I Want to be an Expedition Tam Lin!

A stargazer...fortress?

Observatory's more like it, really. But whatever we call it, it is humanity's last bastion.

It is the front line of humanity's battle for survival. Heroes form all walks of life assemble there.

Quite the opportunity, that. I'd take it if I were in your sabatons.

Some of the fiercer warriors there are bound to live up to your standards.

Oh, right. One more thing.

And I'm sure this'll really interest you.

...

...I see.

Warning. Warning.

Intruder alert. Magical energy signal detected in the underground dock.

Initiating lockdown. All personnel near the dock, please evacuate immediately.

...

So this is the stargazers' fortress.

Hmm.

Didn't you hear the order to evacuate? What are you still doing here?

？！

？！

Master... A commander of Heroic Spirits.

So you would stand in my way? Interesting.

Very well then.

Stop me, if you can.

The intruder's magical energy levels are spiking! Please be careful, Senpai!

...!

You're strong.

My spear was no match for you.

？！

I see. The front line for humanity's survival...

It seems the mage spoke true.

At least they seem to be done pointing their spear at you, Senpai.

I apologize for my brash manner.

I am afraid my actions were...hasty. I assure you, I am not your enemy.

... ...

I came here...

...to see High Queen Morgan.

？！

That's right!

I am Tam Lin Britomart!

I am the daughter of Britomart the First. She once adventured at King Arthur's side in his youth.

And I am Britomart the Second. I am a Tam Lin, sworn to Gloriana, queen of the Land of Fairies!

I heard a rumor in paradise that I could find Morgan, High Queen of the faeries here in the stargazers' fortress.

And so I came here to see for myself if there was any truth in this rumor!

I am honored to make your acquaintance!

E-excuse me, but...

...are you okay, Britomart? Would you like some water?

(Huff, huff...)

Maybe you'd prefer tea? Hot or cold, take your pick.

(Huff... Gasp...)

Th-thank you, but I'm all right...

Forgive me. This armor is just...very stuffy...

So I sometimes...find myself...running out of breath...if I talk for very long... (Huff, huff...)

Pardon the intrusion. I sensed an unusual magical energy presence in the area.

Is there a problem here?

？！

...You are unharmed, I see. Little wonder, as I see Mash is here with you.

Now, where is this intruder who did battle with you, Mas

!!!

High Queen Morgan!

You must be her! Ahh, I knew it! You're just as beautiful as Mother said!

That noble aura... That abundance of magical energy... You are undoubtedly every bit the equal of Her Majesty Queen Gloriana!

You are, without a doubt, a true faerie queen!

I AM SO TOUCHED!

G-good point, Senpai.

Back in the docks, she wound up out of breath after speaking for just a few minutes.

Yeah, she's not doing great. Hey, might be time to take that helmet off before you suffocate.

？！

(Huff, huff...)

...(Inhale)...

...I'm...sor...ry... It's so...stuffy...

F-forgive me... I need...a moment...to catch...my breath...

... ...

I see. You are not, it would seem, an assassin sent to kill Master.

Britomart, was it? What does a Tam Lin of Proper Human History want with Chaldea?

!!!

Of course! Forgive me, High Queen Morgan!

I am indeed a loyal knight to Her Majesty Gloriana, but you see, right now I am something of a squire in training.

So, unusual as it is, I must ask a favor of you:

I would ask that you do me the honor...

...of appointing me your Expedition Tam Lin!

Expedition Tam Lin!?

Ideally, I would love to join your royal guard, but that would be far too presumptuous. So instead, I ask that you make me your Expedition Tam Lin!

...An Expedition Tam Lin.

Perhaps the fae queen of Proper Human History would have use for such a knight, but I do not.

I no longer have a nation to call my own.

Your Majesty!

I am not your queen. If I were to grant your request and appoint you my Expedition Tam Lin...

...I would be doing Gloriana a grave disservice. Enough of this, Britomart.

Wha

Britomart...

？！

(Huff... Huff...)

I... I cannot, High Queen Morgan!

According to the man from paradise...

...you already command Tam Lin who have inherited their names from their predecessors, just like I have.

？！

(Damn that meddling pest of an incubus. If only he and that accursed worm had done me the favor of destroying each other...)

Britomart, with...one notable exception, my Tam Lin are all very hard workers...

...but they are still quite a long ways from the sort of knight you envisio

With all due respect, Your Majesty, those Tam Lin are my seniors! There is surely much I can learn from them!

And that's all I wish!

(Huff... Huff...) I...I want to learn!

I want to learn what it means to inherit a name with history! What it means to be a Tam Lin serving the queen!

So please! Please, Your Majesty!

...

Enough of this. I have already given you an answer.

Wait, MothI mean, Your Majesty! Please, allow me to handle this!

？！

I just happened by...and pressed my ear to the door, so I could overhear the conversation.

Ahh, High Queen Morgan.

Seeing your generosity in listening to this nobody has renewed my loyalty to you all over again.

But...don't you think you're being a little too nice?

You really need to be as cold and direct as you can with people or fairies like this. Trust me!

This one is as thick as Barghest, and as impudent as Mélusine! I can practically smell it!

Once these bullheaded types make up their mind, they won't change it unless they're forced to. You know what I'm talking about, right, Fujimaru?

Which is why...

...we need to make them understand through more...visceral means.

I have an idea, Mother. Why don't we give "that" a shot?

..."That," hm?

？！

I have been keeping this from you...

...but I cannot do so any longer. It seems it is finally time to come clean.

Now, what was it called again...?

And here it is.

？！

You seem surprised, Master. This is a training facility for Chaldea's Heroic Spirits.

Hmm... What did we name it again? I think we came up with a rather good one.

The Diabolical Crime Chamber, or to put it more nicely, the Athletic Zone, Mother.

Yes, that's it.

Diabolical Crime Chamber!?

？！

Oh, right. That...that may be my fault.

You know that classic shounen battle manga with the qi blasting martial artists and dragon orbs?

Well, I miiight have lent my copies to one of the Tam Lin!

(Gasp!)

W-well, you know, we never had any books like that in Faerie Britain. I was so moved that I recommended them to Her Majesty...

Hey, old-school shounen battle manga is hard-core! And that one's a classic for a reason!

Me, I always thought the early training and tournament arcs were some of the best in the series!

There's nothing like seeing characters you love unveil new and improved skills in the heat of friendly competition!

Yes! Exactly!

Hard work! Friendship! Victory! Matchups! Romance! Surprise turnabouts! Those books had all those things and more!

I simply couldn't put them down until I had finished them all!

？！

You couldn't put them down? Sounds more like a curse to me.

Ah, whatever. I'd never read anything so lowbrow as manga, anyway.

But I did like the idea of going through hard-core training, and since we're talking about Heroic Spirits, I knew it'd have to be really, really intense.

So I took a look at some of the training courses in our library and made some lethal improvements.

Instead of water, we've got lava. Instead of big, soft hammers, we've got giant scythes. The swampy areas? Toxic.

Woah! We've got Lava! And giant scythes!

And you've even got magical energy traps, too. Oh yes, very nice.

Even in a simulator, this is clearly not going to be a walk in the park! Servants could even virtually die!

You said it!

It looks like Chaldea's three strictest teachers put this course together with help from literally inhuman faeries...

...which certainly explains all the deadly obstacles for the contestants to navigate.

Haha, so that's how this happened! Fascinating! This is going to be an obstacle course for the ages!

That's for sure. I think even Heroic Spirits are going to have a hard time with this one.

Spectators won't want to miss a second of the action. I can already tell that providing the color commentary is going to be a big responsibility.

I feel the same way, since I'll be providing the play-by-play.

I see. So by positioning yourselves as commentators, you casually avoid competing.

Very clever. Indeed, I would expect nothing less.

Hahaha, I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.

Hahaha. No comment.

All right, that's quite enough of that. Now, if I may direct your attention over there.

Aha, I should have known Chaldea would rise to the challenge.

We already have a great number of fearless contestants ready to try their hands at this course's deadly obstacles!

What's this, then? Some kinda training facility?

Dunno, but looks like it'd be a solid way to kill some time.

Hah! Hell yeah!

!

Aha, now I see. So you need to get past all those tricky obstacles

And try to get first place, huh. Looks like fun! Woohoo!

Haha, so it does! And going up against a guy like you sounds even more fun!

I think I'll give this everything I've got!

An obstacle course?

Ugh, what a pain.

Know what, I'mma just Clarent anyone who looks like they might get in our way.

Stop that, Mordred! Violence can't ALWAYS be your first solution!

Gareth...wait. Mordred is right, for once.

Brother Gawain...? What are you saying!?

Do you see this signpost with the course rules?

"The goal of this athletic course is to compete with other teams and be the first to reach the goal."

So, as you can see, it is also a race. To win, we must be the first to reach the goal.

It also specifies that any and all attempts to obstruct other teams are permitted.

Really!? Then, it's okay to brawl with the other contestants!?

Oh, now that I can get behind! Makes this real simple!

So all I gotta do is sucker-Clarent the rest of the chumps!

No, Mordred! It doesn't matter how simple of complicated the rules may be!

A knight must always be chivalrous!

So if you wish to use your Clarent, you should do so fair and square. No surprise attacks.

Sir Percival is exactly right, Mordred!

Tch. Goddamn pain in the ass.

Use Clarent fair and square, huh?

That's right. As long as one announces oneself before attacking, they have been sufficiently chivalrous.

I heard the winners get a great prize!

The Mount Liang outlaws will be the ones to get the prize!

Which means we'll just have to win, won't we!? Let's all cheer now for our inevitable victory!

Wooo!

Someone praise meee!!!

Right on. ...I wonder what this great prize is, anyway.

You hear that, Tametomo!? Boss Tawara!? Looks like we can get our hands on somethin' real golden!

Understood.

Requesting authorization for all weapon systems. ...Granted.

Hell yeah! Haha, nice to see ya fired up, Tametomo!

Ahaha. Just be careful not to go overboard, all right? If you two get carried away, people could die.

Uh... You sure you should be talking on that score?

Baffling...

Well, would you look at that! What an incredible assortment of powerful Heroic Spirits!

And it seems a number of them have been drawn here by rumors of an incredible prize on offer.

What can you tell us about that, Lady Avalon?

Thanks, Taigong Wang. This is Lady Avalon, everyone's favorite little sister.

And I'm hearing word that the team which takes first will receive no less a prize than a Holy Grail!

Of course, that's just a rumor!

A Holy Grail, you say? My, that IS quite the prize.

Hm? Who are you two talking to?

Should I be playing along with this?

...Hahaha. No, that's all right.

On a different subject...I've also heard rumors that the winners will receive land.

This seems to have spurred a number of royal Servants to take part as well.

Just look over there!

Your Majesty! Your Imperial Majesty Charlemagne!

We, your loyal paladins, are ready to fight by your side. Um, except for Stolfo. I'm afraid he ran off somewhere!

So business as usual then.

Well, that's fine. We'll just have to win that new land ourselves!

A Chaldea fiefdom for the Kingdom of the Franks, huh. I'm not all that interested in expanding my territory...

...but pitting our skills against heroes of myth and legend? Now that sounds awesome!

Let's do it!

Yes, my king!

!

!

Rebellion!

We shall crush every obstacle which oppresses our progress! The finest act of rebellion!

I heard some new land was up for grabs!

New land? Between your private room and your territory in the simulator, do you really need any more land?

Also, since Chaldea and the Wandering Sea are the last surviving remnants of civilization on the planet...

...you already control a pretty substantial percent of the civilized world.

(Sigh) That won't do at all.

Being magnanimous is lovely, but that doesn't mean you want to pass up new opportunities!

Think about it. New territory? In these conditions?

That may as well be an innocent Good-Looking Brave waiting for me with stars in their eyes!

!

Is she...throwing herself at me!?

Well, how could I still call myself a gentleman if I refused!?

(What am I even doing here?)

Just look at all those royal Heroic Spirits! Some of these are the faces you'd expect to see here...

...but what was Lady Altria Caster doing with the Celts?

Great question, Taigong Wang. I'd guess Queen Medb dragged her here.

She was probably so flustered she couldn't think of a way to refuse.

That does sound likely.

Well, look there. Another combination I'd never have thought to see.

Rumor has it that the winner of this course will be rewarded with a wholly new kind of magecraft.

I wonder if it's true.

It may just be a rumor, but if it's actually true, well...

...I can't possibly pass this chance up! Don't you agree?

N-not really... I don't have any particular interest in modern magecraft anyway.

But think about it, Great Pharaoh Nitocris.

Okay...

If it IS something wholly newsomething based on magecraft principles we could never have even conceived of...

...wouldn't that just be wonderfully Mahatma!?

Magecraft unlike ancient Egyptian magecraft, or Clock Tower magecraft, or thought spells...

...Would it be unlike runes, too?

Yes, of course it would! Well?

Well, um, yes... That sounds maybe a little intriguing...

Then it's settled! I knew you would understand, Pharaoh Nitocris! After all, you're the queen of the heavens and the ruler beloved by the gods of the underworld!

All right, if we're going to do this, then we're in it to win!

Um...

You know I'm not a Caster or anything, right? Pourquoi did you bring me here?

You're one of the Knights Templar, right!? So of course you'd want to know all about secret rituals! Now let's go!

I ain't been this rarin' ta go in a long time!

Saber Katsushika OuiI mean, Katsushika Hokusai, is here and ready ta rock! When I'm done, I'll finally get to be a real fairy!

Holy Grail, Schmoly Grail, it don't matter! I ain't restin' till it's in my hot little hands!

... ...

Um... Oei? That slender, rowdy woman over there is the spitting image of y

I know... I know, Omicchan! But please, just for now, don't ask me 'bout her.

Swordmaster? Sword saint? Who cares about 'em!? Chaldea's got actual sages now, or at least folk who're damn close!

Forget the Holy Grail! I'm gonna show those sages what I can do, and get myself an invitation to the Kunlun Mountains!

I see. So she's you, too. But I don't see what you need to be so ashamed o

Not another word! Please! I'm beggin' ya!

Hmm. I'm glad to see Hokusai is still in good spirits.

It sounds like she's in this to win. That may mean we end up as opponents.

Then we'll need to stay sharp, Lord Siegfried.

Indeed.

In more ways than one, in our case.

I wonder what they're talking about.

Who knows. Probably something about the obstacle course.

... ...

...We are both here. Why don't we try our hand as well?

I'm sorry?

We can wait until Sigurd and Siegfried have gotten pretty far along...

...then jump out and mess them up! Doesn't that sound like fun?

Oh my, would you look at that! Do you think those are real scythes?

They look like they'd cut you right in half. Well, not YOU, Tarasque. You'd be fine, right?

(Well, yeah, technically! I am a dragonkin, after all!)

I knew it! Okay then, I'll be counting on you out there!

...Oh forNow I HAVE to go along to make sure nothing happens to them!

It looks like Martha's teaming up with her little sister(?), yes! So how about you and I have our own little carnival, too!?

Wh-what is this? Are you attempting to recruit me to your cause?

But of course! Tonight, you and I will dance through the air and make a beautiful Feliz Navidad!

No, thank you. I do not dance. Ask another Servant.

Ah! Un momento, por favor! Your abs would be absolutely perfect for this!

Hehehehe!

Look at that, Yaskayas. I think they call that a playground these days?

And if it's attracting heroes from all walks of life, it must be one that everyone can enjoy!

Let's go play on it ourselves! This is going to be fun!

Um, Nikitich? I'm really not sure how to tell you this, but that's obviously

Ahem. Hold on, Light Me.

Don't you think it'd be easy for us to handle some murderous, overgrown playground equipment designed by a bunch of faeries and Celtic Heroic Spirits?

Oh. Good point.

Then why don't we

Don't you girls worry! I'll protect you both no matter what!

I can do that!

...

My goodness, what an amazing variety of contestants!

We have some Heroic Spirits who are just here to watch, while others are raring to face the challenges ahead.

What a testament to the diversity of Chaldea's Servant population. How utterly intriguing.

Do you? I could have sworn I just saw you locked in a thousand-yard stare.

Hahaha.

Now then, who could that be? We seem to be getting all kinds of unexpected contestants today.

(Cough, cough) Can't that team do something about all the smoke they're giving off?

(Hack, hack) Ghh. Where'd that come from all of a sudden?

Oh, dammit. My hand slipped. Now the spell's ruined...

...We'll just have to start over.

Dammit! I was all set to visit Lady Yu once I'd finished setting this up!

This is gonna take forever!

Fine then, I'll just have to make these spells extra nasty.

Those Heroic Spirits are members of the event staff.

Hmm, I see. And they made an obstacle course of their own.

A truly killer one filled with Eastern spells! They say it'll make your hair stand on end when you see what's in store!

This has been Lady Avalon!

Haha, I see they really aren't messing around!

Incidentally, I helped out with the spell course as well.

Oh, yeah. I forgot you're on the obstacle course staff, too. As to the group who coordinated the whole course, that would be

Us!

Morgan asked us to create this course some time ago. We have been working on it ever since!

Incidentally...

...I also had the Scáthach-Skadi from Scandinavia help us. She said she wished to atone for summer.

I...see?

She both is, and is not me. In effect, she is almost like a younger sister.

And as her elder sister, I must ensure she takes responsibility for her mistakes.

Riiight...

(Obviously pleased with herself for doing what she thinks is a good deed.)

But enough about that.

Left to their own devices, the faeries' design would have been mean-spirited. With our aid, it is a proper training ground.

Indeed. But now, we have the ultimate tough-but-fair obstacle course!

Kanra kara kara! This is going to be so much fun!

Fair... Well, that remains to be seen, but I can certainly vouch for it being tough. But hey, this is the simulator, and all our participants are Heroic Spirits.

With two fallbacks like that, I don't think we have anything to worry about.

You are hearing me, right, Fujimaru? You too, new Tam Lin?

Don't take my word for it! Come down here and try it yourself!

...!

？！

Seems there are quite a few Servants set on trying this obstacle course!

And that means...

Sir Britomart, your competition will be heroes from across time, from all around the world!

... ...

？！

This must be what they call...

Ah, a challenge!

A challenge!

A CHALLENGE!

I love it! I welcome it! Hell, I practically eat it for breakfast!

I, Britomart, second generation Tam Lin, am ready to rise to the challenge!

I, Britomart, second generation Tam Lin, am ready to rise to the challenge!

？！

That's right!

I usually wear all that heavy armor for defense, but also as a form of resistance training.

But I got so worked up about this challenge...

...I ended up casting it all off in my excitement! I hope you can forgive me!

Well, if the enthusiasm is any indication, Britomart is certainly her mother's daughter.

Incidentally, as long as you've come to own it through legitimate means, that armor is actually a type of Noble Phantasm that continues to confer its protection even after removing it.

So, even though she's taken it off, she's still got all the defenses of a mobile fortress. In fact, I'd say that armor is tougher now than it was even in its heyday.

I see. Do you know this woman then?

Oh yes. Very well.

The first Britomart was quite the colorful character, too. Once, she even tried to punch King Arthur out over a misunderstanding!

Seriously?

Seriously. I'll never forget the sight. I wonder if her daughter inherited that same...colorful character.

I see, I see. So this is a race through an extreme obstacle course.

What's more, it seems anything goes. You're allowed, even encouraged to attack your opponents in the race.

I see. So this is the Athletic Zone! A worthy challenge if ever I've seen one.

Adversity, here I come!

That's the spirit!

？！

Your courage in the face of adversity is an inspiration to us all.

I, Astraea, goddess of justice, shall lend you my power, daughter of my beloved son, Artegall!

Grandma! ...Or at least, you remind me of her! So you're like...my mock-grandma! My Grandmock!

Astraea!

I see. Now I understand. In addition to being the goddess of justice...

...you're also known for being the foster mother of the original Britomart's partner, Artegall.

Which means you're essentially this Britomart's grandmother!

Grandmock!

R-right. For you, she could be considered a mock-grandmotheror, uh, grandmock!

It's all right, Britomart. You may call me "Grandmother."

Yes, Grandmock!

You're just like your mother. Once you get an idea in that head of yours, nothing can change it.

Your honest nature is absolutely darling, but it will be of little help in the trials ahead.

And that is why I have brought you two reliable companions to aid in your quest. Reveal yourselves!

...You are, of course, kidding.

An obstacle course?

I might be a Pseudo-Servant now, but I'm still not exactly a star athlete.

... ...

Um, sir?

It may just be my imagination, but, um...

...Baobhan Sith has been staring at me for...a while now...

Hm? Do you need something?

Hmph. Don't get the wrong idea. I wasn't trying to hide my staring. I was watching you. Openly.

But seriously, what's with your face? You're so...you know, but you don't use any makeup.

You should stop by my room sometime. I'm sure I can find some cosmetics that'll look good on you.

O-oh! Th-thank you!(?)

May I remind you that I found Gray first? I'll thank you to keep your hands off her.

U-um

Seriously? Tall, blonde, muscular? We have Barghest at home. Get lost.

Anyway, kid, if you want to start looking your best, come find me. Though I think we all know what'll happen!

O-okay.

There really does seem to be something about my apprentice which cannot help but draw undesirable attention.

Achoo!

Oh? Is something wrong, Lord Sima Yi?

Just call me Reines. And no, it's fine. Someone's probably just talking about me behind my back.

Now, where were we?

Gray, Lord El-Melloi II...

...Mash, and Fujimaru.

And of course, myself, and Britomart the Second.

We are all going to challenge that obstacle course together. Are you ready?

？！

Thank you, Grandmock! And thank all of you, too!

I vow to tackle High Queen Morgan's Athletic Zone's obstacle course with everything I've got!

And when I'm done, I swear I will have earned a position as her Expedition Tam Lin!

That's right. If I have to do this...

...then that's exactly what I'm going to do!