Section One: Heartthrobbing Things

...ter...Master...

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Please wake up, Master. I'm afraid we have a problem... Master?

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Huh? Lady Mash!? I-I'm afraid you're mistaken, Master. I'm not Lady Mash.

Does this mean you two are, um, "involved" after all? I don't suppose you could tell me any more about

Oh, what am I saying!? This isn't the time for that! Please wake up, Master! I need your help!

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I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm afraid I don't know any more than you!

Still, I'm relieved to see you finally up and about.

As far as I can tell, we're somewhere outside Chaldea, and it seems you and I are the only ones here.

Did we Rayshift at some point and I simply wasn't aware?

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S-so you know what's going on here? I'm glad you seem so accustomed to this sort of thing.

...Aha, I see. So we're inside a dream you're having.

And for some reason as yet unclear to both of us...

...I ended up coming along with you.

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Before you woke up? Let me see...

... ...

The last thing I remember was after dinner last night.

Lord Paracelsus, Lady Circe, Lady Semiramis, and Lord Asclepius were all walking together.

They were talking about some sort of newly developed ultimate chocolate that they planned to use as their main Valentine's Day product this year.

They asked me to bring a sample to your room, so you could try it for yourself.

I was planning to leave shortly after giving you the chocolate...

...but instead, I ended up sharing half of it at your request.

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What? That is all you needed to figure out what has happened!?

I see... So it was the chocolate. You think it must have contained elixirs from all four's respective places and eras of origin?

And this is why you've been so concerned by the four of them spending time together lately? I see...

... ...

Aah, I'm so sorry! I had no idea that chocolate was so dangerous!

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Master... Thank you so much.

I promise I'll make it up to you after we have resolved our present predicament.

In the meantime, regardless of how we ended up here, we should try to look for a way to get back home as soon as possible.

To begin...

Why don't we head towards that town over there? Maybe we can learn something of value about where we are...

Whoa now, hold it right there, you two. You were just talking about chocolate, weren't you?

Huh!? Who are you!?

Me and my boys here got a real sweet tooth, you see, so it was a stroke of luck running into you two like this.

Now why don't you just hand over the goods and we'll be on our way, yeah?

And by goods, I mean chocolate, of course!

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You mean this sort of thing happens regularly in your dreams, Master!?

Huh? What do you mean, "This again"? Ain't never seen either of you before.

Look, save the small talk for the small-timers. We know what we're doing here. Just give us what we want, and we won't kill you.

We heard you talking about chocolate, so just put it down nice and slow and we won't have any trouble.

Hehehe... It's chocolate time!

I can't remember the last time we 'ad fresh chocolate!

Master...!

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Huh? You don't have any chocolate!?

Tch. So you're just a couple of outsiders then. Could've led with that instead of getting our hopes up.

All right, never mind then. Go on, get out of here.

And be careful! It's dangerous around here!

Watch out for monsters!

Just follow that road there, and it'll take ye straight ta town!

I-it looks like...

...they're putting their guns away.

And that leader of theirs is obviously Lord Teach. Perhaps we could find out more about this place from him?

Hm? What's up? There something you two need help with?

Wanna ask me for advice? I'm a better listener than I look.

Don't worry, I'd be happy to assist. In particular, milady, I couldn't help but notice your most impressive chest

Oops, pardon me. Let me rephrase that.

I'm speaking, of course, of your dress, and its incredibly intricate embroidery.

As a man of culture, I find it both intriguing and magnificently easy on the eyes... Huhuhu.

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Hwachaaaaaa!!!

Mwachaaaaaa!?

Chaaa!? I mean, Chieeef!?

Hiya! Next, I use my rebound from the flying kick to do a triple midair backflip...

...with a perfect, ten out of ten landing! That. Was. Awesome!

Man oh man, that was a close call for you two, wasn't it!? Good thing for you I showed up to help!

Wait. IS it a good thing?

Meh, who cares? Wahahaha!

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...!!!

Is that...? Could it be...?

H-hey, I don't know who you are, but were you really paying attention?

'Cause if you had been, you'd know we were all getting on pretty well.

Hell, my gentlemanly social skills were about to land me a new girlfriend in just a few seconds before you showed up.

Back it up with the moral hazards!

Bwuh!?

Hwacha! Whacha! Come on, bring it on!

Guh-whaaa!?

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... ...

Y-yes, I'm fine!

Don't worry, Master. I promise I'll put a stop to this squabble!

This overwhelming abundance of cheerfulness! This rejuvenating party girl power!

And above all, these weird movements that are making my head hurt in more ways than one!

I can't believe it. I've always prided myself on being a gentleman, and so able to endure common attacks...

But there's something about those sparkly attacks that makes me feel like it would be wrong to dodge them... Gurk.

Woohoo, I won! I think I'll snap a quick pic to remember this by.

Hm?

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Heh. Me? I'm nobody important. But, if you insist on calling me something...

How about...Mysterious Pretty Sailor Girl? No, wait, calling myself "pretty" is kind extra, isn't it?

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... ...

There, I've got it! I am none other than the shining

Sei Shounagon!

You're obviously Sei Shounagon, daughter of Kiyohara-no-Motosuke, one of the Nashitsubo, the Five Men of the Pear Chamber! Right!?

... ...

Uh... Who, me?

I saw you avert your gaze! Don't think I didn't!

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No, really, I have no idea who you're talking about. Nope. No clue at all.

... ...

Master...

Do you know who Sei Shounagon is?

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Sei Shounagon is an author from Japan's Heian period, much like myself.

Of course, we had quite different taste in genres. My focus was on narrative, while she preferred essays...

But, she was still the only other woman besides me who managed to hold her own in the harsh world of the old imperial court...

A world quite thoroughly dominated by men.

What's more, she trounced every single opponent who challenged her to a lyrical Heian MC battle...

...so I know she was very...skilled.

Hmm...

Kinda getting the vibe that I'm getting a backhanded compliment.

Of course, Sei Shounagon is best known for "The Pillow Book"! Have you ever read it, Master!?

It's said to be the first collection of essays ever written in Japan...

...and it details her singular thoughts and feelings on daily life in the palace court using a wide variety of colorful prose.

At the time, the first passage from her essay "In Spring the Dawn" was so shocking that

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Ah...

I-I'm so sorry. There I go getting carried away again...

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No, I'm not!

I-I-I do think her work has historical value, but that doesn't mean I care for it!

Not to mention that there are many passages where her attempts to show off her knowledge only demonstrate how little she truly understands!

I can't tell you how many headaches I got from trying to make sense of all of her anecdotes where she was clearly just bragging about how great her life was!

In modern parlance, the phrase that best describes my true opinion of her work would be, "Oh NO she didn't!"

You don't say...

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Wahaha!

Hey, I don't got a problem with it.

Hell, I appreciate that kind of candor!

I'll take that over talking about me behind my back any day of the week!

Huh? U-um...

You mean...you're not upset?

I thought for sure you were going to say something like, "Where the hell do you get off talking about me like that, bookworm nerd I've never met before?"

... ...

...You ARE Sei Shounagon, right?

Well, you know...

I may or may not have been called that at one point or another...

Yeah.

See, I'm retired now. I decided I wasn't gonna be Sei Shounagon anymore.

...Huh?

So I don't have any plans to write anything new anytime soon! If ever!

...Say what?

I'm a new party girl now, full of possibilities! And I'm looking for some new hobby to catch my eye!

So just call me "Nagiko" and don't sweat the rest.

Something tells me it's not a coincidence that we ran into each other out here like this...

...so now that we have, we may as well make the most of it!

Wha...?

Wha... Wha...

What in the world are you talking about!?

Um... Sorry to interrupt your little chat...

...but would you mind hearing me out?