Chapter Two: The Man-Slayer and the Man-Slayer

...

Sir? Is something wrong?

Stop it! I don't need to hear that from you!

S-Sir? What are you talking about?

...! It's nothing. Forget about it.

All right, men. We're about to cross the Katsura River.

The Katsura River? But that's

Listen up. I swear to you all here and now that I, Mitsuhide, will kill this enemy of the gods and all living things so that our fellow citizens may live in peace!

Thank you, my Lord!

But, where IS the enemy!?

...The enemy awaits...

...

Master! Akechi Mitsuhide...

Akechi Mitsuhide has turned traitor!

...I see.

And I always expected it'd be Monkey who killed me. I never would have suspected Mitsuhide.

Please, Lady Nobunaga, you need to escape! Yasuke and I will hold them off!

...Mitsuhide would never give me any chance of escape.

...Hehe.

Hahahahahaha!

...It can't be helped.

Be sure to take Nobunaga's head!

She'll never die if you don't!

Without her head, I'll never be able to rule Japan!

...Bring me her heaaad!

Bring me Nobunaga's heaaaaaad!!!

...Get out of here, Ranmaru.

Don't be ridiculous, Master! Lord Yasuke is still putting up a valiant fight out there!

I absolutely will not leave your side!

Oh, don't worry. I was always planning to leave the difficult stuff to you.

L-Lady Nobunaga, that's

Ranmaru. I want you to take my head and escape.

Huh!?

Can't have Mitsuhide getting his hands on it.

This is my final chance to make his life miserable.

Once you've escaped, just toss my head somewhere no one will ever find it.

B-but, I could never

After that... I know. You can take shelter with Monkey.

Some might say I'm showering good old Mitsuhide with too much attention, but I AM paying for it with my life here.

And if Mitsuhide can't beat Monkey just because he doesn't have my head, he'll never take all of Japan for himself.

B-but Master, I could never

Would you rather have Mitsuhide of all people take my head instead?

Ghh...!

All right... I understand.

I will do it...

I will take your head with my own hands!

...Sorry for the trouble.

...Well, we may as well get on with it.

L-Lady Nobunaga...

...

A human life spans but fifty years;

Set against life in the heavens,

Enjoy the wild taste of restoration in every bite.

SAITAMA Restoration Manjyu.

Chacha has to say, these manjyu are really good!

Damn, these Restoration Rice Crackers are great, too!

Go on, Master, try some!

Here, Master. I broke them into bite-size pieces for you.

You're as mindful of the smallest details as ever. Ah, crap. There I go treating you like Naritoshi.

Wait. Why are we here again?

Right, right, that's it. I'd almost forgot.

To find Auntie's head. Though now that we're here, Chacha finds that Chacha doesn't care all that much.

？！

By the way, where's the shady guy in the white suit?

If you mean Lord Sakamoto, he went out this morning to investigate something...

...and he left me in charge of the office.

Dammit, that bastard's always going off on his own. Maybe I oughta smack him around a bit, show him who's boss.

Don't you think, Master!?

You're one to talk, Nagayoshi! How many times did you ignore His Imperial Highness's orders and go off on your own!?

Hyahahahahaha! Cut that out, Lady Chacha! You're gonna make me blush!

Anyway, we got no idea where to begin looking for the boss's head...

...so we might as well leave that boring shit up to them.

You came here looking for something, Master?

Yup. Sure did. Boss's head just poofed and vanished. We heard it was here.

So we came looking for it.

Chacha still doesn't understand how you just wake up one day and find your head is missing.

Head...missing...

Head...?

Ghh!

？！

I-I'm all right.

...I'm going to go get some air.

...

Master...

I'm sorry for running out so suddenly.

...

...I remember...

I remember I was on this journey for a reason.

I can't remember the reason, but I think it was really important...

...

？！

...Th-thank you!

...

Hehe, you're very kind, Master.

You know, I have a good feeling about this now. I'm sure I'll remember eventually.

You...

Who goes there!?

...Hrn!

Agh!

...Out of my way.

You there, mage. You're coming with me.

Oh no he's not!

Go, Fudou Yukimitsu Saber!

...

Got you...

No, wait. Why didn't you dodge that!?

What is this? Do you really think a toy like this is any good for ending lives?

When you want to kill someone...

...you do it like THIS!

Kiiiiii!!!

Wha...!?

EEEEEE-YAAAHHH!!!

？！

Master!?

Kinnooobbu!

Where'd these things come from!?

And when did Auntie even get another variant!?

If she's gonna do this every year, she should at least make them presentable!

Dammit! These things're stronger than most foot soldiers, and way harder to hit!

That does it! I'm going to take all the pent-up anger I have towards the old tanuki and unleash my...

Fiery Chacha Flame!

Kinnooobbu!?

Kinnobu, Kinnobu, Kinnobu!

Chacha doesn't think that even put a dent in their numbers! Does this mean Osaka Castle is lost!?

No way Lord Toyotomi's castle would fall that easily! Whoever defended Osaka Castle must've done a piss-poor job!

What was that!?

Chacha totally wasn't scared of cannons or anything! Not one word, Nagayoshi!

That said, Chacha would have liked Sanada's son to have tried at least a little harder!

Never mind that now! The enemy always goes for the general in times like these!

Huh!? You don't mean

...Oho.

Hey there. You okay, Boss?

Dammit, you really oughta know better than to try and shield a SERVANT with your own body.

But, then again, I guess that right there's why we can't help but follow you.

Lord Nagayoshi!?

I'm surprised you're still alive after my first strike. You are impressively resilient.

Who the hell're you? ...That actually hurt, dammit.

Well, you may still be alive, but there's nothing more you can do. My first strike should have done it.

Tch! I hate to admit it, but you're right. I can't even move anymore.

Don't worry. Just hand over the mage, and I'll be on my way.

You want Master?

Well? What will it be?

Y-you can't be

C'mon, Naritoshi! Show some backbone!

Any member of the Mori clan who can't even protect their lord doesn't deserve the Mori name!

Don't you retreat so much as a single step!

Y-yes, Lord Nagayoshi!

You're right! If this is about Master's safety, I won't take even a single step back!

I see. Then I'll just have to kill you all and take the mage by force.

...I will keep you safe no matter what, Master!

Hold it!

...?

NOW what!?

A new enemy?

Is that it? Not quite the warm welcome I was expecting.

Hmm, maybe I should try that again.

Just a moment, you three!

You seem like you could use some assistance. I'm willing to provide it, if you like.

Really!? Just like that!?

Master!?

？！

Wonderful! That's just what I like to hear!

Now that that's settled...

Here's my fee schedule.

•Total Annihilation Course - 10 Million QP •Standard Assistance Course/Best Value - 1 Million QP

•Trial Course/First Time Customers Only - Free for a limited time!

So, which one will it be?

？！

Ooh, a customer who appreciates quality!

Honestly, I just threw that one in as a gag, so I'm thrilled you actually went for it!

Oh, I see. A little low on funds right now, huh?

Master, a common saying on Planet Ranmaru seems appropriate right now: "There's no such thing as a free Hisahide."

Hmm. Not the most motivating selection, but oh well.

I suppose everyone's got to start somewhere!

？！

You must be one of Takasugi's dogs. I'm warning you now: get in my way, and I'll kill you, too.

My, my. This gentleman seems to be out of patience too.

Okay, everyone, thanks for waiting!

Tonight, I'm offering you a very special discount in honor of our first meeting!

...Here I come.

...

Wake up, Zanzaburo! It's showtime!!!

Fiiiiii!!!

？！

All right, everyone come get a good look at Izumo-no-Okuni's out-of-this-world kabuki dance!

Think you've seen kabuki before? Not like this, you haven't!

Zan!!!

Ghh!

Still, that won't be enough to defeat me.

Huh. You're just as strong as you look.

But nobody likes a performer who overstays their welcome, you know.

It's over. C'mon, let's go.

？！

What are you saying? I'm still just getting started.

You idiot. Can't you hear that?

You've made too much noise. As if your damn shouting wasn't loud enough to begin with.

...Fine.

Woman. Tell Takasugi this:

The Kinnou Party will never submit! Never!

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now if you've said everything you have to say, would you mind getting off the stage already?

...Bye, Master.

Go back to Chaldea now. Trust me, it's for your own good.

Hmm. I would've liked to give those two a bigger piece of my mind, but I suppose I can let them off the hook for now.

Okay, that's all for today. Thank you for your patronage.

All part of doing business. Which reminds me, don't forget to pay the bill on time, okay?

No problem. This was only the free trial, after all. You should see me when I really mean business.

I'm a little shocked that you're more interested in Zanzaburo than my dancing.

Don't you know better than to steal the show Zanzaburo?

Zan...

？！

All right, everyone! Once more, thank you for your patronage! I look forward to performing for you again!

And now, exit stage left!

...She's gone.

Oh, by the way! Is it just me, or is "exit stage left!" not a great catchphrase?

Why thank you! That's great to hear!

But I kind of get the sense you're just being polite.

Well, don't worry. I'll have come up with a real banger of a clincher by the next time we meet!

Ouch! Well that's a shock.

I've got no chance of making it in this line of work if I can't attract more attention.

All right, I'll make sure to think up a much flashier exit for next time.

？！

And with that, I'm really off now! Farewell!

What was that all about?

Beats me. But at least you kept the boss safe.

Way to go, Naritoshi.

Lord Nagayoshi!?

...I see. So Izo's working with the enemy now.

Who's Izo?

I see...

Hm? Did you say...Okada?

？！

Oh, and what about him? Is he going to be okay?

There, that oughta do it.

Hey, what's with all the spit? Can't we do this without it?

Shut up. Your whole Spirit Origin was on the verge of collapsing from that wound.

And since Master uses enough magical energy just keeping you around as it is, it's up to Oryou to patch you up instead.

Ah well, I can barely move worth a damn now anyway. Thanks!

It looks like he'll be fine. That's great.

No, it is NOT great!

Do you have any idea what Chacha went through while you were off gallivanting about, Sakamoto!?

Chacha had to fend off a ton of enemies all by herself after Nagayoshi ran off to try and save Master!

I'm sorry.

There's a lot to investigate in this city, you see.

I'm afraid I lost track of time looking into a few of them.

That, right there, is exactly why Chacha doesn't trust you!

Now, now, please don't be like that. At least I've learned a lot about the city.

And what's more, I found someone I'd like you to meet, Master.

You did?

Yup. He's actually an old friend of mine.

...

He's the president of Takasugi Industries, the company governing all of SAITAMA...

...Takasugi Shinsaku.