Section Four: Thankful Things

Heehee. Teeheehee.

Please stop that, Shounagon

I mean, N-Nagiko. It's starting to creep me out.

Check it, Kaorucchi! My nails are sooo shiny!

I know because you showed them to me yesterday! And please call me by my proper name already!

Just to be clear, you need to take care of your nails every day if you want them to stay in good shape. You can't go slacking off just because it's a hassle.

Don't worry, I got it. Thanks a bunch, Aocchi!

Would you stop calling me that!? We only just met, you know!

？！

Well, as long as she doesn't turn on us, I don't have a problem with it. That's not to say all of our bad blood's water under the bridge now...

...but personally, I'm always ready to welcome another girl to the team.

Hey, you with the beard. Stop ogling me this instant.

Just because I've got time on my hands now doesn't mean you get to take my helping you out for granted.

Really, you should be bowing and scraping and throwing yourself on the ground to thank me!

？！

Exactly. That's more like it.

...Do I know you from somewhere?

You know, you do make a good point, Aocchi.

We wouldn't have known much about this district's admin if you hadn't told us.

You said most of this district is made up of a black market run by the admin herself, yes?

So if their primary product is chocolate, does that mean their main customer base is

Yup. Lonelyhearts who'll pay whatever it takes to avoid getting demoted to third-class citizen status.

I can see you're wondering what could possibly be so fulfilling about chocolate like that, Kaorucchi.

True, there might not be much to gain from the chocolate itself, but that doesn't mean it's meaningless.

Suffice to say, there are some gents out there for who that fact alone has to be enough to get by.

Hmm, I gotcha. Well, don't you worry about a thing, Beardie.

I'll make sure to save every single purehearted guy here with my special handmade chocolate!

Uh, first off, you didn't make it; Kaorucchi did. Second, there were way more guys who wanted to get chocolate from her than you.

Wahahaha hwacha.

Yeow!

Well, before we start handing out chocolate, we'll need to do something about this district's admin.

After all, she wouldn't be selling her chocolate for such exorbitant prices if she wasn't also spending lots of money to buy out the supply.

So if we don't disrupt her hold on the market before handing the chocolate out, it'll all just end up being sold back to her.

Damn, Aocchi, I didn't know you were so smart! We didn't even think of that!

Speak for yourself. I already knew that was going to be a problem.

Say, what was this admin called again?

Whenever I meet someone who's not worth my time, I forget their name instantly.

... ...

(Higekuro, and Aoi...)

(...I'm probably just overthinking it...)

Oh hey, this looks like a different part of town. We must be at the black market by now.

Make sure you all watch out for pushy salespeople.

If one thinks you're a sucker, they won't ever leave you alonenot for a second!

You there, the man with the lovely beard! We've got some great chocolate here I'm sure you'll love!

My, my, what a wonderfully dapper beard! How about some chocolate? I'll give you a beautiful beard discount!

Well hello, President Beard! Care for some cheap chocolate? It's a year old, but it's still chocolate!

Hey, is it just me, or were all those merchants only going after me?

Do I really look like that much of a sad sack?

？！

No comment.

(Perhaps his name isn't doing him any favors...?)

I don't think you're that bad at all.

Wat.

...Nope, nope, I'm not falling for it.

Just knock it off, all right? Seriously, my poor glass heart can't take jokes like that.

No, really, Beardie, are you sure you're not popular with the ladies?

'Cause it seems to me like you're just pretending to be a hopeless old man.

La la la, I can't heaaar yooou! You can't put one over on me, wily high school girl!

Huh?

Aw crap, it's the Lonelyheart Police.

Then, does that mean

Teehee, it's quite all right, I promise. They all work for me at my shop.

？！

Oh my, you're a much more austere older gentleman than you seemed from a distance, aren't you?

Might you be here looking for chocolate, by any chance?

Then you'll definitely want to stop by my shop. Our chocolate is the genuine article, unlike some other stores here I could name.

And needless to say, it'll pass the Lonelyheart Police's inspection just like that!

So, what do you say? Care to sample one?

Every Oboro brand chocolate is guaranteed to melt both your heart and your body, you know.

？！

Oboro...?

Oh, yeah, that sounds right.

Oh? What's this now?

Let's see... You run the neighboring district, right? Now what was your name again...?

Hehe, sorry, I forgot. When I meet someone who's not worth my time, I always forget their name instantly.

The hell!? How rude can you get!?

I can't believe you made it this far treating other people like garbage!

Pot, meet kettle.

My, my, it's not every day we see an admin here doing her own shopping.

What happened? Did you get carried away and hand out so much chocolate you don't have enough to go around anymore?

Well, don't worry. You're not the first woman to ruin herself by giving too much away to men.

Yeah, okay. Kill her.

？！

Bahahaha! It's true! She really was ruined!

Hey! Whose side are you on, anyway!?

Aaanywho...

'Sup, Obochin! I'm Nagiko!

Are those fake ears? They're so cute!

Obo...what?

Um, excuse me, but can you tell me what her deal is?

？！

It's more like, her acting so chummy kind of makes me suspicious...

I mean, you've heard of those phone scams where people pretend to be your relatives to ask you for money, right? Don't you think they're terrifying?

Is that what's going on here? Are you after my money?

Nope, no going-after-money-ing here.

Those ears of yours just reminded me of an old colleague of mine, that's all.

Oh... That's a new one.

So you once knew someone else with ears like mine? Is that it?

Yup! ...In fact, they looked exactly like the picture you've got on those chocolates there.

... ...

That is a cat.

Yeah, a cat.

Wait. Just a moment. Are you saying your old colleague is a cat!?

Oh man, this Myoubu chocolate looks reaaal good. How much do these go for?

WhaThat has nothing to do with what we were just talking about! Seriously, what is her problem!?

？！

W-well... All right.

I very much doubt you can afford it, but just for your reference...

...this kitty-cat chocolate typically costs as much as an average citizen makes in a year.

A year!?

Um... Hang on. Since Valentine's Day happens every year...

That's right. If you work hard for the whole year, you'll be able to afford one next year, too.

Well, what do you know. That's actually pretty considerate.

？！

Of course, we have very reasonable payment plan options as well. How about it, Bearded Sir?

You seem like you have no family to support, so you can spend your money as you like.

Really, it's not expensive at all if you consider it money spent on a hobby. Just sign this purchase form here, and you'll be on your way!

No... I've heard enough.

I see now that you're the cold, heartless personification of Valentine's Day itself.

H-huh!?

People like you have been oppressing and exploiting me for my whole life...and I've never had so much as a single date to show for it!

Well, no more! I've had it up to here with that depressing reality!

Now get ready to feel the pain of every single sad sack you Valentine bastards have ever messed with!

So what you're saying is, there are good Valentines and bad Valentines...

...and Oboro's here is the bad kind, right? Then I'm waaay down to help you destroy it. Also her. Mostly her.

Huh? W-we're going to fight now!? I was hoping to avoid combat if we could, but I suppose that's no longer an option.

After all, if we don't do something about her now, we'll never be able to hand out our own chocolate!

H-h-h-hand out!? As in, for free!? That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard!

Employeeeeees!

Get rid of these malicious customers before they ruin my business model!

Awawawah! My shop! My shop is on fireee!

Nooo! My poor, precious money!!!

Damn, I never expected our Noble Phantasms to hit the shop directly.

Um... I think we may have gone a little too far...

Oopsies.

？！

Never mind that!!!

What am I supposed to do now that I'm flat broke!?

You really are a dummy, aren't you? This is what you get for caring so much about money of all things.

All you had to do was bring a man or three under your heel, and they would've gotten money for you.

That doesn't strike me as a very, um, nice way to live, either...

Heh. Don't feel too bad, Obocchi. You still have your... Um...

You still have those soft, fluffy ears going for you!

As long as you've got fur like that, you can always start your life over, no problem.

Probably.

How is that possibly supposed to cheer me up!? You just made me sound like some kind of hairy animal!

I mean, it is what it is, you know?

Besides, losing everything you've got means there's nothing to do but try something new, right?

It's a lot more fun than you might think.

You can trust me on that.

Huh? Something...new?

Yeah!

We've got an old bar just laying around. We could rebuild it into a café!

A café where the staff wears fluffy ears. What do you think? I bet it'd be a hit.

That's OUR old bar you're talking about! You can't turn it into a café!

It's our holy land! Our safe space! A world of men, by men, and for men!

A fluffy ear café... I think I really like the sound of that...

Now look what you did! You woke the beast in a very literal sense just to get her hopes up for nothing!

Um, Nagiko, maybe you should be a little more considerate towards Lord Higekuro...

Aw, c'mon. Why would he have a problem with a café full of pretty girls wearing fluffy ears?

... ...

Okay, so this is not about me having any interest in beast girls. Not one damn bit. Uh-uh. No, sir...

But if you want to use that old bar to make a café that just HAPPENS to be packed to the rafters with them at all hours...I, uh, guess I can't stop you.

Wha...?

Hehe, hehehe... You've got yourself a deal, Bearded Sir.

Yeah, I feel good about this! No more sneaking around scalping chocolate on the black market for me!

From this day forth, it's all about fluffy ears!

？！

Yay, another case in the bag! We're doing great!

Are we sure this is a good idea!? I mean really, truly sure!?