Shot 20: The Feet of Those Who Relax

Huh? This corridor... Could it be

I knew it! This is the corridor where your room is, Senpai!

Fou, fooou♪

Fou is happy about this, too. Look, he's jumping for joy.

Is...that what he's doing?

(...It's pretty cute.)

Now he's doing the Fou Tornado Dance of Delight! I guess it just goes to show there's no place like home.

This is the first residential area you've found since everything got wonky. Could be a good opportunity to catch your breath before pressing ahead.

？！

？！

？！

？！

？！

That does it! I've held my tongue so far, but my patience has reached its limit!

You took the words right out of my mouth!

The whole pack of you wicked things are an affront to law and order! I shall bring you all to justice personally!

Ehehehe... I'll use my natural wallflowerness to avoid attention... Then, I'll be the last one standing... Hehehe...

Looks like they're having an argument.

？！

First of all, what's that in the middle?

I think it's Senpai's mattress. And I'm seeing some other mysterious things here as well.

There are two ropes laid across the floor like a plus sign, dividing the room into four quadrants...

...and the mattress is laid on top of them in the center where they cross. Maybe it's some kind of ritual?

Uh, I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here. Especially given who's involved.

Oh my! How dare you!?

You home-wreckers have no shame at all, do you!?

Well, you can't pull the wool over THIS devoted wife's eyes.

You just took advantage of that scuffle to plunder some precious Master resources from my side, didn't you!?

That's right! I saw you oh-so-nonchalantly make off with a full four cubic centimeters' worth of texture, scent, and residual particles from Master's covers!

Need I remind you, this side is MY domain.

And unless I'm mistaken, we agreed to refrain from invading one another's space!

Ugh. Pirates are used to living with other people in close quarters, so I was willing to put up with a lot of shit...

...but this is ridiculous!

For that matter, there are two of us here. Doesn't that give us the right to demand twice the territory?

So! I demand complete control over the shower we ceded in the earlier confusion!

Now who is being ridiculous!?

...No, wait. It only makes sense that a domain with more citizens would require more land to house them.

Which means I need enough space for all my loyal Torturers as well! Now is the time to unite all our territories under one: mine!

So, what do we do about this?

I'm sorry, Master, but I think there's only one way to resolve this. Would you...?

？！

？！

I see. So all of you were wandering the Border after its inner space got all tangled up, and you just happened to arrive here at the same time.

Yes, that's right. At first, we decided to make camp in this room to ride out the emergency.

However, we were all exhausted both mentally and physically. We wanted to take a rest, but of course, there is only one mattress in this room.

For a while, we attempted to killI mean, negotiate in a healthy and civilized manner, but we remained at a stalemate.

So we had no other choice but to divide the room and the mattress into four equal domains.

Exactly! And that's where we are now.

Between the pirate domain, painter domain, empress domain, and devoted wife domain, turmoil over Master's mattress had reached a fever pitch!

Of course, as Master's devoted wife, I know I should have been the one to unify all the domains.

Believe me, I couldn't be more ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to do so! I hope you can forgive me!

I don't remember you and Master getting married! He's OUR quarry, and don't you forget it!

Ehehe... I don't care who unifies the room. I'll just take Master's mattress for myself...

It barely takes up any space, so the rest of you can have the whooole floor or wherever else to yourselves.

You can lick it, lie on it, or do who knows what else with it as far as I'm concerned...

Absolutely not! That mattress is the key to this whole war!

It is practically the castle that serves an emblem for a whole nation!

But didn't you want land more than you wanted the mattress, Empress?

If you give us the mattress, we don't mind letting you have the rest of the floor.

I can't see any reason to refuse an offer like that. Unless, of course, you're fixated specifically on Master's mattress for some other reason...

...but since you're an empress, and so far above us mere commoners, that can't possibly be the case, can it?

Ghh... O-of course not.

Now you listen to me. I could not possibly care less about who is whose wife or what quarry belongs to which pirates!

My point is, now that the Border's borders have collapsed, who should have control of the best quality land that remains?

And it obviously needn't be said that it should go to an empress.

Which is why I lay my rightful claim to this land, for it is the comfiest and most livable land available.

Who this mattress may originally belonged to simply does not matter.

It only makes sense that I, the one and only empress of China, should gain control of the best bit of territory here.

One must always secure any territory one can. That is all there is to it! Nothing more!

BUZZZ! You're lying! You can't fool my lie detector!

Urk.

Uh... Yes, that's right. I was lying. I have no need for land that will always be in turmoil!

H-hmph. The temerity to comment on an empress's style of governance... Not bad.

That's right! I was intentionally voicing a flawed opinion with the hope of drawing out precisely those talented enough to see through the cracks

That's another lie.

Grrr! Shut up, shut up, shut UP!!!

We've got a problem, Anne. The painter stole a march on us. Look! There's a sunflower peeking out from under the covers!

Oh my! Come on then! We can flank her, pin her down, and get rid of her once and for all!

No, we can't do that. Squashing her would leave a big stain. Let's just turn the mattress over and toss her off it!

？！

Senpai's room used to be a bastion of peace and tranquility where he could relax and recuperate...

...and now it's mired in noise and chaos.

Medusa, I think you may be justified in using your Mystic Eyes to petrify them right about now.

If they're all stone, they'll be quiet, and if they're all quiet, everyone will be happy.

That's all there is to it.

...Are you sure about this?

It's for Senpai's peace! And quiet!

I-I see. (I guess she gets worked up sometimes, too.)

Fooou.

All right, commencing Operation: Tranquil Room!

(BUZZZ!) All of you! Red cards!

Maybe you weren't aware of this, but Master's mattress has long been legally deemed inviolable territory!

？！

Oh well. We do need to make them settle down, so if force is what it takes, that's what we'll go with.

And hey, you can capture their shoe data while you're at it, too!

Indeed, that's very important as well. So, let's get to it!

That's it! The simple, straightforward cuteness of Kiyohime's, Wu Zetian's, and Mary's footwear!

The unbelievable coolness of Anne's metal heels!

These are the sorts of things you just won't notice without a close examination!

And then there's...

Bwaaa!? I don't even know what I'm looking at, but it's literally maddeningly cute! Hang in there, me! Don't lose hold of your sanity stat!

All right, aside from Miss Boot Line losing her own cool over there...

...has everyone calmed down now?

Yes. We're sorry...

When I saw Master's room was empty, I just got so excited to play the traditional "devoted wife waiting patiently for her beloved's return" role...

As a pirate, I can't see treasure and not try to claim it for myself, so...

E-ehehe. I just wanted to burrow into Master's bed like usual...

I wasn't really thinking about it any deeper than that...

Eep. I guess you could say I never think about things too deeply, huh? It's true. I'm so sorry!

And as I said before, I was merely devoting myself to practicing proper governance!

...R-really, that's all.

So, what do we do now?

You know, I'm gonna ask the opinion of someone we usually never ask from. What do YOU think we should do?

Let's see...

I don't really understand what this was all about, but it's basically kids fighting over who gets to play with a toy, right?

Since all their fighting has nearly broken that toy, I think what I'd do is show them the results of their actions.

Take a look around you, everyone! Do you see what a mess you've made of Senpai's room!?

...Tch. Sorry. It won't happen again.

If that doesn't work, you could threaten to confiscate the toy until they learn how to share.

That's a drastic solution, but it does sound much better than Senpai's room being completely destroyed.

Nooo! Anything but thaaat!

(Hmm. This Medusa's got a surprisingly good head on her shoulders.)

(Maybe her maternal instincts are kicking in with the way she's been holding that golden sword like it was a child.)

？！

So what do you think we should do, Fujimaru?

？！

Senpai, no! That's very kind of you, but it's too dangerous!

Hmm. I gotta say, another rest spot would be a big help here.

As long as everyone follows the rules, like taking turns resting and whatnot, there shouldn't be a problem...

So maybe we just need to officially make it the law of the land. Or room, as it were.

？！

There you go. One contract spell, signed and sealed.

Now we just embed this in your door, aaand...

Voilà. Now nobody can enter this room unless they agree to the contract!

Since my Eye of the Spirits is always watching, I can make sure the terms of service are enforced with absolute authority.

So I can also guarantee that any dealings involving this contract will be completely on the up and up.

If someone stays past their designated time, tries to cast a curse, place a trap, or violates the terms in any other way, they'll be automatically kicked out, just like that.

This is great. We'll hammer out the details later, but it sounds like this should stop any trouble before it starts.

？！

Not at all. You already paid me what I asked for, so this is just another service. Systems engineering, I think it's called?

Anyway, my profit margins are already accounted for in the fee, so I'm always happy to do more business. All right then, don't be a stranger☆

Now that things have come to this, all that's left is to follow the rules.

If those rules include a time limit, then I'll just monopolize the Master elements in his room until my time is up.

However, I refuse to give up the honor of being the first to make use of this room! For me, as his devoted wife, it's first or nothing!

Well, we're not giving up the first spot either. So how about we settle this with a nice, clean round of rock-paper-scissors!?

Agreed!

Given how I died and all, I don't suppose I could be the only one who gets to use a pistol? N-no dice? Right, of course. I'm sorry...

Rock! Paper! Scissors! Shoot!

Tie! Go again! Tie! Go again!

...! ...!

(Sound of fire blazing) (Sound of a gunshot)

？！

Is it working?

I think so.

Hmph. Don't you two think this is getting ridiculous? It's pissing me off.

No. I think she realizes, and she's going along with it anyway.

Either way, our job is the same. We have to make sure this succeeds.

Yes. We each have our own jobs to do.

What are you talking about? Our work is done already.

If all goes according to plan, yes. But there's no telling what could happen.

Depending on how things go, we may have to pitch in.

At this point, it's better to be obvious about it than to have the plan fail.

...Yes, I suppose it is.

Personally, I've been curious about it for a long time. If this is what we have to do

Well, I'm done getting involved. They can struggle as much as they like, for all I care. Hahaha!

You heard her. What do we do now?

Oh, I'm sure she'll still come by to at least check in. She's me, too, after all.

She knows just as well as we do that this concerns her, too.

If we need her help, we can make sure she gets involved whether she likes it or not.