Section 5: Csejte Pyramid Himeji Mecha Eli-chan

This is Halloween!

Hit it!

BLAAahhh♪

I forgot it was Halloween!

Thank goodness I brought it all together in time! Hit it!

AAAaahhhhHHH♪

It's Halloween!

I'm not going to depend on Uncle Vlad or Tama Cat Maid this year. I'll show them all what an amazing Halloween I can make all on my own♪

Lady Elisabeth, what do you think of these plans for the parade?

Lady Elisabeth, the candy for the town's children has arrived.

...Not bad. This should make for a fine parade. Make sure the band knows what's up.

And you, candy guy. There's plenty of space in the flour storehouse, so keep the candy in there.

It'd be a huge waste if the rats got to it before the big day. You know how they are; they'll nibble anything they can get their grimy little paws on.

(I didn't know milady hated rats so much.) Yes, milady. Oh, and I hate to be the one to report this to you, but...

Your subjects have been complaining and asking about when you are going to get rid of that pyramid.

Hey, I'm the one who should be complaining! I keep on telling Cleopatra to move it, but she just says:

"Give it up. I have never given the order to have one of the pyramids moved."

"And if you're planning on destroying it, you'll need to fill this out first. That pyramid is on loan from Lord Ozymandias."

"If you try to demolish it, I will have to bill you for the cost of repairs or reconstruction. Ohohohoho."

Ugh! If I had that kinda money just lying around, I'd long since have used it to upgrade Castle Csejte!

(She means turning the castle into a concert stage! Talk about a living hell for her subjects!)

(Thank goodness for Lady Cleopatra. She prevented such a terrible tragedy in such an impressively circumspect way.)

So the pyramid will have to wait. Besides, that's WAY too big for me to get my subjects to move it.

So until I find a Heroic Spirit with a giant golem, or a giant crane, or a construction company...

...we're just gonna forget about it.

Plus, I haven't even heard of any Heroic Spirit with golems, but I bet I've got connections to at least one Heroic Spiritno, an academic who can get their hands on a giant crane!

Phew, that was some great administrative action on my part, if I do say so myself. I could've done even better if it weren't for this dumb headache...

Now I just need to send the invitations to Chaldea, and it will be all systems go for this year's Halloween bash!

Aaand...sent!

Ahh...I can see my little Puppy's face glowing already!

Huh? An earthquake...?

Is something crashing my party again!? What is it now!?

？！

Yes, Senpai. I'm afraid it's that time of the year again...

？！

Autumn.

Back in your hometown, this time of year may well have been known for wonderful weather.

There, perhaps one could choose to spend time enjoying the brilliantly colored leaves, or mourning the leaves that had died and begun to fall.

？！

I know that Chaldea is locked in permanent winter, so it may not really feel like fall here...

But we can't ignore the reality of our situation forever, Senpai.

Whether we like it or not, it's still Halloween!

To make matters worse, we've detected a tiny Singularity we need to deal with. And you received a third invitation from Castle Csejte...

...and it says the same thing it did two years ago.

"You are hereby invited to Castle Csejte to hear me sing"!

But don't worry, Senpai. You won't have to suffer alone.

I'm afraid I can't go with you in person, but I'll still join you for the concert!

I know we can do this, Senpai! And once this year's Halloween is over

？！

...Senpai?

A Craft Essence decoy!? Who are you!?

I had a bad feeling about this, so I turned on the comm gear remotely!

Mash, you weren't able to convince Fujimaru?

I have the whole staff on standby just in case!

I'm afraid Senpai swapped himself out with this...

A Craft Essence substitution! Impressive! Kotarou must have taught him how to do that!

Curse you, Evil-wind! Messing with Master is MY job!

(Evil-wind... That's the translation Kotarou insisted upon for his clan's name...)

At any rate, we need to hurry and find Senpai!

Then I guess we have no choice. Mash, we're going to Code Red.

We have to find Fujimaru and have him repair the Singularity, no matter what it takes!

...Um, Acting Director, if I may...

Since Senpai went so far as to master advanced ninja techniques just to get out of this, maybe forcing him to do it in the first place is...?

Yes, I know that forcing him to fix a Singularity is wrong. But think about it.

Let's say he doesn't go to the concert. What do you think Elisabeth would do?

...She would cry. A lot. I understand. If I were in her position, I'm sure I would be terribly sad too.

That's right. Dragon or not, she'd bawl her little eyes out. And then Castle Csejte would radiate sonic waves that are so much worse than even her singing.

Granted, I imagine that's par for the course for the people of Castle Csejte, but the problem is Fujimaru.

Anti-Hero or not, troublemaker or not, Elisabeth has been a big help to Chaldea.

So if Fujimaru saw her crying like that, it would break his heart.

But, if he DOES go to her concert, it'll be his ears that break, but his heart...his heart would remain whole.

And what could be more important than that?

That's a good point!

I'm glad you agree. Now, let's get this search under Hm? This signal...!

We're here, Pilot Candidate. Were you daydreaming or something?

？！

Naturally. You're being subjected to no fewer than three Halloweens over a very short period of time.

Now, here's a question for you: Do you remember us?

Very good.

That means our connection hasn't been completely severed.

No need to apologize. There's nothing you could have done.

The only one who should feel sorry about this is the one who stole your memories.

？！

Strictly speaking, neither of us have any connection to Elisabeth Báthory.

We are the guardian deities of Castle Csejte; we are statues given life to fulfill our purpose.

I am the mecha Servant who embodies the ideal feudal lord and ruler:

Mecha Eli-chan.

Whereas I, unlike Mk. I, am a guardian statue who moves in accordance with the laws of gods.

Humans are no more than a given land's pawns or parts.

From the day they're born till the day they die, their actions are merely the system that fertilizes the land.

Understand? As a guardian deity, my domain is not individual lives, but the system they comprise.

That is who I am: Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel Mk. II.

You may call me Mk. II.

At any rate, as with all things, it's best to start at the beginning. Our guide should arrive shortly.

'Sup, Master. Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long.

I'm Yan Qing, the vigilante of darkness, here to be your guide for Chaldea's third Halloween.

Well, that's what they call me, anyway. Really, these days, I'm just another drunken Servant!

Anyway, Halloween amnesia, huh? Sounds rough.

But hey, if nothing else, this'll be your last trip down memory lane. Might as well enjoy it, yeah?

So, let's get started, shall we?

First off, why don't we go over how you and I met?

？！

Fou, fooou?

What's up, Master?

？！

What the hell kind of nickname is that!? Well, whatever.

At any rate, is it just me, or are there a lot fewer Servants around than usual?

I don't know if they're all in their spirit forms or headed for the simulator or what, but...

Fou. Fooou.

？！

Is there something about Halloween that makes Servants disappear? Oh, I did see Robin Hood, though.

I think he said he was going out to make sure he could get enough candy for all the kids or something.

？！

Oh, you were looking for a scout? Well, whatever the job, I'm your man!

Or do you doubt that I'm up to the task?

？！

I am, right?

？！

You bet! I'm real good at it, too!

？！

Huh!?

I see. So that little dragon girl is putting on a concert, even though her singing is nightmarish.

So much so that all the big-name Servants decided to shift into spirit form to avoid listening to her...

And even the ones who are still around are, well...

"A Rayshift? Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid my sciatica is acting up again..."

"I'm too old for Halloween. Sorry, but you'll just have to ask someone else. I only just got a new oven delivered."

"Uh! (Thanks, but no thanks.)"

"I'm not here."

That last one performed such an elegant and convincing dogeza that I completely believed her!

Ah! There you are, Senpai!

I'm sorry, Senpai, but I'm told Halloween is the one time of year we are not allowed to take days off.

Are you serious? Who the hell made such a cruel rule?

...Elisabeth...

Ulp.

...It's...not fair for you to use your puppy dog eyes on me, Senpai. But I'm afraid it still won't work.

Harsh...

？！

At any rate, something awful has happened!

？！

That is too true, Senpai! But I'm actually talking about that very Halloween!

Please, just come with me.

Otherwise, the concert might be the least of our worries!

？！

Man, when you get down to business, you really get down to business.

Fujimaru! Thank goodness you're here!

We have ANOTHER Singularity at Castle Csejte on Halloween! It's causing it to transform

Err, that is, it's actually very rapidly growing to MASSIVE proportions! It's progressing even faster than it did in 2018!

Um, Da Vinci?

Isn't 2018 when that pyramid smashed into the top of the castle?

That's right.

If the situation is even worse than that, what can we possibly do about it!?

I understand your concern, but we've already received a distress signal.

We're still not sure who sent it...

But the smart money is on something having happened to Elly again.

？！

Puppy!

Puppy!!!

？！

Senpai...!

Looks like fun. I think I'll tag along! What do you say, Mrsuh, Ms. Da Vinci?

How 'bout letting me in on this Rayshift action!?

Okay, mysterious Assassin of Shinjuku. I'll feel better knowing you're there helping Master out.

But whatever happens, please try and roll with it. Explaining would be too complicated and a huge pain. It's best if you just go and see for yourself.

Good luck, Assassin of Shinjuku!

Throwing himself right into the dragon's lair when everyone else refuses, huh... No wonder he's such a model Master.

You said it. He's got nerves of steel...stainless steel, even. They never tarnish, no matter what happens.

If only I were still in my prime...

?

Oh, don't worry about that, Master! Well, good luck with everything!

Oooh, my back...

Hahaha, he just up and ran away.

Hahaha. Don't worry, Master. I have faith in you.

When you get back, I'll make sure you have a big Halloween feast waiting for you.

So...you planning to Rayshift with us, or what?

Oh, no. I couldn't possibly. If I did, there'd be no one to prepare Chaldea's meals, and then the sacred sword and oni would be at each other's throats.

Man, you've got an answer for everything, huh.

？！

...Um, Master?

Once all the dust settles on this year's madness, I think we should have another Halloween party.

You, me, Fou, and Elisabeth can celebrate your exploits and the fact that Castle Csejte is at peace again, just the four of us.

？！

That's the Senpai I know!

And I will do everything I can to support you from here!

Right. Are we all on the same page now? Then let's get this Rayshift started!

Eh, forget the formalities this time! Just go on and enjoy this third Halloween!

Oh, yeah. Forgot I was still going by "Assassin of Shinjuku" back then...

Anyway, after we Rayshifted, you ran into

WA! TA! SHIII!

The most ichiban kawaiiest Servant in the history of ever, who began as a lowly local monster haunting a castle of her own...

...only to begin her meteoric ascent to the esteemed position of invincible Himeji Castle heroine!

Osakabehime!

Uh-huh. Her. So after that

Why are you just rolling with that!? I couldn't have set you up any better if I'd wheeled you out on a platform!

Aren't you supposed to show up later, Osakabehime?

CHIGAWRONG! This is where Ma-chan and I first met!

Here's what happened, Ma-chan! I swear to Kami!

？！

Eek!

Hey, watch where you're going! Oh... (Badump)

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Uh, yeah, I'm fine...

(OMG, what do I do? He's so HOT!!!)

(It's probably too much to hope that he's the new transfer student joining my class today...)

Are you done?

...Yes.

I just realized I had nowhere to go with the story from there!

Also it was suuuper clichéd, since I kind of improved it all.

Guess it just goes to show it's best to take your time when thinking up plot threads...

Okay, Ma-chan, never mind all that. Here's what really happened.

One Rayshift later... Huh, so this is what Halloween looks like!

This place is really hoppin'! What do you say we stop by the bar for a drink, Master?

Hm...?

Da Vinci, are you sure the Rayshift coordinates were correct?

They sure weren't. I could have sworn I set them to the graveyard first, just like the last two years.

So ordinarily, that dragon girl would be waiting for us, huh? ...Hm? What's all the commotion?

You mean all those voices out on the street? Halloween is always a little noisy.

No, not those. Look. Is someone being chased?

Oh, no! Even MORE of them! HALP!

？！

Eep!

Gomenasorry! I'mma princess, and I'm being chased!

Is that so. I take it those knights there are the ones doing the chasing?

W-well... I...

Senpai is right. For the moment, you should get as far away from him as you can!

？！

Heeelp! HEEELLLP MEEEEE!!

Another one!? Who is it this time!?

Save me, Puppy!

？！

This way, El-El!

Batty! Crap, they caught up to us! What're we gonna do!?

I dunno! I'mma princess!

I'm gonna ask this rando stranger I just ran into for help like princesses do!

Puppy! That's MY Puppy!

Huh? You mean he's from Chaldea?

There you are! In the name of our new ruler, you're under arrest!

Go on Puppy, help me out here!

Y-yes, I beg of you, too! Please, help us!

？！

You got it. Let's have some fun with these guys!

I have my reasons for keeping my True Name under wraps, but my fists and feet can still serve my Master faithfully!

Let's see if you European knights have what it takes to keep up with me!

Be warned, ruffian! We Halloween Knights swear loyalty to our great mechanical queen, Mecha Eli-chan!

You shall find no tricks and even fewer treats in our swords!

Sorry to interrupt, but remember, these guys used to work for me, so make sure you don't kill them!

Guh... Fall back! Fall back!

All hostiles either defeated or in retreat. Well done, Master.

...Now then, princess, may I suggest you give Master a little space?

Or perhaps a lot of space!?

Oh, whoops!

Ahaha, sorry. I was just so scared.

？！

Puppy! What am I gonna do!?

Someone stole Castle Csejte from me...AGAIN!

？！

Yes, again!

So this is the Master from Chaldea... Hmm. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Right?

Of course, he's still nowhere close to what I consider to be an ideal Master.

My standards are super high, after all. At least, I think they are.

So what, you mean you prefer 2D to RL? You know you're asking for the impossible, don't you, El-El?

I'm very much a realist, thank you! I just know my perfect someone actually exists somewhere!

So, who are you, anyway?

Given who was chasing after you, I'm guessing you've got quite a story of your own.

...The new ruler here is after me.

New ruler...?

I'm still lost.

It is rather confusing. I take it those knights we just saw are no longer loyal to you, Elisabeth?

No! They all got brainwashed by some weird kind of mind control ray or something!

Aaa! Just the thought of brainwashing squicks me out. This is exactly why I don't like machines.

Machines? Come to think of it, those knights did mention something about a mecha, didn't they?

That's right. They said they swear allegiance to a mechanical queen called "Mecha Eli-chan."

...

Yes, well, to make a long story short... Uh, look up.

Do you see that jumbled-looking fortress?

... ...

WhaIhuh!?

Fou.

Whoa there, you okay, Master? Man, this sure took a turn!

This is...a whole new level of grotesquery.

It's Western, Middle Eastern, and Asian style all rolled into one.

The architectural equivalent of stacking sushi and ice cream on a burger and topping it off with hot sauce.

？！

That Japanese castle there is my home.

It was my sanctuary...and now it has been taken away from me.

I know how you feel, Batty... It sucks, having your castle stolen.

？！

Oh, right. I haven't introduced myself yet, have I?

Ahem, ahem.

My remote abode is a castle of the heavens, stark and snowy as a heron. I am an incarnation of the bat, one whose favorite time of day is twilight.

I am known far and wide as the Hachitendou of the Hakuro Castle. My True Name is Osakabehime.

I am, of course, a Servant. An Assassin, to be exact.

Oh, Master of Chaldea! Please, I beg of you; take back my beloved Himeji Castle.

And don't forget my Castle Csejte while you're at it!

Please, I implore you. She's the embodiment of all that is evil...

You have to defeat Mecha Eli-chan!

Mecha...

Eli...

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That's right, Pilot Candidate. I was your enemy, once.

Surprised?

？！

I'm sure.

For the dread night this Steel Demoness stood against you...is indeed Chaldea's third Halloween.

It went something like this...

What a disgrace.

Uhh... My apologies, Your Majesty. To make amends, I shall return to my position as a lowly mechanic.

No need for that. You and your knights could never be a match for Servants. Of course you lost to them.

This was my mistake, sending you out on a mission so far beyond your current parameters.

...Especially since you and the other human knights are weaker than usual thanks to my brainwashing waves.

I made sure to weaken you just enough that you wouldn't be able to defy me, after all. Slowing them down was the best I could have hoped for.

Your Majesty?

Never mind. Call the girls.

Yes, Your Majesty!

I must say, though...this parade bill is outrageous, Elisabeth. I don't know what you were thinking.

Not only did you buy far too much candy, but you didn't even consider how long it could be stored before it spoiled.

A weeklong celebration is just excessive. Entertainment should be austere, and properly tailored to the crowd.

That's the best way to make Castle Csejte strong, sturdy, and beautiful. Why can't you see that!?

You called for us?

Good, you're here.

That lazy Osakabehime and the famously incompetent former ruler of this castle, Elisabeth, have decided to run away together.

I underestimated her mobile carrying capacity. I never thought she could fly with another Servant in tow.

But that was a small error, one I won't make again. In the meantime, I want you three to go find them.

...I'll do it, since you're the one asking.

Kehehehe!

Wonderful, wonderful!

We shall round those slovenly fools up and torture them within an inch of their lives!

Indeed. They shall rue the day they decided to meddle with someone else's castle. ...What about you? Don't think I don't see you pretending to ignore us.

You're part of this too, you know.

I-I don't see what I have to do with this!

If anything, I'm one of the victims here!

Whose brilliant idea was that, stacking that thing on top of my pyramid!? Haven't they ever heard of the right to sunshine!?

How do you think I feel?

Eep... Okay, fair point!

Quiet. I'm the one who controls the right to property and the right to sunshine.

I see you lot as no better than commoners.

At the very least, I am the only one calling the shots when it comes to Csejte.

That especially goes for you, Carmilla. So far as I am concerned, you have no authority here whatsoever.

...Yes, I am well aware. As you are the guardian of Csejte, I have no intention of defying you.

...Good. I'm glad to see you have at least some Csejte pride remaining.

At any rate, I want you lot to go and find Osakabehime and bring her here. I will sentence her to compulsory labor.

If she wishes to go around claiming to be a princess, she needs to learn the harsh realities of noble life.

I have important news, Your Majesty!

Osakabehime appears to be returning to Castle Csejte, along with some mysterious, ragtag party.

They must mean to attack us and retake Himeji Castle by force.

Those fools... I'll just have to teach them their place. I rescind my earlier order!

All hands to battle stations. Bar the gate and seal all the entrances!

...Y-Yes, Your Majesty!

Very well then, I shall take this floor, as it is at the very bottom, where I belong.

Ridiculous name or not, I shall guard this Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle with my life.

...Ugh. It sounds even more absurd when spoken aloud. Just because it is Halloween does not mean ANYthing goes, you know!

...Well, I suppose I'm responsible for at least a third of this mess, so I'll go ahead and guard the pyramid part.

What about you, Lady Mecha Eli-chan? What will you be doing?

Since I can fly, I will ambush them, of course.

Besides, I still need to ascertain what this Master of Chaldea person is capable of.

If he poses a threat to Csejte, I will not let him escape alive.

Kehehe! I see, I see. Then I wish you the best of luck!

...I won't need it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm heading out.

So that's why I'm counting on your help, Ma-chan♡

Yes!

Don't you think it sounds much cuter than "Master"?

Hahahaha! If Master's expression is any indication, I think he thinks it's too cute by half!

You don't like it? I thought it was the perfect nickname for a princess to give♪

Ma-chan... It sounds much more affectionate than "Senpai"...

？！

All right, I'll stick with Master♡ That should be daijoubu, right?

And I will just keep calling you Puppy like always.

So if you want to yip like a puppy, that's A-OK with me.

...Riiight... Anyway, why'd you two get kicked out anyway?

We still don't have a friggin' clue what's going on here!

Oh, right... I guess we should start at the beginning.

I will regale you with a tragic tale of woe that will have tears streaming down your cheeks in raging waterfalls of sympathetic sadness!

Ah, crap. This is going to be so damn boring.

I think you're right!

Now sit back, weary travelers, and hear my tale of infinite sadness...

Ahh, woe is me...

I have been locked up in this keep, forced to while away my days in idleness...

All I can do now is read books and draw...

And sign papers for my occasional visitor...

But, that's okay.

If people fear me, then I will happily live out my days locked away.

Oooh, these new figure imports are so greeeat! I can't wait to paint them!

Yay, I have the WHOLE space pirate fleet! Woohoo!

Now it's time to play with them!

...Huh? Why is everything shaking?

Huh? Oh no. Don't tell me we're...

...floating!?

Nooow weee're faaalliiing!!!

Omigodomigodomigod, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, AAAAAAHHH! I'M GONNA DIIIEEE!!!

Bwuh!?

Nngh... What's going on...?

Eli-li-li-li!

Huh? Who the heck are you? What're you doing here...!?

I am Mecha Eli-chan! I am here to devour your intestines!

Or perhaps I will turn you into a wax sculpture! Or have you commit a fatal typographical error!

Aaaaaahhh! Not that! Aaanything but thaaat!!!

And, there you have it... (Sniff, sniff)

On it. Let's see, to sum all that up in two lines...

Smells like BS. Can't trust a word of it.

Yes, Master. Allow me to list off the many flaws in her frankly suspicious story!

1: What was with that background? 2: Why did the queen of El Dorado come to visit?

3: Where in the world did Mecha Eli-chan come from? 4: Why did Mecha Eli-chan act so bizarrely?

In summation, not a single aspect of that story was believable!

？！

C-come on! I mean, okay, I might've chotto embellished Mecha Eli-chan's character...

But she pretty much attacked the second she saw me!

Then once she stopped, all she said was...

"...compulsory labor."

Can you believe it!?

I didn't have time to try and hash it out with her! So I just kinda...jazzed up my retelling a bit!

Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes, Batty.

I can explain why Mecha Eli-chan showed up!

So just sit back and let my words wash over you like sweet music!

I don't see that happening.

What are we going to do, Elly the great and perfect idol, beloved in all the land!? Our precious castles have been combined and unified!

On top of that, there's a pyramid in between them, so it's also like a Csejte and Himeji pyramid sandwich!

Heh, worry not, Batty, girl who fell from the sky along with Himeji Castle!

Let's have a nice hot cup of tea like civilized people while I assess our situation.

Let's see... Given my super-high INT stat, I believe a single day should suffice for QED.

Wow, that's amazing!

Well, it's been over a week now, and I'm no closer to understanding what's going on than I was before.

Still, there is ONE thing I'm sure of.

If a genius like me can't figure it out, then not even Chiron of Greece could figure it out either!

Wow, that's amazing!

Huh?

Bwuh?

...Good day, magnificent Csejte.

My name is Mecha Eli-chan.

I appeared in this world solely to defeat you because I'm jealous of your overwhelming cuteness!

What!? Just because I'm cute!?

I grant you that it is a mystery, one of the wonders of the world! Though it seems that it is a riddle that only I didn't understand!

You speak the truth. And now you must pay for your criminally cute, gorgeous body with your life!!!

Ahh...if only I weren't so terribly cute! Why did I have to be born with such a burden!?

Ow, seriously, that hurts! C-cut it out! Don't try to ruin my heaven-sent cuteness!

HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.

Now Csejte is mine. I will use it as a base from which to expand my mechanical empire.

HA! HA! HA!

...While I believe several parts of that story were completely fabricated, I at least have a better grasp of the situation now.

So this, uh, Mecha Eli-chan just appeared out of nowhere, with no forewarning?

Yeah! It was totally out of the blue! No reason whatsoever!

You don't have any idea either, right, Batty?

N-no, I don't think so. Probably.

？！

I-I-I don't know what you're talking about!

Besides, the important thing is that you get back my castle! Aren't you my saviors from Chaldea!?

But they really are after me!

Please, Master? You WILL help me, won't you?

There we go. That's more like it.

In that case, I'd say our goals are aligned, wouldn't you? So please get our castles back for us, Master!

？！

...Ah well, I guess the Singularity repairing part lines up at least.

Indeed. I don't know what Mecha Eli-chan is afte

Also, a mecha...? Is that really what this has come to? I guess so...

I am fairly confident that we have gone well past the point of manifesting different aspects of a particular hero, Senpai.

So the little dragon girl finally went full robot, huh...

Wait, hang on. Are we sure she didn't just paint her skin silver or something like that?

No, she was definitely a robot.

Yeah, she was a really real robot, for REAL! Her body was made out of iron and everything!

Mecha Eli-chan is nothing but a walking pile of gears hell-bent on murder!

...That's a matter of opinion, Elisabeth. Or are you simply resorting to name-calling now?

Aah!

Who's there!?

...For the record, I'm not making a mechanical empire, and I do not laugh like a melodrama villain...

...and most importantly, I have never once thought of you as "cute."

THAT'S the part you're taking issue with!?

I am...

Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel.

But you may call me "Mecha Eli-chan" for short.

Wahahahaha!

Oh wow, you're right! This is too cool! Wait, hold on. Is that really a Servant!?

Pfft, all the abdominal exercises in the world couldn't prepare my sides for something this funny! Ahahaha!

You used to dream about robots, Senpai!?

Fou fou...!

Even Fou is jumping for joy over this!

？！

Well well...!

Analysis complete!

It looks like those two were right. She IS a full-blown robot!

And a Servant to boot! That's our Elisabeth for you!

She never fails to surprise!

Wait, was that a compliment? Did she just compliment me?

Sore wa chigawrong. Definitely not.

？！

...

Come to think of it, I guess you're right. That version of me ISN'T the brightest bulb in the box...

...You stupid lizard! I chose that nickname on purpose!

The word "MAGI" doesn't jive with my whole aesthetic here. It's also inaccurate, and would lead to misunderstandings.

That's why I chose to emphasize "mecha," as it's jargon that is commonly known and easily understood.

Plus, it serves to highlight the beauty of my polished steel body.

That's true. It IS very polished.

It's like the same Elisabeth we know, only chrome!

Now then. Osakabehime, ex-Lady Elisabeth, let me give you a chance to do this the easy way.

If you turn yourselves in now, and demonstrate remorse for your slovenly ways, I will show you mercy.

Specifically, I will let you repaint your own former castles as part of your one-year compulsory labor sentence.

Since you used to live in these castles, I am sure you will both carry out your tasks with all due gratitude.

Absolutely NOT!

What she said! My Castle Csejte is already the perfect color!

...Very well then. Don't say I didn't give you a chance.

...Look out, Master! Her heat signature is

Aah! Eeh, ooh, aah! H-h-help me, Batty!

Oh for... Move over, El-El!

Thanks, Batty! I owe you one!

Yeah yeah, just make sure you actually pay me back. Even origami isn't free, you know.

Origami...?

Dr. Roman told me about origami too, but I had no idea it could do this...

Well this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting a princess to do more than provide a bit of backup at best...

...but you actually did a damn good job of protecting her!

Oh, uh, I mean...

...Ahem. Ah, ah, ahhh...

Waaah, I don't wanna fiiight. Please save me, Master♡

Guh...

Ugh, fine! Fiiiiiine! I'll do my own fighting, okay!?

I'm also known as Hachitendou, the strongest, cutest castle monster who lays waste to demons wherever she goes!

So I'll get back my Himeji Castle myself if that's what it takes!

That's the spirit, Batty! OH! But don't you dare claim to be the cutest while I'm around!

Whoa! I don't know why, but that was an amazingly compelling command!

Oh, all right!

I-I'm still scared, but I'll do my best for you, Master♡

？！

So much for diplomacy. Very well then.

What diplomacy!? You were outright trying to exploit us!

Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle is as good as mine now.

I'm not about to have its former owners swindling me out of my property. I'll take you both out myself!

... ...

We haven't even scratched her! At this rate...!

Owowowow! Hothothot!

Oof!

Do you truly wish to take back Himeji Castle, Osakabehime?

Of course I do!

It's my sanctuary. The one place where I can be myself!

Then will you try and take it back with their help? Because I can assure you, we are prepared for anything you might attempt.

If you truly long for your castle, now is the time to show the strength of your conviction.

Oh, by the way, I should let you know that I had all the gates welded shut, since I can just fly.

So again, if you truly want to take Himeji Castle back...you and the Master of Chaldea's entourage will need to scale the walls.

Well, farewell, everyone. I hope you have a wonderful day, complete with lots of fulfilling labor.

Hahaha, I guess you didn't see her firing missiles from her skirt?

I did... Even over the monitor, it was a shocking sight on multiple levels.

Hmph, what good is flying if it relies on fuel? I've totally got her beat in that department!

Granted, it did take everything I had just to glide out of the castle while carrying Batty, but I can still totally ascend on my own strength!

？！

(Yaaawn)... I-I feel like I've just done a whole lifetime's worth of work.

Pretty sure she was just feeling us out in that fight.

Boy, Batty, you haven't got much in the way of stamina, huh? You won't last a second in a Holy Grail War like that.

...So what? I don't care about Holy Grail Wars.

You don't?

Nope. All I want is to relax and take it easy all day.

I get all the excitement I need twice a year from the summer and winter matsuri.

Is that so? You Japanese princesses sure have a lot of time on your hands, huh. That sucks.

Of course, as ruler of the castle and idol, the idea of having that much time to lounge around does have its appeal! Too bad I'm so busy each and every day!

FORMER ruler of the castle. And I bet you're still just an underground idol at best.

Hey, nothing "former" about me! Mecha Eli-chan hasn't beat me yet, after all! And every idol's career has to start somewhere!

？！

I-I wouldn't really say that. We are both of very different social standings, after all...

We've just made a temporary alliance because our goals are similar is all.

Really? 'Cause I kind of admire that crafty, scheming side of yours.

Wh-wh-whatever do you mean!? I'm neither crafty NOR scheming!

A true princess always carries herself with primness, propriety, and piquancy!

I believe that last one is more often used to describe soup than princesses.

All right then...

If that robot...dragon...girl...thing was telling the truth, the first thing we've gotta do is scale Castle Csejte from the outside.

The only problem with that is...well... See for yourselves.

... ...

？！

Gyaaah! That might not be the darkest time in my history, but damn if it doesn't still sting like jigokuuu!

I-I mean... You've got it all chigawrong, Ma-chan. It was all a sneaky, underhanded bad-guy move, see?

I was just, you know, trying to get you wrapped around my little princess pinkie...

Fat lot of good it did.

I'm fairly sure you were the only one getting wrapped up.

Lazy AND pathetic.

C'mon, get off my case! Aren't you supposed to be nice to princesses!?

Anyway, you ended up having to climb...that.

？！

Yup. That.

Okay, Ma-chan, hop on my back.

I'll give you a piggyback ride all the way up!

Hold it, Osakabehime. You are not at all suited for such work.

My jet thrusters, on the other hand, can provide my pilot candidate with an extremely safe AND speedy ascent.

I'll get it done with my origami! Somehow!

...(Sigh) All right, I see how it is.

Hey, Master. Why don't you decide who you'll go with?

Otherwise, we'll be here all night.

I'd offer to carry you myself, but I did it last time, so they're up this time.

Yatta! Don't worry, Ma-chan! You're gonna love this!

Not at all. It'll be a supersonic flight to remember.

No supersonic speeds, please.

？！

？！

Well yeah! We're dealing with the combined height of Castle Csejte, a great pyramid, AND Himeji Castle, you realize! Man, good thing the rest of humanity isn't here to see how these World Heritage Sites are being abused, huh!?

I know... I'm really sorry about that...

Anyway, we did spend our time doing more than just scaling walls. We had to make our way inside too.

Hup.

Damn, I should've known. All the stairways to the higher floors are blocked off.

Now, let's see. That little dragon girl...I mean that mechanical dragon girl has people under her command, right?

That's right. I guess that technically makes them princesses too?

...That's the part I don't get. Why would they just start working for her all of a sudden...

Do you know something, Elisabeth?

Hmph, I guess being the ruler of Hakuro Castle still isn't good enough for them to include me...

Hmm. I suppose you may technically be a ruler, but aren't you forgetting something important?

Carmilla!?

For one thing, this is Castle Csejte. We never asked you to drop your castle onto ours.

Wha...

S-so what! I'm still going to take back my tower!

？！

...Well, I suppose you do have an obligation to repair the Singularity.

More importantly, it's clear we won't accomplish anything like this. Very well, let us do battle.

...

Do you have something to say to me, my younger self?

...Why're you obeying Mecha Eli-chan?

Because I fought her, and I lost. She is absurdly strong.

...That, and I suppose our interests are aligned somewhat. I'm rather busy indulging my hobbies.

Allowing her to rule over Csejte simply seems sensible.

So that's exactly what I decided to do.

Wait, so you're saying the mechanical me is better than usuh, I mean, regular me, even though I grew up here?

Correct.

The mechanical you is impartial, ethical, and ruthless. She never lets personal feelings interfere, no matter who she may be dealing with.

She is more than qualified to stand above all. Plus, she doesn't suffer from chronic headaches like you do.

And since she is me, I barely feel as though I am obeying her at all.

Which is something I cannot say for the real you.

I-I've been taking my job seriously lately too, you know!

You know, that "lately" part makes it sound like you're feeling a little guilty, El-El.

...You are absentminded, and unstable.

A few more years and you would have made a fine vampire, just as the legends said.

But instead you ended up becoming a dragon, of all things. Thanks to the blood you got from that real monster, you've become something far removed from the innocent myths told about you.

Back when I was you, I was not as headstrong as you are.

Then again, perhaps I was never quite the same as you to begin with.

...Well, no matter. At any rate, if you wish to ascend beyond this point, you will need to defeat me first.

Be warned, my torture instruments are honed and ready. How much blood are you prepared to shed?

...Hmph. I like using torture instruments as much as anyone, but I'm not a fan of having them used on me.

If you're going to stand in my way as a woman of Castle Csejte rather than a vampire, then I'll skewer you right in the heart!

Really, El-El? You're okay with torture? Even on people you like?

I, uh...don't think there's anything I can do about that. Torture is just part of who I am...

Like, a dragon who doesn't breathe fire is just an overgrown lizard, right? Who needs that kind of nonsense!?

So I torture people I like AND people I hate! That's just my style and it's never going to change!

Hmm, I see. So you act like everything's fun and games, but you're actually quite earnest at heart, huh, El-El.

But never mind that! For my part, I'm not really into the whole bloodshed thing!

I hate painful stuff! I can't even sit through a horror movie!

So, Master, keep me safe kudaplease! I'm counting on you♡

...Are you quite done? Then let's begin, you two problem children!

Try and do something for yourselves for once instead of always depending on the Master of Chaldea!

That does it...! I'm sick and tired of looking at your stupid metal dress!

I'm sure you are. It must be like looking in a mirror for you.

But...you're still so naive it makes me sick!

El-El!

Now! Go for it!

I knew you'd wakarunderstand! Now then, you're wide open☆

We did it!

Aw yeah!

？！

Huh!?

I-it's not like that... I just got a little caught up in the moment is all...

Khh...! Don't think you've gotten away with this, you little brats!

Kehehe, what a sorry sight you make, my comrade!

Oh, if it isn't Nite-Brite. I see you've elected to poke your head inside.

N-Nite-Brite?

Indeed, my name is Nite-Brite!

I am an Agarthan girl whose True Name I cannot divulge because of reasons!

And so, just for this event, I grant you special permission to call me Nite-Brite.

It has a truly adorable ring to it, don't you think? Nite-Brite, Nite-Brite!

What the hell's up with this bratuh, I mean childI mean, evil little girl?

Hm, and who might you be? ...Oho, it seems you and I hail from the same nation.

I bet we do. There's just something about you that makes my punching fist all itchy!

Kehehehe, I could say the same of you. Though in my case, it is not something so uncouth as my fist.

It is my beloved instruments of torture! Kehehe, I cannot wait to broil those abs of yours.

Carmilla, let us regroup! If you lot think you can climb all the way up to us, you are more than welcome to try!

Thank you, Nite-Brite. I will gladly accept your help. Goodbye then, princess.

I don't know what it is you're up to, but do your worst, pitiful though it will be.

...At any rate, I implore you to be careful as well, Master of Chaldea.

...Hehe.

...I guess I'm something of a busybody as well.

？！

You still don't trust me, do you, Master. Hmph!

We have run into a string of less-than-trustworthy Servants this year, so...

Not to mention you haven't actually given us any reason why we SHOULD trust you.

That said, at least we have a common goal.

Besides, it now seems safe to assume that Mecha Eli-chan is the source of the Singularity here.

Right? Right!?

So come on Master, hurry up and trust me already before I curse you♡

Was that supposed to be a joke? 'Cause it's not funny.

Tamamo once told me: "Osakabehime's curse is incredibly annoying. It's almost like water torture for your nerves."

"Basically, it makes it so that you're much more likely to do things like bang your finger when you close your clothes drawer. Dreadful, right?"

So like, I already know all about it, okay?

Teeheehee, Tamamo does like to exaggerate, doesn't she♡

...I'll have to send her a condescending text to tick her off something fierce later...

Next up: the pyramid.

It may be a bit hard to scale since it's upside down...but I know you can do it!

So yeah, the last time we did this, Carmilla was waiting around here, but...

I don't see her this time. There's just a piece of paper on the floor.

Paper? Oh, huh. How about that.

It looks like it's a letter. Let's see what it says...

Let's just skip the formalities, shall we?

Nite-Brite and myself are unable to attend because we are presently on a trip to Singapore. Kidding.

To make up for this, I've enclosed an orb I don't really use anymore.

It is a symbol of my strong desire not to get involved in any of this Halloween nonsense anymore.

I hope you'll think of me whenever you look at it. Good luck.

？！

...A torture orb...

？！

So she just sent us some old junk she found in her closet?

Man, this thing is dusty. I'll just wipe it off a little.

How like Carmilla to be so half-assed.

She may look the part of a ruler, but her inattention to detail couldn't place her further from model leaders.

She and Elisabeth are clearly cut more from the same cloth than she'd like to think. At any rate...are you really going to bring that along?

？！

Whatever luck you get from that thing, I doubt it'll be good...

All right, let's continue our ascent.

Also, spoiler alert: we'll be running into Carmilla in the next area, too.

Why would you spoil your own story!?