Section 5: Shot Fired

I'm sorry, Senpai.

I wish I could tell you more about the Bitter Shadows, but I'm afraid our analysis hasn't made any progress.

As soon as we know more, I'll let you know though!

Ah. Another error message...

？！

Oh, no, everything's fine. It looks like we've been experiencing some power loss recently...

...but it's been well within the margin of error, so no need for you to worry.

Anyway, good luck with your investigation, Senpai.

？！

So they still haven't made any progress? Eh, not like we've made much, either.

Hey, Caren.

I don't suppose you can use your powers to figure out where the next Bitter Shadows will show up, can you?

Tell me, Cú Chulainn, does depending on others to make up for your inadequacies make your tea taste better?

Some hunter you are, expecting your quarry to be handed to you on a silver platter.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

...Oh, I'm out of tea. Go make some more, Master.

？！

Now who's depending on others!?

Also, lectures are way more convincing when you deliver them standing up instead of lounging in bed.

And why're you humoring her, Master!? Don't make her tea just 'cause she told you to!

Well, at least you can still bark like a good hunting dog.

As for me, my job requires me to rest a great deal.

It's tiring holding up a bazooka with these scrawny arms, after all.

(So it's not using it that's tiring, but just holding it...)

That being said, it does feel as though we're reaching the limits of what we can find by just wandering around aimlessly.

Since more Bitter Shadows keep popping up no matter how many we defeat, there must be some kind of boss out there who's responsible for them.

It would be nice if this boss came to us to confess their sins so we didn't have to go looking for them ourselves.

Hm? It sounds like you have a visitor, Master.

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Hey, hey, if it isn't my favorite Master! Sorry to barge in on you like this.

Oh?

And I see you two are here with him, Cú Chulainn and Gilgamesh.

Didn't know you were such good friends, but I think it's great that you are! Friends are the greatest treasure in the world.

...Uh, are you feeling okay? Did you maybe...eat something weird?

Yeah, Jason, you're kind of creeping me out.

Ahaha, ouch! You guys don't hold back, do you!?

But that's okay. I get it. Only good friends tease each other like that!

By the way, may I ask who your new friend is?

Me? I'm Caren, if you must know.

... ...

Do I know you from somewhere?

That's your pickup line? I guess you could call it a classic. If you're being generous...

However, while I may currently be serving as the god of love to help save humanity, my faith remains the same, even as a Pseudo-Servant.

Which is to say, the Lord is the only man I need in my life. Now kindly leave.

Uh, that's not what IEh, whatever.

More importantly: You know what time of year it is, right, Master? Of course you do.

And this year, I've got a really special valentine for you.

Please, take it.

I've spent years collecting this rare Heracles memorabilia. Now, it's all yours.

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Hehe...

This was the only way I could think of to show you how grateful I am for all you do for me year-round.

Thanks, Master. Here's to many more great years together.

With you, me, and Heracles all working together, I'm sure we can take back our future!

Well, see ya!

？！

Is he always like that?

No. There was something really creepy about him today...

I also can't imagine he'd willingly give up his prized collection like this under normal circumstances.

... ...

...Yikes.

Was Jason just here!?

Eesh, what is it this time?

I'm not sure what you or the porridge lady's problem is, but you really gotta chill.

Anyway, yeah, Jason was just here. He left after giving Master a bunch of Heracles merch.

Gah! It stinks of testosterone!

Khh... It must have been even more effective than I thought. I'd better find him soon.

Oh, and Master, I'd like to talk to you once this is taken care of!

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... ...

I'm intrigued. Let's go after them.

Heh... I had a feeling you'd say that. All right, if we must.

Come on, you two, cut that out. You can't go prying into other people's business just because it's fun.

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Hahaha, can you undo this spell now, Medea? It reeeally hurts having my hands twisted behind my back.

Sleep!

(Zzz...)

Phew, he certainly put up a fight. But at least that should take care of that...

Now, what are you all doing here?

I was just curious about the bloodbath I was sure we were headed for. Or weren't, as it turns out.

That WAS quite the letdown, wasn't it?

Oh for...

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Oh no. Not you too, Master?

Well, I guess it's okay. I was planning to talk to you about this, anyway.

Take a look. This is why Jason was acting so strangely.

Is that...chocolate?

Specifically, it's the elusory chocolate that's all the rage in Chaldea right now, even though it's very hard to get hold of.

And its name is...

God Love.

Well, that ain't fishy at all.

Anyway, after a while of hearing about how amazing this chocolate was, I finally managed to get my hands on some.

But as it turns out, it also contained trace amounts of magical energy.

I tried to ask the woman selling it about that, but she ran off before I had the chance.

What did this woman look like?

Huh? I don't know. She was wearing a paper bag over her head.

Honestly, I figured it was just more Servantverse nonsense.

(We're all definitely too used to this sort of thing...)

Anyway, she might have gotten away, but I still had the chocolate I bought from her...

...so I decided to examine it more thoroughly.

In doing so, I found out that it definitely has some kind of effect on whoever eats it...

...but I still didn't know exactly what that effect is.

That was when Jason happened by...

？！

After that, well, you all know what happened next. Jason turned into a weirdly...nice version of himself.

Hang on.

You telling us this chocolate has the power to change people's personalities?

So that's what's been going on here.

That explains why all those other Servants were acting so much friendlier than usual.

Well, in Jason's case...

...there's a part of me that wouldn't mind just leaving him like this...

But seeing him be THIS nice is actually turning out to be sort of creepy, right?

How wonderful.

Finding forgiveness in your heart even for someone who has hurt you over and over...

Now that is true neighborly agape. I love to see it.

That said, it would certainly have been more fun to watch if she'd been willing to sling a little more mud...

What do you think my life is!? Some kind of reality TV show!?

Oh gosh. Did you just read my mind!?

Hehehe. It's a little embarrassing to have my private thoughts revealed, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, seeing as you're a mage from the Age of Gods.

I must say, true Mystics really are a wonder to behold. You'll have to teach me your magical telepathy secrets sometime.

What are you talking about!? You were blabbing your "private thoughts" for all to hear!

I get it. Sometimes, you can't help but want to point out the sheer craziness in things she says.

Tell me about it. Half the time, I can't even tell whether she's joking.

I'll say!

I don't know who the hell you are, but you've got a lot of nerve talking to me like you know anything about

... ...

Do I know you from somewhere?

Hmm, I couldn't tell you.

My name is Caren C. Hortensia, but please, call me Caren.

I'm also serving as a vessel for the Divine Spirit Amor.

That's Amoooooor, not amour.

Amor...

As in Eros!?

Oh my, that was frightening. Why are you attacking me?

I suppose you have some history with this god of love.

You bet I do!

Do you have any idea how much you all messed up my life!?

I never imagined I'd get a chance to take my revenge on you here...

But you better believe I won't let it pass me by now!

？！

Well, um, strictly speaking...

It was Eros and Aphrodite who did it, not me.

Aphrodite... She's one of the major Greek gods, right? I remember hearing she had strong ties to Eros as well.

... ...

A long, long, very long time ago, back when the earth was still awash in Mystics...

Aphrodite, with Eros's help, bewitched gods and humans alike.

Of the many such schemes she came up with, one of them was named something like:

"Make Queen Medea Fall Head Over Heels for Jason."

I trust you can see where this is going now?

Eros, under orders to help Jason obtain the Golden Fleece...

...nocked an arrow filled with Aphrodite's blessings and curses on his prized bow...

And boom, it just worked.

Don't you talk about the worst time of my life like it's some kind of damn infomercial!

Did you just jump INTO her line of fire!?

Um... Yes, but, uh, I didn't have a choice... Eros's crimes are, um, mine to bear as well, you see...

So even though being punished definitely isn't my thingnot...not at allI, uh, have to take it all the same...

Hmph. So you're at least aware of what you did, Pseudo-Servant or not.

That's right, Eros! If it wasn't for that damn arrow of yours...

My whole life could have been completely different!

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Crap! That's Bitter Shadow magical energy!

Oh no. It looks like it's attracted to...

...Medea's anger!

Huh!?

Oh my, how terrible.

Now the Bitter Shadows have got Medea, too. Oopsies.

？！

Well, I guess it just goes to show what happens when you let anger take the wheel.

All right, everyone, you're up.

Now that Medea's unconscious, you need to stop her before she goes on a wild rampage throughout

Hmph.

I'm still perfectly conscious, thank you very much.

I'm a witch from the Age of Gods, remember!?

This is nowhere near too much magical energy for me to control.

In fact, this is perfect. I'm going to use all this new power now at my command...

...to hit you with a spell powerful enough to blow all of Chaldea away!

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... ...

Hey. Whose side should we take here?

Don't ask me.

Besides, I don't think it's our place to say anything, since it's not really any of our business.

And on that note, I just remembered some urgent business of my own, so if you'll excuse me...

Oh no, you don't! You're not leaving me to deal with this alone!

Ohhh noooooo.

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... ...

Well...

I do feel a little better now.

Really? I'm surprised.

I didn't think you would be satisfied until you tore five, maybe six limbs off me.

I'm pretty sure you only have four!

Just when I thought she went down like a punk, she springs back like nothing happened...

Seriously, what is her deal?

Hmph.

I could tear every one of you limb from limb and I doubt that goddess would so much as bat an eye.

I don't know what it is you're up to here...

But I'm not about to waste any more of my time on a doll.

So let's just say this trip down memory lane is over now, shall we?

... ...

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Don't look at me like that, Master.

As I just said, I won't get in your way any longer, but I'm not going to help you, either.

You're going to have to deal with this mess yourselves.

Here's the chocolate I told you about.

I suggest you give it to Da Vinci so she can take a closer look at it.

Don't worry about Jason lying on the floor there. I'll take care of him.

That reminds me... Don't you think you have a few too many mentors these days?

It wouldn't kill you to show me just a little more in the way of deference, you know.

Huh? You're well aware? Well, good. I hope so.

Ugh... Did you really have to say that now?

Just sit tight, okay? I'll have a proper Valentine's Day gift for you soon enough.

？！

Well, I never did figure out what that was all about...but at least we've got some of that elusory chocolate now.

Think this stuff's got some connection to the Bitter Shadows?

I don't know, but it's definitely worth looking into either way.

Shall we go pay Da Vinci a visit, Master?

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... ...

Hmm...

I wonder what's going to happen now...