Wriggling Jet-Black Schwartz Nacht

Guten Abend. Welcome to the Ice Wanderer at night.

I think you all know why I've called you here tonight.

I've got an inkling.

Hell yeah I do!

(I have no clue!)

(In fact, what am I even doing here!?)

You seem totally different than you do during the day.

What's with that? Were you just pretending to be a bumbling idiot as part of your Waku Waku Erice Land bit?

Bumbling... Uh, no, I was still being myself.

I guess I'm pretty easily influenced by my Ascensions.

It's like they reflect different aspects of myself, kind of like a split personality.

Heh, I see. So this is your dark side, huh?

It is, isn't it!?

I guess, if you want to call it that...

Either way, I definitely don't want "Waku Waku Erice Land" becoming a thing.

Still, I never did decide on an official name for my area. Hmm... Maybe something like...

Magecraft...skyscrapers... Zauber Wolkenkratzer...

Or flickering ring of destiny... Hitzeschleier Rad des Schicksals...

Bwa...?

Kugelschreiber, Eisbein, or Gesellschaft could be good, too.

What, you wanna know what that all means? Doesn't matter. What do you care?

What do you think, Illyasviel? I'd like to hear your opinion, too.

I mean, you're a native German. This should be child's play.

...Huh!? (Is THAT why she invited me here?)

("Child's play"!? But, I AM a child. And I was raised in Japan!)

(For some reason, I feel weirdly pressured not to refuse though...)

I...I think those are cool names.

...Do you really mean that?

(Eep!)

Schnitzel-whatsit? Who can pronounce any of that? What's wrong with "Waku Waku Erice Land"?

...

(Oh man, she seems seriously shocked! Th-this can't be good!)

W-well, uh... Your area is basically a kind of sea-themed amusement park, so...

Maybe if we take the German word for the sound of waves lapping against rocksI think it's "schwapp"...

And spell your name in a more German way... That would be…"Elise"? I think.

"Land" in German is just "Land," so...

Maybe "Schwapp Elise Land"? ...Though I guess that's pretty close to what you have now.

Hey, not bad. S'got a nice kinda flair to it. Exotic.

Schwapp Elise Land...

...I knew I could count on you, Illyasviel.

You were the last cog I needed to get the wheels of fate turning.

Err...what?

Your friend, Edelfelt, told me about you.

Illya is the light that set me free.

She helped me realize things about myself that had never even occurred to me.

I never could have done it without her.

I get it. Magical girls are great.

So that's why...

...it is my sacred duty to acquire the full collection of Illya goods and doujinshi on sale here.

That...is my Grand Order.

That part, I don't get.

...

But, whatever makes you happy.

What were you doing there, anyway?

She said she couldn't go in that section alone, so I went with her.

That's a little worrying!

For that matter, are you even that much older than her, Erice!?

Well...I'm part of the Nightwatch that protects Akihabara, so...

That's not an answer!

Anyway, here's what I really wanted to talk to you guys abou

No... On second thought, it'd be faster if I just showed you.

Start the simulation!

Kuhahahaha!

Kuhahahahaha!

Kuhahahahahaha!!!

Kuhahahahahwa... (Cough, hack!)

Um...why are we practicing laughing!?

I figured a big, crazy laugh was key to being an Avenger.

Freakin' WHAT?

What the hell are you babbling about? That's only PART of being an Avenger. And not even a BIG part!

Well...I've always done better with a model to follow than I have trying to figure things out on my own...

Okay but why is THAT the model you're following!?

I...also don't see what the point of the simulated battle was...

I can't imagine the real Count will be happy about this!

You think? Maybe you're right... I just thought imitation was the best way to learn the fundamentals.

Hm? Hmm?

Hmph.

She doesn't even realize she's mocking him. She honestly thinks he's a model for how to be an Avenger.

But this is STILL freakin' nuts!

So you want to learn how to be an Avenger? That it?

Yeah, that's it. Now that I've been summoned in the Avenger class, I want to do it properly.

I want to prove I can fight at Chaldea, and I want to live up to Master's expectations for me.

...

Just like how Illyasviel is trying to master the ways of the magical girl.

(That thought never even crossed her mind)

Good point. Now that Illya's better known as an Archer-class swimsuit Servant...

...she'll need more attention-grabbing, entertaining "accidents" if she's going to top the reader pollMmf.

Hush, Ruby. I don't need you making this any more difficult.

Ah, now I getcha. So that's what ya were frettin' over.

Feelin' like ya don't pass Avenger muster, eh? So ya wanna train till ya do, yeah?

Okay, I guess I can help out a fellow library regular and niche fiction fan if you want.

But first, you've gotta get your shit together.

Okay... Thanks.

Ya know, Erice, you're still missin' a good bit of gumption.

Gumption...? I'm sorry, I don't actually know what that word means.

Take me, for example. Deep down, I'm just an ukiyo-e artist with no damn connection to Holy Grails, war, or magecraft.

Hell, my Servant class might as well just be some random thing they tacked on after the fact!

So remember that when I tell ya...

...it ain't about whether you can or will be somethin'.

It's about whether you wanna be.

(Sounds like just another wonky ideology to me.)

So if ya wanna be a true Avenger, it's your determination that's gonna get ya there!

If ya wanna be an artist, ya gotta actually make art. And if you're a Servant, your only shot's fightin'!

I see! ...At least, I think I see?

I'll help too, even though I won't actually be any help!

Ah! Ruby!? What are you doing!?

Phew. Fighting back-to-back battles is definitely tiring.

...Hey, um Erice? Why'd you ask me here?

You could've gone to the Avenger me, but instead you came to me, the Berserker.

Actually, wait, I just got kinda a bad feeling about this.

I'm warning you now: your answer might get you paraded as a criminal through town.

Well, I guess...

...between drawing manga, reading manga, and napping, you seemed like you had nothing better to do...

Right. C'mere. I'm gonna break my foot off in your ass!

C-c-come on, Jeanne, l-l-let's just take it easy, okay!?

I think...the real reason I asked you all here...

...is that I don't understand myself very well.

And because I don't think I should pass up an opportunity to see myself from another perspective.

That's the best way I can put it.

...Hmm.

I'm honestly not sure whether you're an optimist or a pessimist.

At least, that's the explanation I just came up with.

...Having second thoughts about not beating your ass.

Uh, Jeanne? If ya need help drawin' stuff, maybe I can lend ya a hand?

OH HELL YES! Please! I'm about five seconds away from a deadline and I'm going nuts!

Can you drop fill the tones? Oh, right. Digital's not your thing, is it? Shit.

Huh... This seems familiar. Have we had this talk before?

Oh, don't worry. I pretty much got the knack of those tablet thingies with some help from Batty.

My savior!

(Turning her gaze to the other two)

I'm not proud of this, but reading manga is as involved as I can get there. Last time I tried to draw something, the results were...catastrophic.

I-I, uh, think it's still too soon for me to be helping out with doujin!

Especially after what I saw when I noticed a classmate drawing one of their own...

So you're basically already experienced! Great! You're in! Come on, to deadline hell we gooo!

Huh? How did this happen? This is the opposite of what I wanted...

...Thanks, everyone.

I think I got what I was looking for.

But...it's too late. The evil spirits will never let me off the hook now.

Not when I've actually started to enjoy wielding this abhorrent power.

...

Are you done?

...Yeah.

Did you find what you were looking for?

Uh-huh. I did.

I found a reason I could accept. Even if it's not at all what I wanted.

Then I guess this means you found yourself.

Huh?

I'm not sure that's how I'd care to put it. Makes it sound like I've just been spinning my wheels.

Couldn't you at least call it an identity crisis or something?

Hehe, okay, if you insist.

Hey! I don't want to hear any resignation in your voice, either.

Now you're just being unreasonable.