Prologue: GUDAGUDA Math Class

...I'm sure many of you have seen this quote before. But I think you could say the opposite is true as well.

"Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology."

Tonight, I would like you all to join me for a little thought experiment.

This is the story of what happened in a certain place where people's dreams came true.

Everyone wishes for happiness, and grieves their misfortune. Perhaps that is why they inevitably pursue dreams that have no hope of coming true.

Much like adding one plus one and trying to get infinity.

I wonder, what will all of you see in this world? What will you learn from it?

Huh? You want to know who I am?

...

Our show is only just beginning and already you're trying to spoil the end!?

...

...Sorry. I'm not much of a comedian.

Now then, I will see you all again at my next lecture, once this dream has concluded.

Man, it's been a long time since we set up shop in this tearoom, hasn't it?

I didn't much care for its gaudy gold interior design at first, but now I wouldn't feel right without it.

It's kind of scary what you can get used to given time. Hey, do we have any tangerines?

Those aren't in season anymore. We had to put away the kotatsu a while ago, too.

And as long as we've been squatting in this little area next to the boiler room, I don't think we should be pushing our luck.

？！

Well, Da Vinci did say she'd rather they stay put here than just wander all around Chaldea...

...so she agreed to look the other way as long as they don't expand it any further...

Sounds like she's got her head on good and straight. Right, so I'm going to keep using this room as our base.

This really takes me back to when we crashed with the Yagi family. They were so good to us, even when we showed up uninvited.

Oho. So this is the famous Japanese tearoom I've been hearing about?

It's a little more ostentatious than I expected, but you've made it work.

I'm surprised to see you here, Li Shuwen. Do you come here often?

Shuwen and I are tea pals! We hang out together in the cafeteria now and then to drink tea and talk turkey...and by turkey, I mean tea.

So now that we've got our own tearoom here, I invited him to come check it out.

I'll just help myself to a cup then.

I'm glad Okada isn't here right now. It's kind of tiring how he always tries to pick a fight with you.

Ah, you mean that young man? I can't think of any reason why he would have an issue with me, but I can tell he has talent. I'll have to give him a sparring session one of these days.

I need more than tea to fill me up.

Do we have any chilled pickle barrels in the storeroom?

Don't be silly. Why would Chaldea be chilling pick

Actually, now that I think about it, that wouldn't even be close to the weirdest thing they have here. Maybe we should try asking Cat?

Well, why don't we go see what's in the storeroom? Who knows what sort of rare artifacts might be inside?

Heh heh heh! You might just be too late, Auntie!

Little Okita and Chacha have already been scroungingI mean, investigating it to see what we could find!

We didn't find any chilled pickle barrels, not that we were actually looking for them, but we did find this strange box!

And Chacha's intuition is telling Chacha that it contains something good!

Now that's what I'm talking about! I knew I could count on my niece! As I always say, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine!

(Sigh) Once a warlord, always a warlord.

Hm? Say, where is Alter, anyway?

Chacha gave her some money to buy ice cream. Chacha always makes sure to reward helpful, good little girls.

Geez, as if you weren't already treating her like a child. Come on, Alter me, you're making us both look bad.

If it even is a box. Now that Chacha thinks about it, Little Okita might've said it seemed off to her.

Sure Chacha's sure! Besides, kids grow up so fast! That's why you've gotta be hard on them.

？！

Well, there's only one way to find out what's inside. Let's see, how do you open this thing?

Grrr, I've had enough! Take this, box!

Aah! Please don't fire your gun indoors, Nobunaga!

Huh, it's still locked. Well that's weird. That always works in the animes.

Let me try slicing through it at a perfect forty-five degree angle... Yah!

Looks like my katana can't cut it open, either.

Allow me... Ha!

Oho... It seems not even my fist can get through.

...(Gasp) I'm sorry. I was so taken aback by your barbaric attempts that I froze for a moment!

What were you all thinking!? Just because you want to open the box doesn't mean anything goes!

Da Vinci may be very forgiving, but even she's going to be upset if you break this box you took without askin

？！

Chacha knows what this is. This is one of those things that blows up in your face, like in the animes!

Chacha knows what Chacha's talking about! Chacha watches them all the time with Little Okita!

Wahahahaha! So ends the happy-go-lucky Chaldea chapter of our lives!

Wait, what am I saying!? Somebody chuck it outside!

Well? Were there any chilled pickles in it, or what?

Ugh, our Vice Commander is useless! We don't have time for this crap!

Aaaaaaah!!!

Senpai, quick! Take cover over here!

Nobuwaaaaaa!?

Hm? I thought I heard a commotion around here... Maybe I was just imagining things?

...Hmm. On a different note, this golden tearoom is really hanging on by a thread, isn't it?

I've never seen such a fine line between high art and lowbrow trash...

Fou, fooou!

Oh, hi, Fou. I didn't know you were here too.

Hm? By the way, is that box by your feet what I think it is!?

Fou fou fooou!

Man, I'm glad this Wandering Sea place has its own boiler room!

I didn't much care for its gaudy gold interior design at first, but now I wouldn't feel right without it.

It's kind of scary what you can get used to given time. Hey, do we have any tangerines?

Those aren't in season anymore. We had to put away the kotatsu a while ago, too.

Also, are you even sure the room next door is a boiler room? Looks like some sorta shady storage thing to me.

？！

I did report this to Sion, but she said she was too busy to do anything about it for the time being.

Sounds like she's got her head on good and straight. Right, so I'm going to keep using this room as our base.

This really takes me back to when we crashed with the Yagi family. They were so good to us, even when we showed up uninvited.

Oho. So this is the famous Japanese tearoom I've been hearing about?

It's a little more ostentatious than I expected, but you've made it work.

I'm surprised to see you here, Li Shuwen. Do you come here often?

Shuwen and I are tea pals! We hang out together in the cafeteria now and then to drink tea and talk turkey...and by turkey, I mean tea.

So now that we've got our own tearoom here, I invited him to come check it out.

I'll just help myself to a cup then.

I'm glad Okada isn't here right now. It's kind of tiring how he always tries to pick a fight with you.

Ah, you mean that young man? I can't think of any reason why he would have an issue with me, but I can tell he has talent. I'll have to give him a sparring session one of these days.

By the way, do we have any chilled pickle barrels in the storeroom?

I need more than tea to fill me up.

Oh come on, do you really think the Atlas Institute would be chilling pickles? Not even Takuan, the Buddhist priest who invented pickled daikon would expect that.

You know, now that you mention it, maybe we should check out that storeroom. Who knows what sort of rare artifacts they keep around here?

Heh heh heh! You might just be too late, Auntie!

Little Okita and Chacha have already been scroungingI mean, investigating it to see what we could find!

Of course there weren't any pickles, chilled or otherwise, but we did find a strange box!

And Chacha's intuition is telling Chacha that it contains something good!

Now that's what I'm talking about! I knew I could count on my niece! As I always say, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine!

(Sigh) Once a warlord, always a warlord.

Hm? Say, where is Alter, anyway?

Chacha gave her some money to buy ice cream. Chacha always makes sure to reward helpful, good little girls.

Geez, as if you weren't already treating her like a child. Come on, Alter me, you're making us both look bad.

If it even is a box. Now that Chacha thinks about it, Little Okita might've said it seemed off to her.

Sure Chacha's sure! Besides, kids grow up so fast! That's why you've gotta be hard on them.

？！

Well, there's only one way to find out what's inside. Let's see, how do you open this thing?

Grrr, I've had enough! Take this, box!

Aah! Please don't fire your gun indoors, Nobunaga!

Huh, it's still locked. Well that's weird. That always works in the animes.

Let me try slicing through it at a perfect forty-five degree angle... Yah!

Looks like my katana can't cut it open, either.

Allow me... Ha!

Oho... It seems not even my fist can get through.

...(Gasp) I'm sorry. I was so taken aback by your barbaric attempts that I froze for a moment!

What were you all thinking!? Just because you want to open the box doesn't mean anything goes!

Sion may be very forgiving, but even she's going to be upset if you break this box you took without askin

？！

Chacha knows what this is. This is one of those things that blows up in your face, like in the animes!

Chacha knows what Chacha's talking about! Chacha watches them all the time with Little Okita!

Wahahahaha! So ends the Wandering Sea chapter of our lives!

Wait, what am I saying!? Somebody chuck it outside!

Well? Were there any chilled pickles in it, or what?

Ugh, our Vice Commander is useless! We don't have time for this crap!

Aaaaaaah!!!

Senpai, quick! Take cover over here!

Nobuwaaaaaa!?

Hm? I thought I heard some kinda commotion around here... Perhaps I was mistaken?

...Hm? Far East interior decor... Japan... Tearoom... Hospitality... Ooku...

Gaaah, I don't even want to think about it! Push those memories down, Goredolf! Push them waaay down!

Just so we're clear, small animal, you saw nothing here, got that? Good. Now, let's head back to the cafeteria.

That roast pork I prepped this morning should be just about done by now. How would you fancy a slice for yourself?

Then again, perhaps I shouldn't be teaching a wild animal about the finer points of civilization! Hahahaha!

Fou, fooou! I saw fouthing!

Senpai!?

Thank goodness... It looks like you're all right.

Oh yes, I'm fine!

I'm afraid you're the only one I've found so far...

？！

Unfortunately, we can't seem to contact Chaldea, and I have no idea where we are right now...

Neither do I.

...!?

Oh, did I scare you? Sorry about that.

And hello to you. It's nice to meet such a polite young man for a change.

？！

I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?

Oh, yes, of course. I'm Naga... On second thought, please, call me Otora. I'm a traveler.

I was just trying to find my way out of these mountains when I stumbled across you two.

I was hoping you might know the way out yourselves, but it seems we're all in the same boat. What a pity.

Otora? Please correct me if I'm mistaken, but does that mean you're from Japan?

Oh, my name is Mash Kyrielight. And this is...

？！

My, you really are polite. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mash and Fujimaru.

Chaldea, was it? I don't think I've heard that family name before.

Oh, well, Chaldea is

Perhaps you could tell me all about it on the road?

Since all three of us are lost, I think it would be best if we traveled together, at least for a while.

What do you think, Senpai? I know I would feel better if we weren't out here all by ourselves.

？！

Wonderful. Then shall we be on our way?

Speaking of which... Which way should we go?

That's difficult to say, since we don't know where we are right now...

Well, if we keep following this road, I'm sure we'll run into a village or something eventually.

We'll just have to trust that BishaI mean, the heavens will guide our way!

Y-yes, I suppose that's true. Okay, let's go, Senpai!

Now I see. So you two are both from this Chaldea place.

Yes. I'm sorry if I went into excessive detail. It's a very, um, GUDAGUDA set of circumstances...

It sounds like you and your allies have been through quite a lot.

I sympathize. I've had my share of people troubles as well...

Ah! Senpai, look! I think that's a village up ahead!

...Hmm, I'm not so sure about that.

Uh-oh. This doesn't look good.

？！

Oh no...!

Arrival in enemy territory confirmed. Commencing supply procurement.

Please, stop! We had a terrible harvest this year! We don't have anything to spare!

Noncombatant resistance detected. Assessment: threat to operation. Proceeding to eliminate.

Eep! What's with these things!? They won't listen to a word I say!

Use of firearms permitted. Destroy all nonsupplies. Leave no survivors.

Aaaaaah! N-now they're shooting fire!? Oh no, the fields! Our fields are gonna go up in smoke!

Senpai! It looks like the village is under attack!

Pillaging soldiers... I wonder who those infantrymen swear loyalty to? I've never seen outfits like theirs before...

？！

Huh!? What do you think you're doing!? You can't possibly mean to take on all those soldiers by yourselves, can you?

Especially for a bunch of people you've never even met before...

？！

Yes, Master!

Please hide out here until it's safe, Otora. Let's go, Senpai!

...

S-stop! Please! We'll starve to death without our fields!

Eliminate. Eliminate. Eliminate.

Aaaaaahhh!

Get back! We'll handle this!

Wh-who're you guys?

Magical energy detected. Assessment: enemy combatants. Reprioritizing targets. Proceeding to eliminate.

Khh! There really are a lot of them! I don't think I can handle them all on my own after all!

...Commanding officer detected. Proceeding to capture and eliminate.

Master!!!

The weak have been threatened, and I am here to help them.

Truly, this is BishaI mean, the heavens at work!

O-Otora!?

I assumed you knew your way around a battlefield, but I never thought you would just charge in headfirst.

Surely you could have tried to locate a weak point in the enemy formation, or waited for a better opportunity to strike.

You'd both be dead right now if I hadn't been around, you know.

？！

...!

Ahahahahahaha! Even now, you're still thanking me!?

Ahahaha! You two are very unusual, aren't you?

Yes, yes, I haven't forgotten about you. Just be quiet and stay out of our way for a bit.

All right, first order of business, we send these thugs to kingdom come. I'll cut through their ranks, while you defend Fujimaru!

R-right! Get behind me, Senpai!

Excellent. I'm glad you're so agreeable.

Enemy reinforcements detected. Enemy force strength unknown. Querying backup possibilities.

What are you talking about? This is a battlefield. If you're going to retreat, then retreat. If you're going to fight, then fight!

I don't know which clan you're from, but anyone who would torment civilians like this deserves no mercy!

Since Bishamothe heavens can't punish you themselves, I'll have to do it in their stead!

Operation...aborted...

Hmm, well that's disappointing. I thought they would put up a little more fight than that.

And then there's the strange armor they're wearing...

？！

I didn't realize you were a Servant too, Otora.

Sorry for keeping that from you. I wanted to see what kind of people you were before I said anything.

I don't know who you are, but thank you! You saved our lives!

Please, pay it no mind. The strong are obligated to protect the weak.

Besides, it's these two who really deserve your thanks. I was just following their lead.

Yes, we can't thank you two enough either. I've never seen clothes like yours before. Are you travelers?

？！

Oh yes, where are my manners? You must be exhausted. Why not stay in our village today? We'd love to have you, and you'd be right as rain by tomorrow.

That sounds great. Why don't we take him up on his kind offer, Mash and Fujimaru?

I second that, Senpai. Let's stay here and rest for the night.

...By the way, you don't seem to have a Master, Otora. May I ask why?

...You're a sharp one, aren't you? No, I've been summoned to this land, but don't have a Master to call my own.

At this rate, it'll probably just be a matter of time until my magical energy runs out and I disappear...

I know! Maybe there's a reason that we met, and maybe we could form a temporary contract while we're here?

Just like that!? Your ability to roll with the punches always surprises me, Senpai, and today is no exception!

Y-you're asking me?

Well...we just saw how strong Otora is for ourselves, so I know I would feel reassured by having her accompany us.

？！

Then it's settled! Don't worry, I'm at least a little better at fighting than I look.

So please rest assured that you're in good hands with NagaEr, Otora!