Assassination 1 - Preparation

Looks like you're all here. Remember everyone: the race is still on, so I'm keeping track of how long it took each of you to get here!

Now, as for the prisoner in this checkpoint...

This time, I'm not going to say anything. I want all of you to talk this out among yourselves.

Well, hello there. It's not often I get visitors.

Hm? Is this the one that scorpion woman told us about?

It seems so, yes. This is the "dangerous criminal" she mentioned. They certainly seem to be getting a different sort of treatment than the rest of the prisoners.

Those are some awfully secure bonds. It's almost hard to believe we're in the same prison...

Well, it's not as if they've been completely denied any freedom. Look, they're using their chains to pick up and read...clay tablets?

...It may look like a pretty analog setup, but its inner mechanisms are amazing.

All they need do is brush their fingertips across the surface, and it changes to the next page. I wonder what time period it's from...

Books are great. You should all read the book of the gods. It will give you knowledge, and help you grow as a person.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no downside whatsoever to learning the teachings of the gods.

It's like a book of instructions, or maybe commands, or specifications...

Hmm, I can see none of that interests you. Well then, let me introduce myself.

I'm Enkidu, the thought criminal from the Age of Gods. I've been a prisoner here so long I've lost track of time.

May I ask what you did to warrant such a lengthy incarceration, and in such confining restraints?

Well, the short version is probably that I refused to obey Medb and become one of her subjects.

That can't possibly be the only reason you've been kept here like this. Are you sure there isn't anything else?

Yeah, come on! Be honest with us. Surely you must have done something else to land you here?

My impression of you was that you had done something like, say...force people to play a game where they have to look for a bomb you've hidden in a teapot...

...or maybe trick some weak-willed people into starting a riot with words alone. You know, some sort of devilish criminal genius plot like that.

Impressions, eh. That was certainly part of it. As soon as Medb saw me, she said:

"That face! That's the face of a dastardly mastermind! A psychopath who thinks as little of plotting to overthrow nations as he does making his morning tea!"

"That's the kind of criminal who would come up with the sort of calculated, coldhearted plot that could throw the entire kingdom of Connacht into pandemonium and somehow leave their hands completely clean when it was all over!"

"That's the kind of loathsome deviant we're dealing with here! Everyone, get them!"

And just like that, they brought me here, no questions asked. It was, as they say, a trumped-up charge.

Uh. Poor thing.

Well, there's no telling what the future holds.

It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that I might come up with such a plot the next day. So Medb may not have been entirely off-base.

(He is certainly reacting to his circumstances remarkably well! Or is he actually a she?)

...Nonetheless, you did not actually commit any crimes, correct?

And even if you had, there is no way you could hope to reform while bound as you are. As a prefect, I cannot overlook this transgression.

Stay right where you are. Do not move a muscle.

My, it's been so long since I've had my restraints removed for anything other than meals.

Thank you. Those restraints were made to be impossible for me to remove on my own, so there's no telling how long I might have had to stay here if you hadn't come along.

As you can see, Queen Medb's weakness is the fact that she is focused solely on restraining criminals, and is thus helpless against other forms of power.

Her authority must only extend to captured criminals, and doesn't have any effect on external sources of power.

Say, I know this is shameless of me since you've already been kind enough to help me, but since it's been so long since I've been free, I hope you don't mind if I ask you for another favor?

What is it? Do you wish for me to clean this room for you?

Right now, I am a summer maid devoted to serving Master. However, I would be willing to make a house call if he were to grant me permission.

That would even give me an excuse to employ the Maid Rewards Cards I made, though I never truly believed I would have a chance to make use of them.

Very well, your pleas have convinced me, I shall clean up everything in this room so fast it will make your head spin...and I shall not stop until, with tears in your eyes, you beg me to do so.

No, it's not that. I mean, I WOULD love for you to clean up the rust and mold that's built up here over the years, but I have something else in mind.

I've been bound up in here for so long that I'm a little worried I may not be fully functional.

It's not exactly an urgent matter right now...but as a weapon, it would be very embarrassing to find out I wasn't functioning properly in the middle of a battle.

Could I ask you to assist me in a combat test, so I can see how everything is working?

If you and Gorgon are anything to go by, it would seem the prisoners here are severely bereft of playmates.

Although, I suppose I cannot say I am surprised, given how you have been forced to live in a moldy, rat-infested cell like this for so long.

Fortunately for you, I am as generous as I am kind. Children often asked me to play with them when I traveled around town incognito, and I would gladly oblige them.

Of course, I am also an exemplary emperor who takes every one of her pursuits seriously, so I always ended up beating them so soundly they would go home bawling!

Ugh. That's really not something to brag about, you know.

Still, in this case, I guess it's okay, since there are so many of us here.

This could even be a more efficient way of introducing ourselves!

Ahh... Why is everyone here always so eager for a fight?

And here I was hoping that being confined in a death row prison might keep me safe from dangerous and potentially deadly situations.

Now I see. So you want to defeat Medb, and to do that, you were looking for someone with the knowledge you needed and the ability to perform the necessary calculations.

Uh. Exactly. (Nod) Are you good...at math?

I have to say, though, if you aren't the dastardly, bizarre, intellectual prison professor we were hoping to find, I'm afraid this was all a waste.

Oh well, it's not as though we were exactly guaranteed to succeed here. I guess it can't be helped...

...Yes, I am good at math. Okay, since you were kind enough to remove my restraints, I will help you.

There IS something we can do!?

Given how many people don't give pharaohs the respect we deserve lately, it's wonderful to meet someone who properly understands the importance of compassion.

That said... Can you actually do what we need?

Of course. While I may not be some sort of criminal mastermind, I am a weapon. Calculating the ballistic trajectory of a projectile is a core function of mine.

And, of course, I already know the layout of the prison.

The courtyard's setup, the palace with the warden's office, all the other structures... I may not have seen them directly, but I am able to perceive them clearly enough through the resonance of the earth.

It's not like anything besides me can turn into anything else, after all.

If we need more information, there are numerous ways to collect it from here.

My, my. I can't say you were the sort of person I was expecting to find...but it does seem you have the knowledge and abilities we were seeking.

One good turn really does deserve another! If you do good, you'll be rewarded in kind. Just like the Buddha said!

I prefer to think that if one takes risks and engages in foul play, one will be richly rewarded.

Remember that we have been digging beneath this prison in an attempt to escape it AND freeing other villainous criminals as we do so.

At least from our wardens' perspective, we must be quite the villains ourselves.

...Well, no matter. Thanks to our new friend here, we now have the data we lacked. All we need do now is incorporate those numbers into our equations and

Hohohoho! It's meal time! Have you been behaving yourself in here?

Come, show me how out saddest, most wonderfully naïve prisoner is doing, just like you always do.

In return, I'll laugh at you, lecture you about life in captivity, and grind my teeth as I fight my urge to drain your blood!

...

...

You're free!

Wh-what's going on!? Why are your restraints off!?

Oh, it's nice, isn't it? These kind passersby helped me out of them.

Wh-what? How did you all get in here? You...you removed their restraints!?

Let us just say one thing led to another. There is something we need this one's help with, after all.

...You can't be serious. We keep prisoners in solitary confinement for a REASON! How can you not see that?

That applies whether you're a poor victim who's been marked by the Blood Countess, or a vampiress who has been imprisoned for her sins.

This simply will not do. It will not do!

I will never, never, never let anyone escape their incarceration before their sentence has been served!

That goes for all of you just as much as it does Enkidu.

Though I will say I'm impressed that you've managed to dig this far. As a reward, I shall fill your tunnels back in with your anguished screams!

We've already taken out Nightingale. There's no going back now... Let's do this!

...That should take care of all the data we need for our calculations.

Hmm, so it would seem. Now to hand this off to the engineering team.

It's done!

Let me see... Oh yes, these blueprints are perfect.

If you make it according to these specifications, the projectile should absolutely hit our target at the speed and trajectory we calculated.

Ooh! So we finally have a means of assassinating Medb!?

Looks that way. But we only have one shot. We can't let her find out what we're up to beforehand, and we can't afford to fail either.

No matter how insistent Medb may be about taking a shower at the same time each day, if she knows we're planning to assassinate her there, she won't be so predictable.

We need to consider this a onetime opportunity.

Of course we do!

No matter how low the stakes may be, one only ever gets a single chance to succeed in any battle.

...Which means this is our Okehazama!

Oh, maybe we should pray for victory or something? I could dance an Atsumori if you like.

The only problem left is actually building the thing. As you can see, I only have the book of gods here.

So I'd like you to handle collecting the materials and assembling the catapult.

You put that back on...? And you're going back to reading your clay tablets!?

I take it you consider your part in this to be concluded. It seems that you too have no intention of leaving yet.

Hmm. No, I don't plan on leaving. At least, not yet.

I stay here, at least in part, because I like it. I helped you with your plan because it benefited me.

At any rate, you all should go ahead with your plan. I'll be waiting to see how it turns out.

Don't worry. I'm not sure if it's just because the guards are afraid of me or not, but they've left me with plenty of books to read.

I imagine your plan will be finished by the time I've gotten through them all.

True, he...or she...has already helped us more than enough.

I also thoroughly appreciate the value of time spent reading, so I believe it is fair to say that the next part is our problem to solve.

One task yet remains before we can put out plan into action. That said, we are still prisoners.

As such, I believe it goes without saying that if we are to create this...cheese-apult...

...we will still need a certain someone's help.

Incidentally, I am aware the picture this paints is one of a sad fiftyish gentleman talking to a doll.

So I hope it also goes without saying that this picture is one of happenstance, not intent.

...

...Senpai.

？！

Right. I'm sure the others will tell us everything you need to get.

And just like before, you can use the visiting room system to sneak them the materials.

That should let them use their blueprints to build their catuh, cheese-apult.

This may not be part of a race, but it will still directly affect everyone's escape plan.

I'll help you out too, so let's both do our best, Senpai!