Great Day for GUDAGUDA Cha-no-yu

So this is the Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Tournament Center...

We finally made it, Komahime.

I suppose we did. Though I'm still not sure if I actually wanted to...

So, where's this Mysterious Tea-Maker X person?

I don't see anyone else...

No, I sense something... There's definitely someone here!

Welcome, young, immature, false tea-makers. You did well to make it this far.

I did not expect you to defeat each and every one of the strongest tea-makers I sent after you.

I, uh... I'm not really sure MAKING tea was a thing for any of them? One was a literal tea monster.

Who are you, anyway?

Have you still not figured it out? Very well, I will tell you.

It is I, champion of the very first Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Tournament...

Super Sen-no-Rikyu!

？！

That's right. I have spent thousands upon thousands of years perfecting the art of the tea ceremony.

I am Super Sen-no-Rikyu, the tea-maker's tea-maker.

But, this is impossible. As a Servant, Lord Rikyu and I share the same body. So how canHuh?

Lord Rikyu? Lord Rikyu!? I-I don't believe it. He's not with me anymore!

The power of the Holy Teacup has freed me of the need to borrow such a frail body as yours.

Now, I have my own power, and I will use it to rid this world of all its many false tea-makers.

When I am done, it will be a new age of wabi-sabi by true tea-makers, for true tea-makers.

B-but...but why, Lord Rikyu!?

？！

D-does this mean you were lying when you said you had turned over a new leaf?

If you've turned evil again, where does that leave me?

No. Regarding the matter of the Ancestral Beast...

I do truly regret that my delusions caused all of you so much trouble.

Then, I ask again: Why!?

...Matcha lattes.

What? Matcha...lattes?

It all comes down to the matcha lattes you have been drinking every day since we arrived at Chaldea, Lady Komahime.

Oh, you mean that sweet tea drink they sell in the vending machines? Those are indeed delicious.

I attempted to treat them as a new kind of tea for a new age, but in the end, I could not keep lying to myself.

Such an abomination has no place in the world.

Th-then, is that why you turned to the Holy Teacup? Because you wished for a world without matcha lattes?

Indeed.

No matter how much flexibility may be at the heart of a proper tea ceremony, there are limits to everything.

So now, that I might defeat all of you and rid the world of matcha lattes...

...I shall become a tea ceremony demon!

？！

A-at any rate, we need to send Lord Rikyu back to helNo, wait. That might kill me too.

All right then, we need to stop him without killing him!

G-got it! We're counting on you too, Yamanami!

Wow. I had no idea you and Saito were working at such an...interesting place now, Okita.

Hey! Snap out of it, Yamanami! Get your head in the game, or you won't live to see it end!

Soon, at long last, matcha lattes will be no more than a fading stain on the tea towel of history!

Aaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Lord Rikyu!

Lady Komahime... I'm impressed. Truly. You have defeated me.

But, so long as the scourge of matcha lattes endures, there will be others like me.

Yeah, I'm gonna go waaay out on a limb and say you're the only guy who ever tried to destroy the whole damn world over freakin' matcha lattes.

Okay, Nobbu, you're right, but this really isn't the time. Just shut up, would you?

And when they appear, Lady Komahime...I am counting on you to protect this world with your tea.

Lord Rikyu... Is that why you did all this?

Heh... Despite what I said about false tea-makers, it seems that I am the only false one here.

Lady Komahime, before I go, would you do me the honor of making me a cup of tea?

Me...make tea for you...? Very well.

...

...Enjoy.

You have my thanks...

This is...!

Wh-what is it? Why did you bolt upright so suddenly?

Lady Iyo! Lord Yamanami! You must drink this tea! Now!

Huh? The tea Komahime just made?

I'm not sure that's

Less yapping, more drinking! Go on!

O-okay...

All right, if you're sure...

Th-this is...!

Good! Really good!

I-it really is. I can hardly believe the same person made this and the tea we had before.

Here, Future! You've got to try this, too!

R-really, Master? You mean it!?

"Nas-tea"...?

I can see you're very proud of yourself for that bit of wordplay, Master. Now stop.

？！

That's strange. I didn't think I did anything differently from before...

I knew it. It's just as I thought.

You've finally learned to relax, Lady Komahime.

Relax!? Wh-what do you mean?

Before, you were so focused on making the most delicious tea possible that your mind and your body grew completely rigid.

That is simply no way to make a good cup of tea, no matter how skilled you may be at tea-making.

Is that what was happening? I had no idea...

So, you actually did all this with the Holy Teacup just to get Komahime to relax?

Correct.

Huh? Then what was all that business with the Grand Kitano Tea Martial Arts Tournament about!?

Who would ever hold a martial arts tea tournament? That served only as a pretense.

I'm surprised one so accomplished as yourself would take such a farce seriously, Lady Nobunaga.

Why you little...! This! This right here is why I never liked you!

I thought putting on a performance of this nature would be a good way to distract Lady Komahime and get her to "chill," as they evidently say nowadays.

I'll admit I may have taken it a bit too far...

...but I've always thought that if you're going to do something, you should go all the way.

Anyway, I guess this means all's well that ends well?

Looks that way.

No... This isn't over yet.

Komahime...?

Even if this was all just to help me learn to relax...

...there are some lines one should never ever cross.

I trust you're ready to face the consequences of your actions, Lord Rikyu?

W-wow, Komahime, remind me never to get on your bad side...

...Master.

？！

Please, save me!

？！

Since this liminal space pretty much abuts the next world anyway, this should be a perfect time to go on a little tour of hell while you think about what you've done...

...Lord Rikyu.

...I've made a terrible mistake.

Mmm! Beautiful weather, isn't it, Himiko!?

I'm so glad it didn't rain.

Yeah, you do have incredibly bad luck with that, don't you?

Right? I was so excited about this after I heard the plans yesterday, I was absolutely sure it was gonna pour.

I even went around asking every sun-affiliated Servant in Chaldea if they could make sure it stayed clear today, just in case.

I-I had no idea you went to that kind of trouble... Thank you so very much!

Over here, Senpai! I found a good place to spread our blanket!

Oho. Not a bad place for a nodate.

Oh, and that's not "no date" smushed together. It's a Japanese word for a tea ceremony held outside.

It's like a light, one-day camping trip. I think.

Here, Sister! I laid out my overcoat for you to sit on! Or if you like, you could always just sit on me instead!

Nobukatsu, you really need to knock that shit off.

Nagayoshi! Did you bring the box lunches like Chacha told you to?

You bet! I grabbed a ton of food from the pantry too, since there's so many of us now!

And if this isn't enough, don't worry! I can always go hunt some boars if I have to!

I don't know much about this nodate stuff, but any day you get to sit out in the sun and have a few drinks is a good day in my book.

I'm afraid today is a tea party, so there will be no alcohol!

Ahahahahaha! You can't be serious.

Look, Rengoku! That shady spot over there seems perfect. Let's take it before anyone else does!

Okay, okay! Now let go of my hand already!

I guess you really did need that nap. You've been full to bursting with energy since you woke up.

Thank you all so much for coming to this grand Chaldea tea party.

As you take your tea in your hands, I invite you to also take this occasion to welcome your fellow guests, and to be kind to yourself.

It is my sincerest wish that the tea you drink today will give you the energy you need for a wonderful tomorrow.

All right, everyone, please relax and enjoy this grand Chaldea tea party!

Ooh, so this is a Japanese tea party. I'm quite enjoying having tea picnic-style.

And all this different teaware is really interesting, too.

I noticed this teacup is curved like something you would find in nature.

Were these curves added to give the drinker something interesting to look at, thereby enhancing the tea's flavor?

Yes, that's right. Curved lines provide a distinct visual flavor all their own.

All that aside, my legs are killing me. I don't know how Japanese people manage to sit in seiza for more than a minute. Is it a Zen thing or something?

I can understand how seiza would be uncomfortable for those unused to it. By all means, stretch your legs.

Don't mind if I do then. My knees have never been the same since my racing days, you see.

...Enjoy.

Oh. Thank you.

Oh my. Interesting. It has a certain bitterness to it, but it's also indescribably smooth.

Not bad. This would go great with dessert.

I must say, it's nice to see that afternoon tea is a custom that spans countries and cultures!

Hey! Aren't there any snacks or anything to eat 'round here!? A guy can't live on tea alone, you know!

For that matter, who said alcohol was off-limits? How can you have a party without alcohol?

For once, and probably never again, I actually agree with you, Okada...whatever it was. If they really wanted us to feel welcome, they should at least drag out a few bottles of wine!

Both of you, shut up! Can't you just enjoy the atmosphere like adults?

Huh, I'm kind of both surprised and unsurprised to hear you say that, Vice Commander. Were you planning to read us a poem or something?

Heh. Sorry, but today's all about this tea party. I know you'd love to hear me recite poetry, but that'll have to wait for another time.

I'm...uh...not sure "love" is the word I'd use, exactly...

(Sigh) How the hell'd I end up getting roped into drinking tea with the damn Shinsengumi and some chick with crazy eyes?

Now, now. I think it's nice for all of us to get out and enjoy good scenery together now and then.

I certainly never expected I'd one day be attending the same tea party as Sakamoto of Tosa.

And I never thought I'd one day be drinking tea with members of the Shinsengumi.

If the times we lived through helped lead to the times we're experiencing now...

...then it makes all the trouble I went to back then worthwhile.

Yeah... I think you're right.

The times we lived through DID lead into the times we're experiencing now, didn't they?

Here, Ryouma, Oryou's frog tea is ready. Go on, try some.

Hey, why don't you let Izo try a sip?

Huh. I've never seen you make tea before, Lady Chacha.

Chacha may not look like it, but Chacha IS an actual princess, you know. Making tea is a piece of cake for Chacha!

It's true. This matcha you made is so sweet and delicious!

The trick is to add konpeitou when serving it to children! Chacha's mother taught Chacha that.

While we're all here, I thought I'd try making tea myself. Here! It's dark tea with three scoops of matcha mixed in.

I call it "Mukyu Sandancha."

Once again, I have made a terrifying cup of tea...

Oho. I don't care for the name, but it seems you have quite the aptitude for tea-making. Don't mind if I do.

Mmm... It may be a little too strong, but they do say good medicine always leaves a bitter taste.

If it tastes bad, tell her. Pretending it's good won't help her get better.

Rengoku... Thank you for watching over Shusha.

It's a shame I couldn't say goodbye, but I'm glad he got where he was going.

Don't worry, Wielder. He knew youwe, cared for him.

Hey, I recognize the way this tea tingles your tongue with all seven colors of the rainbow.

This is the same Meteor Matcha that was all the rage in the galaxy about four seasons ago. Man, this takes me back.

We got lots of Meteor Matcha after defeating a Meteor Matcha Monster the other day, so please, help yourself!

Huh? You mean this stuff comes from that gross green slime monster?

Man, I used to hunt Meteor Matcha Monsters all the time when I felt like tea back in the day. Or maybe I didn't.

You know, seeing this matcha glow bright green is giving me a great idea!

I bet this stuff would sell like crazy overseas! Hear that, Zanzaburo!? We've got a major business opportunity here!

Zan?

I'm pretty sure he disagrees.

I made some tea too, Senpai. Would you mind trying it?

Thank you, Senpai. I have sweets to go with it too, if you'd like. Enjoy.

Isn't it? Rikyu was kind enough to lend it to me.

？！

You made tea too, huh? Let's see how you did... Hmm, not bad! Keep it up, and you could get pretty good at this!

Where do you get off acting like some great tea instructor? This is way better than any tea you've ever made.

Could I have a cup, too?

Oh, hello, Medusa. I didn't know you were here, too.

Oh, yes. I'm happy to attend things like this.

That's weird. I thought you were supposed to show up in these things in a more, you know, GUDAGUDA way...

Just give me a moment, please. It should be ready soon.

It looks like everyone's really enjoying themselves, Komahime.

Yes, it's wonderful. Thank you again for helping to get everything ready, Lord Rikyu.

Nothing could bring me greater joy than giving more people a chance to experience the delights of a tea ceremony.

Oh! Himiko, Himiko! Future's making tea over there, too.

Come on, let's go try his! You too, Komahime!

Please, go on without me. I'll join you later.

You'd better! Hey! Where'd you get those sweets, Himiko?

Don't hog them all! I want some, too!

Hehe...

I must thank you once again, Lord Rikyu.

My Spirit Origin would be far too frail for me to exist as a Servant on my own.

If not for you, I would never have an opportunity to enjoy such a wonderful occasion.

I'm pleased to see you so happy, Lady Komahime.

These moments are treasures, and we should treat them as such. I hope that smile remains with you for as long as you are manifested as a Servant.

...

I see. Now I understand.

You arranged this party to give me a chance to experience some of the fun I missed by dying so young.

Oh my, how careless of me. Some tea master I am, letting you see right through me.

I suppose it just goes to show I should focus on improving myself before laughing at others for being false tea-makers.

Komahime! Rikyu! Senpai just accidentally knocked over the kettle!

Oh my, that's not good. Hold on, we'll be right there.

Come, Lady Komahime, let us be on our way.

Okay!

Father... Mother...

I certainly experienced my share of hardships and adversity after leaving Dewa. Far more than I care to recount.

But now, finally...

...I can say truly that I am both well and happy.