The Four Heavenly Kings of the Summer Mountain

I have been hearing rumors as of late about a suspicious group on this mountain that is up to no good.

They say this group brings spirits and monsters wherever they go, much like the Night Parade of a Hundred Oni.

Night Parade of a Hundred Oni?

Yes. That is what I've been told.

Ordinarily, I would see to them myself, but right now, Mother is obligated to fulfill my duties as shadow prefect.

So would you please go in my stead, Kintoki?

I want you to find out what this parade of a hundred oni truly is. If it is, in fact, a group of a hundred oni...

...then they are bound to cause great harm to the human world if left unchecked, and you will need to cut off their heads before they get the chance.

A hundred oni, huh...

(Hmm. It can't be the usual suspects behind this, right? 'Specially since it'd be a huge pain in the ass to assemble a hundred oni like this.)

(Besides, didn't the original night parade involve all kinds of monsters, not just oni?)

Eh, guess it don't matter either way. You got it, Raikou!

Whatever this group is, it definitely sounds like we oughta look into them!

Indeed. Thank you, Kintoki.

Sure thing.

Now then, how to actually go about this...

Volunteerin' for duty's well and good, but there ain't no way I'm gonna find this group just walkin' around the mountain aimlessly.

...All right, I got it. If I'm up against a parade of a hundred onior monsters, or whateverthen I'll have to put together my own team of a hundred shinin' knights!

I know there's other Servants who got here before me, so I just gotta invite the ones who seem like they'd be up for this kinda thing.

Ya know, I think this is gonna be fun! Hang in there, bad boys! I'm comin' for ya!

Hahaha, I see, I see. So that's why you called us here!

Then I think that makes us the new Four Heavenly Kings!

And in that case, I'll have to make extra sure I don't let you down!

Hell yeah! I knew I could count on you, Boss Tawara! You're like a hundred golden warriors all on your own!

Tawara Touta, aka Fujiwara-no-Hidesato. There ain't a warrior from the Heian period who doesn't know your name.

With you and your giant monster slayin' skills on our side, I might not even hafta get my own hands dirty!

I can find my way around a forest all right, but don't expect me to be much use fighting off monsters.

Ugh, dammit, where's old man Tell when you need him...?

Maybe he's camouflaged in some tall grass? Or just shut himself away somewhere?

Hey, I'd've asked him if I saw him, but if he ain't around now, there ain't much we can do.

So that's why I'm here filling in for him, huh. Sorry you guys got stuck with me.

(I really should've told 'em not to expect me to be much use in a fight, either.)

(Sure, I have some rangering experience, but I'm not really cut out for slaying monsters and shit.)

(I knew I should've turned him down when he asked me, but I just ended up nodding "Yes" without thinking about it...)

(I really am sorry they got stuck with me...)

Hah!

What're you talkin' about, Mandricardo? You're not fillin' in for anybody.

Huh?

You were there. Our eyes met.

And when two dudes' eyes meet while there's a mountain with a parade of monsters right nearby...

...the only thing left to do is to line up side by side and set off on a golden hikin' adventure!

I had a good feelin' about ya the moment our eyes met. It told me you were the kind of guy who could get things done!

Yeah, yeah. Don't pay too much attention to anything Kintoki says, Mandricardo.

He's pretty much entirely a creature of intuition, though I have to admit his intuition is scary accurate a lot of the time.

I, uh, I see... (Man, this Archer's all sociable like it's no big deal too, huh?)

On a different note, I love your wooden sword. I can tell just how fired up you are.

Talk about golden!

I ain't all that good at chambara myself, but I'd still love to try sparrin' with ya sometime.

(Damn, now that's what I call bright! Hell, even his hair's practically shining!)

(Man, I'm so jealous. I can't even imagine what it must be like to just be so...open.)

Chambara? Is that a cut of meat or something? Or is that what you call sword fighting back East?

Sure, that works.

I don't know much about it myself, but apparently, that's what they call samurai movies and stuff these days.

I think the word's s'posed to be the sound of swords clashing? Something like that.

Oh, yeah, I just remembered!

Back when I was a kid, me an' the other kids used to play chambara with wooden swords and dull swords all the time!

We'd be all "Gotcha!" "You got me!" "I did it!" "I'm dead!" "Arrrghhh!" and stuff!

Man, it was a blast!

Aww, that's nice. Guess kids really are the same no matter where you go.

Anyway, getting back on track: Is this where the oni parade was supposedly spotted?

Yeah, should be. Let's see...

Yeah, there's definitely tracks here that weren't made by either human or Servant. Shall we see where they lead?

Go for it, Forest Gorilla!

That's Wise Forest Gorilla Sage to you, pal!

We're not too far from 'em now. Come on, this way.

There it is!

It's not just the Demon Boar. Look, over there!

We've also got a wolf, a bicorn, a Soul Eater, a homunculus, and a Chimera!

Oho, so we have an assortment of different monsters all traveling together. That does sound like an oni parade.

Oh, hey guys! What are you doing here?

Huh!?

Ushiwakamaru? What're YOU doin' here?

(And why's she wearin' what looks like a red loincloth!?)

(No, wait. Is that an apron? ...Oh, it's a swimsuit. I'd forgotten she got one, too!)

Why, playing, of course! Here, let me introduce you to everyone!

The big Demon Boar there is Machosuke, the strong yet gentle one is Homubei, and the one with the awesome horns is Baizou!

And over there is

Welp... Sounds like we'd better ask what's going on here.

...All right, let me see if I got this straight.

You were out here playing 'cause this mountain reminded you of Mt. Kurama, which is how you met and became buds with these guys?

Basically, yes!

The aura this sacred mountain's heart gives off is just as strong as Mt. Kurama's was.

Though I guess it is teeechnically a little more evil, too.

Anyway, it made me so nostalgic that I couldn't help but want to run around and play (read: train)...

So I found myself some animal playmates up here like I did on Mt. Kurama with Kumatarou and Tanukichi, and I've been playing with them ever since.

(Couldn't help but notice there're Demonic Beasts mixed up with those animals, though.)

I've always been able to talk with animals since I'm a genius and all, so I thought there might also be some monsters out there who'd be willing to listen to reason, and I was right!

(You think? I guess that kinda makes sense...sort of...)

Well, I can see that happenin'. I used to go play up on Mt. Ashigara all the time, too.

And best of all, I'm glad this turned out not to be anythin' dangerous!

Still...I don't know what Raikou's gonna say about this.

Indeed.

I don't think it would hurt to tell her she has no cause for concern, but still... Hmm.

Hey, I've got an idea! Now that you're all here, why don't you play with us!? (Beaming)

Between Lord Kintoki of the Four Heavenly Kings, Lord Tawara Touta with his peerless strength, Lord Robin Hood's speed and agility, and Lord Mandricardo's wooden sword...

...we could play sooo many fun games!

In fact, I'm actually hiding a wooden sword of my own under my futon that has Mt. Kurama carved in it.

Why don't we all play chambara together!?

(......)

(Huh? Am I imagining things, or did she really just invite us to play together?)

Sorry, I appreciate the offer, but we're not really in the mood to play right now.

I'm afraid we've still gotta figure out what to do about your friends there.

...?

...Okay, I got it. Looks like this is the only way to go.

Let's play, Ushiwakamaru!

Yaaaaaay!

Whoa, whoa, hang on. Raikou's that super strong, super scary samurai lady, right? You sure she'd be okay with us breaking her rules like this?

You bet! She might be uncompromisin' when it comes to oni, but she's usually willin' to listen to reason otherwise!

Besides, with all of us here like this, it'd be more of a waste NOT to take advantage of the chance to have some fun!

All right, Ushiwaka, let's do a team battle! And let's say the losing team has to do one thing the winning team says.

Sound good?

Oh, a bet, huh? By all means, bring it on! A good game's even more fun when there's something on the line!

Hmm, I see you have a plan in mind. In that case, I have no objections. Now, what shall we play?

Good question. I think something competitive that doesn't rely on equipment is the way to go here, so...

How about sumo!?

Oho, so you wanna challenge me to sumo, huh? Not even Tsuna had those kinds of guts!

Who was your mentor again? Kiichi Hougen? He oughta be proud, 'cause he did a damn good job teachin' you. You have my respect.

All right, wait a minute while we decide the order.

Let's see... We're gonna need a relay order, so to speak. So, a first, second, and third, followed by our anchor.

Oh, I'll go first. I'm obviously the weakest here, and I don't think I could handle the pressure in any other position, so...

Don't be ridiculous! This is a game, remember? Just relax and have fun with it!

In fact, we're gonna start by goin' all out with a round of rock-paper-scissors to choose the order!

Are you kidding me!?

Sounds good to me.

Yeah, I'm not too confident in my chances here, either.

Here goes! Rock, paper, scissors, GOOOLDEN!

Dosukoooi!

And Lord Touta takes the first match!

It was a lot of fun seeing you grapple with Homubei like that, and that was before you just sent him flying! You're so strong!

What can I say? It's all thanks to the power of rice. I encourage all of you to eat plenty of rice, too!

Fish is important too, of course, but I can't recommend meat. It may taste good, but it won't help you get stronger!

So if that's your goal, make sure to eat plenty of rice and fish! Though if you don't care for rice, bread will do in a pinch, too!

It's kinda nice to see Tawara's not too hung up on what he considers to be the one and only way.

Second contestants, you're up! Begin!

Guuuh! No technique in the world's gonna make up for that difference in weight!

And Baizou wins with a headlong charge! You'll never win if you just keep dodging all the time, Lord Robin.

You'll only tire yourself out and open yourself up to being knocked out of the ring again.

You need to go in there determined to face Baizou head-on, even if you have to take his horns right to your gut!

Are you TRYING to get me killed!? I don't even want to be in this thing's line of sight, let alone in goring distance!

Now for the third match. I'll be your opponent this time!

Oh, wait. This outfit might get in the way of our sumo match, huh? Hang on while I change into something a little less restrictive!

Hehe, I haven't done sumo in the mountains in forever. This is gonna be fun!

Good grief. All right, since Ushiwakamaru's competing, I guess I'll be the ref this time.

How'd it go again? Turn and face your opponent?

(Hm? Hang on.)

(I forgot Ushiwaka's still in a swimsuit. Hell, she's even more exposed now than she was before...)

(So how the hell am I gonna fight a sumo match against a lady who's barely dressed!?)

(That ain't golden. That ain't golden at all!)

(Not to mention her face is right there!)

Annnd begin!

No fair! What was that!? Were you even trying, Lord Kintoki!?

I...

I did my best.

Well you could have fooled me! You were completely off balance, your eyes were wandering all over the place...

No, the more I think about it, the more I refuse to accept this outcome. I demand a rematch!

Hey now, none of that. The great thing 'bout games like these is they're one and done, all right? Just take the win!

Hmph. All right, I guess we'll just have to call that round invalid.

I just wouldn't feel right counting that as a victory.

Still, I wonder what happened? I guess Lord Kintoki must have eaten something that disagreed with him.

Anyway, this puts the score at one win and one loss each, which means the anchor round will decide everything!

All right. Go out there and give 'em hell, anchor!

I can't do this.

No, seriously, I can't. Have you seen my opponent? He's an actual Demon Boar.

And those things are so vicious not even Diarmuid survived his encounter with one...

No matter how you slice it, a pitiful, pathetic, third-rate excuse for a Servant like me could never measure up...

Hey now, don't talk about yourself like that.

You're my golden teammate, and our sumo team's anchor. In my book, that makes you one of my best buds!

Besides, this is all just a game. Don't worry about winnin'! Long as you're havin' fun, that's all that matters!

A game? ...That's right. I'm playing a game, aren't I... It's so far from what I'm used to that I didn't even realize it.

A-and on top of that, you're calling me a b-b-b-bud? As in, buddy...?

Are you really sure it's okay for a downer like me to be here playing with friends?

Hahaha, of course it is! Tell you what. Win or lose, I'll treat you to some handmade rice balls when this is all over!

There you have it. Both Kintoki and Tawara here are the kind of guys who mean what they say and say what they mean.

They'll enjoy themselves no matter which side wins.

So quit worrying, Mandricardo! Just have fun.

Anchor or not, even if you lose, you'll just end up in the same spot as me.

But, uh, that being said, I'm not just saying that because I don't want to be the only one in the loser's circle. Just saying.

...

A-all right! I'll do the best I can!

If I give it all I've got, I might just have a shot. ...I hope.

Then let's get this final battle between the team anchors, Machosuke and Mandricardo, started! Annnd begin!

R-raaaaaah!

...Huh?

Was I sleeping? When did that happen? What happened with the match?

Haha, so you don't remember what happened, do you?

I suppose that just goes to show how focused you were. Excellent work.

Huh? Then... Does that mean...?

(Tiny fist pump)

So, as for the penalty for the losin' team...

I'm ready. Just tell me whose head you want, and I'll bring it back to you in the beat of a tengu's wings!

Whether it be my own head, or the head of someone present now makes no difference to me!

I don't need anyone's head. That ain't golden.

No, uh, the penalty's that when you play with these guys, you gotta do it further up the mountain.

Oh. Is that all? Are you sure?

Yup. Nobody should see them as long as they stay away from the lake and cottage and stuff...

...and that means Raikou shouldn't worry about 'em.

Indeed. That seems like a fine solution!

I'm not sure what you guys are talking about, but okay. I was just about done exploring this area, anyway.

Besides, I might be able to make even more new friends if I head further up the mountain.

Well, see you all later then! Hi-yo, Machosuke!

Never seen anyone use a Demon Boar as a mount before...

Anyway, there you go.

They said this Singularity was full of fear and horror and stuff...

...but just like Ushiwaka here, there're people who don't let any of that slow 'em down!

I guess she's not afraid of anything. Ooor she's just confident enough to know she'll be fine no matter what.

Oh, that goes for you too, of course.

Me? You think?

(Confidence, huh... Not something I got in abundance.)

(But I guess this does show that a real hero's confident enough to enjoy anythingeven the most dire predicament.)

(And that's good to know.)

Anyways, now that we've taken care of what Raikou wanted, how 'bout we go home and grab some grub?

Agreed! Rice always tastes even better after a good game!

If you all like mountain vegetables, I'd be glad to cook you up a meal that even Madam Beni would approve of!

And yes, when I say all of you, I of course mean ALL of you.

We may hail from different lands and times, but we are all here now, united under a common purpose.

So let us eat together, laugh together, and share our stories for the rest of the night!