Section 12 "Chaldea Detective Stories -Final Act-"

...

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Yes. Today's the day when the bamboo cutter promised to come back.

Chirp chirp... So you all knew? I was hoping to resolve this matter without involving any of you...

？！

I see. Well, if you're here as employees, rather than out of a misguided sense of obligation, I have no reason to refuse.

My, my, so many serious faces. What brings you all out here this early in the morning?

You obviously aren't here to throw a party. Hoho. This mean the Enma-tei's story is finally coming to an end?

...

He's here, he's here! Chirp chirp, the bamboo cutter is here!

I appreciate all you employees coming out here to greet me like this.

Then again, I suppose you must all face it, as I've been waiting hundreds of years to be repaid.

Still, you can't fill a ledger with sentiment alone, so let's get to it, shall we?

You can start by paying me back last year's interest...one hundred billion QP.

(Please calm down, Master! I agree it's a shocking amount, but that isn't the strange part.)

(...Yes, it's very odd. The bamboo cutter's never met any of us before...)

(So then, how did he know we were all Enma-tei employees?)

？！

...I'm very sorry, sir, but I can't pay your interest.

The divine aura in the offering box is off limits right now, so...

I can at least take this sage cloak to a pawn shop. It may not look like much, but it was given to me by the King of Hell himself.

As long as we find a buyer, I think it should be able to cover the interest...

Absolutely not. I've extended the deadline more than enough.

Whatever reasons you have for your inability to pay are none of my concern. And who in their right mind would pay anything for such a ratty old cloak?

If you can't even pay back the interest, then I have no choice but to seize the Enma-tei.

I'm afraid that as of this moment, the Enma-tei belongs to me. I have to ask that you all leave my property at once.

Oh yes, I suppose the sparrows can stay, since they essentially come with it. Naturally, I now own them as well.

It's unfortunate that they're all a bunch of useless oafs. Perhaps they'll at least make a good meal for the tiger.

Chirp!? This is tyranny, chirp! It's cruel, chirp! Have you no heart, chirp!?

Th-that was never part of our agreeme

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Fujimaru!? What is it!? What are you all doing!?

...Yes? What's this about, human?

This arrangement is legal and binding. Do you have some objection to it?

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...How deplorably insolent. You should be ashamed for speaking to your elders like that.

But, I suppose I can overlook your rudeness, given how young and ignorant you are. Now, what is this objection?

It's in regards to the deal you struck with Ms. Beni-Enma, of course.

You claimed that your invaluable treasures were stolen in the Enma-tei.

Ms. Beni-Enma was unable to find the culprit or clear her employees of suspicion, so she promised to pay you damages.

Do I have all that right?

Yes, that's exactly what happened. What of it?

Hehe. In that case, we can put this whole matter to rest right now. Can't we, Lady Tomoe?

Yes, we can. I have wonderful news for you, Lord Bamboo Cutter.

Our leader, Fionn mac Cumhaill...

...a glorious man possessed of wisdom and Clairvoyance...

...easily managed to recover your stolen treasures.

!

...

...You don't say. That is most impressive.

But those are merely substitutes you acquired from who knows where else, no?

The only treasures I'm interested in are the ones I had taken from me back thenmy irreplaceable keepsakes of the time Kaguya and I spent toge

Worry not, good elder. I am well aware that naught but the treasures you lost five hundred years ago will satisfy you.

So please rest assured, those are exactly the treasures we have procured.

...What was that? Did I hear you right?

Are you truly telling me you can return the treasures that had been stolen from me five hundred years ago right here, right now?

Of course. Come with us, and I'll show you what I mean.

Let us return to the scene of the crime...the very Raven Room you stayed in five hundred years ago.

...That's not the usual wallpaper for this hallway. It almost looks as if...

...! This hallway... This door...!

It can't be. It's not possible...!

It's...the exact same room as back then...!?

Of course. We're now in the Enma-tei as it existed five hundred years ago, after all. See? Isn't that your pouch in the middle of the room?

Hehehe, as luck would have it, our own Fionn mac Cumhaill here can manipulate time and space itself.

A little snap of his fingers and voilà, here we are. Ahh, it's good to have such capable subordinates!

Th-this is impossible! Only a Divine Spirit could do something like that...!

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Huh!? H-hold on. I've never heard of this Fionn-whatever before...!

It's time to face the facts, Old Lumberjack. The past is now our present.

All you have to do now is open your pouch and take back your treasures!

Of course, then the pouch will be empty again, and the you of five hundred years in the past won't know where his treasures went!

You might think that makes this one of those time paradoxes, but no, it all works out nicely!

This way, it will just mean that you were the true thief all along!

Now go on! Take your treasures, clear the Enma-tei's debt, and leave this place for good!

This... This can't be happening...

You might want to hurry up. This time-travel spell won't last very long♪

If you don't take your precious treasures back now, you'll never get another chance.

That's right. Go on, hurry up♪ I know you can do it♡

This is like something out of a storybook! I can't wait to see you open it♪

Uh... Well, um... You see... I'm not...

What's wrong? Aren't you going to open it?

Surely there can't be any reason you would be reluctant to see what's inside...is there?

Gh... Ghh...! Ghhhhhh...!

...Mr. Bamboo Cutter? Is everything okay?

...!

...Y-yes, everything's fine. Of course I'll open it.

If...if this really is the Raven Room from five hundred years ago, then... Ghh...!

Ghh, ghhhhhh! Gaaaaaah!

(He opened it! Now then...)

(Chirp...! So those are Mr. Bamboo Cutter's treasures!)

(That pouch contains the five treasures we all worked together to collect...)

(There's no way he can claim that they're fakes under these circumstances.)

(And if he instead denies that this room isn't really from the past...!)

Ha. Hahaha. Hahahahaha!

Liars! I knew we hadn't really gone back in time!

You were all just putting on an act to make me think we had!

If this really was the past, there wouldn't be anything in this pouch!

I never brought any treasures with me to begin with!

...Uh.

...

I'm sorry, Mr. Bamboo Cutter, could you repeat that?

Did you really just say you never had any treasures to begin with?

Y-you've got it all wrong, Madam. That's not what I meant.

You were there, right, Moneyed Monkey? You were my eyewitness back then, weren't you?

Hoho, yes, of course. Back in the dining room, I distinctly remember seeing the treasures in that pouch with my own

Something doesn't smell right here. You're lying, aren't you?

O-of course not. I saw them, I know I did. The treasures were right there.

Then please, describe them to us. What did the jeweled branch smell like? How heavy was the begging bowl?

How many dragon's head gems were there? What color was the cowry?

If you really saw them, you should be able to name at least one of their distinctive features.

W-well, uh... (Glance)

Whoops, pardon me. You know how we cats are: we just can't leave open pouch strings untied.

(Grr, stupid feline...!)

I'll ask you one more time, Mr. Bamboo Cutter. Did you or did you not bring treasures to the Enma-tei?

I-I... I did. Of course I did!

I'm the bamboo cutter from the story! Of course I'd have all five of the treasures!

You...are lying.

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Gaaaaaah!!!

I won't punish you for your scheme; I should have known better than to fall for it. But I refuse to tolerate lies, cheep.

...Ghh... You little sparrow... How dare you hurt my face...

You'll pay... You'll pay for this... You think you can win again just because you have the numbers!

You little brats REALLY piss me off!!!

The bamboo cutter's Spirit Origin pattern is changing rapidly...! It looks like...it's demonic in nature...?

Stupid brats! I was just having some fun messing with this gullible little twerp!

Why'd you cretins have to butt into our game here, huh!?

Two Moneyed Monkeys...!? No, wait, does this mean the bamboo cutter was actually Moneyed Monkey all along!?

It's not that, Tomoe! I hate to admit it, but this monkey's just like Ms. Beni-Enma!

He dwells in old folktales just as she does!

An evil monster without a name who likes to toy with, laugh at, and devour the weak...

I'm guessing that masked monkey claiming to be the bamboo cutter is actually

Yeah, that's right! I'm the ape who got ganged up on by a bunch of lousy do-gooders!

What? No! Don't you lump me in with those exhibitionists, you idiot!

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Anyway, looks like the jig is up. Snake! Tiger! Get your asses over here! We're going back to normal!

...Well, I suppose I should have known this was coming.

...

Those two were in on it, too!? And what is that thing? It looks like it has a monkey's face...a tiger's body...and a snake for a tail...?

They must have split into three in order to infiltrate the Enma-tei.

...A particular creature that caws like a bird at night, with numerous grudges and a loss of identity.

...Now I see. It must have put up a Bounded Field to keep out seasoned monster slayers.

Tawara and Raikou never came despite their obvious fit here. You probably targeted them specifically.

Don't pretend like you know me, bitch! What makes you any different from me!?

You're just as monstrous as I am, and you know it! Your act now isn't gonna change a thing!

...

Heehee, now I've gotcha!

Ook eek... Ook ook eeeeeek!

Tch, it jumped out the window! And from the sound of its footsteps...it's headed for the shrine!

I still don't know exactly what that thing is, but it's clear it wants to harm the Enma-tei!

It must mean to destroy the shrine!

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Indeed! If it thinks it can run around destroying whatever it likes, it is sorely mistaken!

Chirp! We will all protect the inn together!

!

That is the sanity-splitting cry of a demonic bird...just as described in the Kojiki! This is definitely the Nue!

But when you heard its fearsome cry, you did not back down! I see you have decided to reveal your true nature as well, beautiful oni warrior!

Forget that. I simply decided that if we are facing a demonic opponent, I would hold nothing back in my attempts to see it soundly destroyed!

Oho, changing clothes to match the occasion? I like your style☆ In that case, don't mind if I do the same!

That's right! I'm going to defeat this beast with the ultimate beauty♡ Say hello to Summer Tamamo!

Grr, you mean Tamamo Shark! What's your plan, fight evil with even more evil!?

Ook eek! Are you guys for real? You actually came to get slaughtered on your own accord!?

Hah, what a laugh! I knew you were dumb, but I didn't know you were THIS dumb!

Fine then, I'll let you off the hook! Just stay out of my way, and I'll forget how much you pissed me off!

YOU let US off the hook!? You're the one who's cornered here, Monkey Mask.

(Said the beautiful, cool-headed warrior princess Kiyohime as she changed into her battle dress☆)

Huh? You think I'M cornered? Are all you dragons actually soft in the head or something?

There's no way you chumps can beat me. I've been collecting the Enma-tei's divine aura for almost five hundred years.

Even you losers oughta know how strong that stuff is after all your slaving away here.

I could kill a hundred of you dinky Heroic Spirits and still have energy to spare!

I'm not goin' anywhere till you're all dead, this shrine's busted up, and I've eaten every last sparrow!

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Spare us the self-congratulations. Chirp, I see now that the only way to settle this is by the blade.

I take it you have no intention of turning yourself in to Enma's court, Mr. Monkey Mask Monster?

Dumbass. Why should I go outta my way just to visit stupid old hell?

Then as Enma's representative, answer me this: Why did you do it?

Is this all to take revenge for what happened to you in The Quarrel of the Monkey and the Crab?

Is it because you kept getting pigeonholed as a bad guy even though you were just trying to live your life?

...

...Hee.

...Heehee.

Heeeheeheeheehee!!!

After all that, you're still trying to make allowances for my circumstances!? You really are a hopeless idiot!

You think this is about revenge? You wanna know why I did this?

Because it's fun, of course! There's nothing better than tricking a bunch of happy-go-lucky simpletons!

Except maybe for watching a bunch of weak little shits work themselves to death for nothing!

Gaha, gahahaha, gaaaaaahahahaha!

...Understood. So you have no intention of facing hell's judgment, chirp.

You also say you have no intention of reforming, and no need for a chance to reduce your sentence.

In that case, I will see that justice is done in Enma's stead!

I will see you cast into Sañjīva, Kālasūtra, and Mahāraurava, and ferry you straight into Avīci!

Even the great oni quake in fear of the sparrow sword! Enjaku Battoujutsu! The last light your eyes will see!

!!!

What's going on here...?

Snake Mask! Tiger Mask! Why're you slowing me down instead of helping!?

Who do you think ate you good-for-nothings up when you had no name and nowhere to go!?

Don't you dare get in my way now! Don't you dare defy me! What's wrong with you morons!?

Its Spirit Origin is splitting apart... No, wait. I think it's...self-destructing...?

...I'm not...defying you... ...I'm a body...without a head.

...You have...all the smarts... I have no choice...but to do...what you say.

...I can't help Beni... ...even if...I want to.

...I'm still...me... ...You lost because...you weren't strong enough...

...I'll just say one last thing...before I go... ...I may not...have a head...

...But you...have nothing.

Stupid stray! How dare you talk to me like that...!

Well fine, I never expected you to be useful anyway. Especially since I knew you felt bad for her!

But what's your excuse, Snake Mask!? You shouldn't have any reason to side with the sparrows!

True, I don't. But...even so...

Oh no, oh no, oh no... This is bad. This is very, very bad!

I'm cursed, I know it! We've really messed things up now!

Oh no, oh no, oh no... This is bad. This is sooo bad!

Moneyed Monkey's gonna kill me! No, wait. I'll be kicked out of the inn before he'll get the chance!

What am I gonna do!? I don't have any money, or anywhere else I can go!

A measly little spirit like me won't last a day outside the Enma-tei!

H-hm?

Th-th-that wasn't my fault, right!? You guys did that all on your own, right!?

Please, you have to keep quiet about me! I'll disappear forever if they kick me out!

A-all right. I don't know what your story is...but I know what it's like to find yourself in a corner.

Very well, go on then. I'll tell whoever asks that me and my men were the only ones here.

Huh? Really? Are you sure?

Hurry up! Can't you hear that alarm blaring!? You didn't mean for this to happen, right!?

Besides, this was mostly my fault for not trusting my own magecraft knowledge before opening the lid!

But don't count on me too much! I have this bad habit of absolutely falling apart under intense scrutiny!

...

I can't blame Magistrate Tiger for going soft. Our type just can't help but be grateful for small kindnesses.

Besides, this world and I have had a good run.

At least I got to feast my eyes on a gorgeous looker, and have some genuinely fun drinks before I go.

?

Sorry, monkey, but this is where we part ways. I can't deal with your cruelty anymore, and, well, I never liked being the tail.

G-grrraaa...! How dare you... How dare you!?

How dare you third-rate chumps ascend before me!? You're both useless without me!

Get back here! Get back here, dammit!

I'm the head of this operation! You're supposed to do what I say!!!

Argh, damn it all! What's the use of being a genius if you can't do anything without a tail and a body!

Now do you understand? This is where the path you chose ends, chirp.

Those who lie solely for their own pleasurewho have naught but envy for others' happinesswill never have anyone come to their aid!

Enma's court is now adjourned! You may try again...from the depths of hell!