Section 6: Mecha Eli-chan Strikes Back

Yo, Master, what the hell's going on!? What's a giant mechanical little girl doing outside?

Oh, right, she's not really little anymore, is she? So, just plain old giant mechanical dragon girl then?

Ugh, what the shit, man? Who comes up with this stuff?

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Still knocked out cold. Can't say I was paying attention to her after whatever this is started up, though.

I think...we might have had the wrong idea.

Maybe Mecha Eli-chan was here to repair the Singularity, and Osakabehime was actually its source!

No, you're wrong there.

If we hadn't stopped her, Mecha Eli-chan would've gone all tween novel dystopia on Csejte, and nobody wants that.

True, for a supposed guardian, her power trip didn't really paint her in the best light...

So, does this mean that giant Mecha Eli-chan outside is Csejte's true guardian then?

Yup, that's the real one.

The one we beat is more like...the prototype.

Hmm, a prototype, huh...

That would mean somebody designed all this. The question is, who?

Oh, some middle-aged guy with a pretty epic mustache taught me how to do it. Even lent me a book!

"Modifying the Guardian of Csejte for Dummies"

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I ordered all the parts from Amazones.com and modified her as best as I could, but I guess I messed up somewhere...

...since I couldn't control either the guardian or the prototype. But...that problem will soon be solved.

Batty, please, stop this.

If you don't...I'll have no choice but to turn the business end of my mic on you!

You think I don't know that? I've been ready for that since the beginning.

But with the Holy Grail's power, I can also summon a next-generation unit! Come on up, Mk. II!

I'm picking up another Servant reading from under Csejte! It's speeding towards you as we speak!

Wh-what'd you just do!?

You know how I said the other Mecha Eli-chan was a prototype? I've got a production unit ready to go!

You called, princess?

This is the Mecha Eli-chan I was able to successfully control: Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II!

True, she is a much smaller version of the enormous Mecha Eli-chan outside.

So...basically, she's taken the long way to come back to the same size she was before...

Senpai! Your brain waves are showing that you are in a state of extreme excitement!

Is it the Mk. II? It is, isn't it!?

Honestly, the fact that I kind of get what all the fuss is about makes me wonder if the knowledge we get when we're summoned is entirely a good thing!

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Do you have an order for me, princess?

I'm a busy mecha. Since you have the Holy Grail, I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible.

...Yes. I want you to provide me with perpetual security so I can laze around here forever. EIEN NI. So give all these people the boot so I can get to it.

Oh, also...

You don't have to say anything else, princess. We are of the same mind after all.

Batty!

Sorry El-El, but this is happening.

Man, I figured she was up to something...but I really didn't figure her for the one behind EVERYthing.

Get back, Master! I'll kick her ass and snap her out of this.

...You're not very smart, are you? It is your ass that is going to get kicked.

If you haven't figured out how much stronger I am, then I'll just beat you into a red smear on the ground until it's painfully clear.

I'm not like the prototype. I don't care about dumb stuff like being a perfect ruler.

In fact, the "II" in my unit designation means "twice as cruel."

It looks like you're going to have to fight again! Please be careful, Master!

Aah! Wait! Hold on! Not in here!

Whatever you do, don't fight in here!

...(Sigh) You're far too materialistic, princess.

Oh well, I suppose it would be more trouble to compensate you than it would to comply. Would you all mind terribly if we took this outside?

While we are different versions, I share in Mk. I's humiliation. I will see to it that I succeed where she failed so embarrassingly.

We don't have a chance.

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Khh...

Losers always whine about cheating and things being unfair. It is music to my audio receptors.

But, all things in moderation. At any rate, now that you realize you're outmatched, I suggest you hightail it back to Chaldea.

Except you, Elisabeth Báthory. I have special plans for you.

Special plans...?

U-um, please don't hurt her too much.

Wait. Don't tell me I'm in danger of losing my chastity!?

Batty, does this mean you've been after my perfect idol body all this time!?

What!? Chigau!

Elisabeth. Whenever you talk, I can actually feel the universe around us groan. I can't stand it. Perhaps this will shut you up.

Huh!? Mmf, mmmfff!

Okay everyone, I think it's time you all left my castle too.

From here on out, laziness is the order of the day in Csejte...er, Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle!

Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II! Kick them out of here!

I get it, I get it. I was in the middle of polishing myself when this all went down anyway.

Tch... Come on Master, we're getting out of here!

Mmmmmmf!!!

...(Nod)

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...So, we should probably figure out what to do about her before we get out of here.

... ...

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So, you want me to carry both you AND this heavy lump of metal on my back?

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... ...Just kidding.

I was actually thinking the same thing! I guess great minds really do think alike!

... ...Let go...of me...

I have to stop...Osakabehime...

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It doesn't seem as though the giant Mecha Eli-chan's sensors have noticed you.

It looks like you managed to escape.

That's all well and good, but...what do we do about the giant mechanical dragon girl now?

True. I'm afraid I don't have any ideas on that myself...

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Huh. Even you're feeling like giving up on this one, Master?

I'm afraid so.

Our Master has never been one to back down no matter what sort of enemy we face, but this time...

We're up against a giant mecha, made out of a superalloy, who's also Elisabeth...

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THAT'S the part you're worried about!?

Um, excuse me. Can I ask you something?

...Why did you save me? I thought we were enemies.

Things got a little...complicated while you were out, or off, or rebooting, or whatever...

In fact, let me make sure of something. Are you, in fact, a terminal for the guardian of Csejte?

...Yes, I am.

I'm made of parts that Osakabehime ordered online, and the vestiges of Elisabeth's Heroic Spirit here in Csejte.

I established my Servant Spirit Origin through what are commonly known as "Elisa Particles."

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Elisa Particles, eh...

So I guess the fact that Csejte's seen a lot of weird stuff these past two years thanks to the Holy Grail is what caused all this?

I believe so.

Thanks to Elisabeth fusing, splitting, and changing her Spirit Origin into a Caster and Saber...

...her magical energy started to leak, and resulted in the creation of the guardian's prototype...or so I believe.

...I see.

Now that I'm able to analyze you more thoroughly, I AM picking up a few Heroic Spirit traces...

A bit of...Element Eli-chan, if you will!

In other words, this Singularity occurred by virtue of it being Halloween, along with Osakabehime's scheming.

Add in the endless live concerts that have been going on the past two years as well...

...and I guess a whole bunch of crazy crap is going down!

Um, Da Vinci, I think your IQ just went down several...uh, dozen points!

That's 'cause it's Halloween!

Boy, this is really something! These hilarious events are sure to...er, NOT go down in history!

I'm afraid there's nothing hilarious about them. We need to rescue Elisabeth and fix this Singularity immediately!

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...I understand your despair.

If I were in your position, I would put myself into sleep mode and set it using hundred-year increments.

However! Don't you have an obligation to fight? Don't you have things you want to protect!?

Mecha Eli-chan!?

Huh!? Why're YOU scolding US!?

I'm telling you to shape up already! You're the Master and Servant who managed to defeat me, aren't you!?

Listen up. Those girls are hopeless.

It was YOUR kindness and naivete that spoiled Elisabeth like that, Fujimaru.

And you also have a responsibility to protect this land after it almost self-destructed twice.

You can't just throw up your hands and say "Well, this one's just too tough☆" now that you've come this far!

Y-yeah. That was probably a little on the mean side, but you're right.

However, the fact remains that we don't really have any way of fighting back.

And as Chaldea's acting director, I can't allow you to proceed with a mission that's guaranteed to fail.

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Senpai...?

So, all you're lacking is a strategy to fight back. In that case, I have a suggestion.

Fujimaru. You rescued me purely out of kindness.

As such, I will return the favor in the same way. Ahem...

Fujimaru! I hereby accept you as a Steel Demoness Mecha Eli-chan pilot candidate!

What's that? This is an incredible honor a peon like you doesn't deserve? Yes, I know. But you can freak out about your good fortune on your own time.

If you are prepared to continue fighting, then I will follow your commands as your Servant.

Together, we will take on Castle Csejte, Halloween, that degenerate Osakabehime, and that Mk. II unit...

...and see to it that they are completely reformed!

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...That's more like it. As I thought, mechas and hot-blooded protagonists truly do make a great team.

Now, our next move should be to plan our operation.

If you don't mind a short wait, a delivery should be arriving in a moment...

Delivery...?