falling for them!

You know, you're probably right!

We're under attaaack!

Bahahahahahaha!

Thanks to these beautiful dancing girls and the delicious food and drink...

...I'll have no trouble fending them off, whoever they may be!

Now that I've finished my interviews...

...helping you in battle is the least I can do to pay you back!

Okay, everyone... Let's go get 'em!

Heh. It looks like everything is going well this time.

What do you think, Master? We could keep going with the advance...

...but I'd also like to show everyone how awesome I am.

？！

Yes, Master!

Hahaha.

Still, I doubt you'll be able to ride a horse in that condition, Master.

That won't be a problem. I'll just tuck you into my shirt.

Now please, watch carefully while I make you proud!

B-bad news! The enemy has broken through our encirclement!

They're headed straight for us!

Hmm... I'll drive them off! Would you handle the rear guard, Huang Feihu?

Consider it done!

All right, let's go!

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W-we won... But it's not over yet!

？！

Nothing we can do against them. Retreat!

Dammit... We have just as many strong fighters as they do, but their extra Servants are giving them the edge!

Indeed. And for some reason, there seem to be even more of them today.

Let's fall back for now and come up with a new plan of attack!

？！

But...but I was all set to show off how cool and pretty I am!

Forget this. I'm just gonna go to bed and sulk...

Hmm. I also think it would be best if we got out of here straight away!

I know, I know! Waaah!

...(Taking deep breaths)

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Yes. I'm calmer now.

...Huang Feihu.

Yes?

It's clear why we lost today. It's because we don't have enough Servants.

True, it is just the two of us.

Our Imperial Army would never lose a battle against mere bandits.

However...

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But you'd also like to keep this as small and elite as we can, right?

...Yeah, if possible...

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Well... Um...

... ...

R-right. Because otherwise, I'll have fewer chances to show off!

？！

...Indeed.

That said, there's only so much we can do with so few on our side.

Would you mind if we added just two more members to our ranks?

Back in the day, you had your own lieutenants in Han Tao and Peng Qi, right?

Well...I guess that's true. And if we only added two more...

Yes?

Ideally...they'd both praise me...and compliment me...and be even more reserved than me...

I see... Well, um, I'll keep those requests in mind as much as I can.

？！

...!

Hmm. I think you hit her with a little too much praise at once, Master.

Maybe you should keep it to no more than one compliment at a time from now on?

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I-in that case, I'll go look for Servants to recruit right now! Since I'm so awesome and strong, I'm sure I'll

No, Huyan Zhuo. I'm afraid you can't help here.

What!? Wh-why not?

I can already tell you'll come on too strong and end up driving them away instead.

And if they turn you down, it'll take you a while to get back on your feet and on the battlefield, right?

Recruitment like this needs to be handled quickly and breezily.

And I'm afraid someone as...mercurial as yourself would take much longer to get the job done.

I-I guess you're right. I'm definitely not very strong mentally...

So I'll be the one to go recruiting. ...What kind of Servants would you like?

I already told you what I'd like, so.

How about you, Master? Any ideas?

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