EP 7: Eh!? The Ferris Wheel Stopped!

I have returned from my investigation, Master.

Please let me make my report on Oniland's final attraction.

It is the most conspicuous and popular of all Oniland's attractions, with an average wait time of no fewer than thirty minutes!

Hm hm.

Hehe... I know what that is! It's the enormous iron wheel that looms over this Oniland place!

It would be an amazing pinwheel of hellfire if it were completely engulfed in flames!

Hehe, I can only imagine how reckless you'd have to be to get on something like that voluntarily.

Ooh, are you interested, Lady Ibaraki? Then let me offer some advice!

By far the best way to ride the Ferris wheel is two at a time! Not three, and definitely not four!

I admit that I am not exactly certain what Lord Blackbeard is referring to but, in any case, he is correct.

The final attraction, with the final manager...is the Ferris wheel!

It is the largest and most powerful of all Oniland's attractions, enjoying tremendous popularity!

To ride it is to feel as a bird soaring the skies! Or so I am told.

A bird, huh.

Oho...

？！

Like a bird!

Say, Ms. , what would you say to soaring across the skies with me! We could be lovebirds!

Lovebirds...? I am unfamiliar with this species. You must be an exceptional ornithologist, Lord Blackbeard.

...B-but never mind that. According to the other oni, this attraction's manager is a most formidable foe.

In fact, many of them said he was the strongest of all the managers.

Does that mean he's a copy of a powerful Servant then, like one of the great heroes?

It probably means he's made from a large gold fragment. The bigger the gold, the more magical energy it has.

The Servant forms the gold takes on are like shells. They may have some effect on how the gold fights...

...but I think their true strength comes from how large the piece of gold is.

Hehe. Hehehe...!

Mwahaha! The strongest manager of all, you say? Bring it on! Doesn't matter who it is! They're no match for me!

If anything, this giant wheel of his works in our favor! I'll shoot it sky-high with my Mt. Ooe Fireworks!

Aww, look how pumped she is! I don't know where this energy is coming from but it is just so adorable!

Wait, I've got it! Is it that you're afraid of heights, Ibaraki?

Mwahahaha!

？！

...Are you?

O-of course not, you fools! I could climb a hundred-story pagoda with my eyes closed if I wanted!

I never actually saw any during the Heian period, but I know all about how those castles that give samurai their orders have big towers called keeps!

Being in charge means looking down on everyone, right? So of course I don't mind heights!

Oh, so, you do want to ride the Ferris wheel?

Um, well... I-I'll just say "yes" and we can leave it at that... Mwahaha...

But never mind that! What's Blackbeard doing here, and why's he eating MY baked potato!?

Oh, yeah, thanks for the food!

These Hokkaido Jaga-brand spuds really are delish! Especially with Jaga butter! Mmm, I can't get enough them.

Hey! Now you're stealing my jaguar butter, too!

"Jaguar" butter!? I think you may have misheard the brand name, but jaguar butter sounds pretty good too!

Wait. What's a real jaguar doing here!? Jaguaaargh!

Huh? What is it?

Was there something here just now? Something completely unrelated to Oniland or gold in any way?

I could have sworn there was! Something related to a Divine Spirit of some sort of mythology?

Was I just imagining things? I was, right?

？！

Never mind the jaguar, Master! This last attraction manager is supposed to be really tough, so you need to be careful!

Sadly, since I am so terribly wounded, I can't accompany you! So I'll just put my feet up here, and hope to hear good news when you get back!

Wow! We're so high up! You can see so far! I think I could get used to a view like this.

Anyway, I know we've already taken Blackbeard's advice and gotten on two at a time...

...but are you sure you wouldn't have rather ridden with Master?

If anything, I wanted to ride with Shuten or Oni Cure. Not that there's anything wrong with you, but still.

Anyway, hmmm... This thing really does go way up high, doesn't it? Hehehe.

This is the perfect sight for someone ruling from on high! Hehe, hehehehe, mwahahaha.

... ...

Are you okay? You don't look so good.

Y-you're imagining things!

I'm an oni. Our minds and bodies are way tougher than you could possibly imagine.

We can see things humans can't, and can endure things no human could ever stand!

We live how we please! We steal, devour, and kill whatever we want, whenever we want!

That's what being an oni's all about! We're not afraid of anything! Anything!

I see.

So, you're scared of heights?

O-o-o-of course not! I could climb up the side of a hundredno, a thousand-story pagoda without breaking a sweat!

... ...

(That said...)

(...wh-what is this strange and uncomfortable feeling!?)

(My heart skips a beat every time I hear the Ferris wheel creaking! And I hate being stuck in this tiny cage thing!)

(I know I'm not afraid of heights. And I know I'm not afraid of small, cramped spaces.)

(But then... Wait a second...)

(What if I'm scared of being in small places that are ALSO high up!?)

Since we're both Servants, I'm pretty sure we'd be just fine even if we did fall off the top of the Ferris wheel...

Does that make you feel any better?

Oh, yeah, good point I mean, so what!? I wasn't scared to begin with!

I know Ibaraki's already taken Sitonai by the hand and dragged her into the Ferris wheel while shouting about how completely unafraid she was...

...but are you sure this was a good idea, separating the team like this?

It is possible that there is magecraft at work, forcing people to ride only two at a time.

In which case, Lady Mash may be right, and we might be playing right into the enemy's hands. Please be careful, Master!

？！

To think you would barge into my territory of your own accord... Now you, my rude guests, will bow in terror!

Speak of the devil! Master!

It's a Servant! I'm also picking up numerous hostiles scattered around your vicinity... Wait, they're closing in!

All nonguests must leave. All nonguests must die.

The Great Oni's screeches are the only music Oniland needs, and I will defend that truth to the death!

Why, you ask!?

Because it bothers the other guests!

You're bothering the other guests...! You're bothering the other guests...!

Khh...! Here they come!

There are so many of them!

This is becoming very much like the first battle we fought in the park!

This manager must boast nearly as much gold as the Great Oni himself! The last manager is formidable indeed!

The power bestowed upon me is not to be trifled with. Now, you will see why!

Come forth, my commander oni, and lay waste to these entitled guests!

More large ones...!

They appear to be even stronger than the last ones! Senpai, I think you should retreat and regroup!

...That doesn't sound like a bad idea.

？！

It would just be rude to stop now, right? I did make a promise, so I've got to see it through to the end.

Sorry about this, oni stooge!

Once more, Magifender Girl is on the scene!

... ...Interesting.

You call yourself a "Magifender," do you? Very well then, strange demon of the Far East. Since you have come to the aid of these rude guests, let us see how you defend against my wildfire-honed blade.

For I am quite certain that you, or anyone for that matter, will be unable to defend against it at all!

My gold...my greed...shall never be broken by another's hand!

You sure about that? 'Cause oni are aaawfully good at breaking things.

Never means never!!!

？！

Hehe... Hehehehehahahahahahahahahaha! I am a blade tempered by the cursed blaze of wildfire!

The pulse of life is its own melody. Now, let me hear your final notes!

...What a strange feeling.

I never expected to materialize like this.

Especially not as a Servant.

I suppose I do technically have a connection to the Holy Grail, since this body was one...

Have you ever heard of a Lesser Grail?

Oh, right, Chaldea doesn't have much experience with actual Holy Grail Wars, do you? You still have some data about them though, right?

Well, this body of minethe one serving as a vessel for three Divine Spirits...

...is taken from several years ago.

Under normal circumstances...it shouldn't even be alive anymore.

Well, things might be different in this world...but I'm guessing it probably died here too.

This body was never meant to live very long, after all.

So? Is that any different from being a Heroic Spirit? I died a long time ago too, and so did Shuten.

Kintoki and Raikou did, too. That always cheers me up!

So even after all that "High Servant" stuff, you're basically just like the rest of uslike a phantom, pretty much.

I don't think I'm quite the same thing as a Heroic Spirit, since I'm not engraved in the Throne...

...But, yeah, I guess you're right.

I'm just a phantom of someone who died and doesn't even exist any longer...

In that sense...I guess there isn't much difference between me and the Gold Servants.

Well, aside from the fact that their cores are made of the Kamuy's Gold.

Indeed. There's a reason things are made the way they are.

... ...

...Oh, right. I just remembered.

You're not a Heroic Spirit who has a contract with Chaldea, are you, Sitonai?

No, I'm not.

Then, once this Oniland ordeal is over, I'll never get to see you again. Hmm.

That means the version of you I'm talking to now really only exists in the moment, doesn't it?

Well, now that I've formed a bond with Master, I suppose I could return if he summons me...

Yeah, that's true.

But that wouldn't be you, right?

...No. Once this is over, this version of me will be gone forever.

But that's just how it is with Servants. ...No, not just Servants.

I think that's just how it is for all living things.

There's a saying that goes, "Treasure every encounter, for each is unique and will never happen again."

Hmm.

Isn't there anything you want to do before you disappear?

I know I'd be pissed off if I had to spend all my time working only to disappear for good when it was over.

I mean, that's just...boring.

Hmm. Something I'd want to do...

... ...

...I guess I would have liked to see Berserker.

A Berserker?

O-oh man, I had no idea! But, I'm afraid that's kind of a tall order now. I can't just change back at the drop of a hat...

Huh?

Well, my Spirit Origin is a Lancer right now. I didn't know you'd have preferred I stay a Berserker.

I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that you'll never get to see me as a Berserker.

But...why do you prefer Berserkers? Were you going to use my fangs and claws to set off fireworks?

Hehe, no, that's not it, but don't worry, it's okay! You're very kind, aren't you?

And here I thought oni were supposed to be these terrifying mythical creatures. Hehe, you're funny!

Wha...!?

Wh-what was that!? Why're we shaking!?

We're back on the ground! We need to meet back up with Master! It looks like he's in trouble!

R-right!

Master! Are you okay!?

Sorry I'm late, Master! Looks like the odds are really stacked against you, huh? Good! More for me to devour!

？！

Great timing; we were just getting to the good part. How'd you two like to join us?

Want to grind these cheap imitation oni to paste with me?

Whoa, it's Magifender Girl Oni Cure! Yeah, yeah, I'd be glad to fight with you! You will too, right, Sitonai!?

Yeah, I think I will. This manager has the last gold fragment we need to defeat the Great Oni...

...so let's all take it back together!

Hahahahahahaha, go ahead, if you think you can! I will absorb your desires and gain even more magical energy!

The Kamuy's Gold is the very manifestation of human desire! It will never be exhausted!

Come then! I shall play you an endless toccata, right here and now!

Gnnnh...!

Encomium Moriae!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ahhh... Ahh... The show...must...go on...

No...matter...wha

...That's right. You won't disappear completely.

You stay behind as magical energy. Don't worry, it's okay. I'll make sure you get back to the earth.

Sleep well. You did great.

That takes care of the fifth gold fragment! You must have a lot of gold by now!

According to my calculations, this should reduce the Great Oni's magical energy by about fifty percent.

Well, see you 'round. Phew, I'm beat.

Surprised you managed to get this done so smoothly. Hmph. Not bad, losers.

What did I tell you about being nice? All right, we're done here.

(Waving goodbye)

Phew. Oh, my apologies. The battle was so intense that I could not help but sigh in relief now that it's over. Are you all right, Master?

？！

All that's left now is the Great Oni on Main Street. But since he only comes out for the parade at night...

So, in the meantime...

...we'll take this chance to get some rest!

Huh? No way. He lost?

Even with all that gold he had on top of his abundant musical sensibilities...?

I see... I guess that's it for him, huh...

Well, nothing to do about that now! I have to admit, I really called this one wrong!

Gehehe, still... Gehehe, things are getting really interesting now...

Gehehe... Hehe... Gehehehe...!!! Gaaahahahaha!

Very well then! I, the Great Oni Vermilion Dragon, shall dispose of these impudent riffraff myself!

With my Electrical Night Parade of a Hundred Pumpkin Oni, I will return Oniland to its regular schedule!

Tremble, foolish guests, and despair! You are not long for this world!