Section 5: Elisabeth Rim

My motion sensors have detected something. ...Hmph. So they're finally here, it seems.

Fujimaru, the Master of Chaldea, as well as Csejte's former ruler, and Osakabehime.

I know to treat Elisabeth and Osakabehime as the trivial threats they are, but the Master is another matter...

I still haven't observed him enough to know what his alignment is.

It would be foolish to attempt to assess an opponent without information. I should at least have a brief conversation with him before we fight.

...Imagine, me speaking with a commoner as equals. Certainly Elisabeth could never have done that in life.

Well, I suppose I can play that part by ear. I am an expert at the hands-on approach, after all.

Hmm, but responding improperly would be highly unbecoming for a ruler. I should at least practice my speech.

Ahem, ahem.

"First of all, I commend you for making it this far. Welcome. You must be tired. Perhaps some tea?"

"Would you prefer bread or chicken for dinner? Whichever you choose, know that I will still burn both you and your meal to ash."

...Hmm, that's a bit muddled, isn't it? Definitely lacking in impact.

"Mwahahaha! You guys actually came!?"

"You've got promise, making your way through my castle! Perhaps you'd like work as a butler!?"

...No, no, that's not right. I may be in dire need of good help, but I can't let THEM know that.

Maybe I should take a page from Elisabeth's book... If I were that dumb lizard...

"Welcome to the best seats in the house! You just couldn't wait to see me, could you, Puppy!?"

"Tonight's gonna be a real special night, so I wanna see you smile nice and wide!"

...No, that's not it either. Not to mention talking like that is practically melting down my core...

(Sigh)... I never imagined it could be so hard to just properly greet a commoner.

There we go.

I'm picking up Mecha Eli-chan's signal. It looks like this will be the final battle.

...Still, I feel like we have a lot of loose ends that need tying up...

For example, we never found out who Mecha Eli-chan really is. What IS she, anyway?

THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!

I know I've split up into different versions before, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember turning into a mecha!

I don't know, she seems more like a Robo-Elisabeth than a mecha to me.

Well she isn't. If there's one thing I'm definitely not, it's a laborer.

Huh?

The word "robot" comes from a play called "Rossum's Universal Robots" written by Karel Čapek, a Czechoslovakian novelist.

It has all kinds of uses today, so people tend to forget its original meaning...

Originally, the word meant "forced labor." I believe that is what Elisabeth was referring to.

Damn, you serious? Didn't really figure you for much of a reader there, dragon girl.

Of course I am. I'm the daughter of a baron. I must've spent half my waking hours poring over books.

My natural curiosity didn't die just because I became a Heroic Spirit! Why do you think I get so many headaches?

I see. So that's how you learned what an idol is. It's all starting to make sense!

That's right. I can't remember why I originally thought to become an idol...

...but I do know that a job whose sole purpose was to bask in the love and adoration of people everywhere never existed in my own time.

It's no exaggeration to say learning about idols saved my life. Once I did, I knew that was my calling.

I really believe it's the greatest job in existence; one that's worth clawing my way to the top for.

...Which is why it's so strange.

As a Heroic Spirit, I'm not restricted to just being a high-ranking lady anymore.

I still am one, of course, but I'm also my people's idol, there to bring joy to their lives.

Otherwise, I couldn't even manifest in this form. But Mecha Eli-chan's more, well...

She's more "me." I mean, the me I used to be. More innocent, back when all I knew was obligation and duty.

But in that case, she should look like Carmilla, not me. Then she'd be Mecharmilla, which sounds way better!

(I suppose it would be cruel to point out how Carmilla is nothing more than one of her alter egos.)

Fou.

So given that, I'm betting whatever brought her here has nothing to do with me, but with Himeji Castle.

Did YOU do something, Batty?

N-no! I haven't done anything yet!

I mean, teeechnically it wasn't even my fault that Himeji Castle started moving in the first place...

？！

Um, Mash?

Puppy looks like he's kind of terrified of Batty right now.

Wh-what's wrong, Master!? Your eyes are incredibly red.

Sorry to interrupt your chat, girls, but we're just about there.

I still have a ton of questions, but I guess they'll have to wait until after the final battle! Let's make sure we put on an awesome finale!

Wha

？！

When did she redecorate it so horribly!?

...! Mecha Eli-chan is headed your way at high speed!

Allow me to answer. That mural masterpiece is my own creation.

I inkjet-printed it using previous Halloween records for reference.

Subject matter aside, I think it turned out to be quite a lovely work of art, don't you?

What's more, these folding screens serve as both record and evidence. They are an epic poem that tells everyone who visits the story of Csejte Halloween.

Evidence...? Evidence of what, exactly?

Isn't it obvious? Are you completely lacking in artistic sensibilities? Are those tattoos just for decoration?

This is a history of the prior ruler's myriad missteps. All who see it will reach the same inevitable conclusion:

Elisabeth Báthory is unfit to be Csejte's ruler!

Hey!

Well, uh... You know...

Et tu, Batty!?

Naturally, Carmilla is no different. Her foolishness also knows no bounds, drinking the blood of her people and fellow nobles in a misguided attempt to stay young.

So it is up to me to keep Csejte safe...

As such, I have no choice but to put all rebellious wrongdoers, dissidents, and other similar cretins to work.

It may be a bit dystopian, but it's a necessary sacrifice to be made for the sake of my people.

Aha, so those are your true colors! A machine rebellion! First everyone gets a cell phone, then their OSs start rising up against us!

I knew that was your diabolical scheme! You want to take over the sekai!

Say what you will. Securing a stable food supply is the first order of business. Civilization inevitably declines if everyone pursues nothing but hedonistic pleasures.

Fiefs raise children. Lords raise land.

You think you deserve to be handed everything on a silver platter, just because you're a princess? That sort of negligence has no place in my Csejte!

Urk...

...Now then. I believe the time is right. Ahem.

These sliding doors are the answer to everything. They show why I am right, and stand in testament to my unrivalled beauty!

But none of you have any future whatsoever. Why, you ask? Because I am about to erase you from existence.

None without wings can survive at this altitude. The sky belongs to me, and me alone.

If you would lament your fates, curse yourselves for letting this idiotic ordeal escalate so far.

As the Steel Demoness, I shall sentence traitors to feel the burn of my flame breath, and castle climbers to taste the spiciness of my missiles!

As Csejte's rightful ruler, I will purge you all!

(Yeah, she's been practicing that in front of a mirror...)

(So that was her catchphrase...)

Ah!

...Ah?

You thought that up ahead of time, didn't you!? I can tell! I never know what to do about my catchphrase!

...!

But it's always the more general expressions that end up being the coolest. Maybe I just don't have enough spirit?

Since you're a mecha and all, you should have a lot more mecha-themed expressions on hand.

Something like "Prepare to be elite-deleted☆" or "First you're welcome, now you're well-done☆"

I mean come on, you're Mecha Eli-chan. You should have that techno stuff down pat!

？！

... ...

You have the worst sensibilities imaginable. How you ever thought you could be an idol with lyrics like that is utterly beyond me!

I see now that merely arresting you and forcing you into hard labor is insufficient.

So I'll kill you. I'll wipe you from existence.

I, Mecha Eli-chan, will not stop until there is not so much as an atom of you remaining, Elisabeth Báthory!

Hey! What the heck, girl!? I've been a boss fight before myself, so I was just giving you some advice!

You really have no idea how other peoper, Mecha Eli-chan feels, do you, El-El?

I think it may be more accurate to say that she herself has no idea who she is!

There, that should do it...!

Khh...!

Gotcha!

？！

You bet we can! One way or another!

Hn-gh...!

...Reevaluating enemy forces.

Mortal danger confirmed. Changing mode to Anti-Army. Overriding acquired targets to humanoid life-forms.

Authorization denied, authorization denied, authorization...granted. Unlocking personal Anti-Army Noble Phantasm: Breast Zero Erzsébet!

Be careful, everyone! I'm detecting a powerful heat signature building in Mecha Eli-chan!

She's about to hit you with everything she has! Make sure you beat her to the punch!

Yaaamete kudastooop! You'll destroy my castle!!!

That is truly unfortunate. I have only one thing to say to that:

My sincere apologies. Are you up-to-date on your fire insurance?

Waaah! I don't even HAVE fire insurance, you little arsonist!

Wow, I bet this building would burn really nicely since it's all made of wood... Wait, no!

Batty and I may have only just met, but I can't let her suffer the pain of seeing her castle go up in flames.

I still don't know why you're me, but since you are, it's my job to stop you!

Bring it, Mecha Eli-chan! Elly vs. Mecha Eli!

I'll show you that my singing can beat your thruster nozzles any day of the week!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIIIIIIS!?

...Combat systems: inoperable. Retreat: impossible. Communications: incapacitated.

...Hard as it is to believe, it seems...I have lost.

Still, this too shall pass. Such things are part and parcel with being a ruler.

Attention, my knights... The Csejte Hard Labor Project is canceled...as of...now...

Did we...beat her...?

Looks like it...

？！

She's not quite a mecha OR a Servant, so it's hard to get a good read on her from here, but...

...it looks like she's just been incapacitated. Her Spirit Origin hasn't disappeared.

Phew, thank goodness. Now I don't have to feel bad about involving her in this.

Bleh, I really hate being so timid.

...I'm kinda a failure, y'know?

Batty...?

...Oh, right.

I'm off to my room!

El-El, Tattoo-san, maybe you should stay here and keep an eye on Mecha Eli-chan?

Come on Master, I'll let you see my secret♡

Hey, I want to see it too! You haven't once showed me since our castles got smooshed together!

Huh? Uh...well...

...Okay, El-El, I'll let you see it too. Let's all go together then.

'Kay!

？！

Tadai'm home...finally!

Oh my sanctuary, how I've missed you! Computer: check! Books: check! All collectibles present and accounted for!

Yes, yes, yes! Everything's perfect!

...Now I get why you were so secretive.

M-Master... This room is giving me a strong sense of déjà vu!

This must be exactly the sort of room Blackbeard and others like him have!

Hmm.

So, looks like we've got an early noughties otaku room on our hands. She and Blackbeard would probably get along famously.

I mean, you've seen all the...stuff he's done with his room.

I see. So this is what she wanted to come back to...

I'm guessing it's like me and my workshop. I just don't feel like myself when I'm not there.

Sanctuary's actually not a bad way to put it, even if it's pretty far from most people's idea of one.

So...it's not that she was plotting something, so much as she just wanted to hurry up and get back here?

Looks that way. But of course, this raises its own questions.

Mostly about how the hell the top floor of Himeji Castle's tower ended up looking like this.

Let's boot it up... Okay, so far so good. Wow, I got a ton of messages while I was away.

I'm amazed you can stand to be in this room. It's so messy in here.

Not to mention it's kind of small...

That's the best part!

I bet you keep your room pretty sparse, don't you, Master?

Kinda minimalist, only holding onto the bare essentials. That sorta thing.

That's the kind of room where you like to relax and make out with Servants, right?

Why, yes, Master. I'm curious about that as well.

？！

R-really? Oh, right. I guess that makes sense, with Servants like Kiyo-yo around.

Now, doko did I put that...

It's gotta be around here somewhere, since Mecha Eli-chan didn't have it...

？！

This reading... It can't be...

Ah HA! Found it!

...A Holy Grail!?

You have a Holy Grail, Osakabehime!?

Sure do! You probably all figured that out already, so I may as well tell you.

This Holy Grail is all mine. Though I just happened to acquire it by sheer luck.

There's a lot that doesn't add up about that, but I guess the most important question is: What did you wish for?

Well, this is me we're talking about, so I wished that I could hole up inside it.

？！

You mean, like a shut-in?

Now that you mention it, I do recall you having a reputation as a shut-in among the Eastern Heroic Spirits.

I do? Why?

Tamamo and Kiyohime weren't exactly shy about sharing that, so pretty much all of Chaldea's Servants know.

SO MEAN!

I still don't understand. If you wanted to hole up in a Holy Grail, why did you end up here in Csejte?

Oh, that?

That's because Csejte is the best place in the world to hole up in.

It is? I would have thought the exact opposite myself...

That's only because El-El's here.

...But what if she wasn't?

...Well, since this year's Halloween preparations are all done, I imagine Halloween would begin without a hitch...

...and the Singularity would quickly go away, since it would no longer be able to maintain itself.

Right you are! I knew you'd figure it out, Mash!

Now, what would the people of Csejte be doing during Halloween?

W-well... Naturally, they'd be enjoying it. It's a special celebration that makes for a nice break from their usual busy routines, after all.

Now, this last question is for Master!

What would happen if Halloween never ended?

？！

That's right! The celebration would just keep going.

Then there'd be no more jobs! No more deadlines! Nothing! I could shut myself in forever and ever!

H-huh!? Hang on, let me make sure I've got this straight...

You used an actual Holy Grail just so you could shut yourself in your room and never have to work...forever!?

Batty... Seriously...?

That's right. All I wanted was to have my little safe space forever and ever!

All these books and electronics might look pitiful to you, but to me, they're everything.

I'm nothing like you, Elisabeth.

You hated being confined. Every fiber of your being rejected being ignored.

I'm sure your living self must have been despondent when she died.

But me... I found confinement comforting.

...It's not like they confined me against my will. I chose to be locked up.

That's just what it looked like from the outside.

I'm a castle apparition, remember? I literally can't survive if I'm not inside a castle.

That's just how I am.

But now that I'm a Servant, they say I have to go out into the outside world...?

That's terrifying. No matter how hard I tried, I could never shake my fear of it.

You've never had to worry about that sort of thing, El-El. You're always bright and cheerful.

Tamamo talks a good game, but she's just fooling herself.

But you genuinely love to fight, El-El. You're my exact opposite in so many ways.

Well, I do enjoy a good fight.

But everyone's got things they're good at and things they're not, right? Hell, that's where the whole strategic aspect of Holy Grail Wars comes into play.

That's true, isn't it...

...Anyway, I'll admit I'm a little bit scared of what I'm about to do, but...

This rumbling...!

Master, I'm picking up a signal coming from underneath Castle Csejte!

It's a SerNo, it's too big to be a Servant!

Battyyy...!

Now, true guardian that sleeps beneath Csejte...with the power of this Holy Grail, I command you to rise!

...!

Master, take a look outside!