3rd Area: Rift Valley P

And that puts us at the halfway point! Each team is clawing their way forward trying to take the lead!

Still, this next area might be way less eventful than what we're used to now. What is this next area you ask? Well, it's a graben.

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A graben is...well, it's basically a sort of natural straight trench between two faults.

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N-not at all. I just happen to know that because it was in a book I read when I was bored once, so...

Suuuper interesting, you two, but save the geography lesson for when we go to commercial! All eyes on the live feed, please!

Our racers all made it here at once! If I was to make a prediction...I'd say this is the most distinctly summer-ish area of the race!

Hm, I see our surroundings have changed yet again.

This is...a water environment, eh.

A river! This IS more summer-ish! It should be a lot nicer to race here than the last area, so it'll be perfect for helping me blow off steam!

Indeed... Places like this are great sources of temptation. I smell all manner of forbidden things here. I must be more vigilant than ever.

Wahahaha! This looks to be the perfect spot to cool off after feeling the heat of reentry!

Though granted, I'm already feeling fairly cool after Ishtar shot us down when I got just a liiiiiitle bit greedy with our reentry angle.

I almost ended up a burnt Nobbu Kebabu!

Heh... Ishtar's beam might be goddess-class, but my driving technique is galaxy-class level!

I can handle anything she throws at us, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!

Now I see. Water must have come flowing into the graben to form something like a long, straight river.

That's right! So this stretch is gonna be a water race. Still no flying! But racers can swim or skim as they like.

They can choose to use the water, or ignore it completely and stick to land! I expect to see a lot of variety in this leg of the race!

Of course, given how things have gone so far...

I wouldn't be too surprised if someone comes along to mix things up.

Umu, I did enjoy the passionate heat of the volcano, but this cool water is not bad either.

The sounds of nearby birds twittering their songs of love... The wind caressing us with gentle spray from the running water... The nameless grass gathered along the river's edge.

What a peaceful picture this river paints. It truly is a beauti

How dare you!?

Isn't that...

You called me "beautiful," didn't you? I'll kill you!

Nobody said anything of the sort.

...No, I can tell what you're thinking. It's written all over your faces. I will kill you for it!

I have heard of self-consciousness, but this is freakin' absurd!

...Uh. (Nods) It's hard to be properly aware of things around you sometimes.

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Well, she did suffer a great deal of trauma when she was alive, so...

...Nonetheless, I remember now. If I do not explain this part, there will have been no point in my signing the contract to be this land's guardian.

Listen well. The most important element of your voyage along this river is beauty.

Beauty?

Is that so! I can't say I fully understand why, but that makes it sound like a place made just for me!

Be beautiful, racers. In this area, the more beautiful you are, the faster you shall go.

Truly!?

This place is evidently designed to confer some sort of supplementary effect to your speed in proportion with your beauty.

Though I do not know if it has always been so, or if someone placed a special Bounded Field here for that purpose.

...

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Of course. It's the only part of the race with water, so I thought it deserved to have its own unique twist.

Besides, I'm the goddess of beauty, so it's pretty on brand, don't you think?

I see... A unique twist, huh.

Water and beauty go together like ambrosia and nectar, so I figured this could be a way to use the river to let the racers race faster.

We've got all that lovely water right there, after all. It'd be a waste not to take advantage of it!

I accepted this position once I learned of this area's unique properties.

So go forth and be beautiful, racers. That is what I desire as well.

Are you sure? Won't it be a problem if we move too quickly?

Not at all. The more beautiful you all are, the less beautiful I seem in comparison.

You've got to be kidding me.

Yup, definitely way too self-conscious.

So, if you only took this job because you didn't want anyone calling you beautiful...

...Does that mean you're not going to go out of your way to interfere in our race?

Precisely, yes. Besides, there is nothing in my job description that obligates me to do so.

While this is a most interesting idea for a race, there is one significant problem: there is nothing so difficult to judge as beauty.

I agree. It's inherently subjective. So how exactly is our beauty going to be judged?

Without a clearly defined standard, we won't have any basis on which to form a strategy. That doesn't seem like it would make for a very interesting battle.

Well, given that I am clearly the epitome of beauty by any standard, victory is already as good as mine anyway!

Why you...! I won't stand for that!

We pharaohs are exceptionally beautiful just by virtue of being pharaohs! Our radiance lights up every room we walk into, and that's just our natural state!

Not to worry. I knew some sort of standard would be necessary to facilitate such a competition.

Fortunately, I happened to find two people nearby who claimed they were "born to be beauty judges," so I brought them along.

I shall have them assess each team's beauty. I am told that one shall handle the racers, while the other will be focused on their vehicles.

First, to judge our racers, we have Mister B, connoisseur of young girls.

His catchphrase is "Moe is the forward compatibility of beauty. Therefore, the one who is the most beautiful is the one who is the most moe"...whatever that means.

Duhuhuhu! That's right, it's me! You KNOW you can't have a swimsuit event without me around!

For what are swimsuitsand the areas they coverif not the stuff of dreams?

This kinda event only comes once a year, so I just GOTTA participate! Why WOULDN'T they bring me in for the second glorious year of this swimsuit festival?

"Oh no, the girls' smooth and bouncy bits are slipping out in a wardrobe malfunction!?" "Worry not, for that too is a dream come true..."

Wrote that bit of dialogue myself. Feel free to use it in your fanfics, but credit me for it!

...

What is it? How come everyone got so quiet? Ohhh, I get it. You wanna hear more about my dreams!

Oh, all right. Since I'm such a fan favorite, I can't let everyone down, can I?

Right, listen up! Y'see, girls hide the bits they DON'T want you to see under their swimsuits. Get it? That means that what they DON'T hide is fair game for all the ogling your lonely heart desires!

It's a free pass to enjoy the show! What kinda fool would you have to be not to take them up on that sweet offer!?

So go on! Take it AAALL in! Everything they're showing off! Armpits! Thighs! Navels! Armpits again!

Laudatum Domus Illustris!

Yeow! Ow ow ow ow!

Oogh... Thank you, armor. Without you, I'd have been dead in an instant!

This behavior is truly unacceptable. His very existence is unacceptable. I shall finish him off myself, and then I shall soak his remains in salt for a full week.

Huh? Now that's just uncalled for. Are you perhaps unaware of the tragic fate that awaits me?

Meh, whatever. Couldn't keep doing what I love doing if a bit of salt bothered me! We pirates do whatever we want, and nothing else! (Boom!)

Very well then.

Ah! Wait, please. I was just kidding. Sheesh, you'd think someone as sexy as you would know how to take a joke☆

I swear that my heart is as pure as Ms. Helena's chest is flat. Here, now, I am but Mister B, a faithful judge.

Or rather, to be precise, I'm just a robot that was made specifically to serve that role. Beep boop. I'd have thought the whole metal body thing would tip you off!

Oho... A robot, you say?

Beauty standards may be inherently subjective, but the boss still wanted someone to evaluate the racers as calmly and impartially as possible.

That's why the boss decided to use a machine, and to copy over the personality of someone well-suited to be such a judge into it.

Given my finely-honed tastes and opinions about beauty, I may offend you with my statements at times...

But I hope you will overlook that, as it is merely a recreation of the original model's rudeness.

...After all, there is nothing more pointless than getting angry at a machine, is there?

(Teeheehee. If he really is a robot, I'll have to turn him into a self-checkout machine later.)

Next is the vehicle judge.

Her catchphrase is "I delegated the rest of my work to my most dependable staff! I'm sure they won't mind a little extra!"

Good day, Servants I have never met before. My name is Masqueraded Count.

There is no one better suited to judging beautiful gadgets than yours truly!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm wearing this mask to be respectful of our entrants.

After all, it wouldn't be fair if a judge was more beautiful than those she was judging, would it?

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Come to think of it...she did only mention backing us up until her turn rolled around, didn't she.

Now I see what she meant by that...

...And so, these are the two judges who will be evaluating your beauty.

If you wish to race faster than your opponents, you will need to demonstrate your beauty to them.

That's right! So don't be shy about putting it all out there! And I do mean ALL! (Vulgar hand gestures)

So you know, I'm very strict when it comes to judging. Industrial design, form factor, how cool it looks in motion, functional design, overall balance...

My standards are multitudinous and comprehensive. So if you want to meet them, you'll need to demonstrate every aspect of your craft's potential.

Essentially, I want to see something that will make my inventor's soul sing. Though I will grant you that is a pretty tall order!

Yikes... What an unpleasant person that count is. I wonder who it could be under that mask...

Aggy...? King David? Maybe even King Ozymandias? ...I could see that.

No you can't! You really have no idea who that is!? You couldn't be farther off the mark if you tried!

Enough! Now that you understand what this race entails, I shall say one last thing.

If I am left to my own devices, I am cursed to grow more beautiful at a moment's notice.

Oh, you're cursed to, huh?. Guess there's nothing for it then. Just when I thought she couldn't be any more absurdly self-conscious...

So be as beautiful as you can, and be quick about it. I will pursue you as the particulars of my job require, but I will not interfere.

Your advice is noted, but unneeded. I am already the ultimate beauty, and I still have limitless room to grow further.

This race is all but a foregone conclusion. If what you seek is for someone else to be more beautiful than you...

Then sit back and watch me race, secure in the knowledge that you are witnessing a zenith of beauty you could never hope to reach!

There you have it! The third area is a riverside stage where beauty is the key to victory! You really don't want to lose this stage, ladies.

Just imagine: the cool spray of water, glistening in the air... Blood and sweat flying off the racers as they vie for the top spot... Piles and piles of money rolling in from satisfied customers... What could be better?

These women are putting their pride on the line for this race, and I can't wait to see how it turns out!