Section 7: Märchen Breaker!

Okay, my seven hottieees♪ Let's go do this thiiing♪

Eee! Ellyyy!

？！

Just...to be abundantly clear, you all understand I won't be saying that, yes?

I know I let it slip out before, but that was a one-time thing!

Now let's go take down the big Fujimaru before he can finish becoming my god!

And nab the Holy Grail while we're at it!

？！

Don't you worryyy♪

You can trust meee♪ Zenobiaaa♪ And my seven hottieees♪

You meant to leave me out, didn't you? (Sniffle) Well, that's okay! I'll still give it my all, anyway!

Oh, shut up and let's get to fighting already! That evil god ain't gonna kick its own ass!

Ooh la la!

On y va!

!

There you are, other Puppy!

!

Ouch! My poor eaaars♪ Oh, Puppy. You must be so anxious and scaaared♪

Hot damn!!!

Man, that thing really is big, huh?

It's huge! And its roar has all the ferocity of a sandstorm! This battle may be more difficult than I anticipated...

Not a problem. I have slain oni bigger than this.

Haha, well that's encouraging!

I have some experience with large monsters myself, so I'm certain we can figure out a way to fell this one, too!

I wish I could share your optimism... No, you're right. We'll just have to do the best we can!

I'll join you as well. To battle then!

To battle!

Huuuh? That's straaange♪ I don't think I'm having any effeeect♪

Hey, Princess! Your singing ain't doing shit!

Don't look at meee♪ I don't know why, eitheeer♪ Wh-what do we do now, Puppy!?

Why isn't my singing working on you!?

？！

Ah.

I heard that, Molay. You just realized something, didn't you?

If you're holding out on us, you better come clean right the hell now!

U-um, I just have a guess... Well, okay, um...more of a wild idea, really...

Like I told you the other day, this is a fairy-tale world!

So far, your actions have been in line with the conventions you'd expect in a setting like that.

But the Holy Mother of the Abyss... She comes from a whole other dimension, almost like an entirely different genre than this world was before.

There's a well-known plot device that describes her, too. Essentially, she's a deus ex machinaa god who comes from out of nowhere to bring a story to an end.

And in a world based on stories, there's nothing to triumph over the idea of an ending.

...But that doesn't mean we don't have a way to fight back. We just have to end this story first.

And to do that...we need to mess it up as much as we possibly can!

？！

That's right. We need to make as much merde as we can.

The Holy Mother of the Abyss I summoned was born from fairy-tale elements...

...which means exposing it to other genres should weaken it!

So we need to bring this story to a close in the craziest way possible if we're going to get rid of its fairy-tale nature!

And to do that, we'll need to act in ways that you would never expect to see in fairy tales.

What that means is: the best way to destroy a world of fairy tales is by acting in ways no fairy-tale character would!

On the flip side, following fairy-tale conventions, even unintentionally, could end with the Holy Mother swallowing you whole!

Okay, that's all the advice I've got! Wait...no! One more thing!

Until we rid this world of its fairy-tale qualities, the only thing your princess songs will be good for is morale!

Hmm. So what you are saying is...

...we should not do anything that could be seen as reenacting a story? Even one we are familiar with?

Oui! Reenactments are the worst thing we can do right now!

I get iiit♪ Well, no, I don't really get ittt♪ But I get iiit♪

I'll just keep up my elegaaant singiiing♪ And danciiing♪

Until I've made that goat head surrender its Holy Graaail♪

Whoa, whoa. You don't got it at all.

Why do you say thaaat♪

Well, um... I hate to be the one to tell you this, but...

Mademoiselle Elisabeth Báthory?

I'm afraid your time as Cinderella has come to an end.

... ...

...Huh?

Wh-what are you saying? You mean...

I-I have to graduate...from being Cinderella? Being...a princess?

...Is that iiit♪

？！

Ahh... I can't believe it...

Musicals are an even better fit for my idolhood than anything else I've discovered... They were a perfect match...

I was so sure this was my ultimate form... The one that would let me perform the best song ever...

And now, I have to say goodbye to it? I can't believe it...

Hmph. Ridiculous.

Huh!? What're you talking about!? This is a matter of life and death for me! I'm having a serious identity crisis!

That is exactly what is ridiculous.

Listen to me. I am the queen of Palmyra.

Behold what became of me after I lost to Rome: clad in golden chains and forced to wear this tattered outfit.

No doubt, some would claim I was utterly defeated. Others may think me a slave.

But I am a queen. None of that changes this single fact.

...!

Only you define what you are. No one else can do so but by your leave.

What you wear does not change who you are. My existence as a Servant is proof of that.

So I ask you now:

What are you, Elisabeth Báthory?

What is it you are going to do here?

(Sigh)...

Hehe. Hehehe... Good question.

？！

Don't feel bad, Pumpkin. ...I mean, Puppy.

Halloween is supposed to be fun, right? And it's not gonna be any fun at all while you're stuck looking like that.

So if I have to give up musicals and being Cinderella to change you back, that's fine with me.

Yeah, that's right. There's no reason for me to be hung up on any of that.

I love old stories and fairy tales, but it's not like I can't do anything without them.

What I used to be doesn't matter anyway!

This Spirit Origin is all I need to be the greatest idol ever, just like I long since decided to be!

That's it, Elisabeth. It doesn't matter how you are dressed.

You and you alone decide what you are!

Yeah! You're so right!

Wh-whoa, she's, uh, glowing... I didn't know idols literally glowed...

Sorry, Puppy, but I'm going to kick the other you's ass!

？！

Oops. I mean, I'm going to kick your aaass♪

？！

What happened to not getting hung up on musical shit anymore!?

I'm not! This is me putting both musicals and Cinderella behind me!

This'll be my swan song for both!

Zenobia! Seven hotties!

Will you lend me your strength!?

You may use my queenly power as you see fit. Use it to restore peace to my land once and for all!

Eee! Ellyyy!

!

Annnd hit iiit♪

Haaaaaa!

I'm gonna give this one everything I've got!

AHHHHHH♪

...!

There! He's on his knees!

His magical energy has dropped like a stone, too! Now's our chance to rip the Holy Grail out of him!

Elisabeth!

Got it! Leave it to me!

...

...Um...

What is it I need to do again?

？！

Bwuh!? (Spit take)

Y-you're stopping NOW!? The hell are you doing!?

Hahaha! You never cease to entertain, Mademoiselle!

I'll say. She is something else!

Calm down, Elly. You already know the answer.

I think...

It had something to do with fairy tales...?

You have to do something that nobody would ever do in a fairy tale!

Oh, right! That's it!

That's exactly iiit♪ I need to do something no one in a fairy tale would ever even tryyy♪

Neveeer♪

Eveeer♪

Something...nobody would ever do...in a fairy tale...

Huh?

So what would that be, Puppyyy!? I can't think of anythiiing!

？！

A headbutt?

Okay, I will!

Do it on three!

Got it!

Ooone... Twooo...

Three!

Another!

Baaam!

That's it! The goat mask is starting to crack!

That mask is the key! That's where the Holy Mother of the Abyss's power resides!

It's the fairy tale holding this Singularity together!

Okay then, time to finish this with a dose of point-blank love!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH♪

You feel that? It's over.

Yup. Our work here is done.

The Singularity is...disappearing...

Look, there's a ball of high-density magical energy there.

？！

Of course, Puppy! After all the singing and dancing I've done?

You'd better believe I EARNED a trophy!

...

...I guess my magic is gone.

Just kidding. An idol like me never loses her magic. Disagree and we'll have a bloodbath on our hands.

？！

...Elisabeth Báthory. Fujimaru.

To be honest, when I first met you two...

I thought you were simply a couple of wandering fools making a mess of my homeland.

？！

It remained my opinion of you even after I knew you were not to blame for this disturbance.

But, it's changed. At least a bit.

(Only a bit? So she still mostly thinks of them as fools then.)

(I mean, same. So that checks out.)

You clearly enjoyed singing and dancing greatly, and you were obviously proud of your glamorous attire...

Yet you willingly gave them all up.

You remained true to yourself, regardless of the cost.

You are a brave woman, Elisabeth.

I don't know the story of Cinderella very well.

But I do know that you are, without a doubt, the greatest songstress I have met.

You sang and danced as you pleased, and in the end, you gave it all up to save my homeland.

So as the queen of Palmyra...you have my deepest gratitude.

Thank you, Princess Elisabeth Báthory.

...

？！

...O-okay.

Um, Zenobia?

Yes?

I don't know when it happened, but I guess you're totally a fan of mine now.

So okay. The next time we meet, I'll have my autograph pen ready.

...I'll even throw in a high touch, just this once!

Me, a fan of yours, hm? Hehe, yes, perhaps I am.

History may remember me as a warrior queen, but I am also a patron of the arts.

And I know how hard it is to find a skilled performer.

If we ever have the chance, I would love for you to come to my palace and entertain my court.

So like, you want me to be your official court idol!? I like the sound of that...

Okay, but never mind just your court! If I go, I'm gonna make aaall your subjects fall head over heels for me!

Hahaha, you're welcome to try. It will take more than a skilled performance to sway my people.

Oh, there is one last thing I wish to say before I go. An advisory of sorts, if you will.

Huh?

...I think your Cinderella outfit may be too revealing, especially around your legs and torso.

It would be much cuter if you covered up more in the future.

YOU'RE lecturing ME on showing too much skin!?

I am, yes.

Regardless of what you choose to wear, I would be glad to hear you sing again the next time we meet.

Hmm. It seems our time has come as well.

Thank you for your help. We could not have done this without you.

If we're all summoned together again, we'll definitely attend your next concert, too.

So, I guess that means letting you summon us will be the same as agreeing to shout...

"Eee! Ellyyy!"

...yet again, huh!?

... ...Sounds like fun!

Well, if we're going to cheer for her at her concert, we may as well go all the way.

I'm talking T-shirts, headbands, glow sticks... The works!

(Wants to refuse, but knows better than to say so now.)

(Thinks Touta's idea is the same thing as warriors matching the color of their armor and clothes.)

(Swearing to himself that he'll find a way to bring Sir Tristan along if he ends up actually going.)

Sounds good to me. I'll chime in with my cannon!

Huh? Absolutely not?

Man, this is nice. Everyone's smiling and laughing and shit.

Happy endings are the freakin' best!

At any rate, know that I look forward to the day I hear you sing once more...

Elisabeth Cinderella!

And I can't wait to sing for you again!

If you ever show up in Chaldea, I'll make sure to save front-row seats for all of you!

I will hold you to that. Very well then, until we meet again!

A kiss, huh? Got it!

You're right! Everyone thinks of kissing when they think of princesses! Way to go, Puppy!

!?

W-w-wait, Elisabeth! Let's think about this!

A princess and a (temporary) prince sharing a kiss!? That's about as fairy tale as it gets!

...A kiss. A kiss, huh.

Yeah, it's just a kiss. N-n-n-no big deal or anything.

Some idols do make it big by starring in movies.

Plus, I'm a musical idol right now, even if this is my farewell show!

Wh-what's a first kiss or two compared to that!?

Okay, I'll do it!

Vo?

Waaaaaah!

Heh. Hehe...

Hehehehehehe...

I can't believe that actually worked.

A princess...kissing a prince?

But why did it work even though Fujimaru wasn't a real prince?

No way...

Did somebody somehow force this whole deal to function like a fairy tale, with Elisabeth at the center?

B-but...who could have done something like

Wh-what's going on?

This entire space is...twisting apart!

A-aah! The abyss!

Something's coming from the abyss!

You...

A-are you...

...the Holy Mother of the Abyss?