Jigoku Kitchen, the Kitchen from Hell

Oh, hello, Master. No Mash with you today?

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Poster...? Oh, yes, I see it now.

Hmm... To celebrate the newly expanded kitchen, and due to popular demand, we are pleased to announce...

...Jigoku Kitchen is back for a limited time!? What madman thought this was a good idea!?

Wait. Don't tell me Mash willingly signed up for it!?

Oops. I don't usually lose it like that. I'm very sorry.

Allow me to explain! Jigoku Kitchen is the name of Ms. Beni-Enma's cooking class!

Everyone who attends it goes to hell, regardless of how long they've been married or how bad they are in the kitchen.

It's a place that makes full use of the judge of hell's authority! It's the most devilishly difficult culinary boot camp ever...

An entirely different layer of hell that will train any amateur cook into a full-blown chef☆

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We're not talking about some community college workshop here!

I can tell from your expression that you think they're just going to go over different cooking techniques...

...but Ms. Beni-Enma does NOT deal in theory!

If you want to learn her best recipes, how to tell good tools from bad, what seasonings to use, and other useful tidbits...

...you'll need to brave the gauntlet and become a first-class tormentor demon first!

I must emphasize that Ms. Beni's teaching methods are considered to be particularly brutal IN HELL. Mash might not even survive to the end of the class!

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So you're the new would-be cooks who still don't know the difference between a ladle and a serving spoon.

I'm Beni-Enma, the Tongue-Cut Sparrow. Here, you will call me "Teacher."

Now let's see... It looks like we have six students this time. Why don't you go around and introduce yourselves? You go first.

Yes, Teacher! My name is Mash Kyrielight!

I've been wanting to learn how to cook for some time now, so when I saw the poster for this class, I decided today's the day!

You've got a good look in your eye for a new recruit. I'm going to enjoy getting you into shape. Next!

I'm Helena Blavatsky! I signed up because I thought it seemed kind of interesting!

Besides, a proper lady needs to know how to cook at least a little, right?

One certainly can't get by with sandwiches EVERY day!

...I see. Kind of interesting, huh. Next?

I'm Anne Bonny!

And I'm Mary Read. We signed up together.

The poster got us thinking that we've never actually cooked anything before.

I always wanted to try, and besides, Tamamo Cat always seems to have a lot of fun in the kitchen.

Well that's not quite right. I don't know about you, but I've cooked before, Mary.

Cooking's when you have someone put different dishes on the table for you, right?

As you can see, I know nothing in the way of culinary technique, and Anne here used to be a pampered rich girl, so make sure you keep all that in mind.

...I see. You thought cooking seemed fun, and it's just something that happens on its own, chirp chirp.

Okay, who's next...?

I was curious to see what this so-called hellish kitchen was like, but it's nothing but a big room.

It's far too small to serve as my temple, but I do enjoy the enticing smells coming from the back.

Very well then. Beni-Enma, was it? Show me what this supposed hell of yours is like.

...And I see this student doesn't even understand the point of this class, chirp... And finally...

Alas... When last I came to, I found myself alone in this strange land...

But this is a fine opportunity. It is most fortunate that there should be a cooking class here.

Once I have mastered these expert culinary techniques, I too will be a traveling knight capable of cooking...

"Sir Tristan! You know how to rid a gazer of its bitter aftertaste!?"

"Heh... Not only that, I even know how to cook the tastiest wyvern wings...just like so."

"Oh my, how sharp of you, Tristan! You really are the coolest of the Knights of the Round Table."

Hehehe. I can see Sir Bedivere's shocked face the next time we go camping now...

...we have a birdbrain who simply wants to show off his cooking skills to his colleagues.

All right, line up single file, cheep cheep. The only thing you need to say is "Yes, Teacher!"

Yes, Teacher!

Don't even bother looking at the cooking instruments on the table. Just take up whatever weapon you feel most comfortable with.

You have a very long battle ahead of you, chirp.

Huh? Uh, yes, Teacher!

Now then, let me begin with a warning, chirp chirp.

...Did you really think you would get to cook anything in this class!?

"Cooking is easy. All you need is a recipe, and the right ingredients."

"I bet it won't even take me a whole day to learn."

If that's the sort of thing you were thinking when you signed up, chirp, you're sorely mistaken!

The only thing you're going to taste here is what it's like to be eaten yourselves!

Wait... Whaaaaaat!?

Ow ow ow. I never expected the floor to open up underneath us like that... Um, what is this place...?

...Are you awake? Then get on your feet and off my tail. I'm not a cushion.

Oh, I'm sorry! Thank you for helping me, Gorgon!

Hey, what's the big idea!?

I just signed up for this class so I could learn how to make an omelet and maybe eggs Benedict!

Yeah! We just wanna know some quick and easy dishes made in three minutes or less like in commercials!

Self-indulgent ways like that will get you nowhere fast in Jigoku Kitchen.

Your first task is to survive on Hell Island for the next month!

The isolated village effect will keep time from passing while you're there, so don't worry about your tasks here.

Chirp. Now, during your stay in cooking hell, you're going to learn three key principles.

First: Cooking is politics!

For example, let's say there's some ultra-premium Matsusaka beef here. Who wouldn't want to cook with a first-class ingredient like this?

But there's only so many high-quality ingredients to go around. And some can't be bought no matter how much money you have, chirp.

So if you're going to set a dinner table with the best possible food, money alone isn't going to cut it.

You need to network with farms and farmers, exchange contact info with good greengrocers, get on good terms with wholesale markets...

Communication and negotiation skills are paramount. Chirp, as I said: politics. Chefs who neglect to play ball will never get the first pick of ingredients.

Fascinating.

But the whole reason we became pirates was to avoid pain-in-the-ass stuff like that!

Second: Cooking is physics!

As I trust it goes without saying, cooking is the art of the practical, not the stuff of hopes and dreams.

If you think you can just get started with cooking in the hope that it all turns out okay...

...the only dishes you'll be able to make will be bland fluff!

Chirp, before you begin cooking, you need a solid plan, solid measurements, and solid handling!

I know what you're thinking.

You think cooking is like a routine, where chefs just make the same thing over and over, day in and day out.

Chirp, that is where you're wrong! Every dish a chef makes is its own work of art!

Like an author writing a different story with similar themes or events each and every day!

It takes a lot of mental and physical energy. In fact, cheep, it's even harder than training with a sword.

Now that you've become students of the Enjaku Sewing technique, I will not be letting you off the hook with any easy dishes.

Be prepared to lose a kilogram from your Spirit Origin for every meal plan you overcome!

Are you kidding!? That's impossibly hard! This isn't what I signed up fooor!

Third: Cooking is effort!

"I wish I could cook, but I just don't have the knack." "I followed the recipe perfectly, but it still didn't come out well."

"It's so much trouble to keep things nutritionally balanced." "I just don't want to spend so much time cooking."

Aaarrrggghhh! I wish I could purge every last one of those sour grapes from existence!

The tastier a dish is, the more trouble it takes to make! That's just a fact, no matter how good you are!

Even when you find a new recipe, you need to read it all the way to the end and think about what it means.

Chirp, you need to think about how you can make it with the ingredients you have on hand, how best to please the people who are going to eat it...

It's a story, and you need to write the whole thing beginning to end!

If you just go around thinking things like "I wish I could be a good cook" or "Knights who can cook are so cool"...

...then you'll never learn how to cook well!

...

Now you listen to me, chirp. Cooking is not about talent. All you need is a will, and a way.

Being a good cook means never skipping steps or cutting corners, even when doing the same prep work over and over. It means you keep moving forward a little bit at a time.

As long as you have the courage to do that three times a day, every day, until you die, anyone can learn!

All that (pain-in-the-ass work) until we die?

Chirp, until you die. As long as we're alive, we will always need to eat.

Your job now is to engrave these key principles into your souls.

Think of this as homeroom right before classes begin.

Besides, compared to the beginner course you'll be doing later, this is no more than a tutorial! Chirp!

We're surrounded by strange monsters! There really is no choice but to fight our way out of this.

Ugh, next time we're sticking to piracy! Why'd you have to suggest we sign up for this, Anne!?

Don't blame me! You were the one who wanted to try this course! It was plain as the look on your face!

I do have some misgivings about being in subterranean spaces for some inexplicable reason, but this is all going to help us learn how to cook, right!?

Then I'll play along for as long as it takes! Mash, I'm counting on you to handle the front line!

R-right! I'll do my best to handle the defensive prep work!

Nn... Once the chicken...is at room temp...season it...and coat it in potato starch...

Deep-fry it twice in medium heat, then...(Gasp)!?

This is...the Pheasant Hall? But, I thought...I was still on Hell Island...

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AaaaaaaAAAAAAH! Don't say it! I'm trying to repress those memories. It's okay, Tamamo, you're safe...

So, you were the only one to last till the end, chirp. You really do have potential.

(No way! She actually cleared that gauntlet on her first try!?)

I'm sorry, Ms. Beni-Enma... I'm afraid I don't remember much of what you taught us...

But, strangely enough, I also feel like...I'm not so scared of cooking anymore?

Or maybe I should say, I feel like I don't have time to be scared about it...

Chirp. I recall Tamamo saying the same thing. A common thread among those who are no longer beginners.

All you have to do now is find a curriculum that works for you.

If you still want to improve your skills after all of this, come back to Jigoku Kitchen whenever you like.

I have eight courses in total, chirp. And they weren't named after the Eight Hot Hells for nothing!

Wow, there really is a lot to learn about cooking, isn't there? Thank you, Ms. Beni-Enma.

It's okay not to push yourself, though. So you know, I had to turn tail at level five.

I'm sorry if I made you worry, Senpai. If it makes you feel any better, I really did learn a lot.

W-well...because I wanted to make something yummy for you, like Boudica always does...

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It's okay, Mash. You'll make a great wife someday.

I wasn't good at cooking when I first started, either. It took me a long time before I could make something I was comfortable serving.

It's very difficult to make something delicious when you're just cooking for yourself, cheep.

But when you have someone to cook for, well, then it's a different story.

Just picturing their face smiling in delight after tasting your food is enough to make it come out well.

Then there's no need to worry! All you have to do now is work hard, make mistakes, and learn from them!

Chirp! And since you already know exactly who you want to cook for, you're already on your way!