Digression: GUDAGUDA Cha-no-yu Tale

So, on that note, would you mind trying the tea I made, Master?

What are YOU doing here!?!?!?

？！

I thought I felt something amiss in the golden tea room while I was making my rounds.

And when I took a closer look, I saw someone making tea in here...

D-do you know this person?

She was kind of the final boss...but not really?

I thought about disappearing myself, but after seeing how much fun you all had together through Lord Rikyu's eyes...

...I found I was just a little jealous.

And, before I knew it, I'd missed my chance to disappear.

I'd wanted to say something to you, but I'm actually rather shy.

So while I was waiting around trying to think of what to do...

...I got caught in your Rayshift and ended up here.

Oh, it worked out though. You see, that let me bring you the Holy Grail you forgot.

That's...really random. I mean, even for us. How can Chaldea's security be so lax!?

Just imagine if someone actually dangerous made it in that way? It'd be ten Honnojis' worth of disaster!

I see. So this is the Komahime person you met in the Singularity.

Eh, whatever. This stuff actually happens constantly. If I got all bent out of shape every time, I'd literally burn myself out.

Anyway, I'm pretty thirsty. I'm gonna have some of that tea myself, Fujimaru.

Ah, wait. I made that tea especially for Mas

Ack! S-so sweet! What the hell is this tea!? I've got a sweet tooth, but this is so saccharine I feel like I might pass out!

Oh, well, I always felt like Lord Rikyu's tea was much too bitter...

...so I thought I would try sweetening it with some sugar. Well. Lots and looots of sugar.

I must say, Master, this Chaldea place is truly wonderful. Anywhere with so much sugar to spare has my approval.

You idiot! This goes way beyond any reasonable definition of sweet!

This matcha was already thick to begin with, but now it's like drinking sludge!

I mean, it's even the same color as one of those enemies from that one RPG series! If you're gonna make something like this, at least make it metal so we can get a buncha EXP!

How careless of me. Flexibility may be at the heart of a proper tea ceremony, but this bends it well past the breaking point.

Now you're changing your Spirit Origin arou Wait. Don't tell me...

Oh, right, I almost forgot. I just noticed a little while ago that Lord Rikyu had returned to my body.

Go on, Lord Rikyu, say hello to everyone.

I'm delighted to see you again so soon, Master of Chaldea.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?!?!?

What the hell do you think you're doing here, Rikyu!? You've got some nerve, showing your face again!

I am, in point of fact, showing Lady Komahime's face.

And what a face it is! No wonder she was known as the beauty of Eastern Japan! But that's not what I meant and you damn well know it!

N-now, now, Nobunaga.

I don't know exactly what happened between you all, but I'm sure, um, Komahime didn't mean any harm...

Well Rikyu sure as hell did! Rikyu meant PLENTY of harm!

It's true, I caused you all no end of trouble. That's why I swallowed my pride and asked Lady Komahime to act as my vessel once more.

I hoped to at least make you all a nice cup of proper tea by way of apology.

Yeah? Then get that cup made toot sweet and hit the bricks!

I want you to carve those pangs of regret for what you did to us deep into your heart...

...then get all glowy and disappear already!

Unfortunately, you've seen what Lady Komahime considers tea etiquette for yourself.

I simply can't bear to stand idly by as someone so close to me mishandles tea like this.

Nor can I pass on in good conscience knowing this tea is in such poor hands.

That was uncalled for, Lord Rikyu.

I only wanted to serve Master a delicious cup of sweet tea for a change.

Be that as it may, I simply cannot abide your notion of tea etiquette. You may as well be serving him sugar on a watermelon.

So until you are capable of making Master a proper cup of tea yourself, Lady Komahime...

...I shall remain here as your tea ceremony instructor.

Y-you really needn't go to such trouble, Lord Rikyu. If you do, I'll never be able to properly enjoy myself here in Chal

So that's your true objective. I knew it.

All the more reason for me to remain. I must teach you so that you can face your parents again without shame.

Th-this can't be happening... M-Master, won't you please say something to Lord Rikyu?

I-it would seem I don't have a choice, then.

Not so fast. Just 'cause the boss signed off on this doesn't mean you can get off scot-free...

Rikyu Kojiii!!!

Hehe. You truly are a fascinating character, Master.

Not so fast. Just 'cause the boss signed off on this doesn't mean you're getting off scot-free...

Rikyu-Kojiii!!!

？！

Oh, if it isn't Lord Nagayoshi. I apologize for deceiving you in my previous transmission.

At this point, even seppuku wouldn't be enough to make up for everything you put the boss through.

And that's not even getting into how you hurt Lady Chacha, or Lord Tsurumatsu.

Ain't that right, Lady Chacha!?

Nagayoshi... But, that was

Spoken like the true leader of the Mori clan. I see you want me to make proper amends for what I've done.

And you are absolutely right.

Very well then, if it will satisfy you, please feel free to bring your spear down upon my head.

Now that's what I'd expect from Rikyu-Koji.

Only problem is, I actually stabbed Lady Chacha while the boss was away.

So I should probably be committing seppuku to make amends myself.

Wait, Master! You don't understand!

Th-that's right! There was nothing else he could have done at the time!

？！

Seriously, what WERE you thinking?

But, Lady Chacha already forgave me. So if I lop off your head now, well...

...it feels like I wouldn't really have a leg to stand on.

So on that note: Boss! Lady Chacha! I hope you can let this whole Rikyu-Koji thing slide for me!

Don't worry! I'll kill him the second he tries anything funny!

？！

That sounds fine to Chacha, too!

You hear that, Rikyu-Koji? Looks like I'm off the hook 'cause of you, too. Thanks!

Well, I'll be. I never expected you to defend me like this, Lord Nagayoshi.

Master, allow me to thank you once again.

I swear to return this favor by serving you with the utmost loyalty.

...Good grief. Nothing is ever simple with you guys, is it?

Not to mention that stabbing Lord Rikyu would also mean stabbing, well, me...

I wanted to ask if you could somehow stab only him, but it didn't feel like the right time to bring that up...

Future, Future! I heard Komahime was here, so I thought I'd come say hello mysel

Oh, wait. Is Rikyu here, too?

See for yourself. We've got public enemy number one right here. Can't you use your second queen powers to make her vanish?

If we let her stay, it's just a matter of time until she paints every hall in Chaldea in darkness.

Hmm, I think I could probably manage that...

You could? Really?

But you know, Rikyu's not the only one here who has evil power. I do, too.

And it doesn't matter if you're a shrine maiden of ruin, or a villainous tea girl. What matters is how you use the power you've got.

？！

Oh well, it can't be helped!

Unless we're talking about drinks! Now hurry up and bring on the soda!