Delicious! The Genius Pâtissier and Dangerous Sweets

So, um, just to make sure I have everything straight, Madam Beauty, you're planning to come along with Master and Ms. CEO on their deliveries from now on too, is that right?

Of course. Now that we are working together, Amazones.com's lack of delivery personnel is a matter of life and death to my company as well, so it behooves me to help resolve it.

There is no telling when we may run into other challenges that will be difficult to overcome with the Amazons' usual modus operandi...

...so I will be counting on help from Chaldea and Egyptian should such challenges emerge.

Let me take a moment now to thank you for that help in advance. It is-slash-will be greatly appreciated.

By the way, there is something else I wished to ask you about, Madam. How did you know about our situation?

As I told you before, Egyptian has an excellent intelligence network...but now that we're partners, I suppose I can elaborate further.

You may not be aware of this, but not too long ago...

...there were many rumors leaked in business circles about Amazones.com's current circumstances.

Fou?

？！

Indeed. So once I confirmed their veracity, I decided to make the most of the opportunity.

Hmm. That's odd.

My employees going missing is certainly a huge problem, but up until this collaboration, I never told anyone about it.

I am aware that any sign of weakness is exploited mercilessly, so I would never resort to asking for help. Not even from the Galactic Police that have been the subject of so much gossip recently.

In that case...I'd have to guess that someone else connected to the incident leaked the information on purpose.

Makes sense to me. But of course, that begs a follow-up question: Why would they do that?

It could be someone with a grudge against Amazones.com fanning the flames of ire.

We have made a lot of enemies thanks to our rapid growth with no doubt more waiting in the wings.

It is possible that Madam here was not the only one planning to use this opportunity to eliminate me...

...or to take control of my company via some other nefarious means.

Which also means it is possible that some of our upcoming deliveries are actually traps in disguise.

So watch yourself, Fujimaru!

All right, this is where we'll find our next customer, Sweet Witch.

Her shop should be at one of these buildings...

It's about time you showed up! You're from Amazones.com, right!?

Indeed we are. You must be Sweet Witch then? If you would just sign here

Huh? Why would I sign for that when you're this late!? I can't believe your nerve!

Late? What are you talking about?

What else could I be talking about?

I needed those pancake ingredients by yesterday, but you're just showing up with them now!

I even left a note when I made my order that I needed them no later than yesterday because today is a special day!

I-I see. I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. Just give me a moment to check the order slip...

My pancake café, Lily's Psychodelic House of Pancakes, is a staple of the community.

I've spent years scraping by, painstakingly doing everything I could to earn the locals' trust.

I thought all my hard work had finally paid off when they agreed to hold a birthday party for the children at the local orphanage at my café today...only to have my dreams shattered when the ingredients I was counting on failed to arrive on time.

I don't think I'll ever forget the look on that lady with the cat ears' face for as long as I live...

Now, the only thing I can do to forget my troubles...

...is to send out a fancy fantastical curse that makes a random person within a ten light-year radius turn into a pig unless they eat some of my pancakes at least once a week...

That sounds more like an act of terrorism than a way to forget your troubles...

Don't be ridiculous. It's an expression of love.

Love... Love...?

I have a strong feeling that violates several intergalactic Unfair Competition Prevention laws!

It's a cute and adorable way to forget my troubles! Anyway, what took you so long!? Why didn't you bring them sooner!?

...Hm? I'm afraid you must be mistaken. We haven't missed the delivery window at all.

Huh? That can't be right!

Well, more accurately, we did miss the date specified in your original order...

...but we also sent you an email letting you know we would miss the original delivery window, and you said you were fine with that.

Don't give me that nonsense! I never said anything of the sort!

Let me double-check...

Yes, it's all right here. We sent you an email apologizing that your delivery was behind schedule, and asked if you would be okay with a later delivery date...

...and you replied with "Sure, totally fine with me! I'm good whenever!"

Which means we are not late at all!

I-I never sent an email saying that!

I-I dunno...

This email doesn't sound like something Sweet Witch would say to me, either...

Hmm. I'm afraid this appears to be the unfortunate result of a miscommunication on your part...

...and circumstances beyond our control on ours.

Fortunately, for your future orders, we also offer a premium subscription service that should be perfect for you.

For a small monthly fee, this ultradeluxe user-friendly service offers free next-sol shipping on most orders...

...with the option for free same-sol shipping in select areas

？！

Fou...

I-I already told you, I never sent any email like that! And I don't care about any subscription services, either!

All right, that does it!

Oho, you took and signed for your package in less than a second. Now that's my idea of a model customer.

But I assure you, there's no need to rush to confirm its contents. We would never get an order wro

Take this! And this! And some of this!

Uh-oh! Please be careful, Senpai! I'm suddenly picking up a threat reading!

？！

Huh? What are those?

Those are my most popular pancakes! The ones I couldn't sell thanks to the opportunity you cost me!

So since I couldn't sell them to the orphanage, I'm going to sell them all to you instead, whether you want them or not! Don't worry, they've all got the Sweet Witch seal of deliciousness!

My, my. At first, I thought you were just another entitled customer. I'm impressed you have the gall to try pushing your own business on us.

Unfortunately for you, we are both seasoned CEOs, so of course we know how to fight back against pushy salespeople.

I'm reminded of a saying that seems especially fitting for this occasion.

"You come at the CEO, you best not miss!"

(Sniff) I guess I just couldn't compete when it came to sheer capital.

All I ever wanted was to bring a smile to everyone's face...

To have everyone become addicI mean, obsessed with the hopes and dreams my pancakes inspire...

...just like the cute little piggies having a party out behind the café...

Piggies... Piggies... Um, Sweet Witch?

Yes?

Just taking a wild stab in the yami here, but...do you happen to have a partner who runs the café with you?

Why yes, of course I do.

The Dragon Tooth Warriors are too busy with sales to give me a hand in the café, so my Auntie Kykeon always helps me

... ...

I'm back! Sorry I'm late!

The neighborhood piglets were crowding around me so much I practically had to beat them off with my staff again!

But I guess I can't blame them, seeing as I AM Doc Kykeon, the genius Caster of the century who discovered Kykeon Particles!

Hm? Something wrong?

Auntie...

Did you happen to send an email from my account without asking me?

How many times do I have to tell you not to call me "Auntie"!? I prefer "Kick-ass Kykeon Lady"!

Anyway, get a load of this, Sweet Witch.

I was just as furious as you were when Amazones.com sent that email saying the ingredients would be late...

...but that was before I saw they'd also sent us a gift package by way of apology!

So I immediately sent them a reply letting them know we were happy to wait.

Incidentally, the Amazones.com apology gift package contains an assortment of self-multiplying konjak dumplings and tapioca.

Both types of goods can be compressed to an impressive degree without permanent deformation, so I made sure to send it ahead of the email via SpaceEx priority envelope.

So you're the reason my pancake ingredients were late, Auntie! In that case, I think it's only right you make it up to me by turning into pancake ingredients yourself!

Huh!? How's that follow!?

No back talk!!!

Whoa, hey, settle down! There's still some konjak dumplings left if you want some!

I already used up all the tapioca in the kykeon I had for lunch, but at least you can still have the konjak in milk tea or something, right!?

Ughhh! I hate you, Auntieee!

...

Something the matter?

Bravo!

？！

Wh-what's this about?

You showed exemplary outside-the-box thinking when you thought to turn your setback into an opportunity, as well as superb initiative in immediately executing on it.

And above all, your pancakes are delicious.

I've always found sweets to be utterly useless things, yet even I found myself moaning in pleasure upon trying one.

R-really? Hehe... Well thank you.

And based on how good I now feel, I surmise that they are also brimming with nutrients.

It would be a great waste to let such an excellent sweet languish away here in obscurity.

So I would like to make you a proposal.

Would you be willing to sell your pancakes through Amazones.com?

With our market reach, I can all but guarantee these will sell like hotcaer, extremely well throughout the galaxy.

Oh, but... What about

If it is freshness you are concerned about, then worry not.

Our delivery system's express shipping can deliver them anywhere in the galaxy before their sell-by date.

I'm afraid a lot of that went right over my head...but I do get that this is one of those cases where one door closing opens a window somewhere else, right?

Basically, you like my pancakes so much that you want to make a deal with me even though we were just fighting, yes?

Perhaps that's the sort of business acumen I should be learning from...

Of course it is. After all, I am not... C! E! O! for nothing.

Ooh, does this mean my little oopsie's all water under the bridge now?

？！

Y-you think?

W-well, in that case, what would you say to taking this chance to run away with me?

You'll pass? That so?

Well fine, I don't need you anyway. Between studying Kykeon Particles and helping out at the pancake café, my life is already plenty fulfilling!

(I knew it. There's something about her that kind of reminds me of me.)

Don't worry about the contract. I'd be happy to take care of that.

When I'm done, you'll have the most fair, impartial, and perfectly beautiful legal document you could find anywhere!

! What...did you say...?

Wha!? Hey! Put down that morning star, will you!? We'll never get anywhere if you keep throwing us off track!

And what's the logic here!? Nobody's allowed to use that word even when it isn't referring to her?!

？！

Hmph. Well, that's going to be most inconvenient. BeauWhat that word stands for, as well as spreading it throughout the galaxy, is my life's work.

But, very well. I suppose I'll just have to use a substitute term from now on.

In that case, um... Not to worry. I'll draw up a contract with the most BP (Beauty Points) you've ever seen.

That sounds wonderful. Yay! This will be the first step in my plan towards piggyfying everyone in the galaxy♡

...Hm? I'm not sure what this BP abbreviation means or what that goal entails...

...but I'm glad to see we've reached a consensus.

Oh, yes, by the way, do you have any pancakes that are especially nourishing?

If yes, could I order a large batch of those to be delivered to our relaxation facilities before we proceed?

I think they would be a great boon in helping my employees to recharge and refuel.

Of course I do, and it would be my pleasure. Though I will charge you full price.

？！

Fou...

...I don't believe it.

This is better than I was expecting!

My skin is so smooth and suppI mean, of course my body has always been completely perfect in every conceivable way...

...but it feels like it's even more so now!

I've never seen any of these cosmetic items before, and their labels all say weird things like "Uses galvanized Altrium ions to permeate the interstices in your skin"...

So I have no idea how any of them work, but they definitely do!

Go on, give them a shot! There's nothing to lose since they're free, and there's so much to gain!

No, I don't

We have every right to use this new spa room they just installed. No, not just a right. It's our duty, dammit.

I still don't like that I have to use my chariot to carry packages, especially when everyone KNOWS it's supposed to be reserved just for good-looking guys.

I mean, I'll do it if that's what Master wants, but I refuse to do it for nothing. And fortunately, these cosmetics have turned out to be the perfect reward.

There's no reason to be shy about receiving our due compensation. Every beautiful person is obligated to try to become even more beautiful, after all.

I won't disagree; you are certainly free to your opinion. But I have no interest in such things myself. Honestly, I do not really see the point in them.

You don't see the point? Are you kidding me!?

See, Scáthach, this is your whole problem! You don't have the faintest idea who you really are!

You've totally got the goods where it counts, but you don't even know what they are, which is honestly kind of attractive in its own right...

But the point is, you've got prime material to work with, and it's only right you work it even more than you are!

In fact, I insist upon it! I can't stand seeing such good assets go to waste!

Calm down, Medb. I don't know what you are talking about. I think I am just going to get some ice cream and

If it's ice cream you want, I'll buy you all you can eat later, after you come with me to the spa room! Now come on!

Stop that, Medb. Not everyone has the same tastes as you, right? Encouraging people to try new things is fine, but forcing them isn't.

Nn.

Lady Boudica is right, Lady Medb.

Some women excel at holding a fan and dancing with grace, while others excel at wearing armor and riding a horse.

Nnn.

Phew... I haven't ridden a steed out that far in some time. It's quite tiring.

Still, it's a good kind of tiring. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed horseback riding.

Yes, there's nothing like riding a horse out on a wide-open field without a care in the world.

It does make you work up quite the appetite, though. Would you like to join me for some meat dumplings before we get back out

Nnnnnn!

Okay, that does it! You're ALL coming with me!

And you'd better be in the mood to learn, 'cause I'm going to teach you everything I know about beauty regimens!

H-huh? Where's this coming from?

I've noticed for a while now how you all still reek of widow.

And by that, I mean I can tell you've let yourselves go beautywise because you've already been married.

Honestly, it's been bothering me since forever.

Haven't you ever noticed how Kiyohime and Tamamo head to the spa room every chance they get in between deliveries? You could all learn a thing or two from them.

Though you don't have to copy the creepy way they go around grinning and saying things like, "Now Master will finally be mine..."

Anyway, case in point: you get back from a battle or a horseback ride or whatever...

...and the first thing out of your mouth is about dumplings? You're not children anymore, dammit.

You're mature adult women, and you shouldUgh! Look at you! Your hair's covered in dirt and grime!

In fact, yours too, Boudica! And Tomoe! All right, the spa room can wait. You all need to take a bath first. Let's see, I remember there were aroma oils in the spa room, too...

Fine, I'll go with you and teach you exactly what you all obviously desperately need to know about skin care.

Uh, thanks, but no thanks. We're fine with just a regular bath.

Yeah, honestly, I don't really get what all those beauty products are supposed to do, anyway.

Ugh, I swear, this is the whole problem with you soldier types.

Listen. As women, our bodies are a key weapon, which means they need to be kept in tip-top shape.

After battle, do you just wipe your sword with an old rag and call it a day? No! You sharpen it, right?

Any weapon you don't keep in good shape is no weapon at all!

!!!

That was...much more profound than I expected...

Indeed. I can't think of any good comeback to that...

I felt that profundity deep in my own soul as well!

To be honest, I still have no idea whatsoever what going to a spa room entails...

...but I do understand that Lady Medb is trying to share one of her core truths with us!

As a warrior, it is only right to accept her goodwill head-on. As you wish, Lady Medb, I will follow you!

Oh, all right. I'm still going to pass on the spa, but I was thinking I could use a bath now, anyway.

In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose. Just be sure you remember my ice cream.