Hey, Are We Lost in the Woods?

Okay guys, get in here! One... Two...

Selfiiie☆

Nice, very nice☆ That came out perfect!

Go on, get a load of this miracle pic for yourselves!

Huh? Hang on. I'm pretty sure my face isn't that puffy.

You sure there's nothing wrong with that camera?

Let's do over here next! And I wanna get a pic with my phone, too!

...You're all really enjoying yourselves, aren't you...

Oh, hey, JJ! If you're all done with your work for now, come on and take some pics with us.

See that tree hollow over there? Totally looks like a face, right?

Doesn't it, like, remind you of Spartacus?

Huh? Thanks, but no thanks. Why're you taking pictures of that kind of stuff, anyway?

Hey, Okita, how's the jetpack repair going? You got it working yet?

No, not yet. I've tried everything I can, but I think I'm going to need XX to take a look at it.

Hmm... Of all the places for your engine to stall, it had to be out here, in the middle of nowhere.

Just to make sure, are you taking that thing in for regular inspections?

For the millionth time, it PROBABLY had something to do with being OVER CAPACITY!

Because you all insisted on hitching a ride with me!

Oof. Thou hast mine most profoundest apologies and whatevs.

Totes feel terrible about this. For real.

Gee, thanks. I feel better already.

At any rate...

Even with all your extra weight slowing me down, I was still fast enough to make it pretty far from the cottage.

Sure, we could always walk back, but it'd probably be nighttime before we got there... (Sigh)

C'mon, don't worry about it, JJ! We've just gotta entertain ourselves on the way!

I've actually got a lot to say when it comes to woods and forests and whatnot...

But anyways, I've never been in a crash landing before, and that turned out pretty okay, so if we run into more problems, we can just have fun with them too! Right!?

Are you sure you're sorry about this?

For sure. My remorse runs deeper than Lake Biwa.

In fact, as a sign of my sincerity, how would you like one of these special pancake sandwiches filled with sweet beans?

Hmm. Well, all right, I guess.

But for the record, I'm only forgiving you because it's important to keep a positive outlook in uncertain situations. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with you plying me with sweets. (Munch, munch)

Besides, like, Nagiko's got a point, right?

It's not like we can never find our way back, and if we're gonna be walking home anyway, like, we might as well enjoy it, yeah?

Sides, like it says in "The Pillow Book," summer's all about the mountains, and getting stranded also, like, gives you chances for new right-swipes!

Wahaha, now that's what I love about you, Paisen! Pretty sure I didn't write anything about swiping, though!

All that aside, Okita.

I've been going back and forth on whether to say this or not, but...

W-well? What is it already, Nobbu?

Oh, you know. I was just thinking how inappropriately you're dressed for a hike in the woods.

Too bad you didn't plan ahead and bring a badass souvenir jacket to wear like I did, huh?

Why would I have planned ahead for a crash landing!?

Pffhahahahaha!

That wasn't a joke!!!

Khh... I finally get the swimsuit I've been dreaming of, and the first place I go after the casinos is the woods!

Well, as soon as we get back to the cottage, I'm heading straight for the lake and enjoying my summer in the water, the way swimsuits are meant to be used!

It's almost night already!?

But we still can't even SEE the cottage from here!

Man, talk about the death of Selinuntius here.

I keep telling you nobody gets your references.

Anyway, that's weird...

Based on how far we've walked, you'd think we'd be getting at least relatively close by now.

Hey, Nobbu, do you think you could fly with that guitar?

'Cause if you can, I could, like, get a bird's-eye view of where we are and shit.

I can ride around on my matchlock when I'm an Archer...

...but since this Spirit Origin's made for naval battles, I don't have anything like that now. Those things are useless when they get even just a little bit wet.

Damn, that sucks. But like, how come you can fly on a matchlock, but not on a guitar?

WHY WOULD YOU THINK A GUITAR CAN FLY!? You do know that Flying V is just a name, right!?

(Sigh...) At this rate, we'll never make it back in time for dinner.

Looks like I'm going to miss my chance to have campout curry...

I wonder what they put in it? Chicken? Seafood?

Probably mushrooms, no?

Right, of course. Mushroom curry with all sorts of freshly picked mountain veggies is something you can only have when camping out in the moun

Wait, what?

See? There's a ton of mushrooms right here. Are they edible?

Hmm... They do look like the kind my cook used to serve.

I think they're called seppuku or something? They're pretty good boiled.

Whoa, really? Then there's no way they're not going in the curry!

Hehe, I guess this is all part of visiting the mountains, huh? I bet Emiyan'd be thrilled if we picked a bunch to bring back with us.

To quote myself, "I also enjoy the seventh day, when people pluck the young herbs that have sprouted fresh and green beneath the snow," even if we've got mushrooms instead of herbs, and leaves instead of snow!

A-are you positive this is safe? You sure they're not poisoned or

It's fiiine. Don't worry about it. Trust me, there's a reason I'm the luckiest daimyo from the Warring States period.

Hey, want to Okehazama it up again this summer?

Just stick to Honnoji, please.

Besides, I don't wanna come back after crash-landing with nothing to show for it. That'd make me a super lame-myo.

But, if we come back with a bunch of yummy veggies and say we were out gathering them, we'll look awesome!

If you ask me, that excuse is lame. I mean, mushroom foraging in summer? LOL!

Look, I got a connection to the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven too, so I'm just gonna be straight with you: Maybe you should take a page from Koyo's book and try for a little more wild elegance?

Good point! Nothing could ever rock harder than having a T. rex teach you how to perform Noh!

Hmm...

So like, both of you have ties to the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, right, Paisen and Nobbu?

Does that mean even though Koyo looks scary, she behaves kind of like this?

Aren't T. rexes, like, totally crazy?

... ...

I'mma 'saurus this place UP!!!

Yeah, no.

Aww, too bad. For a moment, I thought we might have another possible addition to our girl gang.

Oh well, it's all good.

And now, having come to that conclusion, I'm officially off to gather mushrooms.

Away!

Ah! Get back here, Nagiko! You're not supposed to go wandering off on your own!

Don't, like, blame me if a bear eats your face!

Wahaha, you worry too much, Paisen!

I'll be fine. Besides, it said in "The Tosa Diary" that bears are kind and

...

Gaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

What the...!? Nagikoooooo!?!?

That sounded bad! Come on!

!!!

...

Wh-what the hell are those things!? Are they native to this forest or something!?

I'll tell you now, you better not be after my mushrooms!

You're more worried about veggies than Nagiko!?

Looks like they've got their sights set on us now. Get ready to fight back, you two!

Grrr...

Got you!

!!!

Wha... They all dodged!?

...

Grr. They got away. Dammit, those reaction times were insane.

What was the deal with those beasts? ...No, not just them. This whole forest is weird.

Wh-where's Nagiko? Don't tell me those things, like, actually killed her?

...(Sniff) I know she's supposed to be, like, a famous author and stuff, but she didn't seem like it at all.

Honestly, she seemed more like a Berserker than anything, but she was still really nice.

(Sniff) Waaaaaah! Nagikooo!

Damn, that was too close!

When those things first showed up, they caught me so off guard that I twisted my ankle, banged my head on a tree, and basically knocked myself out!

Yeow!

Don't scare me like that, jerkface! I seriously thought you were dead!

Heh, never a dull moment with you around, is there? You've got a lot of nerve, making me worry like that.

You're one to talk.

Good grief. Well, at least you're all right.

Still, there's no telling when those beasts might come back, so from now on, we should be extra careful to avoid going off by ourselves.

That means no checking up on the fields, no returning to your rooms on your own...

And especially no going to Honnoji, Nobbu.

B-but, how am I supposed to relax and brag about my tea set at the temple then!?

Is that clear, Nagiko?

Yeah, I got it.

Trust me, I've learned my lesson! No more running off to pick mushrooms for me.

Uh, I wasn't looking for a vow of mushroom-gathering abstinence...

Man, you really have a way of throwing people off, you know that!?

I get that a lot.

Not as much as I do!

You guys, like, really don't need to compete about that.

Grrr...

Aw craaap!

They're back already!? And there's even more of them now!

Oh shit! It's dark so they're, like, coming out of the woodwork now! We must be in their, like, territory or something!

See!? This is why I didn't want to come out here in the first place!

You shut your lying mouth right now, or I'll shut it for you!

Anyway, we can't let them surround us. Don't worry about fighting them for now. Just keep moving!

Hmm, good point.

I mean, we've GOT to be near the cottage after all this walking!

Come on, guys, follow my lead! The enemy lies in Okehazama!

It's night now!?!?!?

What the hell's going on here!? We've been running for hours, and I still can't see a way out of these damn woods!

Nobbuuuuuu!!! Look ooouuut!!!

Bwaaaaaa!?

Grrr!!!

Why you...!

Ughhh, dammit! These things are, like, SERIOUSLY pissing me off now!

They keep chasing us even in our spirit forms, and as soon as we try to fight back, they run away like frigging cowards!

I think they're trying to wear us down so they can pick us off while we're weak and tired.

That's definitely how animals hunt in packs in the wild... There must be a leader around somewhere giving them commands.

Well someone go tell this leader not to eat us! We wouldn't even work as food!

Maybe...they're not trying to eat us.

I get it. What they're really after...

...are these mushrooms. That's what you were gonna say, right, JJ?

No.

Oh.

Hey, are you okay, JJ? You don't look so good.

I've been thinking... There's really no reason for my jetpack to have broken down just because I was carrying over capacity.

And then there's these woods we can't seem to escape no matter what. It feels like we're going in circles.

There's something strange about this whole forest. I can sense someone's hand at work here.

Maybe these creatures are meant to keep anyone who wanders into these woods from escaping.

Maybe they... They...

Hurk!!!

Gaaah! JJ just coughed up a ton of blood!

I can't, like, say I blame her, after how much she's been swinging her sword.

Hmm. So without that jetpack to keep her going, she's back to her old sickly self, huh.

So at this point, you're pretty much just a half naked Okita in the woods.

And what's that supposed to mean!? Urk!

...

Grrr...

Nagiko. Suzuka. Take care of Okita for me.

Huh? Wait... What're you gonna do?

Nobbu! Are you gonna sacrifice yourself for us?

Is this one of those "I'm willing to die so the rest of you can live" type of scenes!?

I'm going...

...to take these mushrooms and run for it!

Wat.

For real?

But don't worry. Once I make it out of here, I'll call for help.

You know, this is how I managed to survive the siege of Kanegasaki, too!

Farewell, everyone! The rest is up to you!

Wahahahahaaa!!!

I-I don't believe it... She just threw us to the literal wolves!

...

No, Suzuka, she made the right choice. I'm no help to anyone like this.

The best I can do is be a decoy until Nobbu gets back.

Unfortunately, I have no wings with which to fly anymore. All I have now is my sword, my scarf, and my absolutely rocking swimsuit bod...

Huh, you're taking this pretty well, JJ. All right, in that case...

Grr... Grrr...!

We'll just have to figure something out! Let's do this thing, Suzuka-paisen!

Ugh, dammit! As soon as we get back, I'm, like, totes gonna tear that bitch a new one.

Hey! Get back here!

Dammit, there's even more of them now!

With only three of us left, they must've decided now was their chance to bring us down. I don't think they're gonna stop till we're dead!

Wooo! I'm in danger!

Oh, wait... That's not really a "wooo" kind of thing is it? Maybe, umm... "Eeek"?

What do you think, Paisen?

I, like, suuuper don't care right now!

...

So, you're out here watching the battle from on high, refusing to get your own claws dirty, huh?

You must be the leader.

!?

Too slow! Kung Fool Instant Death technique... Heshi-Kill Hasebe Craaash!

Grrraaah!

Wahahaha!

You see that, fur ball!? That was Operation "I Can't Be Seen with You Losers in Public"!

If we've just been going in circles all this time, then I knew running away would lead me right up behind you!

And Nobbu has killed the big bad! Wooo!!!

Ohhh... So that's what the deal was.

Hmm.

You knew what she was really up to all along, didn't you, JJ?

Huh? Hell no.

There's no point trying to predict what Nitwit Nobbu will do next.

I can hear you, you know! Who're you calling a nitwit!?

G...grr...

Grrraaaaaah!!!

Say whaaat!? The hell did it just turn into!?

Not that it matters either way, 'cause I used up all my magical energy on that last attack!

Oh no, we're in trouble! The enemy leader's still alive and kicking!

Don't worry, JJ! I got this!

Here goes! I'm gonna kick this kemari ball right into the big guy's head!

Grah!

Wh-what the...!?

Dammit, that was a nice save! These are definitely no ordinary beasts, Paisen!

Not helping, Nagiko! Hraaah!

Grrr!

Oh come on! Get out of my way, dammit!

Khh...

If only my jetpack still worked... If only I could take to the air right now...

The air...

That's it!!! JJ, here!

Use my umbrella!!!

...Huh?

Why're you pointing that thing towards the sky?

...Oh! I get it now!

Here! You can use my sheath, too!

Me, I've got my guitar, of course!

Bring it, Okita!

An umbrella, a sheath, and a guitar...?

...! Now I understand!

I may not be able to fly right now...but I only need three steps!

Using the umbrella as a platform, my first step surpasses the speed of sound!

The second sends me hurtling forward even faster, until...!

The third and final step!

!?

Mumyou Sandanzuki!!! You're miiine!!!

Grr... Grraaah...!!!

Huh?

Whoa, everything around here changed all of a sudden... And now we're back near the cottage.

Did we, like, leave the forest when we weren't looking?

And hang on... How come it's still daylight?

I'm guessing, but...

Maybe we couldn't escape those woods is because that monster was using some kind of illusion to trap us.

But now that we've defeated it, the illusion is undone. Which is all well and good, but...

Does this mean we've basically been running in circles around the cottage all this time?

Hmm. That IS a pretty embarrassing thought...

Wahahaha!

So my brilliant idea not only defeated the enemy, but brought us back safe and sound too, huh!

C'mon, let's hear all that praise, Princess Jetbutt!

Hey! I was the one who defeated that enemy!

Well...

I guess I didn't do it alone. I couldn't have done it without your help, Suzuka and Nagiko.

Hey, don't worry 'bout it! That's just bestie power in action, baby!

Right, Paisen?

Yeah, pretty much. We're all BFFs here, so like, of course we're gonna help.

But don't worry about thanking Nobbu. She doesn't deserve it.

Ouch. That was harsh.

So you're the ones I heard chattering away out here. Did you just get back from a scouting expedition? ...No, probably not.

Well, either way, I can tell you must all get along pretty well.

You're basically reenacting those movies, right?

The ones about a group of friends that go off on wild car chases and follow them up with barbecues where they drink beer and talk about family?

Hey, hang on!

I don't remember ever signing up to be part of anything like that!

Like, me neither!

Me neither!

Me neither!

...Heh.

Gah! Did you see that...that super affectionate smile of his!?

Oh yeah? Well let's see how long he can keep smiling after getting a load of THESE babies!

Show him, Nagiko!

You got it! Check out this freshly picked batch of mountain veggie goodness!

Whoa. Are those mushrooms?

Hmm...

...They're poisonous.

Wait. Really?

N-no way! They can't be! They're seppuku mushrooms, right!?

Ah, I see. You're thinking of cèpe mushrooms, aka porcinis.

True, these do look a lot like those, but they're a completely different, poisonous species.

Besides, you picked them in that forest, right? Then these things have absorbed plenty of cursed energy from their surroundings, too...

Not even a Servant could eat these without harming their Spirit Origin.

For reeeaaals!?

Don't underestimate mushrooms. As the forest's de facto decomposers, there are more types of mushrooms than any other fungi on Earth.

It's a good thing I was here to stop you, or you all could have gotten yourselves into some serious digestive trouble. Not that you need to thank me, of course.

Anyway, it's almost dinner time now, so I suggest you all go wash your hands and get ready to eat.

That Archer really seems to think he's our dad or something... Was that always his schtick?

I think he actually had some pretty awesome big bro vibes there, didn't he? Is that, like, him just being himself or something?

Ugh, this is really throwing me off my game.

Oh well, if Emiyan says they're poison, they must be poison. I'll go throw 'em out.

I don't know... I still think they look really good.

There's no way just a little bite would kill us, right?

Whoa, whoa, no way. He JUST told you they're poisonous!

Aww, what's the harm? Besides, we're Servants! What's the worst that could happen from trying just one!? We'll be fine! Probably!

So that's one mushroom, is it? Coming right up, ma'am!

Are you an idiot!? Even if this doesn't kill you, you're still gonna wish you were dead!

(Sigh...)

All that, and I have nothing to show for it. I couldn't even go for a swim in the lake...

Some day this turned out to be, huh?

Yeah, I guess. This was definitely, like, the worst picnic ever.

But hey, at least we all made it back safe, right?

And like, we thought it was already night, but it's actually still evening, so that's pretty nice, yeah?

What she said! The night's literally just getting started, JJ!

So it's still too soon to say if this day's going to turn out sweet or sucky.

Which is why I say we make up for the time we lost by using the rest of it to have as much fun as possible!

I-I see...

I know! How 'bout you take us all up on that jetpack one more time so we can watch the sunset from the peak?

Absolutely not!

Heh... I don't see a problem.

Summer has only just begun. You still have any number of days to enjoy the lake and sky alike.

After all...

You're Okita J. Souji of the Jet Tennen Rishinryu bikini!

Hold up! Why're you disappearing!?

You actually ate one!?

Oh come on, you can't die from a mushroom. It's not like you're that daimyo who croaked after eating some tempura...

Wait. Who was that again?

Wahahaha! That was Takechiyo!

Oh well, it can't be helped!