Danger! Suspicious Personnel Warning

Our delivery backlog is being cleared out at a good pace.

At this rate, it may not be much longer before the shipping system is back to its old self.

No... First, I must find my missing employees, or I will simply find myself back in the same situation.

I cannot outsource my delivery operations to all of you forever, after all.

Good question. I've been checking in with Egyptian HQ periodically to see if our intelligence has heard anything new, but so far, nothing.

We have agents throughout the Servantverse, so I thought we would have heard something by now...

Looking back, it's hard to believe that initial blast of information pertaining to this incident even took place.

Then it seems more and more likely that somebody leaked that initial information intentionally.

(Sigh) I knew that the bigger my company grew, the more ire it would draw from rivals jealous of our success...

...but I never imagined that one of them would use such convoluted methods. What could they be thinking?

Heartily agreed. Manipulating another company into attacking a competitor when they're down...

What a brilliant, elegant way to make trouble for a rival!

And the best part is, you don't even have to get your own hands dirty!

...

That doesn't mean I'm the one behind your employees' disappearance, mind you. Whoever this person is, I'm just admiring their handiwork.

？！

Indeed. These deliveries certainly aren't going to make themselves.

Let's see... Our next customer looks to be a company by the name "Cordiality Inc. Temp Agency."

This package needs to be delivered to their employee training center. It should be right around here...

Fou, fou?

I can see a group of people over there. Perhaps that is the place?

That looks like...

？！

To be honest, I feel a sense of déjà vu as well. I think I recognize that man, but I can't place him...

Perhaps we met at a party?

Whenever I dress up and go to a party with my husband...

...there's always no end of men kneeling before me begging me to let them kiss my feet...

Maybe he was one of them?

I don't know who he is, but on first impression, I don't care for those glasses or that he's obviously never truly worked a day in his life.

He seems to me as though he is simply trying to play up his intelligence.

Well, if he thinks a pair of glasses is all it takes to look like an intellectual, he could not be more wrong!

...Oops. It would seem he is the customer for this delivery. All right, CEO, you can do better than that.

After all, one of the best things about Amazones.com is how, certain notable exceptions aside, anyone anywhere can use it.

Business is business; my personal preferences are not relevant when engaging in customer relations. All right, time to plaster on my most winning saleswoman smile and get to work.

Ahh, I'm so glad this day has finally arrived.

You did very well making it this far, Registration No. 9685.

Thank you for everything you've done for me, Teacher!

Not gonna lie, as a guy who used to run around doing space piracy under the name Blackbeard Binks, your temp training program was really tough for me to get through!

But now that I'm done, I'll finally get to be a full-fledged member of society! I can't wait!

Now I won't have to spend every waking hour of my day running away from bounty hunters!

(Sniff) Thank you so much for not giving up on me!

Now, now, no more tears. This is more than just your graduation. It's the first day of a whole new life.

Thank you, Teacher. Though you know, I never did get why I had to stand as close as possible to those grenades to practice enduring their explosions. Why would a temp like me need a skill like that, anyway?

(Avoiding the question) Now that you've managed to withstand this difficult training...

...you should be able to handle any temp position at any company anywhere.

They may be in administration, sales, development, management, or making tea...

...but whatever they are, and wherever you go, I guarantee you will now be the right person for the job.

I only wish I could be there to see the magnificent fruits of your labors for myself. Ah, what a shame.

Teacher... You really do care about me! Well, don't worry! I promise I won't let you down!

Indeed, be sure that you don't, otherwise it'll lead to some trouble.

Oh my, it would seem congratulations are in order.

Cordiality's temp worker database has already found the perfect company for you.

Once we take care of the paperwork, you could begin working immediately. What do you say?

Don't worry, it's very simple.

All you have to do is sign away your rightsThat is, this labor contract, and you'll be all set.

Really? Sounds good to me! There, signed and sealed!

？！

Fou fou, fooou.

A temp agency...? Something about this feels familiar...

...(Gasp)

I-I just remembered!

Egyptian's marketing department periodically sends me a blacklist of people not do to business with.

That's where I've seen his face.

The toxic company he runs, Cordiality, is the most ethically questionable temp agency in the Sapphire Galaxy.

He operates it firmly in the gray zone, skirting the law without technically breaking it. In fact, I think he actually is a wanted man in some star systems.

He's been quasi-legally racking up huge profits by deceiving and brainwashing unwitting Servant resources into working for other companies until they literally blow up.

His name is Mister Chen, though he's more commonly known by his terrifying alias...The Explosion!

？！

Don't ask me! I didn't make it up!

Oh? And who might you be?

...I am from Amazones.com.

Ah, yes. I did order something from you, didn't I?

Just a moment, please. I still need to put the finishing touches onThat is, finish my new employee's graduation.

Registration No. 9685, now that you are about to leave the company and set out into society...

...I have a little present for you to commemorate the occasion.

As someone who has been a part of your new lease on life, even if only for the duration of your training...

...it's the least I can do to cheer you on. Here.

Oh man, Teach, you've already done more for me than I can ever pay you back for, and now you're giving me a present, too? I don't know what to say!

It's quite all right. Just say you'll take it.

Well, if you insist... (Sniff) You're the best, Teacher. I'm so glad I got to meet you.

Now, listen closely. You are only to open this gift while at the company you are temping for, and only when things are looking truly dire.

Do not open it under any other circumstances.

If you ever find yourself in desperate straits with no hope of escape, the contents of this box will save you.

For example, if you happen to see something you shouldn't have, or done something that the tyrannical company president will literally have your head for...

...and you wish there was a way to turn the tables on the nearby bad guys and really blow them away.

That is when I hope you will remember this box. Oh, and it will be especially effective if you can open it in close proximity to said company president.

Also, make absolutely sure never to drop it, and be careful not to store it in moist, damp environments. Is that clear?

You got it, Teach!

？！

I knew it! You're deceiving innocent(?) pirates and exploiting them for your own gain!

Oh? Hehehe, now that's odd. I could have sworn I made the delivery out to Cordiality Inc.

I didn't think Amazones.com was so unprofessional as to violate its customers' privacy.

Indeed, it's all the more egregious when considering that you regularly set foot into other people's homes by nature of your mail-order business.

I guarantee that we are in total compliance with all galactic privacy laws, and any personal information acquired in the course of performing our work duties is kept strictly confidential.

However, just to confirm: while Amazones.com proudly accepts orders from customers of all stripes...

...we draw the line at purchases we believe may have been made by criminals, or that may be used in criminal activities.

Criminal? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Cordiality is every bit on the up-and-up.

Oh really? Then how do you explain all the young workers your agency deploys...

...who are trained to work until they can no longer move before they ultimately end up exploding!?

You're mistaking the results of our process for our aims. At Cordiality, we try to cultivate a strong work ethic and a fierce sense of loyalty in all of our associates.

Yes, we have been so successful with some of them that they've ended up making the ultimate sacrifice to help their assigned company, but that was a choice they made of their own volition.

All I can do is give our devoted associates one of these secret microwavable tools for when they decide to take matters into their own hands.

That way, when it goes off, I can at least try to recoup my losses.

What's wrong with that?

Do you really need to ask? Employees are the most precious resource a company has.

Business models like that are only feasible when the company lacks any sense of ethics or responsibility.

And quite frankly, your choice to use it also strikes me as one profoundly lacking in creativity or innovation.

Oh? That's quite the accusation from someone whose own company is currently suffering from a dearth of employees.

What did you just say?

So you've heard about what's going on at Amazones.com too!?

Indeed I have. You see, I didn't make this order just to have an item I need delivered.

No, my true goal...was to make you a proposal.

I was hoping you might consider using some of Cordiality's hardest working young associates...

...to bolster your company's ranks during this time of need.

Of course, you are the up-and-coming CEO of Amazones.com who has grown your company at a truly astonishing rate.

So I trust you can understand why I figured making an order would give me a better opportunity to talk business with you. The matter of obtaining an appointment with you is no easy feat, after all.

Oh? So you want me to employ the workers you've trained as delivery people?

That's right.

Absolutely not!!!

？！

Did you truly think I would jump at such a proposal?

I understand that labor has taken numerous forms as of late, and that temp workers are one of them.

However, temp workers also bring a host of problems. Um... Temp problems, essentially.

You know...problems that have to do with how temp workers are treated. I think.

At any rate, it is a crucial issue, and one I take very seriously as the CEO of my company.

Your point being?

The one thing I can say for certain is that trust is essential!

As a matter of fact, Amazones.com is currently working hand in hand with our very first outsourcing partner.

It may appear similar to employing temp workers at a glance, but I only made this decision because I trusted Fujimaru and his companions.

Suffice to say, trust is a key priority for anyone we choose to work with, and I do not trust you one bit.

So I have no interest in your proposal, regardless of how much help your workers might be.

(Sigh) I didn't expect you to be so stubborn.

Come now, think about it. Surely you could use all the help you can get right now, no?

I can provide you with ideal employees. The kind who work hard, keep their heads down, and never complain.

Furthermore, I can guarantee they would be so loyal that they would gladly show any difficult customer making unreasonable complaints some (literal) fireworks.

But of course, they would never do so in a way that would reflect poorly on your company. If anything, they would only reinforce your dominance over the intergalactic home shopping market.

After all, if word were to spread that refusal to accept a package from Amazones.com resulted in the refuser, say, haha, blowing up...

Well, I imagine you would soon see a very sharp decrease in refusals indeed.

The home delivery industry doesn't get enough respect as it is, so instilling customers with the right...moral incentives should only help. Really, it's about time the Sapphire Galaxy as a whole began a new season, in my opinion.

As for me, all I ask in return for providing you with such valuable employees is reasonable compensation for the time I've spent training them.

Indeed, the more I think about it, the more I think such an arrangement would be nothing but upside for both of us.

Truly, this is exactly what I would call a...

Win-win!

Oh my, that was close.

Try to argue the merits of your position all you like. You are still nothing more than a worm trying to take advantage of us in a moment of weakness.

You clearly need a lesson in ethics, and fortunately for you, my morning star and I specialize in teaching from the school of extremely hard knocks!

Yeah, honestly, I don't think anyone needs a delivery person literally blowing up on the job anyway...

Worry not! Amazones.com will never make deals with violent criminals!

？！

Senpai, as your kouhai, I can more or less tell what you're thinking right now...

...and I think now is probably not a good time to say it!

Oof.

Considering that everything under the sun shines brightest at the moment it is about to burn out, I truly thought that Amazones.com was now on its last legs.

But it seems I was a bit hasty in coming to that conclusion.

So I think I will withdraw for today and spend some time thinking about what I've learned.

Of course, if you would ever like to discuss business again, I am always happy to oblige.

Hold it! We still need to turn you over to the Galactic Police!

Just answer me one thing. Are you the one behind my employees' disappearances?

Goodness, no. Cordiality is but a humble temp agency. We're not in the business of poaching talent from other companies.

When word that they were missing first reached the underworld, I did put out some feelers in the hope of finding some disgruntled Amazons to recruit...

But it was to no avail, as there was neither hide nor hair of them to be found anywhere.

I suspect that either someone with very deep ties to the Servantverse's underworld was involved in their disappearance, or... Well, my expenses reached the point of diminishing returns before I could dig any deeper into the alternative.

Suffice to say, that was when I decided to abandon my info gathering pursuits and try the direct approach.

But of course, we all know how that panned out. Ahh, what a great opportunity cost this has been.

Oh well, a lesson for the future, I suppose. Now then, if you'll excuse me, I really must be on my way...

...He's gone.

While you don't see many villains as forthright as him nowadays...it doesn't seem like he abducted my employees.

？！

Fou, fou.

Huh? Where'd Teacher go? And where do I find my new workplace?

This agency has been sunsetted. Mister Chen will not return. You are free to forge your own destiny, pirate!

Whaaa!? But the whole reason I wanted to become an office slacker in the first place is 'cause I didn't want to have to figure that stuff out for myself!

...True, it would be all too easy to simply leave you with that single word of advice.

But as the first-class CEO of a first-class corporation, I have more words of wisdom I can share to help enterprising young(?) people like yourself advance in life.

So listen up, for the truth I am about to tell you will give your life much greater direction than that purple-haired weasel's lies ever could.

Yeah? Okay, lay it on me.

It all comes down to just one word:

Muscles!

!!!???

Even if you think I'm full of it, just train your muscles well, and they will be one of the few things in life that will never let you down.

Well-trained muscles will invigorate your appetite, improve your health, focus your mind, land you a job, and find you friends. In this, I am absolutely certain.

Indeed, there are numerous reasons as to how I became a CEO, but my muscles were a core component.

？！

Really. I do not know if you are aware of this or not...

...but our relaxation facilities also contain the best gym you will find this side of the Sapphire Galaxy.

I strongly urge you to pay it a visit if you should ever find yourself tired of life or making deliveries. It will help you solve just about any problem you may have.

Hmm... So you're saying if I work out a lot I can become a CEO? And once I become CEO Swolebeard...

...I'll finally have girls fawning over me saying things like "Kyah! Check out the hot space pirate over there!"!?

Is that really what you want, Beardy...?

Hehe. While it would be easy for me to squash that dream here and now, I will instead just say that the future holds endless possibilities, young(?) pirate.

But if you should ever find yourself lost and lacking direction once again, read my autobiographynow in its second printingand it will help you get back on track.

Farewell!

All that said, if I'm gonna start a harsh workout, I think I'd enjoy it a lot more as a space pirate than a guy just pumping space iron.

Yeah, that's the ticket! I'm gonna take a page out of that bad guy's playbook...

...and start a space pirate franchise where fellow outlaws can enjoy exercising AND make a killing! I'm gonna be rich!

...Wait. Isn't that just a pirate guild? I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this plan...

Khh... This pressure is intense.

How're you holding up, Cat!?

It's all paws on deck here, and there's not nearly enough paws to go around! At least I can say there's never a dull moment, woof!

You guys keep cooking. I'll keep the rice coming! Here you go!

Order up! One curry combo!

Let's see, next I've got to make... Ulp, there're even more orders than before. I'll get started right now!

Tch. Brave warriors like me are supposed to be greeted with banquets thrown in our honor wherever we go.

So why do I have to subject myself to the humiliation of waiting in line? You're all lucky I don't send Heracles on ahead to clear the way for me, dammit.

Quit your bellyaching, New Blondie.

You think I don't want to get rid of everyone and make off with all that yummy-looking food for myself?

'Course, as an oni, I probably should do that, but then Red Guy won't make me any more sweets...

(What a good girl she is. Especially for an oni!)

Seriously, what's the holdup? I've been waiting for what feels like forever. Can't you make it any faster?

It'll be ready when it's ready, Lancer!

If you're tired of waiting in line, then either get in here and help us out, or go and show off that fancy running form I've heard so damn much about!

I've BEEN running. Why do you think I'm so famished?

I'm telling you, it ain't easy being part of the ground troops. If only I could bring my chariot here...

Whoa, check it out! They've got pancakes here now!

Oh my! That sounds umptious scrumptious!

What's this? Lady Pārvatī herself made this curry!?

I may be the avatar of Vishnu, but I absolutely have to try that!

...Curses, I can't believe how far this line stretches on. But if it means having a taste of Lady Pārvatī's handmade curry, it is a wait I am willing to endure!

Fooooood!!!

Mmm! This stuff is the horse's hoovesI mean, the bee's knees!

There's nothing tastier than a good carrot! Just one of these is enough to let me run for ten thousand li!

And unlike that huge line over there, this area is entirely buffet-style, so I don't even have to wait!

That being said...

Looking at everyone else here, I can't deny that my diet is a little lacking in variety.

And since I'll no doubt need to head out on a job again, seeing as I'm one of Chaldea's star runners and all, I should probably try something new that will give me even more energy.

Excuse me, good sir, but might you have any form of carrot dish on your menu?

Because I think such a dish could help me run even faster and further than usual! Neigh ha!

Oh, it's you.

I wish I could help out, but we're too shorthanded to whip up anything carrot-based right now.

I could always chop one up and stir-fry it for you, but I'm pretty sure that's not what you had in mind.

Wait... Hang on. I think we might've just gotten something in the last supply drop.

Here we go: Galaxy Carrot Pancakes. Wanna give 'em a shot?

Galaxy Carrot Pancakes!?

Yup. I don't know if someone foresaw this kind of thing happening or what, but it's even labeled "safe for humans and horses alike."

Well, I'm Lu Bu, obviously, so the horse part doesn't apply to me, but yes, I'd definitely like to try some!

All right, let's see what these Galaxy Carrot Pancakes taste like...

Holy horsey! I mean, moly!

This is definitely the same great carrot taste I know and love, but it's also a fluffy pancake! What a revelation!

I could eat these forever! Run forever! Be Lu Bu forever! Om nom nom nom!

Neigh ahhh... Oh man, I have to tell the others about these right away.

Let's see. There's Lord Bucephalus, Lord Dun Stallion, Lady Llamrei, Lord Bailong, Lord Kyogoku...

...Lord Bayard, Lord Prince of Lan Ling's friend whose name I forgot to ask, Lord Pegasus...!

These pancakes' deliciousness is going to shake up the whole horse industry something fierce.

I have no doubt that any horse who eats these will be able to gallop across the open plains several times more powerfully than before!

Huh? Oh, no, I don't mean me. I'm not a horse, after all.

Ahh, I can feel the power coursing through myI mean, Lu Bu's veins! I'll be able to tackle my next delivery with ten times more power than usual!

Don't try to stop me! All that's left now is to hit the road! Neigh haaa!

...Maybe I'd better double-check the ingredients on those pancakes...