Section Two: To France? (2/2)

Hehe, hehehehehe. Hehehehehe! I did it! I really did it!

After all this time, my wish finally came true! And it was super easy!

I'll have to thank Ushiwakamaru for this later! Though she did seem a little different from usual...

Hm? It looks like there are people over there.

Those must be the Servants Mash mentioned earlier.

... ...Hmm.

Something wrong?

Not exactly... I just thought I sensed a woman I really, really wouldn't get along with.

(Oh yeah, that narrows it down. She'd only get along with another woman as nuts as she is, or a saint who'd put the Virgin Mary to shame.)

Why Jason, you're positively filthy. I could make easy for you to clean up. All I need to do is toss you in a washing machine.

Maybe you'd rather I push a lawn mower over you?

Hey, who said you could read my mind!? Knock it off! It's more than a little terrifying!

Also, are you nuts? Washing machines and lawn mowers are in NO WAY connected!

Sure they are. They can both mess you up so badly no one will recognize you.

Eep!

Besides, you're mistaken, Jason.

Medb is very well-liked by all the other women in Chaldea, Servants and staff alike.

Seriously?

"Cool"? Are you sure you didn't mean "pretty," or "cute"?

Oh well, I guess "cool" is fine, too.

Hey, I'm not the queen of Connacht for nothing!

？！

Oh, there they are!

Hup, someone's headed our way. Eyes up, everyone!

Who goes there!?

Reindeer!

？！

I'm so glad to see you!

Wha...!?

Huh!?

Oho.

What the...?

Lady...Jeanne Alter...?

Yes, Reindeer, it's me!

Uh-huh! You ARE Reindeer, right? I mean, Master?

I'd never confuse you for anyone else!

Um... Yes! It's me! Jeanne!

？！

？！

Well, Jeanne Lily, actually! Oh, but I guess that's Jeanne Ex-Lily now, huh?

Anyway, as you can see, I've finally grown up!

It is a little disappointing to find out I'm still an Alter, even as a grown-up...

But it's okay! I can just prove I'm different by how I conduct myself! Actions speak louder than words, after all!

Wait, wait, hold on.

Are you saying you're the same Jeanne who's always hanging out with Nursery and Jack?

Yes, that's right!

But as you can see, I'm a fully grown-up Jeanne now!

Hehehe. I can't wait to see the look on Nursery and Jack's faces when they find out. They're gonna be so jealous.

Especially now that I can finally reach the cookies on the top shelf!

THAT'S why you wanted to grow up!?

I've got the results from analyzing her Spirit Origin.

I can confirm that hers is the same irregular Spirit Origin we saw earlier, and that she is in fact Jeanneer, a grown-up version of Lily.

Do you remember how you got this way?

Of course I do, Ms. Medb!

U-ugh, it's so weird hearing you talk like that... Oh, and don't call me "Ms." right now, okay?

?

W-well, on second thought, maybe it's not so bad.

Hehehehehe.

Stop laughing, Cú!

It was Ushiwakamaru. She tapped me with a funny looking mallet.

Hmm, I see. Just like I thought.

So the Mallet of Fortune made you an adult, is that right?

Sure is!

Ushiwakamaru did look a little different than usual...

But it was so nice of her to do this for me! I never knew how nice she was!

She also said, "Don't worry about it. I got it from someone else."

I wonder who she meant by that?

Theeere yooou aaare.

Aah!

？！

Um, Jeanne Alter! I mean, Jeanne Alter Santa Lily!

Would you mind giving Senpai some personal space!?

All right, bitch, get away from him right the hell now before I burn your grown-up ass to cinders!

Huh!? Wh-what are youuh, what am I doing here!?

You know damn well why I'm here! That Japanese chick smacked me on the head with a freakin' hammer!

Next thing I know, I'm wearing THIS SHIT, I'm tiny, and Jack and Nursery won't leave me alone!!!

Then, when I'm looking for a way to fix this mess...

...I hear there's another grown-up me running around, except she's not ME!

Ugh, it's all too goddamn confusing! Also, why the hell are you wearing my swimsuit!?

I mean, I know my swimsuit is badass as hell, but still, aren't you supposed to be the normal me in these kinds of situations!?

...Um, Master of Chaldea?

What's the story with these Servants? Are they sisters or something?

Yes. A very, very long story.

So long I don't think we could do it justice.

Oh, maybe I could ask Scheherazade to tell it in a way where everything makes sense.

Impossible.

Scheherazade... That's a Persian Heroic Spirit, right?

It sounds like Chaldea is truly a fascinating place...

...I see. Okay, I think I understand now.

Then Shana-oh must have used the Mallet of Fortune to give back what she took with it.

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Hmm.

She's definitely always been quick on her feet, in more ways than one...

Um... Are you sure you want to know the reason, grown-up child me?

Uh, yeah? I asked, didn't I?

Well, I was wearing your armor at first...but I had to take it off because it was too hard to breathe in.

... ...

That's why I changed into this swimsuit. I really didn't have a choice.

You know, formerly grown-up but now child me, you really should take better care of yourself. If you've eaten so much you can't fit into your armor anymo

OH, HELL NO!!!

Now I'm REALLY pissed off!

Gimme my body back RIGHT THE HELL NOW! You're gonna ruin my rep forever!!!

Waaah! Reindeeer! Grown-up child me's scaring me!

？！

Don't you freakin' tell me to calm down, dammit!

All right, fine! If that's how you want to do this, I can do the rebellious phase thing, too!

Ready or not, here I come!

Hmm... Well, it does seem like they'd both be better off going back to normal, especially in terms of mental health.

All right, I see where this is going. Hey, Master.

Hurry up and tell me which one to hunt down.

Huh? Can't we just, you know, let them figure it out for themselves?

We're literally talking about two sides of the same person, right? Just let them fight it out if they want!

We can't do that. Not as long as the Mallet of Fortune is involved!

All right, for the time being... We'll just have to make them both settle down!

Come on, everyone!

Urk.

Phew. Finally... All right, some of this, and a little of this, and...

Ah... Aah! I guess I'm back to my old self again. (Sniff)

...There we go. Okay, wait right the hell there.

... ...

Well!? How do I look!?

I knew it!

I swear, I thought I was gonna freakin' die when I heard Lily spouting that nonsense.

Right!? I AM pretty badass, aren't I!?

Ugh, I swear. It fits just as well as it always did.

Now I feel stupid for ever worrying.

？！

Huh? That's strange. I'm positive it didn't fit so well when I was grown up...

Hmm. That's probably because the Mallet of Fortune made you grow too much.

To turn someone into a child, you have to...let's say take their growth away, in a sense.

But to turn a child into an adult, you have to, well, make them grow.

And if you don't do it just right, it's easy to unbalance the larger body.

Besides, Servants don't gain weight. Or if they do, it's only because their mental flab is being reflected in their ether form.

(So, Servants only get fat from being too comfortable? Is that really how it works?)

(I cannot say. While it does sound as though she is, ah, "pulling stuff out of her rear," as they say nowadays, there is much we do not know about Chaldea's summoning system.)

Maybe you know what I'm talking about, Little Miss Dragon Witch?

Shut up, bitch! I'll frigging incinerate your ass! No, I did incinerate your ass!

Past tense! Wahahaha, you don't waste any time, do you, girl! I like that!

Watch yourself, Medb! The flames are already

Jason Shield!

Hey! Using Greece's number one hero as a shield!? What the hell is wrong with you, lady!?

Huh? I would've thought you'd be honored.

I mean, you're THE number one (used) hero, right?

W-well, yeah, I guess that's true... Wait, hold up! What was that part you mumbled!?

And hey, if you can fix this size stuff so easily, why haven't you already fixed us!?

Oh, uh, I would if I could, but I can't.

In your case, the mallet's still hanging on to what it stole from you, so there's no way I can put it back.

Ugh. Figures.

I see...

Now then.

Um... You. The little one.

Yes, that's me. The once big, now little Jeanne. (Sigh) Now I really know how it feels to be built up only to be let down...

But anyway, what can I do for you?

Where's Shana-oh?

...Oh, right, you don't know her by that name. Where did the one you call Ushiwakamaru go?

Ushiwakamaru?

I'm not sure. She left while I was still excited about having suddenly grown up.

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No... Oh, wait. She did say one thing right before she left.

I think it was "I may as well throw this away here"!

She threw something away?

...!

There!

Hey!

Tch!

Wait! I'm not your enemy!

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Lord Ushiwakamaru!?

So it's not an enemy after all? Well that's no fun.

... ...

Well? Aren't you gonna come out? Show yourself already.

I-I'm not your enemy... but I don't want to surprise you, either!

I-it is I, Ushiwakamaru!

Much as it pains me for you to see me like this; I know how ridiculous I look right now...

But please understand I didn't choose this!

...Hey. Ushiwaka.

Hm?

Quit with the sob story and get in line. Did you not realize you're the fourth one of us to be turned? Use your head.

The fourth one!? Oh my gosh, you're right! And you're one of them, Benkei!?

Wh-what in the world happened to you!? What's going on here!?

Why don't YOU tell US!?

I see...

I wish I could be of more help, but I'm afraid I don't clearly remember what happened.

All I know is that when I came to, I'd been tossed out like yesterday's garbage.

The last thing I remember is...another me looking down on me with an expression of pure disgust.

Now THAT was an enemy, no doubt about it. I'll have to cut off her head.

Hey, Benkei? Am I hearing things, or did she just say she was gonna kill herself like it was no big deal?

Is that a samurai thing?

I am a warrior monk, not a samurai... I will say, however, that Lord Ushiwakamaru is a rather extreme case.

Benkei! You've got a lot of nerve, talking about your superior behind her back.

Who, me? I didn't say anything.

Never mind that now. Ushiwakamaru, since you and the enemy are both, well, you...

...can't you sense where the other you is or something?

Hmmm.

As much as I'd love to give this little Shana-oher, Ushiwakamaru the tongue-lashing of a lifetime...

You're exactly right, Medb!

Well of course I am.

The mallet may have split Ushiwakamaru in two, but she was still originally one person. So...

Here, Ushiwakamaru, hold this.

Hm? A small, black needle?

A needle, huh? Hmm, this must have been what Issun Boushi felt like.

Oh yes, it felt appropriate that I pick that up as well when I got my hands on the Mallet of For

Wait, that doesn't matter right now! Look, it's basically...a kind of compass? Hmm, how can I put this...?

You know those sticks you can use to find water and such? They do have those these days too, right!?

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That's it!

Really? Are you sure that's going to work?

We'll just have to find out. Go on, Shana-oh, give it a try.

Empty your mind, and pour your magical energy into the needle.

All right, if you say so. Hrn!

!

The other me is...that way! Come on! Let's go after her like we're leaping boats!

Not so fast, Shana-oh. Settle down.

I swear, you never did know when or how to hold back.

That is exactly why you get into messes like this, you know? You need to learn to think before you act.

Hahahaha.

That's funny, Mentor, because I could have sworn that you were the one who brought the Mallet of Fortune...

...and caused this whole mess in the first place.

Kanra kara kara!

...Well, never mind that for now.

Don't just change the subject the moment it gets inconvenient for you!

Not all that reflective herself, is she...?

Hey! If I wanted opinions from the peanut gallery, I'd have asked! Anyway, we know the general direction to go now, right!?

All right then, Shana-ohOn second thought, just so there's no confusion...

I'll call you Mini Ushiwaka, and the one who stole the Mallet of Fortune will be Evil Ushiwaka!

Yeah, yeah.

... ...

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Master, um... Could I ask you a favor...?

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Thank you, Master!

Oh boy! This is great!

Well, well. It's kind of cute, seeing you ride on Master's shoulder. At least for you.

... ...

Oh Cúúú♪

Death first.

But I haven't even said anything yet!

All right, we're gonna bounce. Turns out fighting yourself is kind of exhausting.

I'll say. Harrumph.

...There's a whole lot I want to say to you, but for now...

Next time you grow up, remember these two words: personal space.

'Kaaay.

Ugh. How the frigging hell did I end up giving advice like that to my own younger self?

I blame you, Master. You're so getting cursed for this.

Come on, Master! I'll show you exactly where to go!

(Well now.)

(I'm surprised to see Shana-oh so comfortable around him.)

(I remember when she was still a young Genji warrior nursing a deep grudge thanks to her late father and distant mother...)

(...and how obsessed she was with vengeance on Kiyomori and the entire Taira clan.)

(And here she is now, smiling like she doesn't have a care in the world.)

(It reminds me of the time she told me about Yoritomo. Hmm, hmm. I see, I see.)

What are you doing, Mentor? Hurry up, or we'll leave you behind!

Hey! Wait for me!