Section 8: The Last Night of Halloween

Hey. Are you done with your flashback?

Good. Let's get on with it. Toss Elisabeth into the reactor, shut the lid, and press the button.

Uhh.

Uh, excuse me! Just a little question here!

Exactly what's going to happen to me after you put me in this reactor and press the button?

What if I told you that you were an orange, and the reactor was a juicer, would that help?

You're gonna JUICE me!? I'm gonna get liquidized!?

Even if I am the cutest idol ever, there's no way I'm gonna attract new fans as a damn slushie!

C-come on... There's no need to rush that, is there?

I mean, you're working fine, and so is the guardian statue...

Wrong. My main body requires a large number of Elisa Particles in order to function.

As of now, it's little more than a glorified missile silo.

According to my calculations, providing the guardian statue with a single Servant's worth of Elisa Particles...

...will enable it to remove Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle from history.

That way, your wish of shutting yourself in forever will come true. You'll have plenty of time to worry about whatever you want after that.

You'll have all the time in the world to indulge yourself in your lazy, NEETy ways.

Wait, back up. What the hell are Elisa Particles!?

They are the absolutely absurd particles that you scatter around the world everywhere you go.

And both Mk. I and I require them to continue functioning.

Hey! I've always been happy to share my sparkling charisma with the world, but I never left any weird particles anywhere!

No way. They're here already!?

...You see, princess? This is what happens when you procrastinate. Now get ready to fight them.

I'll back you up with the guardian statue. Together, we'll make quick work of them.

Uh, right.

Princess.

I am not like Mk. I. I feel no obligation to serve as the lord of Csejte whatsoever.

I was summoned here only to grant your wish. Remember that.

I-I know that already!

Then hurry up and get ready for battle!

O-okay! Ahh, I'M the one in charge, but all I'm really doing is following orders...!

...Now then, shall we get started with this Dragon Steak... I mean, Dragon Puree?

Eeeeee! Murdereeer! Whatever you do, don't liquidize meee! I don't wanna be a slushieee!!!

(Gasp, gasp, gasp). All this running around... (Pant) Too much for a hikikomori like me...

Thank you for bringing that up!

Doushite AM I still running the shop after everything that's happened!?

It's a conspiracy! A conspiracy to try and get me to work!

Oh, yeah, I'll manage. Thanks, Master.

？！

...Wait, why are we talking about that now!? Ahem, ahem, ahem!

Hehehe! Well done on making it all this way, Master♡

I-I really wish I could, but I need her!

Without her Elisa Particles, I...!

It's not foolish. I wracked every brain cell I had to come up with a plan this subaramazingly intricate!

？！

A-at any rate, my Halloween Knights are gonna stop you!

Nghh... I-it hurts... My body's acting on its own...!

I'm sorry! Forgive me...!

Does this mean they're being controlled by the Holy Grail? Or maybe magecraft...!?

That's dirty pool!

Ngh... We highly trained Csejte Knights are able to resist most forms of magecraft.

But once a voice started whispering "Do this now, and you'll get paid leave for the rest of the year♡"...

...and "The harder you work, the bigger your raise♡"...

...our bodies just couldn't resist!

What a buncha maroons. You guys actually buy that crap?

Aah! My body's acting all on its own...!

That's it!?

Were you guys even TRYING!? 'Cause it sure didn't look like it!

Nghh... I'm afraid I can no longer move... But if you insist that...we keep fighting nonetheless...

Yes?

We want...paid...overtime... Guh.

You didn't even earn your regular wages before you got your asses kicked!

Eep... Temporary retreeeat!

Come on, let's go after her!

W-wait... Before you go, please, take this...

？！

Worker's comp form... I'm putting in my request...for paid Halloween leave... Urk.

I like your knightly spirit. I'll process that request myself.

Once I take back Csejte, you will have your paid Halloween leave.

But I WILL have you work on Christmas to make up for your absence on this event.

Awww.

...Actually, wait. If that means I'll get to miss milady's concert, that's a really sweet deal!

Hurray for Halloween!

So they were running away from the concert. No wonder they were so easy to defeat.

Singing, huh...

Even with my new heart circuit, I can't see what's so great about singing.

Can it really help the Demoness of Fresh Blood face the pure evil inside her, and come to terms with it...?

Is singing really all that great? What do you think, my pilot candidate?

I fail to see the need for that, so: request denied.

But if you sing for me yourself, I will base my own data analysis on your performance.

That response is extremely vague. How, exactly?

？！

Maybe you should try asking Elisabeth about this.

She IS technically an idol, after all. Kind of.

...Denied.

A mecha should never ask the original to teach her anything.

Just forget I brought this up. I'll learn about this matter in my own time.

...Personally, I would be perfectly satisfied if you never learned about it at all.

I'm great at making others sing! Especially when it comes to making them squeal like pigs!

I absolutely do not want to know what you mean.

Heehahaha! We're the baddest bad dudes EVER! There's nothing we won't do to avoid having to listen to our former ruler's horrible singing!

Hell, even if we gotta die!

I don't really like where this is going, but we can't turn back now!

What is it about singing that makes you so passionate? I just don't understand.

Fou.

I think Fou is saying, "I can't help but feel that in this case, their passion is a little misguided!"

Tadai'm hooome! Ah, room sweet room! I'm so glad nobody fought in here!

Me too. It'd be way up close and personal, and there's not an uncluttered inch of floor to stand on, either...

That aside, I'm impressed you guys managed to find the secret hidden passage to get in here.

'Course I do!

Castles commonly build in secret exit routes in case of emergency. That's just as true in the West as the East.

？！

Anyway, after you guys found my secret hidden passage, you followed me down it to the basement.

Hooowever...

What's up?

...Osakabehime.

I was just thinking how fun it'd be if we all just played video games together.

I understand your attachment to your room, but right now, our top priority is curing my pilot candidate's amnesia.

I know, I know! Just a few rounds!

Besides, how long has it been since we were all together like this!?

？！

Really, Pilot Candidate? I'm surprised to hear that from you. ...All right, if you insist.

Okay! Whatcha wanna play?

Well, to start, why don't we try a bunch of different games and see which we like best!?

I've got racing games, action games, fighting games... Ooh, and I bet rhythm games could be fun, too.

All right, how 'bout this one then?

Oh, that? Eh, it's pretty buggy.

Hmm, still, it IS pretty funoshii... Okay, we can start with that!

...Huh, looks like nobody's home.

It never fails to disgust me how unkempt this room is.

It activates my cruelty circuit and makes me want to burn it all down.

I see there are many Amazones.com shipping boxes piled about here. I suppose it would be all right for me to dispose of them for one of my most loyal customers.

Hm? What the...

Grrr, enough of this!

She just ripped that pile of cardboard boxes apart like they were made of...umm...cardboard...

Now that's my kind of CEO!

Heh. There's nothing I appreciate more than compliments and stock prices rising.

Searching for Servants... I'm not detecting any aside from those in your immediate vicinity, Master.

Where could Osakabehime have disappeared to?

？！

Ooh, I bet that's what it is. What do you think, Nite-Brite?

Indeed!

No emperor's residence is complete without a secret passage or two! I made use of mine just for fun!

Besides, if you don't make a habit of using them from time to time, you end up forgetting about them when the real emergency happens. You know, like an evacuation drill.

I'm told Castle Csejte had them too, but I never made use of them myself.

I decided that if it ever came to that, I would rather simply face my death.

As far as this particular princess goes, though, I am quite sure she has no such compunction.

Fortunately Kotarou just happened by, so I had him tell me the trick to finding hidden passages.

Let's all look together!

Let's see... This is a collection of background art. I wonder what it's depicting.

We delivered that.

Just look at all these clothes strewn about. What a mess.

We delivered those too.

This tablet looks like it's bricked.

We also delivered that.

Indeed, we restructured our delivery program specifically to service customers in Singularities.

From now on, no one will have to go without our incredible products, even if they are trapped within a Singularity.

All thanks to Amazones.com.

Please don't do that. You could very well create a new Singularity...

Ow! I just stepped on something!

That looks like the heart circuit Master just installed in Mecha Eli-chan.

Oh, that's the one I originally came with before Osakabehime removed it.

...I think we should bring it with us.

We should be able to install it in Mk. II as well.

If, in battle, we get a chance to pull her chest open and shove this in...

...we may find another path to victory.

In that case, Master should hold onto it.

Ah, here we go. See, what did I tell you!

A secret staircase under the floorboards, huh. Someone's a traditionalist. Guess this means we've got her on the ropes then.

Let's hurry up and take this princess down before the Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II outside starts giving us grief.

Agreed.

I expect we will need to fight Mk. II and Osakabehime together. Our goal is to repair this Singularity, and to rescue Elisabeth.

Make sure to remain alert at all times. ...Especially you, Pilot Candidate.

？！

...That's what I like to hear. I look forward to seeing you in action.

Yabaaai, they already caught up to me!? I've gotta nigerundayo!

It's kind of refreshing to have an enemy who's scared of us for a change!

Dammit, I guess I don't have a choice. Help me, Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II! You're my only hope!

... ...

？！

...H-hang on a second. Let's see, which one was her number again...

Uh, hi, [email protected]? Yeah, do you think you can stop by? Right now?

You can't? Oh, okay. In that case, don't worry about it. Seeyanara.

Waaah, that stupid useless piece of junk! Just when I need her more than ever, she finds something more important to do! The whole world's out to get me!

Wahahahaha! Talk about the wind being taken out of her sails!

A-all right, I guess I'll just have to fight you myself!

You're up, giant Mecha Eli-chan!

I take back everything I said a moment ago!

...It looks like the giant Mecha Eli-chan is going to interfere in your battle, just like before.

Please be extra careful, Master!

Um, I'm still technically a boss character, y'know... (Sniff)

You know what you don't see so much anymore? People saying "YOLO" online.

？！

I remember when it seemed like everything everyone did was YOLO this, YOLO that...

Just goes to show that nothing lasts forever, huh?

YOOOLOOO!

That sounded more like a cat being tortured.

In fact, it sounded a LOT like a cat! That was actually really good!

I've always been a good entertainer. And you'd be surprised how often cat yowls and birdcalls can come in handy.

Hey, that reminds me of an old Chinese fable about someone who gets past a checkpoint by imitating a bird.

Exactly.

If you really polish them, even a talent that seems completely insignificant can help you through tough situations.

I love things like that.

The right person for the right place, huh. So then, in Osakabehime's case, the right place would be

It's no secret by this point that I'm a huge hikki, right? So...Himeji Castle, obviously!

Yes, I suppose that makes sense.

Man, you're surprisingly good on defense, aren't you?

Hey, if a hikki can't win at hikikomoriing, what CAN she win at!?

Aaanywho.

There was a secret elevator in here that we all rode down to an underground factory.

Y'know, I just thought about this now, but... Why'd we bother with all that work climbing to the top of the tower...

...if we were just gonna ride a damn elevator down to the bottom anyway!?

Well, I couldn't exactly build a factory in my castle, could I!? I AM sorry, though.

You may have the specs, but you don't have what it takes to use them! This is what happens when you neglect your daily personal training regimen!

Waaah, I lost! I even got lectured too!

I'm getting out of here! Heigh-ho, origami, awaaay!

She just flew away on an origami crane!

Not again! She is as good at running away as someone with A-rank Disengage!

Man, she's tough! I thought I got a pretty good hit in there, and she just shrugged it off!

Well, she IS still a princess. Everyone knows they're sly, shifty creatures by nature.

That's why they're so rarely killed even though they're always getting kidnapped.

They find a way to survive no matter what sort of predicament they find themselves in. The only way to truly beat one is to destroy their mind!

Yeah, yeah. What matters now is you need to go after her!

Come to think of it, all this catching up to her and having her escape again has kind of an old-school video game vibe to it.

Wait, Master. There's something up ahead...

Is that...

？！

This must be what Osakabehime used to escape. We'll have to use it as well to go after her...

？！

Agreed. This time, I'll make sure to tear both her defeatist attitude and her origami to pieces!

Couldn't have said it better myself, Master and Mecha Eli-chan! Let's get going!

I'm coming too!

As am I.

Of course, I will accompany you as well. We at Amazones.com pride ourselves on sticking by our customers to provide a premium consumer experience from the ease of placing an order to same-day shipping.

... ...

SO CRAMPED!

Are you okay, Master? It looked very uncomfortable in there...

Th-this is just how I am built. There is nothing I can do about it.

So hot... Especially around Mecha Eli-chan's exhaust vents...

Th-that is just how I am built. I wouldn't expect someone who loves torture the way you do to complain so much about that.

？！

Never mind that. What is all this...!?

Took the words right out of my mouth. There's no way this machinery belongs in Csejte.

It appears to be a factory. This must be where Mecha Elisabeth was created, and the guardian statue modified.

And, of course, this factory was also delivered with free assembly by

Yes, we know. Thank you.

Yes, of course.

Hehehe, hehehe, hehehehehe!

So, you've finally made it here...!

Welcome to the Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II mass-production factory I made before Mecha Eli-chan went rogue!

What were you thinking!? This could destroy the world...no, the Singularity!

R-really?

Mass production... I like the sound of that.

Entering into mass production is the sign of a perfect-grade product. My model is sure to sweep all the design awards this year.

Hehehe, you cannot stop this densha now that it's left the station!

But to be perfectly honest, I'm a little concerned that I might've let this get out of hand...

Ah well! As long as I don't get caught up in it, everything will be daijokay!

Um... I'm afraid that since you are the origin of this disaster, it is all going to come crashing down on your head...

You don't know that!

？！

...This is wrong. I admit I was excited for a moment, but this plan is terrible.

There are too many of me. Wetheywould end up making this nation perfect. TOO perfect.

Its citizens would forget the value of labor and stay holed up in their homes. Eventually, it would even lead to a decline in the birth rate.

Such sloth doesn't suit humans. Those who are capable of growing should devote themselves to labor.

...Hey, if people wanna spend their lives working like chumps, they can. But I'm dekinot gonna.

Do you really believe a never-ending Halloween is going to be a good thing for everyone?

...That's the idea.

Pilot candidate Fujimaru, you're a fan of realistic robots.

What do you think? Is she really doing a good thing for everyone?

I am, aren't I, Master?

？！

I knew it!

...W-well, you're wrong.

...W-well, that's not true. After all, I'm not doing anything wrong.

What you're doing is wrong, Osakabehime. ...Actually, that was a poor choice of words.

You're entirely in the wrong here. Or at least, you feel like you are. And yet, you can't seem to stop yourself.

？！

Your argument doesn't make sense. You're supposedly doing this all so you can take it easy, and yet that choice is itself causing you to suffer.

And now look where you are. Like me, you're trying to distance yourself from the very festival you dedicated your time to creating.

I'm nothing but cold, unfeeling steel, so I can handle the resulting lack of fun, but you are merely lazy flesh and blood, and so cannot deal with it.

...How ludicrous. There is nothing at all fun about being lazy.

I can make it even simpler. Ready? There's only one solution:

FIIIGHT!

Yes, that sums it up nicely.

Forget it!

I don't fight, I don't work, and I don't cozy up to anyone else! That's my motto!

Really? 'Cause you looked pretty cozy with Master not too long ago!

That's the exception that proves the rule!

Even the purest princess can do a little bit of you-know-what, and the most gallant warrior can be you-know-what, too!

Besides, I thought Master would be easy to wrap around my little finger...

...but that turned out to be murimpossible!

My original plan was to take him hostage and use him as a bargaining chip in my plan!

？！

At any rate, I am determined! My laziness will not be denied or abridged! Now rise, mass-production models!

... ...

I tried to count them all, but I keep losing track!

Please don't say anything that might invoke Heroine X!

They've almost completely covered all classes!

？！

Oh, and don't expect the mass-production models to say anything. They're all my obedient puppets!

I see. Then they really are robots, rather than mecha.

Good. Then I don't have to feel bad about sending them to the scrap heap!

IRON FIST ROCKET PUUUNCH!!!

(Cough, hack)...

Those missiles are blasting everything! Including us!

I can't tell whether these mass-produced Mecha Eli-chan Mk. IIs are idiots or just...very simple manifestations of evil, but they're certainly giving us plenty of time to plan our moves.

Hmm, we should think positively about this. The giant Mecha Eli-chan is being very intelligent about this.

She has clearly decided that attempting to shield Osakabehime from potential collateral damage as she attacks us is not a priority.

It's extremely logical!

How dreadfully coldhearted!

...Eh? Where did Osakabehime go?

It looks like she's escaped yet again. But there's nowhere left for her to run.

We've finally cornered her, Master. Let's go save Elisabeth!

...Man, I really did get up to some pretty yabad stuff, didn't I?

Yup. It was a surprisingly close call!

Indeed.

As Mk. II sees it, if your plan had gone according to...well, plan...

...the whole world would have become a dystopia, and the Singularity would have become the new reality.

At worse, it could have destroyed the whole world.

？！

What a shame. I was so close to achieving my perfect dominion over all.

And I would have succeeded too, had I not made Elisabeth part of my plan.

...That's right. I only lost because of Elisabeth.

Neither Osakabehime nor I could completely control her.

Well, Elly IS technically a ruler herself. More importantly, she's really not the sort to just quietly follow someone's orders...

That's right. Which is why I can state with confidence that nothing which happened afterward was in any way my responsibility.

If you say so...

I'm fairly certain this is where the guardian statue used to be. ...Oh.

Puppy! SAAAAAAVEEEEEE MEEEEEE!!!

El-El!? Why did you hang her upside down, Mk. II!?

Her incessant chatter became annoying. I turned her upside down hoping that would shut her up. It did not.

And since she keeps struggling and running around, I'm afraid I'll need your help to hold her down.

Yeah, this takes me back too!

...But is that really what matters right now!?

HOW is that the first thing you think of when you see me in such horrible peril!?

Huh? You mean you crossed the Lava Zone this year too!? I don't ever want to see that place again!

...Oh, wait. That was Brave-me, wasn't it?

？！

...Carmilla, I understand she's not exactly YOU per se, but...

If you have something to say, Nite-Brite, just go ahead and say it.

Her chatter is so obnoxious that I couldn't imagine a form of torture that would even begin to compare.

I know what you mean...

(Whoa, textbook definition of setting aside one's feelings.)

So, I'm guessing if we shut down this reactor, it'll shut down the giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II as well?

...I guess you can't put anything past a genius like Leonardo da Vinci...

That's exactly right.

If you tasukesave Elisabeth and shut the reactor down, then you can hang it up, cause you've got me beat.

Buuut...if I beat YOU here, I will have snatched victory from the jaws of dismal defeat!

Halloween is MINE! Nothing will stop me from becoming the ultimate, permanent hiko!

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

Halloween belongs to ME, and to everyone else!

It's all about me singing, people dancing, and everyone eating candy!

So just give it up right now, Batty!

Nobody gets to ruin Halloween with their own selfish desires as long as I'm around!

...Hm. To hear you say something like that under circumstances like this... Perhaps you have grown as a ruler after all. If only a bit.

...

Besides, if you stay inside too long you'll end up... Uh, what was that animal unique to Japan called again?

The one with huge eyes and a giant belly? Oh, a tanuki! You'll end up looking like a tanuki!

Damn straight I will! That wonderful NEET lifestyle makes me nice and plump!

And don't bother with the snarky jabs. Nothing you can say will change my mind!

I don't care one bit if I gain a little weight!

Why in the world not!? I'd be DEVASTATED if I put on so much as an extra pound!

Any good idol would think the same! How can you be my complete opposite in EVERY way like this!?

You took the words right out of my mouth! You hate being confined; I hate going out.

You want to be a symbol for your nation; I want to be something more than that.

You want to be an idol adored by millions; I want to be a princess for my chosen few!

If we'd both been after the same thing, we might have ended up as rivals...

...but we're not. We want completely different things out of life. There shouldn't be any conflict between us.

...None of that matters now!

I WILL make my dreams come true, so this time, I'm going all out!

Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II! Activate your...secret...weapon...uh, thingy. Yeah. That one.

...Oh, are you finally done talking? I thought I was going to start rusting.

All we have to do now is kill every single one of them.

The princess's prime directive is sloth. I accept this as a valid form of governance.

Accordingly, I shall crush everything in a fair and balanced manner and impose the rule of sloth on all.

None shall be allowed out. None shall be allowed to work. Csejte will become a nation of NEETs.

Work won't even be an option. All the people will need is sloth, submission, and permanent compulsory welfare.

They shall be reduced to nothing more than meatbags whose only actions are to consume food and oxygen.

Nani the hell!? That isn't what I wanted at all!

Hey, Mk. II, are you going rogue or something? Trying to start a robot apocalypse!?

Hehe. Is that what you think, princess? That I've gone rogue?

Aaahhh! Rogue AI! Rooogue AI! This is why I hate technology! Doooushite!? How!? When!?

Waaah! Why did she go all Soranet on us like this!? I didn't do anything wrong!!!

Really? Are you suuure you didn't do anything?

No, she didn't!

This happens to me ALL THE TIME! I can't even begin to count all the karaoke machines that practically explode the second I touch them!

I...think that's an entirely different kind of problem.

Did I go rogue because I am an Elisabeth, or am I an Elisabeth because I went rogue?

Meh. Questions for later. All of you are going to die now.

I think now's as good a time as any for that secret weapon.

CLICK!

Ghh...! What the...!?

Fuyaaa!

Wh-what is this!? I-it's sapping me of my streeength.

I-it feels like...it's absorbing our magical energy...!?

Why you...! What did you do!?

Wh-wh-wh-what the!? Bwaaah!

It's affecting you too!?

The princess's plan was softer than she is. I improved upon it.

This is the reactor that provided Giant Mecha Eli-chan with energy. I've modified it into an Anti-Servant weapon.

By inverting its functionality, I have created an ultimate weapon that absorbs magical energy from Spirit Origins and converts it into Elisa Particles.

I call it... Hmm, let's see... How about "Omni-Elly-izer"?

？！

Th-the name may be ridiculous, but it's working scary fast!

Aaah! I don't wanna diiie!

Yamete kudastooop!!!

Dammit, I can't move...! Get out of here, Master! At least save yourself!

An explosion...!?

Great minds like us really do think alike, Mk. II. That's how I knew what you were going to do, and devised a genius plan to stop it!

？！

Well I can see YOUR energy hasn't been drained if you've got enough left for that kind of snark!

But witty repartee can wait till later. Pilot Candidate, get behind me!

I'll divide my energy among the other Servants. It will damage them a bit, but at least they will be able to move.

H-huh? That's definitely better...but it still hurts like hell if I let my guard down!

Hnghhh... Empress Fortituuude!

Th-this is...remarkably painful...!

CEO Spiriiit!

Hang on. Why is Mecha Eli-chan the only one who can move freely here...?

Oh crap! Don't tell me your energy source is actually...!?

You guessed it. Nuclear fusion.

...Kidding!

I simply have a function that nullifies the reactor's absorption.

Just like Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II over there.

You said we think alike, Mk. I? Then you should be able to understand my logic.

It doesn't matter whether people are lazy or industrious. At the end of the day, they're essentially the same.

In which case, wouldn't it be more efficient to make it so they consume less energy, even only slightly?

Don't be ridiculous.

If you did that, no one would be able to enjoy Halloween.

Isn't being human all about enjoying laziness and an indolent existence?

No. I may not be able to empathize with them, but I do understand them.

Human energy sources are far more complex than ours.

It's the way all manner of elements mix and interact with their emotions that provide humans with energy.

They work every day, feel sad, sometimes even exhausted...but then they go to festivals. These let them forget their pain.

Laziness doesn't GIVE them energy. It just saps them of the will to do anything else.

... ...

I see. Then there is nothing further to discuss.

After all, a lazy existence is sufficient to ensure Csejte's permanence.

Very well then. As a guardian statue of Csejte, I find you guilty of treason.

I shall defeat you in battle in order to protect my homeland.

Agreed. The time for talk is over.

As a fellow guardian statue of Csejte, it saddens me to see you having gone so rogue.

So, I, in turn, find you guilty of sloth! The Csejte you are trying to create is not the one I wish for!

Fujimaru, I'll need your help.

As a guardian statue of Csejte, I can't stand back and let Mk. II's mistake continue unabated any longer!

...!

Dammit, this reactor crap has me moving in freakin' slow motion!

Hell, I couldn't even move at all if it weren't for the mechanical dragon girl's magical energy!

Puppyyy! All the head's starting to go to my bloood!

I can only distract myself by humming for so long!

...MUST you screech so obnoxiously, Original? You're damaging my perfect finish.

I don't get it. How can you be so destructively off-key when our voices are fundamentally identical?

No doubt the whole reason we ended up looking like demonic monsters rather than beautiful angels is because of that destructive voice of yours.

？！

My voice isn't destructive! And if somehow it was, that'd be 'cause I'm doing it on purpose!

Master?

...I can see you and that look of crushing, overwhelming despair on your face. Is there something you wish to say, Master of Chaldea?

？！

...Surely there are less horrible ways to end your own life?

Master!?

You want me to sing? Even though I'm in such horrible condition after this cruel and unnecessary torment?

...No, idols can't make excuses! It must be REALLY important to you that I sing for you, right!?

So if you want to hear me sing, I'll gladly put on a show for you, Master!

I don't even care if I'm hanging upside down!

Her lungs are building up tremendous power...! But how!? They should have practically withered by now!

N-no, wait. Please, stop! Your singing...in a tiny, enclosed space like this, it will...

Hah! You can't stop showbiz!

For my opening number, I'll of course be singing my famous debut song...

？！

...Huh?

This song is...normal. No, if anything, it's actually genuinely beautiful!

I can't believe it...! It's a Halloween miracle!

Wh-what's going on...!? All of my outputs and stats are dropping sharply!

It's having a negative effect on Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II...? What about you, Mecha Eli-chan!? Are you okay!?

...I'm fine. I can't quite believe it myself, but it isn't hurting me at all.

...Much as I hate to admit it, it's actually having a healing effect on my mind.

Wh-why is it only hurting Mk. II...?

The primary difference between me and her is... No... It can't be...

？！

Hmm. That would seem to be the only logical explanation. I'd think having a heart would open the door to a lot of suffering in its own right, though.

Th-then...this means we've won!

Again with the open hands...?

...This is true pop music. It's a little on the psychedelic side, but still, I think I rather like it.

Being a mecha, it's difficult to put into words exactly WHAT I like about it...

But I can say for sure that something like this could be played at full blast at a street festival. What a lovely day this turned out to be.

...You've lost your mind, Mk. I. Or perhaps this..."song" is actually a kind of mental attack.

We are both guardian statues. How could you possibly enjoy such a nightmarish performance?

...True, you and I are much more similar than not.

Though we were both born from the Anti-Hero Elisabeth, neither of us could ever become her, as both of us gave up on singing.

But where I continued to carry out her desire to be this land's ruler, you discarded even that.

That was an act of pure ego, done only to allow you to remain as Csejte's guardian, rather than go on protecting its people as their ruler.

So it is no wonder an egomaniac like you hears a song like this as something horrid.

Singing is a festive act, but sloth wallows in silence. They could not be further apart.

I'm sure it's having such a deleterious effect on you because you're trying to impose laziness on the world.

Man, I don't know what you guys were so worried about! I am really digging this song!

What does that matter? That I see no value in song does not affect my own worth?

...Regardless, this is still dreadfully unpleasant.

Stop your singing right now, Elisabeth, or I will crush your larynx with my bare hands!

Can't stop, won't stop! Not even God can stop me once I start singing!

Especially not when I'm singing for Master!

That's right... Now that I think about it...

For some reason, Elisabeth actually sings well whenever she's singing for someone else. How very odd...

...Wait. What's going on? The reactor's output is decreasing...

And now I'm starting to malfunction too...? That's impossible

Hm?

Oh, hey! I'm all better!

All right! Now THIS is what I'm talkin' about!

I-I thought I was gonna shindie...

...It seems I will have to put a sincere effort into crushing you, you repulsive lizard.

Fine then. I will have the main unit support me. If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get.

That's more like it. Now we're finally on even footing!

This is much better for a final showdown! Come on then, Mk. II. I'll show you just how obsolete you really are!

Oh my gosh, it's a final showdown between me, myself, and I! My fans are gonna eat this up!

You can do this, Fujimaru! I'll keep singing as hard as I can to cheer you on!

Khh...!

Now, Pilot Candidate!

Wh-what!? Stop it! Don't do this! Aaaaaahhh!

Wh-what did you say!? What are you thinking!?

I mean, I understand the gist. I've seen the entry in my database. But...you know...

Aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first...?

Ugh, you really are an Elisabeth, aren't you!? Just do it already, Fujimaru!

？！

？！

Wh...what is this...!?

This...can't be right. It's too late for me to have a heart...

... ...

...I can't stand it. I was supposed to usher in an era of laziness in Csejte!

It's time to accept the truth, Mk. II.

Our rightful role is to be guardians, not rulers.

Right now, Csejte is beset by chaos and disarray. It needs our help if it's going to be rebuilt.

...It seems I've been beaten by the prototype.

I'm not a prototype. I'm a complete, perfect, one-of-a-kind original.

Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel.

Mecha Eli-chan for short. And if you don't like it, TOUGH!

Hooray! ...Now, could you maybe GET ME DOWN from here, Puppy!?

Me? ...If I must.

There.

Wah!

Admit it, Bad-Ending-Version-of-Me! You totally just tried to murder me!

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

You got it.

Hup.

Thanks, Puppy!

Oh sure, don't bother thanking me. I'm just the one who actually DID it.

？！

And as for you two!

... ...

... ...

...Oh well, it's all water under the bridge now! What's another couple of mes at this point anyway?

Besides, now we can upgrade my Elisabeth Trio to a full-blown Elisabeth Quintet!

It'll be epic!

(Yawwwn)

(Carmilla really is good at setting her personal feelings aside!)

I guess...this means I lost, huh...?

You sure did, Batty. So just give it up already, okay?

Yes, I know. I wakarunderstand.

...I'm gonna go sulk in the corner for a little bit. You guys do your thing. Just let me know when you're done...

Uh, okay...

So, what are you two going to do now?

We're the guardians of Csejte.

Even if we have been given Spirit Origins as Servants, our role will never change.

That said, if we're being honest, the energy requirements for keeping us both active at once are simply too great.

If we both remain here, we could end up becoming a Singularity ourselves.

So if we're going to keep Csejte safe, I'm afraid one of us will have to go back to being a statue.

I see...

In that case, since I lost, I should be the one to go back to sleep. You can handle things from here, Prototype.

No, as a prototype, I should be the one to return to statuedom. I'm a loser too, after all.

？！

???

Hmm. You mean, you want us both to come to Chaldea? That's an intriguing proposition.

That's...

That's a good point. I'm ashamed I forgot about that, after I went and granted you that prestigious status.

？！

However...

Only one of us can accompany you.

As I said, we're the guardians of Castle Csejte. One of us will stay behind to protect it, while the other will go off to provide foreign aid.

We cannot abandon our duties, no matter what. We take pride in being guardians, after all.

Agreed. For that matter, until this Singularity is completely repaired...

...we will need some insurance to prevent giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II from going rogue herself.

That goes for the mass-produced models Osakabehime made as well.

？！

Don't worry. We share data on our network.

Once we share our memories with each other, it won't matter which of us goes to Chaldea.

Our specs are all the same, and our appearance and personalities aren't too different either.

Whichever of us you choose, we'll respect your wishes and the other's freedom to go with you.

So go ahead and pick whichever of us you like.

Either way, we'll both share the joy of being chosen.

Agreed. I was planning to go back to sleep anyway, so I am certainly not about to complain.

...Huh?

Now what is it? What's this alarm for!?

Oops.

...Tell me she did NOT just say "oops."

...Ah, right. Well, okay I'll just be straight with you. The reactor's about to explode.

... ...

What!?

？！

It's the classic ass-pull whenever you need to make everything go away. To just kieru as if it never happened.

？！

Relax. Obviously nothing terrible, as you are still alive and well.

I mean, there may or may not have been some noble sacrifices made.

Hah! That your way of saying you took responsibility for the mess you made?

Hey, I really thought I was gonna shindie at the time!

So, on that note, let's see what happened to me after all that went down!

Take it away!

There we go, it's finally time for the explosion I promised. Sorry it took so long.

Uh...I'm sorry? When you say explosion, do you mean...kaboom?

That's right. Every evil underground lair goes out with an explosion. Everyone knows that.

I designed this one to explode pretty spectacularly in case I ever lost.

The logical end of sloth is decay and death. To be clearer...

The reactor has been filled to capacity with all the Elisa Particles gathered from Elisabeth and all of you.

Unless giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II goes on a rampage and uses that energy up, it will overload the reactor until it goes critical and explodes.

Why did you not add some sort of pressure release valve or something along those lines!?

Rampages are a mecha's bread and butter. Doing something to impede that would be...unethical.

You're not even sorry about this!

The explosion will be on par with a hydrogen bomb. It's more than enough to completely reduce Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle to its component atoms.

"Serves you right," as they say.

What do you think you're doing!? I thought you were Csejte's guardian!

That's fair. Until just a moment ago, I believed that my defeat would also mean the end of Castle Csejte.

After all, I am a Steel Demoness and a Steel Demon Castle. In essence, I AM Castle Csejte.

So it's only logical that I would arrive at the conclusion that my defeat meant the end of Csejte.

Classic Elisabeth thinking...!

I'm so sorry, everyone. I'm embarrassed from the bottom of my heart circuit.

I suppose that no matter how smart she may be, there is no escaping that Elisabeth will always be Elisabeth.

And just what do you mean by that!? Even I'd never blow myself up on purpose!

(Riiight... This one's constantly getting into trouble though, I gotta wonder if it's not on purpose...)

Dammit! We'll just have to book it the hell outta here! C'mon, Master!

We need to get to the elevator which takes us up to Himeji Castle again, and then climb back down from there to Csejte Castle's entrance, toot sweet...

Yeah, we are WAY short on time, so you're just gettin' a piggyback ride. Let's go!

？！

Huh?

... ...

What's wrong, Osakabehime? Shouldn't you be escaping as well?

No... I'mma stay here.

I should take responsibility for all the trouble I caused.

So I'll use my Noble Phantasm to contain the blast as much as I can.

You can't be serious!

Mk. II, would you show them the way out of here?

...Very well. I shall enter this into the record as a show of good faith on your part.

...Let's go, Master.

Just forget it! Come on, we need to go!

He's right, Puppy! You guys get out of here!

...I'll take care of this, Puppy! The rest of you, get out of here!

？！

Hey.

Hm?

Why are you still here?

Uh, 'cause I wanna be?

I'm about to use my Noble Phantasm to try and stop the reactor from exploding... Well, as much as I can, anyway.

Even if I succeed, staying here will get you killed.

But if you fail, my Castle Csejte's going to be destroyed, right?

...

That's... I'm... I'm sorry...

It's okay. I'm kind of the one who got this ball rolling in the first place.

If I hadn't made such a mess of things every Halloween, the guardian statue never would've woken up.

Even the fact that Himeji Castle ended up coming here just because you used the Holy Grail to wish that you could stay shut-in forever isn't something you INTENDED.

I guess not.

... ...

...No, that's not true.

It's just a...thing for princesses like me to blame everyone else for our mistakes.

So how come you didn't do that here and just run away?

You better believe I thought about it.

But I guess even I feel like sticking around and seeing things through...err, sometimes.

And even I want to make amends for all the trouble I caused...also sometimes! Especially when...!

Yeah?

Especially for the very first IRL friend I ever made!

Friend?

Ouch! I don't think any of the NPs I took to the face in this event hurt quite that bad!

...Aha! So you mean we're actually friends!

Err... You didn't realize?

Well...I didn't think that you could have more than just one friend...

See, I have a friend, and she's an idol like me. But she's also my fiercest rival...

So having TWO friends... That is... It's like a dream come true!

...You're the first...well, only friend I've ever made. I mean, unless you count my online pals...

I'm actually kind of a big deal on social media.

...Oh, right! I'd better get moving.

Okay, here comes my Noble Phantasm. Great Hachitendou of Hakuro Castle...!

...Ugh, I can't see what I'm aiming at!

Wait a sec! You've been a nerdy girl with glasses this whole time!?

This is just who I am! Excuse me for being all dark and gloomy!

Hey, there's nothing wrong with the cool intellectual look! Even if a look is all it is in your case!

Hey, make up your damn mind! Either compliment me or insult me, but don't do both at the same time!

Grrr, come ooonnn!

It's no use... I can't hold it back!

Wh-what do we do!? Should I use my Noble Phantasm too?

Are you nuts!?

Your Noble Phantasm would only cause the Elisa Particles to...to...

That's it!

Bwa?

Your Noble Phantasm is offensive, so it's made up of negative Elisa Particles, but the energy built up here is made up of positive Elisa Particles!

Posi-what now?

If those differently-charged particles collide, it will create an explosion on par with the big bang!

HOW IS THAT A GOOD THING!?

...Okay, stay with me here. I thought that at first. But after a bit more thinking it over...

...these particles are really just another type of magical energy, and your Noble Phantasm is really just a terribly screechy voice!

Ahem! It is called my Supersonic Dragon Breath, thank you very much!

The energy from your Noble Phantasm carries the opposite charge to the energy in the reactor...

...so theoretically, your NP should be able to nullify its EP!

NP? EP? I'm not sure what those stand for, but basically...my NP is superpowerful?

...It could literally save the world!

I mean, it's not TOTALLY impossible that they might interact badly and cause a universe-ending explosion...

...but since things are already kinda headed in that direction, it won't hurt to try!

Are you sure this will save Castle Csejte!? That sounds like a whole lot of uncertainties!

Don't worry, El-El! If worse comes to worst, I'll use all my magical energy to protect you! A-after all...You're my friend!

!

...Okay, Batty. I'll sing my heart out, knowing you've got my back!

All right reactor, get ready to hear the best song of your tragically short life! This song is even better than the thunderclouds on János Hill!

This is my number one hit song in the whole Servant world: Love is Dracuuh, I mean, Báthory Erzsébet!

SKKKRRREEEEEE♪

Khh... Huh?

Y-yes, it's working! I can't hear her singing at all!

The positive EP and negative EP are cancelling each other out!

If we're lucky, and they both keep depleting like this...

KIIIIIIII♪ (Singing her heart out)

Th-this could work! I think we might just be okay!

EEEEEEeeeeee♪♪ (Key change)

Yes! We're almost there...!

(Gasp)! I haven't sung that hard in forever! How was it!?

... ...

WHY ARE YOU STOPPPING!?

Uh-oh.

I-I just picked up an explosion!

Did they fail?

No, they didn't. It looks like Castle Csejte is still intact.

I was able to confirm that, just before the explosion, the Elisa Particle density had been substantially reduced.

...It would appear that the pair of them succeeded, even if in their own clumsy, inelegant sort of way.

Thank goodness... It's such a relief to see my pyramid remains intact!

What about the two of them? Did they make it?

No, probably not.

Agreed. That seems highly unlikely.

Yes, yes. Such a noble sacrifice those two made. I must be certain to erect a statue in their honor. Bronze should do, I think.

We're still very much alive!

No body, no death! Duh! I grant you that it DID look pretty rough back there, but as you can see, we're still alive and kicking!

Thank you, Himeji Castle! Thank you, my Noble Phantasm!

All I know is that everything blew up just as I finished my song!

Is Castle Csejte okay!? It is!? Thank goodness. Finally, my amazing singing saved the whole entire world!

Time to brag about this on ALL the social network things! "NBD, just saved the world with the power of song #humblebrag"

Ooh, I already got some responses.

"lolol, sure you did" "'>just out destroying the world' #FTFY" "Thanks, I needed that laugh!" "How's the weather in #dreamland?"

...Well that's weird. Nobody believes me!

Of course they don't. We were here to see it and are still having trouble believing it.

？！

Ulp.

I, um... I'm not quite sure what to say, except...

...Here's the Holy Grail.

？！

Don't itashimention it. I'm sorry for all the trouble. Well, uh... I'm just gonna go over here and...disappear forever...and try to make up for all the things...

？！

Huh?

...Thanks, but I think that would be far too brazen of me...

So what, you're simply going to disappear along with the repaired Singularity?

I thought that would be for the best...

...Well it wouldn't. If you truly regret what you've done, disappearing will fix nothing.

If there's a chance for you to make amends, then take it. Not all of us are lucky enough to get such an opportunity.

But...I'm not a Servant anymore. I'm just the same old castle monster I used to be.

A poor, beautiful, bespectacled maiden who got her fox look stolen from her by a certain Tamamo...

The world would just be better off if I disappeared like any other monster should...

(Sigh) Let's just let her be, Master.

If she wants to go back to being a shut-in and disappear forever, no sense in us trying to stop her.

You really are a selfish boor, aren't you?

Huh?

She's a princess, remember? Surely she should take responsibility and kill herself, no?

Err...no. Not a good look for me.

I just thought I'd get caught up in the Singularity when it disappears.

So even when it comes to your dramatic exit, you're lazy? What kind of princess ARE you!?

？！

...Wh-what now?

I may not be a princess anymore, but that doesn't mean you can just call me by

？！

O-okay.

？！

Well...sure I do.

But it can't be shikatanai'd. I'm still the ruler of Himeji Castle, you know.

Plus, I know I've caused a lot of trouble for everyone. And more importantly, I wouldn't really do anything differently.

I'm not one of those plucky princesses with hidden reserves of courage to call upon when I gotta.

I'm just going to lock myself in my room and wait to disappear, like any homely, glasses-wearing beauty would.

That seems the easiest and most sensible thing to do.

？！

...S-so what? Is hearing that s-supposed to make me happy or something? It totally doesn't!

Oh you're being all tsun now? We have MORE than enough of those, and it is TOTALLY played out!

Hardly. It's a rather recent term, in fact. I will grant you that the whole hot and cold sort of attitude has been around since forever, though.

Hey, no one asked for a color commentary! Urushut it!

...It's not like we were actually friends or anything, right? All I did was use you for my own selfish purposes.

？！

...!

Y-you can't fool me! I bet you say that to everyone, don't you!?

？！

Wait, so now you're just admitting it?

Oh, I don't know about that. It's a lot harder to pull one over on Master than you think.

...Where do you get all that confidence from? Is...that what it's like to trust someone implicitly...?

Still...everyone, huh?

So whether it's a great hero, like Heracles, or someone like me...

...you're really not shy about admitting you need our help, are you?

...So that must mean...you really DO need my help!

Even though I'm a beautiful, isolated shut-in who's lived her whole life online and doesn't know a thing about the outside world.

This "beautiful" bit is really the important thing to you, isn't it?

That's just who I am.

...All right then, I won't refuse your summon. If you want me to go with you, I'll go with you.

Is that okay with you, El-El?

Hm? Why wouldn't it be? Would you rather I said it was only okay if it was your Alter or something?

So you just assumed I'd go from the start!? Can't you at least TRY to understand my anxiety? You're my only IRL friend, you know!

Of course I understand it. In fact, I bet I understand it even better than you do.

That's why I'm so glad we got to be friends.

I'm not going to let you shut yourself away anymore. I'm going to make you step outside your comfort zone even if I have to drag you there myself!

... ...Okay.

I guess that wraps up this year's Halloween then.

Pilot Candidate Fujimaru, strange though the circumstances were, the bond we formed is genuine.

As the guardians of Csejte, we shall temporarily lend you our aid in service of safeguarding humanity.

We are the Steel Servants, Mecha Eli-chan Mk. I and Mk. II.

We vow to use our artillery and lightning to keep you safe.

Senpai, your room has been completely redecorated!

？！

Aren't Servant powers amazing?

How is that relevant here!?

Well, just look. Now that Amazones.com is operating again...

Delivery!

That's one Emiya pizza, one Boudica soup, and one video game dug up from Chaldea's library.

It's a civilization restoration strategy game you can play essentially forever.

Yay, thanks! Aaand, there! Signed!

You're all set.

Thank you for ordering from Amazones.com! We'll always be here for you!

...Of course, I mean both "you" in the specific sense and "you" in the general consumer sense.

Um, you're not planning on going back to being a shut-in again, are you?

As a fellow Servant, I cannot allow you to do that!

Besides, didn't you agree to give up being a shut-in and start fighting for him as a Servant?

And I meant it when I said it!

But it's not like there's any immediate danger now, right?

Plus, you've got TONS of other Servants. You don't need me right now!

So I don't see any harm in letting me stay here and keep being lazy.

？！

Ah, yes. It seemed she knew who you were. As soon as she learned your whereabouts, she began cracking her knuckles something fierce.

... ...

... ...

Do you have any jobs for me?

Oh, I imagine we can come up with something.

Hi Batty! I came to see how you're...

Hey, it's mecha-me! Great timing!

What do you want, Elisabeth?

I'd prefer we not talk unless it is absolutely necessary. I'd be positively mortified if my friends found out we were associating.

Well that's mean! Would it kill you to be a little nicer to me!?

I AM technically the savior of Csejte, after all!

I will deal with that matter later...MUCH later. Now what do you want?

Well, you know how my concert at Castle Csejte ended up being canceled, what with everything that happened?

And it feels like it'd be weird to go back there and sing at this point...

So I decided to change venues and put on the concert right here in Chaldea!

I would just as soon pretend you don't exist, but I suppose where singing is concerned, I'm willing to let you have your way.

I-I see. A concert, huh...

Well, actually, if it gives us a chance to hear that beautiful singing voice again, maybe it'd be kind of nice.

Don't be ridiculous. Her next performance will be just as horrific as usual.

...Huh?

Back then, she was singing for Master. This time, she will be singing for herself.

And whenever she sings for herself... Well, we have all heard how that sounds.

... ...

I was also thinking we could all go out on stage at once!

Think about it!

Wouldn't it be awesome, having all four of us there at the same time!?

... ...I like that.

I believe I will make my grand entrance by flying in, thrusters blazing.

In fact, I've always thought your concerts could use a little more electronic pizzazz.

Let me take care of it. I'll set up a light show so bright the audience will be seeing stars for a week. And if the lights don't get them, my Mecha Eli-chan Punch will.

In fact, what do you think of having Mk. II take a leave of absence so we can perform a Double Mecha Eli-chan Punch?

？！

...I know, Senpai.

Just when I thought we might conclude this year's Halloween without a major disaster...

？！

I'm just glad that twist didn't singe my hair...

Damn. Looking back on that whole mess, I gotta say: that has to be the dumbest world-ending crisis of all time.

Well excuse me for not coming up with something cleverer! I was at my wits' end at the time, okay!?

Anyway, Ma-chan, that's what happened during that Halloween. Do you remember now?

That's great.

I know it wasn't exactly an...enriching experience, and it sure didn't show me in the best light...

But I'd still hate for it to be forgotten entirely.

"I think so," huh. It sounds like he still hasn't completely recovered his memories.

I have a suggestion.

Let's go back to Chaldea and look for whoever did this to him.

Good idea.

I'll put good money on it being Moriarty, though. This is exactly the sort of thing he likes to do.

Now that you mention it, he WAS the one pulling all the strings during the third Halloween, wasn't he?

It is?

If he still can't remember after all this, then there's gotta be something else going on.

Why don't we see if Moriarty had a hand in this? He was the one responsible for that Halloween, too.

？！

...Ahem. Well, Ma-chan, there you have it.

Now that we're done here, Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle is officially closed.

It was one of the craziest, wildest, most chaotic events Chaldea's ever seen.

Did it bring back fond memories? Did you enjoy revisiting it?

As long as you had fun, I'd say all's well that ends well!

Indeed. Seeing you enjoy yourself makes us happy, too.

Congratulations on making it to the end, Pilot Candidate.

Thank you so much for your patronage!

...Hehe. Just kidding♪