The Oni of the 40th Floor

Hm? Who is that?

Please, my most famous and renowned of lords! I beg of you!

Would you be so kind as to leave this place and run happily around a nearby field!?

Wh-where is this coming from? You're acting even stranger than usual, Ben

Noooooo! Do you not remember!? Just for today, I asked you to call me by another name!

I will refer to you as my most famous and renowned of lords, so please, use a different address for me as well!

I don't even know what that means...

It is to distinguish you from Master, my most famous and renowned of lords!

...Well, no matter. Then for this day only, you shall be Captain Cosplay.

Ouch! You wound me to my core! W-well, that is all right. I shall consider it a battle lost and a war woHuh?

？！

Hm? Is there something behin

Wha...!? Why are you holding me by the head!? How am I supposed to turn around now!?

It is just a rat! Nothing you need to concern yourself with, my most famous and renowned of lords!

Now, we have not a moment to waste. As a matter of fact, Master said he had a request to make of you, my most famous and renowned of lords!

Oh? What is it?

Well, uh... It was something about wanting to see what a warrior from Japan was capable of, I believe? Now that he's back in the country and all.

More specifically... It was about hunting the beasts that reside in that far-off field.

He has been greatly interested in the giant Yamata-no-Orochi that has been consuming copious amounts of wine as of late. No doubt he would be very pleased if you offered up some of its heads as trophies.

I see... Wonderful! So, Master has finally seen the joy and value of head-hunting!

Very well then, how many heads did he say he wanted?

Oh, right. Well, you know. The more the better. I am sure that is what he would want. Yes.

Should your hunt continue until you just happen to realize this tower has disappeared, I think that will suffice.

Then...I can hunt heads to my heart's content? It is like a dream come true...

Very well, I, maru, shall devote myself to this task with utmost dedication!

I shall travel far and wide to surpass my personal best of heads presented to my brother, ...

...What is the meaning of this, Captain Cosplay? Why do you keep interrupting me with Berserker yells?

Ahem, ahem ahem. Apologies, my most famous and renowned lord. My throat has been bothering me today.

I must have performed one too many Buddhist chants.

So that is what you sound like when your throat is in poor shape? Oh well, I suppose a bit of thunderous intensity IS to be expected when performing Buddhist chants.

At any rate, I must be off if I am to surpass my record.

Understood. If I may, my most famous and renowned of lords, I would advise you to go straight ahead, without looking back, and gracefully leap down from this tower!

Master also said he would love to see the beauty of your perfect dive in a forty-story drop!

Heh. Well of course, this height is but a trifle to me.

Very well then. Wherever you may be, my lord, behold this display of skill and agility!

(Huff, huff) Phew, that was close... Now then.

Hey, you there! I'm the loyal oni that guards this floor for various reasons!

...! Did you not listen to that conversation, Master!?

Please! Refrain...from using...that name!

I am sorry to have kept you waiting so long. But I'm afraid that my task there was a crucial one.

Indeed, it was arguably the most important thing I have ever done.

？！

Hmm. I could have sworn I've seen you before somewhere, but now that we're face-to-face... Hmm.

I'm afraid I just can't tell who you are under that mask.

Have we met? Come to think of it, that small person who just left seemed somewhat familiar as

Not at all! I am but a loyal oni. A ruffian who definitely probably has no ties to the Minamoto clan whatsoever!

So, whatever it is you think you saw, I am afraid I must tell you that you did not see it, Lady.

As for the shameless exhibitionist who was just here, I would write her off as just your run-of-the-mill nymphomaniac, or a hallucination. Or something.

I think I finally understand what this is all about...but if you mean to stand in our way, then we have no choice but to fight.

Indeed, there is no other recourse.

My purpose here was to prevent my most famous and renowned of lords from seeing someone she shouldn't. Unfortunately, I was then told by a certain high-powered lawyer that this was breaking and entering.

And since I have no means of paying the fine, I was forced to guard this floor as punishment.

In other words, no, I have not become a hapless oni pawn. I am simply trying to set matters right.

I'm afraid I don't know what you are talking about, but regardless, I have my orders to resolve this situation. As General Setsubun, I cannot back down from this fight.

If you will not step aside peacefully, we will pass through by force...large familiar stranger!

Good! With this, I have fulfilled my obligations.

My most famous and renowned of lords is no doubt happily traipsing about the fields collecting a mountain of monster heads as we speak.

I have no intention of stopping you. Please, by all means, continue on your way.

？！

... I know that this cannot go on forever.

The time will come when we must face each otherface our shared history, and come to terms with our respective actions.

After all, the people that stand here today, while they have the same face, same ideas, same abilities, are not the same as their past counterparts.

But...that time should not be today. At least, that is what I thought.

After all, today is Setsubun.

And Setsubun is an event... Or perhaps I should say, a festival?

...

Let us be on our way, Master. This is not our destination. We still have many floors left to climb.

？！

Why don't we take a break after we have made a little more progress? We could have the rice balls I made for us.

Although...I'm afraid I didn't quite realize my own strength while I was making them, so...

I may have squeezed them so hard that they ended up turning into mochi... I apologize if they don't agree with you.

？！

I see. I am glad to hear that!

...I am in your debt.

What is it, Master? I'm afraid it's still a bit early for our rice ball break.

？！

...!?

...Uh, yes, certainly. I don't quite know what you mean, but I will, uh, keep that in mind.

...Thank you...

...Phew. I clearly need to revise my sensory data projections...

Up till this point, I had some doubts that a machine like me would ever find herself in a hot spring, but...

...Ahh. I can feel the water seeping into every nook and cranny of my gears. It is a very pleasant sensation...

Interesting. It would seem this water fulfills a function for us similar to lubricating oil. Very intriguing. I have added it to my database.

...

"Us." I did not mean to say that. Yet another very intriguing aspect of this situation...

...It would seem no one is here.

When I first arrived, Mecha Eli or whatever her name is was just getting out...

...but before I could say anything she took off toward the entrance with some spectacularly loud jet thrusters.

Now I wish I had. What a wasted opportunity...

Hmm?

Uhh. So hot. So sluggish... But, this sluggishness...not so bad. (Blowing bubbles underwater)

!

You... You are a Western karakuri! A mechanical puppet like I am!

...? That's right. But, about...half of me, is made with fresh meat. Hello there.

So you are made with biological parts? Very intriguing.

Entering. Warm waters. Splash. Good times.

Is that...?

Hm? Oh. Pardon me. I did. Not see. There were. Others here. If I. Must leave. I will. Do so.

Wh-why would you leave so suddenly? Did I do something to offend you?

I did. Not know. If I. Should go. To the. Men's bath. Or the women's. So I. Stood my staff. On the ground. And went. Where it fell.

I see...?

Didn't the Lady General say there was a drum bath for people in situations like yours?

Yes. I saw it! But I. Did not. Fall for it!

Pardon?

No doubt. It is. A trap. A cunning scheme. My enemies laid. To defeat me.

It was. Clearly meant. To boil me. To death! But they. Cannot fool me.

I...see?

...Um, you said you did not know which bath to use, correct? That is quite a coincidence.

I too am only here for the sake of convenience. I may look like a woman, but I am really just a machine.

Hm? Hmm... Then we. Are mostly alike. Probably.

I knew it! To tell the truth, I have been wondering: are you also a puppet from the continent...?

I am. No puppet. Nor am. I human.

All I know. Is that. I have. A jewel where. A human's heart. Should be. Perhaps you. Could call. Me a machine. Made with. Sage arts?

Now I see. I did not know such a thing was possible...!

...Yes, this is it. This is what I have been searching for. A hot spring should also be a place of community.

As such, I was hoping that, by virtue of removing as much of our external armaments as possible to enter the bath...

...a frank exchange of information about our internal mechanisms and hidden parts might arise naturally.

By better knowing oneself, and knowing others, I can record the differences and make better use of my abilities.

Once I do that, I am certain my efforts will be rewarded.

So earnest. That's great. (Pat pat)

Agreed. I commend. Your passion. (Pat pat)

Huh!? Th-this is rather novel.

While I do have very faint memories of patting another's head, I have none at all of anyone patting mine...

L-look, someone else is here! That's enough hands-on testing of my cranial compartment!

Arrrrrrf! 　　　　　　　　　　　　(Mecha)

I heard it all, woof! You can't have robots without catbots, and you can't have catbots without robots!

On behalf of N.E.C.O.the Natural Energy Computation OptionTamamo Cat is here in the flesh!

Hello and good day from the digital age of the future! I'm strictly paws-off except when I'm eating iron and cat cans, woof!

N.E.C.O.? Then, you're a robot too!?

Sure am. Here, check out these mitts. No way these puppies are anything but pure Japanese cat, right?

Th-that is true. These are certainly not human hands...

So those paws are actually mechanical puppet parts as well. I should have realized it sooner...

Aw, don't worry about it. This is all nonsense you'll forget about by this time tomorrow anyway. Anywoof, I'm guessing all three of you aren't too big on baths?

Well, neither am I, as it turns out! That's why I'm hereto get over my little bathing hang-up! Bath up? Bang up?

Don't worry, we can do this if we all work together. You guys make the limbs, and I'll form the head.

Now go on, Danzo, do your thing! By our powers combined, we'll be Captain Bathtime!

Uh. So hot. So stuffy. So soft... Is this heaven, or hell?

She is. Not the. Vixen with. The mirror. She is. A wild vixen. I am. Not good. With either. To punch. Or not. To punch?

My current. Purpose is. Full recovery. As of now. I can recover. Neither physically. Nor mentally.

As such. I must activate. Semi-sleep mode. Powering down. All functions. Temporarily.

...(Empty stare)

What's this!? Nezha gave up on fighting it and sent her mind elsewhere!? ...Huh?

...Whether human, or god. Beast, or machine...

As long as one possesses a heart, one can enjoy a hot spring.

Indeed. I can feel the lubricating hot water seeping into my steam engine...