GUDAGUDA Barhopping

Senpai! The Goryoukaku has begun to descend!

Really? Are they trying to ram it into Kai again?

I don't know, but something doesn't seem right. It's falling much more slowly than last time.

So where's the Goryoukaku now?

Well, it's actually at...

...Okehazama.

What!?

Huh, so it just landed safely here. I don't sense anyone else around...

Yeah. There's not a single other person around.

So what, this thing just floated away and came all this way on its own? How the hell could that happen?

Hehehe... You fools. You fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

That impossibly beautiful voice... It feels like it's shaking the very ground we stand on... Who is that!?

This is unforgivable... Unforgivable!

Sister losing at Okehazama? To Imagawa? This cannot stand!

Hang on. I know that voice!

I refuse to accept it!

Y-you!?

Aren't you

Huh? Me?

So it's just you, Nobbu. So much for our partnership.

Hm? "Sister"? Is that you, Nobukatsu!?

I am both Sister, and not Sister.

I am the Demon King of the Seventh Heaven, Nobunakattsu!

Th-the SEVENTH Heaven!?

Um, you do know that the whole Sixth Heaven thing isn't a chronological numbering scheme, right?

Wait, never mind that. What do you think you're doing, Nobukatsu!? Er, big me!?

I Rayshifted to Okehazama the moment I heard Imagawa had defeated you.

When I learned it was true, I fell into a deep depression.

So that's why we didn't see you around. You were here at Okehazama.

But I know better than anyone that Sister would never let things end like this.

So even in the midst of my depression, I kept telling myself over and over and over and over how Sister was the strongest daimyo in the Warring States.

Then, just when my feelings had reached their peak, the Holy Grail appeared before me.

I then donned the remnants of Sister's Spirit Origin that were still in Okehazama, and became a vessel for her revival!

Isn't that exactly what Ujizane did with Yoshimoto's Spirit Origin?

That's right. Now that I'm wearing Sister myself, I have surpassed her. And with this newfound power, I will grind Imagawa Yoshimoto into dust for killing her!

Yoshimoto's already gone.

Huh?

Everyone at Chaldea worked together to defeat him. It was a truly epic battle for the ages.

...

Then, does that mean I need to give you back your Spirit Origin, Sister?

Damn right, you do.

...Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure! Dammit, I was wondering why my big self hadn't shown up here.

Now hurry up and get out of there so we can go home.

Hang on. Now that I think about it, since you and I combined are already stronger than you are...

...absorbing the remaining two-thirds of you on top of that would only make me an even MORE stronger version of you.

In fact, I bet that was the wish the Holy Grail was responding to! Probably!

What do you think we should do about this, Master?

？！

You had a brother, Nobunaga?

Hm? Oh, right, I guess you wouldn't know. Yeah, I did. That's him right there. Nobukatsu.

I see. So he's your brother.

I'll support you, Brother.

Hey, Nobukatsu, right? I like your spirit, all fired up to avenge your sister.

How about I take you on?

Who the hell are you?

You really think you can defeat me, Nobunakattsu? The Demon King of the Seventh Heaven and strongest daimyo in the Warring States?

Have you not heard of the guy who sent your beloved sister running away in a panic?

What are you talking about! No one could ever scare Sister off! Right, Sister?

U-uh, yeah, definitely. I definitely wasn't scared or anything. I was just, uh, playing the long game!

Think about it. If I just wait for my enemy to die on their own, I don't have to lift a finger to win! Pretty smart, right?

I remember how you used to send me gifts and flattering letters, too.

Well, the guy your sister, Oda Nobunaga, feared more than anyone, is Takeda Harunobu of Kai...

...and you're looking at him.

Takeda...of Kai...?

D-does that mean you're Takeda Shingen!? The guy Sister said was the strongest Takeda in the east!?

You said that?

I-I might have. Just in passing, though.

And I'm the Echigo God of War that both Shingen and Nobunaga feared...

Uesugi Kenshin.

Uesugi Kenshin!? The Echigo God of War that had Sister cracking up when she died in the lavatory!?

Why would you describe me like that!?

Well, so what? Here at the Goryoukaku, with all the magical energy from the people of Kai's desires at her disposal...

...Sister has nothing to fear from either Uesugi OR Takeda!

Magical energy from desires? Then, does that mean the Imagawa's secret treasure is actually

I made it all up, of course. Why would a clan that's dying out be hiding their money rather than spending it?

That would just be ridiculous.

Come on, don't take all the fun out of it. There's just something romantic about the idea of searching for Takechiyo's you-know-what!

Yeah, I love movies where people go searching for some hidden legendary treasure.

Does the Shinsengumi not have anything like that? Like, maybe some secret riches buried in the fields of Bushu or underneath Mibu-dera or something?

I wish.

We were pretty much constantly on the verge of going broke from the start.

At any rate, I'm going to destroy both Takeda and Uesugi here and now, and become the greatest version of Sister to ever exist!

However we got to this moment, I commend you for your spirit. I won't hold back now that we face each other.

As long as you're prepared to die, that's all that matters. You'll see why your sister feared me soon enough.

Huh? Why do you two look so different now? Especially you, the one who died in the lavatory. Did you always look like that?

Ahahahaha! Not another word out of you.

Come! Bishamonten's protection is with us!

Drink up, everyone. It's my treat.

Don't mind if I do then! One, and two, and three drinks, down the hatch!

Damn, you can really hold your liquor, Echigo lady! Come on, Saika girl, you too!

I have no tolerance for alcohol, so I'll just have some milk, please.

Here you go, Magoichi. The milk is fresh! One of the villagers brought it over for us this morning.

Thanks, Mash-senpai.

Mash...senpai?

Yeah. We both serve Fujimaru because we trust him, which makes you my senpai. Is that okay?

O-of course it is! Welcome to the team, Magoichi!

That went perfectly. Now I can keep hanging around Chaldea and no one will say a word.

Did you say something?

Me? No, nothing. Thank you for the warm welcome.

Lady Komahime, you can't just load up on meat alone, as it will ruin your figure.

Have some broccoli as well.

No thank you, Lord Rikyu. I never had my barbecue campout, so I'll be making up for that here.

Especially after the beating we took on the mountain.

Here, Komahime. You can have some of my meat.

Why thank you, Lady Iyo. Please, have my broccoli in exchange.

I gotta say, everything here in Kai is so yummy. I really like these flat noodles.

I know, right? Everything I've tried has been so tasty. I could drink this premium "juice" here for days on end!

You certainly know how to hold your liquor, don't you, Lady Iyo?

I-I'm telling you, it's just juice!

Hahaha! Come on, Okada, let's let bygones be bygones. I already apologized, and trust me, I don't often do that.

What the heeeeeell!?

He's still doing it.

Don't worry, he'll be fine. Once he's got enough drinks in him to puke it all out of his system, the magical energy'll leave him, and he should be back to normal.

I don't know if having him take a page from old-school nobility's playbook is really the way we want to go here...

What're you talking about? Is that a thing the nobility used to do?

I'm fairly sure there are a number of Heroic Spirits in Chaldea from an age where that kind of thing was common.

Oh, interesting. Let's get them over here, pour some drinks in them, and find out for ourselves.

Uh, I don't know if they actually did that themselves or not.

Go on, Izo, drink up. Oryou'll hold the keg for you.

What the heeeeeeeeell!?!?

That's all for today's Okuni-chan live stream, folks. Make sure to subscribe and hit that notification bell for next time!

Bye-bye, zan!

So, how's that 3D Okuni-chan video coming along?

Pretty good, if Chacha says so herself! Chacha thinks this will get you a lot of views.

Did you finish the title card yet, Nagayoshi?

Not yet, but I will soon. I know I don't look it, but I'm actually real good at calligraphy. You said you're calling it the Okuni☆Channel, right?

Hyahahaha! Man, you didn't give much a thought on that, did you?

We're set to broadcast all across the galaxy!

I can see it now: "Okuni☆Channel, from Kai to the Milky Way"! I bet I'll get a million views in no time!

Uh-oh. It crashed.

Huh? Wait. Is this planet's hypernet connection still completely ancient in terms of speed and such?

With pathetic bandwidth like this, it'll take at least a million years for this video to reach Planet Ranmaru airwaves.

Dial-up, zan...

Your other self's cannons are amazing. I'd like to try firing them once.

Right? Right? I mean, I keep telling you all, they're pagodas, not cannons.

Really? Okay, I'd like to try firing your pagodas once then. Can you turn into a pagoda like that, Rengoku?

You want me to turn into a cannon? I might be able to pull that off, but I don't think you're cut out for projectiles, Wielder.

Ulp, maybe you're right. I can't even drink my coffee milk in the cafeteria without spilling it.

Not in any way the same thing.

It's no problem. If you can't hit your target, just make it so that it DOES hit. Just like smacking them directly with a spear.

I like the way you think.

As a matter of fact, I don't really trust projectiles much, so I usually just use them for melee strikes.

Please don't put weird ideas in my wielder's head.

Wahahaha! Go on, Saito, drink up! And don't bother saying you can't take my liquor!

Ugh, you're still a huge pain in the ass to drink with. And why're you back to being an old fart again, anyway?

Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I am. Maybe I just kinda let myself go after I had a few too many?

Ah, it's fine. I'm sure I can go back to being young if I put my mind to it.

...Is that really how that works?

Hehe. I must say, I never thought we'd all be drinking together like this again.

I know, right? First it was just me, then Mr. Hijikata, then Mr. Saito, then you...

...and now, Mr. Nagakura's here as well.

Just couldn't stay away, could you? Had to come crawling out of the woodwork.

Oh come on, Mr. Hijikata. Don't pretend you're not thrilled.

...I'm sorry, Hijikata.

...What for?

I didn't have the strength of my convictions to stick with youthe Shinsengumi, till the end. I've always regretted that.

If you hadn't been the only one fighting at the Goryoukaku, then maybe

What're you talking about?

Huh? I'm talking about how I left the Shinsengumi and

You fought just as much as I did.

Huh?

You fought at the Goryoukaku right here in Kai.

...!

Hey, yeah. I guess I did, didn't I?

Yeah! I did, too!

As did Saito and I.

Yup.

That just leaves...

...On second thought, never mind.

...

Well, come on, everyone! This party's still just getting started!

Kukakakaka! How long has it been since we last drank together, Okita!?

Since before we died!

Haven't I asked you guys to knock that kind of talk off?

Sheesh. This was a damn close call, even for me.

I know, right? The fight against Yoshimoto at Okehazama is going to be at the top of my list of battles I never want to repeat.

So, Nobukatsu, we learned from this, right?

Of course, Sister! That's why I'm letting big Sister use me as a chair right now!

Never mind that.

Come on, relax. It's all in the past now. Besides, Nobukatsu didn't mean any harokay, I guess he did, but it was all to save me, so no actual harm done.

Big Sister...! Thank you! Thank you for understanding! Please, feel free to sit on me for as long as you like!

Don't you think you're too soft on him?

Hahahahaha! Listen to the pot calling the kettle black!

I guess so.

Well, all right. But once this party's over, I want you coming back to me.

Could I join you as wel

No.

I-I can't drink another drop...

I want Master to be the fourth Saika Magoichi... Together, we can bring the Saika back better than ever... (Zzz...)

Y-you can't do that... Senpai still has...work to do at Chaldea... (Zzz...)

Hm? It looks like everyone else drank themselves to sleep.

Hey. You.

Oh, Harunobu. I guess you can hold your liquor, huh? That's more like it. Come on, join me for another drink.

Pretty sure you're the only one here who can drink all that and still be no worse for wear.

C'mon. Let's get out of here.

Okay. I guess we shouldn't wake everyone else up.

Did you have somewhere in mind?

Just shut up and come with me.

There you are, Kenshin. Shingen.

Nobunaga? What is this place?

One of my favorite haunts.

It's perfect for barhopping.

I see. Well then, don't mind if I do.

Ahahahaha! I'll never forget the look on your face, Harunobu!

I still can't believe you parried my katana with your war fan, of all things.

And I still can't believe you rushed at my whole army all on your own.

Wahahaha! So that Kawanakajima story was true! Guess that makes you both even bigger idiots than I'd heard!

Sorry, is that the Fool of Owari I hear calling people idiots?

Hey, it's not my fault you two both screwed up. At least I managed to take Yoshimoto down.

Only because you got lucky.

Only because you got lucky.

Aww...

All that aside, we really were constantly at each other's throats back then, weren't we?

Hehe. It may sound strange, but thinking back on it now, it just makes me smile.

...

Kenshin, are you aware of just how much more expressive you are now than you used to be?

Really? I am?

Oh, yeah. I knew something about you was bugging me. That must be it.

I used to never be able to tell if you were smiling or deranged...

...but now that Harunobu mentions it, you HAVE been way more expressive tonight.

What? But I'm the avatar of Bishamonten, the arbiter of the Warring States. That can't be ri

No, I suppose you are right. I wonder why this happened?

No kidding. Who becomes MORE human after turning into an actual god?

You think I'm more human now?

...I see.

Wahahaha, now I'm really glad I came! It was worth making the trip to Kai just to see you looking all meek for once! Right, Shingen!?

Hah! Kind of, yeah.

And just who are you two to judge me, anyway?

Now, now. What do you say we just have another round?

I'm feeling generous today.

Could I get in on this round as well?

Huh!? What're you doing here!?

Ujizane!?

It's been a long time, Shingen, Kenshin.

...Nobunaga.

...Well, well. If it isn't Lord Yoshimoto.

Yoshimoto? Not Ujizane?

...

Of course you would recognize me right away, Fool.

Good. It would not be the Kai where I met my end otherwise.

Yeah, there's no freaking way I'd ever mistake you for your kid.

So what are you here for? Revenge for Ujizane?

And if I am?

...

...

...

Relax. It seems my son gave you a lot of trouble, so I merely wished to thank you for dealing with him.

Tell me...did Ujizane fight well?

...Yeah. He was every bit the warrior you were.

I see. I always felt bad that Ujizane had to carry a burden he never asked for, and all because of me.

It may have been the way of the Warring States, but it is no less regrettable for that.

A burden he never asked for...

I guess parents and kids both struggle to understand each other.

We both fought as hard as we could back then, Lord Yoshimoto. I'm sure Lord Ujizane understood that.

That doesn't change the fact that we fought because there were some things we couldn't put up with.

Yes... That's true, isn't it.

But it's incredibly vexing to hear that from you, of all people.

If you don't like it, how about we have a rematch at Okehazama right now?

Hahahahaha! Yes, yes! An excellent idea, Fool of Owari!

Come at me all at once. I, Imagawa Yoshimoto, the greatest archer in all of the Highway, shall easily...

...

...

No, never mind. Tonight, I only wish to lose myself in the pleasures of sake.

...Pull up a chair then. We'll start you off with a bottle.

And Lord Yoshimoto? Thanks for everything you did for my father, Nobutora.

Heh. Your father always was concerned about you.

He was? ...I see.

Here, have some of my sake as well. I always wished I could have crossed bows with you at least once, Lord Yoshimoto.

...

What's wrong, Nobunaga? Huh? Are your hands shaking?

Bwuh!? Wh-what're you implyno, you're right. To be honest, I was kind of in shock.

See!? Look how my palms are sweating!

Hahahahahaha!

But still you held your ground. Well done, Fool of Owari...no, Nobunaga. Even I'm relieved now.

Truth is, in this body, I don't like my odds against you.

But if you still want to duel again, how about I call my Demon King self?

It's all right, Nobunaga. You are fine as you are.

I am but a dream the Holy Grail deigned to have this one night.

So let us now drink the night away.

A toast to you, my rivals...

...and to all the heroes and comrades who lived through that era.