Prologue: Master Heads to the Cafeteria

They say truth is stranger than fiction.

After all... The world we live in is just a construct of our own senses.

And so we live in this unending mummer's farce, clinging to the delusion of hope.

That is, if we Heroic Spirits, who are no more than the shadows of the deceased, could be said to "live."

Truth put to paper is merely a story, and experience itself is no more than a narrative constantly being revised within one's mind.

To borrow Shakespeare's words, "All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players."

Yes. We establish our own existence, all of it based upon the decisions we make on this stage!

U-um, Andersen!? What are you blabbing about?

Fooou?

Who are you calling "professor kid"!? How dare you characterize me so simply and shallowly!?

Defining a character solely by their appearance is the first step in hack writing! Come on! Think!

Ugh, postmodernists. Honestly...

But Andersen, you're the one wearing a labWell...never mind.

？！

Never mind. Pour me a cup of coffee. Hot and strong. One drop of milk.

... (Sigh) I knew there were worse places I could be. At least I won't get roped into any of the folly.

So I'm going to borrow your bed now.

I haven't had a good night's rest lately. Count yourself lucky I'm gracing your crap bed with my slumbering presence.

Not rested...? Why, Andersen...?

Hmph. I won't waste my time explaining. You'll see just as soon as you step outside. (Yawn)

Hm...did you hear that, Senpai? Andersen's fast asleep.

What should we do? Shall we go out to the halls?

？！

Hey, quiet! Quiet! And you call yourselves Heroic Spirits! Make a nice single file line!

Oh my... What a huge crowd! It seems like every Servant here is crowded into the cafeteria!

Let's line up too, Master. After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Hey. Morning, Master. Hurry up and order. You're holding up the line.

I fully opened up the cafeteria because we've gotten more Heroic Spirits, and shocking no one, the turnout is so huge I'd need a small army to handle it.

S-sorry! I'd like crab fried rice and soup, please!

Sautéed pork chops, crispy with slices of apples, if you please.

Ah, and of course, a tomato and herring omelet on the side. A bit runny if you would, my good man.

Oh, and do leave out the parsley. I'm afraid I am not a parsley man, if I must be honest.

That's not good, Mr. Shakespeare. You need to eat your veggies.

...Another complicated dish... Fine. Got it. Master, what about you?

Wh-what a crazy order in the blazing summer heat.

I suppose there's no seasons here. Got it. Hot pot, right? I have some frozen cod around here somewhere...

That's not a balanced meal. I'll add a bowl of rice and salad. Got it?

？！

You hear that, sous-chef!? I'm taking care of Master and Mash's orders!

Yep! An order of oily grains with two dumbo ears coming right up! A meal fit for a mastermind playwright!

What!? I must be tired from all my play writing. All I see in front of me is a mound of rice and potstickers!

Being chatty in line can be its own oppression! You are all approaching TYRANNY!

(Staaaaaare)

？！

I wish to order only two things: Spam, spam, and spam! Ah, wait, that is three...

Spam, spam, Spaaaaaam!!!

And chips!!!

Come now, hurry up, Archer! Give it all you got!

Opening up a can of spam hardly requires everything I've got... What a bunch of savages!

...Whew. Thank you for the meal.

？！

Yes, that was delicious, Senpai!

By the way, have you noticed anything odd?

Yes... Was it always so chaotic here?

H-huh? Wh-wh-wh-what do you mean "little eggplant"!?

That's not what I am talking about! Don't you think everyone's strangely excited about something!?

I think it's utter chaos. I can't put my finger on it, but something's different...

？！

Yes. Somewhere, somehow...

That's...true. And humanity has been restored...

？！

Command Room to all staff. Emergency. All staff to your designated positions...

Repeat. Command Room to all staff...

Senpai!

？！

Contact with unmanned observatory stations five, eight, and fifteen lost. They're not accepting our commands!

We've also lost contact with the thirty-sixth weather station! Status: unknown!

Hm. I don't see anything going on with our outside feeds. Any other abnormalities?

No irregularities in the atmosphere. But all the staff who are at the scene are all...

Are all, what?

They're all terrible, lazy, and just...worthless! They say they don't want to work, or just want to sleep!

Huh? I think that all the time! Wait...does that mean I'm worthless, too...?

No, no, that's not possible. Even if I were, I'm a genius before I'm worthless. Bullet dodged!

Anyway, recovering the staff we've lost contact with is our first priority.

I'll handle the analysis.

I shall assist, as I have been doing so since last night! Miss Da Vinci, we have results in from Sheba!

Thanks, Edison. Now let's see here...hrrrng!?

What is it, Miss Da Vinci? Do you see something you recognize in the data?

Hmmm... Maybe. Although the signature doesn't match Guda Guda Particles or Magical Girls...

Aaanyway, it looks like there's another Chaldea meddling with our Chaldea!

？！

What's the situation!?

Thirty-two minutes ago, while experimenting with Edison's Spiritual World Communicator, the observation assembly detected an abnormality.

We initially thought it was something to do with the Spiritual World Communicator. But it looks like there's a lot more than that going on here.

S-Senpai!? Senpai is acting strange!

Da Vinci, is this another Singularity!?

？！

Yep. It's a Singularity. That's why I had Edison help me out.

There's a region in North America that we can't observe with Chaldeas right now. That's why Edison and I were looking into it.

Doing that has made us vulnerable, so someone took the opportunity to invade our world! And now we need to get out there and see what's going on!

So there you have it, Fujimaru. Ready to Rayshift?

Um, sorry to break it to you, but there's no prize roulette this time around.

Oh no! You killed Senpai! S-Senpai, please get up!

...Eh? An NP animation skip button? I don't think...that's in the game either...

？！

Hm... I see. I get it.

What? Did you figure something out, Edison?

Haven't you noticed? Fujimaru has been acting and talking strange.

No, it's not just him. Everyone in Chaldea has been acting strange.

You're right...Andersen suddenly started speaking in bad poetry, and the other Servants suddenly started to have Altria-level appetites...

Hm. This is just a hypothesis, but it is possible that my Spiritual World Communicator contacting a Singularity like this...

...has resulted in everyone's deteriorating mental and intellectual states!

？！

What? No, Senpai! That sounds bad. Really bad!

Right. It's not about stringing together important-sounding words.

Maybe everyone's acting highbrow because it's so peaceful here.

I do sometimes get an urge to run around naked. Even Andersen is said to run around naked in elation when he finishes a manuscript.

(Absolutely did not need to know that.)

Well, I can't really deny that. It is worth noting, though, that things that threaten humanity may not always appear stylish, or even intelligent.

？！

Exactly.

What a bizarre conversation...

And now we have discovered a Singularity! The only way, then, to investigate my theory is to apply the proper scientific methodologies!

...Yeah, can't argue with you there.

Then, as acting commanding officer for Chaldea, I am officially issuing a new Order!

Get to that Singularity, investigate, and resolve it!

？！

There's something really wrong with Senpai!

Mash! Don't think. Feel! Commence Rayshift!