Deciding the Strongest Tea Master in the Land of the Rising Sun!

...

Here you go.

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Hmm... Blech!

Master, how upset would you be if I sent Lady Nobunaga to hell?

Maybe you could let it go just this once...erm... Well, on second thought, go for it.

I-I wouldn't say it's THAT bad.

I would.

I'm actually kind of impressed. I didn't think it was possible to screw tea up so badly.

I wonder why it turned out like this? I mean, there wasn't anything wrong with the tea leaves.

I don't understand. I followed Lord Rikyu's instructions to the letter.

Strange. I inspected the tea, the tools, and the hot water myself, and they were all perfect.

No matter how bad Komahime is at making tea, it should never have turned out so poorly.

Th-that's not fair, Lord Rikyu. It's not my fault your instructions are far too complex to understand.

Wow, I had no idea making tea was so difficult.

I guess I just have no talent for preparing tea.

I'll just stick to purchasing it from vending machines from now on.

This should never have happened with me here. How did things go so wrong...?

E-everyone! Come quick!

The Singularity is back?

I'm afraid so. We thought it had been destroyed, but it just popped right back up again out of nowhere.

So it's back...

But Lord Ishida and Lord Kukochihiko are both gone now, right? So how could this have happened?

Beats me. I tried looking into it, thinking it was the black blood...

...but I'm not seeing anything poisonous this time, so it doesn't seem to be exactly the same as before.

And then there's this. Take a look.

The hell? Why's everything so...green?

Wait. That's tea! The island's surrounded by TEA instead of water!!!

Wh-what happened here?

Senpai, look! There, in the center. It's the best sign of good luck you can hope to find in a teacup...

A tea stalk that floats upright! They're known as "chabashira" in Japan.

What do they mean?

People say that when you get a little tea stalk floating upright in your teacup, something good will happen. That one's ridiculously big, though!

I see. So it's a kind of fortune-telling.

It's nice to see that the art of divining messages Lady Himiko and I used to practice is still being carried on today.

Yeah, I don't think this is quite the same thing.

？！

Senpai, look! We're getting something on the monitor!

Good day, my dear Chaldean Servants. I must thank you for all the "help" you provided in New Yamataikoku.

How come whoever this is sounds like a robot?

They must be using a voice changer.

Who are you, and what are you doing there!? New Yamataikoku's supposed to be gone by now!

Yeah! The shrine maiden of ruin here saw to that!

I saw her unleash all that crazy ruining power and ruin the absolute hell out of the place myself!

Um... You're not wrong, but would you mind focusing less on the "ruin" part of it all?

It's just that, if at all possible, I'd rather not be so closely associated with ruin around here...

You may call me "Mysterious Tea-Maker X."

Mysterious Tea-Maker X!? Ranmaru and Heroine are plenty! We have MORE than enough Mysterious Xs, thank you very much!

I am contacting you today to inform you of a legendary tea festival about to be held here in the borderland.

I speak, of course...

...of The Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Tournament!

The Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Tournament... (Gulp)

...What is that?

As I recall, the Grand Kitano Tea Gathering was

You've actually heard of it before, Tea Professor Mash!?

Wait, since when is Mash a tea professor?

As I was saying, the Grand Kitano Tea Gathering was a massive tea ceremony originally held at Kitano Tenmangu Shrine in Kyoto during Japan's Azuchi-Momoyama period, or AD 1568 to 1600.

I see...

Wait. How do you know all that?

Well, um, after tea turned out to be the key to defeating the Ancestral Beast, I got very interested in Japanese tea...

...so I decided to read about it in the library.

？！

I definitely didn't see any mention of martial arts in connection with the Tea Gathering, though.

This tea martial arts tournament will decide who is the strongest tea-maker.

I therefore invite those of you from Chaldea who have confidence in your tea brewing to join us.

Oh please. There's no way we'd ever attend a shady-ass tea party like that.

What are you saying, Nobbu!? You know we have to...

Actually, wait. No, I don't really see any reason we should go, either.

Oh? Perhaps this will change your mind?

A Holy Grail!?

This is no ordinary Holy Grail. I have filled it with tea to transform it into... a Holy Teacup!

Doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it?

Any and all Servants who drink tea from this Holy Teacup may ascend to a realm head and shoulders above any other form of existence.

So far!?

So, on that note, I look forward to seeing you at the Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Center.

I can't believe someone else in this day and age knows about that tournament...

You know about it too, Professor Rikyu!? I mean, Rikyu-Koji!?

Ostensibly, the Grand Kitano Tea Gathering was a great tea party that the Lord Kanpaku used to put on.

But its true purpose was as a tournament held in the Kitano underground tea martial arts center...

...to determine the strongest tea-maker in all of Japan.

Oh, give me a break. The "strongest tea-maker"?

Lady Mash, it seems you've read all about the event.

So then, you must also know that the event was originally meant to be held over a period of ten days.

That's right. But for some reason, the whole thing was suddenly canceled on the second day.

There are numerous theories as to why, but none of them have been verified.

Of course not. The battles fought there were so intense that most of the contestants were injured and forced to withdraw.

That's why they had to shut it down early.

Okay, now wait just a damn minute. Why were these people fighting battles so intense over freakin' tea? Were they all idiots or something?

A true tea battle is a contest of pure will, where each tea-maker's spirit is pitted directly against another's.

You underestimate them at your own dire peril.

I'm going to set aside the actual mountain of snarky comments I have for now. So, this tea martial arts thing is back?

Indeed. To think there was someone else in this day and age who knew about it... I'm still in shock.

So what do we do now? They have a Holy GraI mean, Holy Teacup, right? Not to mention it's a Singularity.

We can't just ignore this, right?

Well, there's only one thing we can do, then:

Raid this Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Tournament thing.

Then would you guys mind leaving now? Besides, it's actually almost our own teatime.

So who's going to go?

Well, since this is tea martial arts, whatever that means, it should probably be someone who knows their tea.

So...Rikyu?

I respectfully decline.

Huh? Why?

I'm retired. My days of tea fighting are behind me now.

A new tea martial arts tournament should be fought by those who bear the future of tea on their shoulders.

Someone young like...you, Master.

Worry not. I have complete confidence that you have what it takes to save the future of tea.

Wait, you're actually excited about this!?

？！

Be that as it may, we can't let him go there by himself. Especially since it's in a Singularity with a, um, Holy Teacup.

Not to worry. I have already selected a promising young tea-maker to accompany him.

With her by his side, I have no doubt that Master will be able to claim the title of strongest tea-maker for himself.

A promising young tea-maker? Like who? Katsuzou?

My recommendation is...

...Lady Komahime.

...Huh?

Wh-what are you saying, Lord Rikyu?

That's far too troublesoI mean, unreasonable!

Besides, Master already said my tea was undrinkable bilgewater. There's simply no way I can do this!

You may as well have. I could tell from the look on your face. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm so shocked, I really need to lie down...

All right, Master, I am counting on you to fight for the future of tea.

Lady Komahime, I have faith that you will overcome these challenging battles and emerge as a great tea-maker.

I will be watching over you both every step of the way.

You're really fired up about this, aren't you, Future?

All right, Master, I am counting on you to fight for cha-no-yu...the future of tea.

Lady Komahime, I have faith that you will overcome these challenging battles and emerge as a great tea-maker.

I will be watching over you both every step of the way.

？！

I mean, I assumed you would since we share a body, but...really? Am I actually going to do this?

Okay guys, get ready! It's Rayshift time!

Th-this can't be happeniiing!