3: The Alliance Strikes Back (I) 1/4

Welcome to the Chunchun-tei, where expert chefs work wonders with the freshest ingredients.

However, I'm afraid the whole restaurant has been rented out today, so we aren't able to serve walk-in

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Senpai!? What are you doing at the Chunchun-tei!?

Especially now that it's been reduced to a lukewarm shell of its former hot spring inn glory!?

Oh, of course. You must have finished your reports! Congratulations!

And I see you're here with Altria Caster, too.

I take it you're one of the Servants Director Goredolf assigned to guard Master on this mission then, Altria?

Y-yeah, that's right. Goredolf asked me to do this.

Anyway, it's good to see you again, Mash. Oh, but don't feel like you have to call me by my full name, since it's kind of long. Here, I've been going by Alcas or just Caster.

Understood. It's good to see you too, Alcas! Thank you for keeping Master safe!

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Everyone here seems so dejected. Like, they're actually trying to drown their sorrows over failed hopes and dreams in liquor.

I...wish I could say you were wrong, but I'm afraid you're right on the mark.

Dammit. I just wanna lose myself in my dreams, but the more I drink, the clearer my head gets.

The hell's wrong with this booze? I can't believe they haven't shut this place down yet!

Well, fine then. I'll just have to keep drinking till I hit rock bottom.

Yo, Madam! Gimme another one of these gyokuro green tea things! And really load it up with booze!

I'll have another plate of this...wheat gluten rusk, was it? The sweet stuff with kinako soybean powder on it?

You've gotta be putting some majorly bad shit in this, right? It's just crazy addictive.

Seriously, I can't believe this place is still being allowed to operate. Well, I'd better eat as much as I can before the cops catch on and close this place for good.

In fact, just give me all the rusks you've got on one big plate. I got nothing better to do, so I might as well stuff myself to death.

I've never seen anyone get mean drunk on caffeine, catechin, and gluten before, chirp...

But, an order is an order. It's not my job to tell guests what they should want.

Mash, watch the hall for me please, chirp. I'm going to go knead some more wheat gluten rusks in the kitchen.

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Huh? What're you looking at? This ain't a sideshow, pal. If you wanna make a documentary about us, you've gotta make an appointment ahead of...

Oh, Master, it's you. So you finally finished your homework, huh.

Let's see... Oh, right, today's the second day of the most recent reset. Wanna drink with us? They say this booze is actually real good for you.

Ugh, you only got here now? You're just so...you, aren't you?

Eh, whatever. You're welcome to join our club.

Here, have a seat and order whatever you want. ...You DO have A.P. Pounds on you, right?

At first it was just Jeanne and Blackbeard, but now, everyone's been coming here just about every day to drown their sorrows.

The meals Beni-Enma prepares here are all offerings full of gratitude made for the Buddha...

...so even a Servant could get sick if they eat and drink too much of them. Which is why, well...

I see. You've been keeping a constant eye on them to make sure nothing unfortunate happens.

Yes. I first came here at Jeanne Alter's request when she asked me to join the Anti-ServantFes Alliance in Master's place.

But since the Alliance has been renting the whole place out basically every day...

...I decided to stick around and help Beni-Enma so she wouldn't have to do everything herself.

But we don't have to worry about that anymore.

Now that you're here, Master, I'm going back to our old club activities!

What!? And who said you could do that!?

Once you join the Anti-ServantFes Alliance, you don't get to just walk away!

For that matter...

Mash, you're like our little sister, our all-purpose helper, and the backbone of our group all in one!

If you leave us now, we'll be in free fall until we hit rock bottom, and who knows how long that will take!

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You mean you don't know!?

This is a matter of pirate pride! We wanna be free to live our lives however we want!

That's why we're not taking part in this piss-poor excuse for a ServantFes! All we care about now's wrecking it for everyone else!

That's why we assembled like-minded comrades and formed this huge alliance!

As long as we're around, ServantFes will never succeed! I guarantee it!

More like, as long as these resets keep happening, my chances of getting motivated are zeroed out!

I mean, why bother trying to finish my new book if I never have to worry about deadlines!? Ahahahaha!

Hey, Madam, where's my food!? My only pleasures right now are sleeping and eating, and I'll be damned if I have to go without one of them!

Stop that, Jeanne Alter. Servant or not, drowning yourself with so much gluten can't possibly be good for you!

Fujimaru, that pirate guy is entirely serious about what he's saying.

(His heart's crying too, but I probably shouldn't say that in front of anyone else.)

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I'm glad you asked. See, no matter how many otaku T-shirts I put away, I'll always be a PaiKet man at heart.

I'd never disrupt the ServantFes hall with violence. I'm going to communicate my displeasure to the committee with my attitude alone.

It doesn't matter how squeaky-clean the committee wants their ServantFes to be if they can't get anyone to show up for it.

Which means...

...we're gonna keep gathering other Servants to our cause and grow our ServantFes boycott!

Once those committee members see how empty their con hall is, they'll know they can't just expect people to show up, even in the tropics!

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I agree. While I think it's wonderful that you're not resorting to violence, I can't condone involving people who do want to attend.

I don't know how many resets you've gone through by now, but the festival's reached its finale at least a few times, right?

So if more than half the other clubs approve of how the committee's running things, can they really be that bad?

Well, yeah, sure. I'll grant that this year's ServantFes is super welcoming.

The club members all get free meals and accommodations, and they can even get art supplies and reference material delivered to their room if they ask.

They're also doing a great job of taking care of the regular attendees. Coupons for well-known shops, all-day city bus passes...

...more and better medical facilities, improved night patrols, cracking down on tourist traps...

Even though I'm strictly a buy-only guy, I still found myself thinking it was paradise...at first.

But then, I found out they'd made one rule they should never ever have made!

A rule that goes against everything ServantFes stands for, where the rich get richer and everyone else can suck it!

"So long as someone went to the trouble to make it, every kind of book is A-OK here, even if only one person ever reads it!"

That was BB's one dream for this festival, and those committee bastards stomped all over it!

(Sure makes it sound like the committee must have been the ones who stole this Singularity from BB then... Huh?)

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What a shame. What a terrible, terrible shame. To think that a hero of your caliber could be so blind.

I thought you of all people would understand after your brilliant showing at PaiKet, but I can no longer bear to listen to this drivel.

Huh? Who's there!? And gosh, me, a hero? Stop, you'll make me blush! Do I know you? Are you a fellow pirate!?

Absolutely not. I am no pirate; I am a true hero. I could never be at home near the sea the way you are.

My name is Mr. Someone. As one of the queen's knights, I uphold law and order for all of ServantFes.

What're you talking about!? You couldn't be MORE at home!

...(Dumbfounded)

This song is a funeral march; it is, in fact, for your funeral. Do you like it?

I understand where you're coming from, and to that, I say:

Any club who refuses to take part in the finale has no place at ServantFes!

In the name of the Normalization Committee, we will not allow even a single discordant weed to grow unchecked!

Under Articles Five and Six of the New ServantFes Laws, I'm arresting you all for illegal club activities!

Damn, it's a raid! C'mon, Fujimaru, let's get 'em!

If they arrest us now, we'll never get another chance! You're the leader of the Anti-ServantFes Alliance, so fight like it!

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Ugh! Why are you two getting in my way all of a sudden!?

We only just met at the hotel earlier! Why in the world would you help these day-drinking rebels!?

You have nothing to do with any of them!

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I see. So you're friends. That does explain why you'd help them.

Okay, I'll write that battle off as an act that was beyond your control. I won't charge you with anything this time.

For that matter, those were summoning arts, right? I didn't realize you were the Master of Chaldea.

Let me introduce myself again properly. I'm Yaraändoo. What are your names?

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A-and I'm a friend of Fujimaru's. I guess you can call me, um, Manny?

Fujimaru and Manny. Got it.

And this knight here is my new escort. I just met him earlier, actually.

He approached me, told me how beautiful I was, then asked me if I was here alone, so I

Hm?

What in the world do you think you're doing, Sir Lancelot? Aren't you supposed to be guarding Master?

Hahaha. Hello, Mash. I'm glad to see you're all right, too, Fujimaru.

I think my actions speak for themselves, but I'll take this opportunity to clear things up anyway.

The truth is, I've been suffering temporary amnesia since that mysterious flash of light a few hours ago.

I only just now came to my senses. Haha. Hahahaha.

So Mr. Someone is your friend, too? Damn. I thought he'd be a decent helper in combat.

Oh well. Hiring him after he tried to pick me up was mostly a whim, so I won't miss him too much.

And it's not like I need any help to deal with the Anti-ServantFes Alliance, anyway.

Peh! Don't go thinking you're hot stuff, pink hair! We just let our guard down now, that's all!

You came after us, knowing we were drunk off our asses! Where's the honor, I ask you!?

Your beloved committee'd probably be shocked to hear how you been conducting yourself! Ain't that right, Jeanne Alter!?

Quit shouting! Ugh, my freakin' head. I, uh...I actually may need to go to the bathroom. Gonna hurl...

...Hmph, how sad. It's hard to believe she was one of the most renowned creators at the last ServantFes.

Well, never mind. I was so appalled by what I saw here that I was going to arrest you all, but that was a heat of the moment thing. I take it back.

In fact, I'm here today because we want to treat even rebels like yourselves fairly.

Treat us fairly? My ass!

Hear me out. The committee carefully considered your proposal to loosen our code...

...and has decided to accept it.

So, on the finale, we're going to have attendees vote for their favorite book sold at ServantFes...

...and if your alliance club's book makes it to the top ten, we'll accept that as the will of the people...

...and the committee will abolish the rule about books having to stay within approved genres only.

Really!? So then, all we have to do is make the next god-tier book!?

That's right. However, if your book fails to make the top ten, then the Anti-ServantFes Alliance will be disbanded...

...and you'll all have to volunteer as ServantFes staff members for the rest of time.

Incidentally, while we may have had to reset ServantFes five times so far as a result of several incidents...

...a poll we took this morning has books made by our committee members...

...occupying all ten of the top rankings.

So, what do you think? Doesn't that sound like a beautifully fair opportunity?

Assuming you have the guts to seize it, of course.

(Wait. Really? Does she not know that our Master is a ServantFes expert?)

(With Lord Fujimaru on our side, we could make a top ten book in our sleep.)

Heh. That's enough big talk from you, girlie. You want to see which of us can make the better doujin? You'd better believe you're on!

You have no idea who Fujimaru here is, do you!? Well, let me tell you!

This is the captain of the legendary club that pulled off a miraculous twelve book marathon at the last ServantFes!

Huh!? You mean, YOU'RE the legendary Master!? Now that you mention it, you DO have the look of an assistant about you!

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Hmph. Then it seems I'll have a worthy opponent. However, the code won't be loosened until after the rankings are tallied.

So while you can print as many books as you want, you'll have to wait until you've won before you can make any freaky stuff!

Muahahaha, this match is as good as won! As the representative of the Anti-ServantFes Alliance, I accept your challenge!

Well, I'm a buyer, not a creator, so I won't be making the book myself, but that's fine!

Blackbeard, I'm not sure Jeanne Alter and the other members will be happy with you accepting this challenge without talking to them first.

Nnn, I'm not sure it would've made any difference.

Cnoc naI mean, Yaraändoo there isn't the type to take "no" for an answer in times like this.

More importantly, what's this code you've been talking about? It sounds like that's what this whole conflict is about.

It refers to the themes books at ServantFes can address.

And this year, the committee is only permitting works about one theme.

I see. Only one theme... So, what is it? Soccer? Pottery?

Hm? The theme is Altria, of course. What else would it be?

Huh?

I said, the theme is Altria!

This year, every book is by Altrias, about Altrias, and for Altrias!

Altria's just so great. Especially her face.

She's pure, upright, bold, and daring all at once. She may seem timid and demure, but she has the heart of a lion.

She has all the cherubic innocence of a young woman and the beauty of a young man. She has slender, hardworking shoulders and competitive, unyielding eyes!

She's an absolutely unblemished cultural treasure! There's no other theme in the world that could suit Hawaltria better!

Oh come on, of course there is! What the hell? Is this some kind of weirdly elaborate prank!?

Come on, Fujimaru, say something. There's no way we can make a book about a ridiculous theme like

What!? We just have to make a book about Altria? Donezo!

Shut it, pirate! Ugh, who the hell came up with such an absurd rule?

I did, of course.

When the committee chair asked for our suggestions, it just popped into my head for some reason.

Anyway, now that our deal is official, we are competitors.

Frankly, with an organization this shoddy, forget putting up a fight. I'll be astonished if you manage to complete a book at all.

I can't wait for the finale. My next book...

..."Memories of Altria, A Selection of Altria's Impromptu Masterpiece Poems, Vol. Six"...

...is going to leave you all in the dust!

So we gotta place in the top ten for popularity when people vote on the last day? And if we lose, we have to disband?

Why the HELL would you just accept that without talking to us first? This is such an obvious trap! Are you TRYING to get yourself killed!?

I freakin' hope so, 'cause I'm about to kill you first! I'm sure they'll figure out we changed our minds when we send them your head on a damn platter!

Oh crap. M-my head!? And I can't even dive into the ocean to escape, since this isn't a ship?

Goddamn right. The only thing you can do for incompetent workers is give them a quick death. Well, normally I'd say so, anyway.

But just this once, you get a pass. Good job! Hell yeah, I'll accept that challenge!

With Fujimaru on our side, there's no way we can lose!

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What!? Why would you say that!? Did you eat something rotten!? What's the point of living if you're not gonna be part of a club!?

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Geh. You're serious, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes. You're not gonna budge.

You know, I had a feeling this might happen.

Lord Fujimaru's aura is much clearer this time around.

So what're you saying? It was all muddy back during my time?

I think it's a good idea. This year, Senpai only just finished his homework for Chaldea...

...so he deserves to relax now that he's finally made it here.

...Fine, guess you got a point there. Not like you can come up with good drafts when you're totally burned out anyway.

Guess we'll just have to go with the "Blackbeard's head on a platter" plan after all then. I bet Beni-Enma'll pickle it for us if we ask.

Please don't. My Guts isn't meant to be used like that.

And when did you start running from a fight that's already been picked?

We've got no choice but to do this now. And we can, with you and the other alliance folks here.

...No, I'm out. I couldn't have made the book I did last time without Fujimaru.

So if he's not taking part, I'd just hold the rest of the alliance back.

Speaking of which, most of the alliance people's spirits are long since broken, and they're just going around doing whatever.

Face it. We don't have a club that can make a top tier book in the freaking Altria genre anymore.

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Other clubs?

Me, Blackbeard, Tamamo Cat, and Medb were the alliance's founding members, but...

I might be a beast, but that doesn't mean I'm a sloth. Go chew on some eucalyptus, think about what you did, and die.

(...Why eucalyptus?)

If it has to be about Altria, then I can't make a photo book of me, right? I'm going back to Chaldea.

Then there were the ones who joined us 'cause they didn't like the Normalization Committee's way of doing things... Who were they again, Blackbeard?

Mordred, who's just there to rebel against whoever's in charge, and a mysterious lady who goes wherever Mordred goes.

Girls who wanted to have fun with their first time making doujin but didn't know where to begin.

Happy Infirmary, who admitted they didn't contribute anything at the last ServantFes, but insisted things would be different this year.

Yoroshiku Mount Liang, who said they want to set a new ServantFes record for the biggest club roster ever with over a hundred members.

And "A walking dog becomes a pretty boy. That field (genre) was cultivated two hundred years ago. Two old men, and their comrades, who joined forces once more."

Those are the main clubs in our alliance.

Wow! That's a lot of clubs!

'Course, most of them aren't working on anything right now thanks to the whole Altria genre restriction thing.

Wow. I'm sorry I'm causing trouble for all those clubs...

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So you'll be our stand-in assistantno, manager, huh? Then we might have a shot at finishing this thing.

Let's see... What were the resources you can get in Hawaltria again?

You mean the three types of energy known as Primal Energy Drinks, Brainy Curry, and Emotional Steak?

True, I have heard from other swimsuit Servants that those can all be used for creative purposes.

And you can find other kinds of support resources at the Antenna Shop.

If you have A.P. Pounds, you can trade them with committee members for all kinds of different resources.

Here, Master. You can have my committee member's card.

I see. You really know a lot about this, Sir Lancelot.

O-of course. It's all because I did some asking around at the, uh, office district. Definitely not the beach. Nope.

At any rate, I'm told those various resources can be used as fuel for the creative process.

Perhaps they're just what you need to inspire clubs that have lost their motivation?

Exactly. Nothing like loading up on nutrients to get the creative juices flowing again.

Although, seeing your face'll probably be the best source of energy they could ask for.

Hmm. So, in other words, Master, you're going to be the Anti-ServantFes Alliance's new leader...

...and get those rudderless clubs back on track?

This is like a dream come true! Dammit, this is no time to be dressed like this!

Blackbeard, transfooorm!

ServantFes is already dead! Alter will soon rise! I'll help too, Brother Fujimaru!

With you here, victory's as good as ours! I can't wait to see how the finale turns out now!

I agree. This plan should let you enjoy your sightseeing without too much added stress. I'll help you gather resources too, Senpai.

Besides...

...I would hate to see the ServantFes finale arrive without a finished book to show for it.

Oh, but didn't you say you had other things you had to do, Senpai?

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Yeah. I want to know more about Yaraändoo, and this code of hers obviously concerns me directly.

So I think helping the Anti-ServantFes Alliance out is ultimately going to be a net positive all around.

However, there's a lot I don't know about what these club activities entail...

...so I'll focus on the...other thing whenever you and Mash are working on those.

I'm glad to see everything appears to have worked out. Now then, if you'll excuse me...

Of course, you'll be happy to help with our club activities. Right, Sir Lancelot?

I mean, it's not like you're a chicken, and surely no self-respecting Knight of the Round Table would feel a need to stretch his legs at the beach...right?

Ahem. Yes. Uh, yes, of course. Why, helping those in need is a knight's highest calling! I, um, can't wait to get started!

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